A
female
age
30-35,
*asminandangels
writes:I would say I'm okay looking, when I'm done up I think I can look quite hot. Anyways I get hit on by guys on the way to work quite often, yesterday I had two guys actually approach me. One was when I was sitting on the bench and the guy said, can I sit here? And I was just like yeah if u want. But then when he asked me if I was single or had a boyfriend I said I was taken. Second time was when crossing the road and a guy was like wait wait I was about to go home then I saw you and I was like sorry I have a boyfriend and he said where is he now and I just said I've gotta go work. Anyway told my bf that I got hitted on a few times in one day( some guys whistling) and he said do you act like you don't care? And I said yeah obv what do you think??! And he said it's weird how so many guys approach you. Is he sayin it's weird as I'm not that pretty? lol he said that unless u give eye contact guys don't really do that but I'm like hmmm Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2016): Yes I fully understand what you are saying! Won't bother saying anything next time, your right it's not important!
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (23 June 2016):
 I'm not sure what you were looking for your boyfriend to say to begin with! "cool, I love it when my girlfriend is hounded by men!" To me, your telling him is coming off boastful or fishing for reassurance of compliments you were already given. Sometimes, we get in a trap where we want to tell our men that we are desirable and that we're good catches, but this is game playing. You put him in an awkward position. I don't think it makes him a misogynistic caveman to be uncomfortable.
If I were dating a man that told me he was getting catcalled all across town multiple times in a day (we all know this wouldn't happen but, for the safe of argument), I would not get a hard-on over it, I would probably be a little sour grapes about it too. There's no need to tell him people who are strangers ie, non threats, because if he already has trust issues, it makes no sense to bring up people that aren't even close to being problems in your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2016): Women don't have to keep their eyes to the ground while passing men. Perhaps where the anonymous reader lives; women aren't allowed to make eye-contact. That is not an invitation nor does it necessarily make men braver or more likely to approach you. If they're going to do it, they're going to do it. No, I totally disagree with that reader's comments.
If you are getting noticed, or approached, never take personal blame as if you're encouraging people to bother you. That's in the same mindset as having the perception women get rapped or molested, because they brought it on themselves! Don't get me started, I get really ticked-off about that kind of thinking!
I see women minding their business all day, and they turn heads and some guy is going to be bold enough to say something. It just happens.
Don't share with your boyfriend if it does bother him. What's the point anyway? You wouldn't like to know how many women hit on him today. Would you? Just dismiss it as incidental, but do allow it to boost your self-esteem.
Everyone needs that from time to time.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 He is insecure that guys are hitting on you and that you feel the need to tell him all the time. My guess is that it is hard for him to hear it and he is scared that you are giving these guys eye contact and that is why they are approaching you. Instead off thinking the worst reassure him that you only have eyes for him, he probably just needs to hear that right now.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 Oh please, as if what women wear determines whether or not a guy will make a move. Stop blaming women for the actions of men, and the whole world will finally take a step forward. The guy made a pass at her because he, for some reason or other, felt like it. Not because she looked at him a certain way, not because she wore anything in particular. Guys might keep telling themselves it's all about how a woman looked at you/dressed, but AS A WOMAN I think I know better the statistics of when I get approach and why. Because I am the one who can count the number of times I get hit on, while any other guy can only count the number of times he makes a move. And while HE might only do it if a woman looks a certain way etc, there are many others who hold very different criteria of when they will/will not approach a woman.
This guy was just jealous/doesn't like hearing about how other men what up his lady. Insecurity. Loads of people feel this way, only very confident people can feel amused by hearing about how how their partner gets hit on.
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A
male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (22 June 2016):
 It is totally human nature to look at someone when they are talking to you - in fact, I think its good manners and looking away is kind of rude to be honest. You didnt do anything wrong and while you think you did this will just niggle away at you and it will give more power to the fear and insecurity and that is the real issue here.
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female
reader, Yasminandangels +, writes (22 June 2016):
Yasminandangels is verified as being by the original poster of the question Was just wearing black uniform for work! Not particularly sexy. I get the whole eye contact thing but I literally did not give any eye contact to these guys for them to approach me. Obviously when they approached me I did but that's human nature lol told them I had a bf right away aswell
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2016):
 I am an outrageous flirt. I even start it. I'm not flirting for sexual reasons I just like to flirt. It's an ego stroke.
My husband was once asked by a mutual male friend, "doesn't it bother you that she's such a flirt?" and he laughed. "Nope, she flirts like she breathes asking her to stop flirting would be like asking her to die"
He gets it and it's totally secure with our relationship.
The red hot second it appears the guy has no clue that i'm flirting for fun I make sure he knows I'm married NOT available (because while my marriage is not perfect and I won't say "happily" married I will not ever cheat on my partner)
YOUR BF behaves the way he does because he is insecure. I fear that over time his behavior may escalate and he may start accusing you of starting it. BFD if you do honey. FLIRTING is not cheating IMO.
CHEATING is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner. YOU told him. IF he starts trying to control your behavior or interrogating you about your day when he's not around, remember that it will continue to get worse and worse and make your choice to stay or leave based on that knowledge.
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male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (22 June 2016):
If I may be so bold then I think the real issue here is mutual insecurity and a lack of trust on both sides. I dont think this comment is the real issue and I would willing to wager that there are others. He's insecure clearly from what you have said because the notion that you encourage other men to come onto you merely by looking at them is frankly a little paranoid he is basically saying your fliritng by telepathy which is as ridicolous as it actually sounds.
Having said that, you say, "But I guess your right and should not assume that he was commenting on my looks (yes my looks are an insecurity of mine)" & "He has told me that he has never approached a girl like that (which I find hard to believe but hey ho!)" which tells me you are just as insecure as him. Your dwelling on this comment because it pricked one of your insecurities but also because frankly I think this is a tip of the iceberg.
The bad news is that this kind of mutual insecurity is relationship poison long term, the good news is that it can be worked through if you nip it in the bud early enough, especially, as somewhat ironically, your mutual insecurity gives you some common ground.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2016): I have to disagree with many here. I think your boyfriend is somewhat right. The eye contact does play a role. Many men are not that brave to approach a woman. I can tell you that when i am out and do not want guys to talk to me, i don't look at them at all.Sometimes i am in a mood, and guys come up to me all the time. Most times i am not in a mood though :)Also, it depends on what clothes you wear. Were you wearing that day something particularly sexy?Certain outfits attract guys more.So, i dont think he meant that you are not pretty. I think he was just telling you his observations and how he acts and most of his friends.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2016): What do you care? Don't let him spoil your moment, girlfriend?
You let each and everyone of those fellas know you were taken; and you were honest with your boyfriend. Now he realizes there's some competition out there; and he just might be taking things a little for granted.
Sweetie, men don't give you your validation. Know you're hot because you feel you are. They only put the icing on the cake by confirming it. Snap!!!
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female
reader, Yasminandangels +, writes (22 June 2016):
Yasminandangels is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe also said now I remember, I bet if you didn't look they wouldn't of approached you lol such a silly comment cos I wasn't looking at them any ways 1
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female
reader, Yasminandangels +, writes (22 June 2016):
Yasminandangels is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your answers! I'm still overthinking it but if your all saying he didn't mean that I guess ill take your word xD It's just weird because I thought I could tell him everything without getting some defensive response. He told me he doesn't mind me telling him but in moderation, which is fair enough. I made it clear to him with each guy however that I became abrupt and told them I had a boyfriend and walked off. For some reason he had an idea that I may have looked at them. Inevitably when your out and and about you look about - not exactly going to have your head down! But I guess your right and should not assume that he was commenting on my looks (yes my looks are an insecurity of mine) so when he said it's weird how many guys approach you I took it offensively rather than thinking it's just because he thinks I like the attention or something. He has told me that he has never approached a girl like that (which I find hard to believe but hey ho!) and his friends would whistle at a girl but not actually approach her
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2016):
 Well, now you know... he can't handle it. Some times we earn little idiosyncrasies about our partners, some which are more or less attractive.
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male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (21 June 2016):
I'd listen to him and except his preference then to be honest. I can kinda empathise with your position because your dammed if you do and dammed if you dont. You may think your being honest and doing the right thing by telling him but if he is insecure he will see it as you winding him no matter what you intend. Not sure how he can see flirting in the eyes really - id tend to suggest that is more likely to be fliriting in his imagination - but your not helping by telling him this stuff so take not and try and work on his trust issues together.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (21 June 2016):
No, he is saying it because he never himself approached that many women. Which also shows his idea about "eye contact" being needed to flirt with women, which isn't true. He's just trying to declare himself a flirting expert and trying to look manly man, because he feel threatened that you are more attractive than him.
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male
reader, Garbo +, writes (21 June 2016):
 The point of his remark - "did you act like you didn't care" - is to make sure you are not hitting back. It's one thing to be hit on, it feels good, but it's another to hit back, it's infidelity. So it's one of those confirmation moments in which you pledge loyalty, which to a guy is the most important thing. If I'm to guess, he loved your answer. You may want to ask him what he did when he got hit on, and when, then use the fact that you and him don't hit back as a way to strengthen relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2016): It's probably somethings you shouldn't tell your boyfriend, I don't think he's trying to say your not pretty enough but he thinks your encouraging it by giving them eye contact which is silly really.
I would keep the fact that guys hit on you to yourself would you want your boyfriend telling you about girls hitting on him? To even mention it to him it sounds like he thinks you like and enjoy the attention.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 June 2016):
Nope sorry your BF is full of crap.
I am 56 and get hit on all the time. I wear a humongous engagement ring and wedding band and it does not matter.
Women who display a "I don't care about men as partners" attitude are hit on a lot more IMO because we seem to be a bigger challenge. The old adage "you'll meet someone when you stop looking" comes from this phenomenon.
Every so often I'll let my hubby know I got hit on. But not every time. No need to make him insecure.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 June 2016):
 He didn't say you weren't pretty, did he? You just assume he may mean that.
I think he's just uncomfortable that you told him about guys hitting on you. Don't mention it next time, unless you were harassed.
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female
reader, Yasminandangels +, writes (21 June 2016):
Yasminandangels is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answer! He said he has had trust issues with me before (just old friends talking to me and I talk back to on Fb) so he said because he has seen me be flirty (in eyes) before apparently!! But yeah he's basically said he would prefer for me not to tell him this stuff! To be honest I just told him because of the sake of telling him not anything big or had any intention!
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2016):
Oh I think he was trying to take you down a peg. He probably don't like that guys are hitting on you when he is not around (not sure if he does when he IS around you). Or he simply thought you were mentioning these guys hitting on you to "inflate your value" so to speak, to make you look like you can just walk down the road an replace him.
Or it makes him feel uncomfortable.
But instead of saying, yes my GF is hot and get hit on, he said: " you are not that pretty"... Which is a bit immature of him.
Personally, I would ignore his quip. And I would stop bringing up ALL the men that hit on you. What's the point really?
I don't agree with your BF that women only get hit on when giving eye contact, but maybe that is another "explanation" he can believe.
OP, how would you react if he came home and told you, oh this and that woman hit on me today? Would you think? Good on ya, mate! or... someone has a bit of an over inflated ego today?
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male
reader, DarrellG +, writes (21 June 2016):
Well what underpins what your boyfriends comments are jealousy and insecurity which are never the prettiest emotions. He doesnt want you to have the attentions of other guys and is kind of accusing you of encouraging it by implication - he's basically saying your making eye contact and therefore encouraging them. Now that is a pack of nonsense. Guys dont have to make eye contact to flirt like that and guys will be guys and you cant really be held responsible for their actions just by walking down the street. This is what underpins his weird comment; it is NOT a commentary on how you look but you think it is because you assume it must be; which probably says something about a little insecurity on your part - unless you have responded to his insecurity with your own. Personally, Id forget the whole incident, write the remark off and move on - dont let it fester because its something and nothing and has nothing to do with what you think it is.
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