A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Should I feel guilty?Hi I'm Ellie and I'm seventeen years old. In a nutshell, I had this boyfriend we had a thing since september, so about 8 months. I met him when I moved schools for sixth form and we had chemistry right away. In Febuary I found out that he kissed another girl at a gathering that I didn't attend and I found out about it a little while later. For a few weeks after he always used to blow me off and not answer his texts, claiming he was busy, I found out that it was because he was spending all his time with this girl. After I found out, he told me they were nothing more than friends and apologised to me, I forgave him but our relationship was not as strong as before. He stopped spending time with the girl but three weeks ago during out school half term, he went to Hastings with his family and on night he texted me saying how sorry he was about everthing that happened earlier and we planned to meet up on the Saturday. I found out that after meeting him he just wanted to have sex with me which is something we havent done together, I rejected him and he sent me home. When I got back to school I quickly found out that he had in fact had sex with a complete stranger in Hastings and didn't tell me. It also discusted me that he was having sex with a random girl while texting me all romantically everyday at the same time. Also the text he sent me about him being sorry, he sent the exact same text to two other girls on the same night. As a result of this I got so upset, he talked to me about it on Friday and that ended in me leaving the room because of the upset but before my exit he asked me "So your just gonna leave?" which I replied with "yes, I am leaving like every girl has and will in your life". His friend later came up to me and said that I had crossed the line with my reply. Had I? Furthermore I was having post discussion with some of my friends in my media studies class and I didn't realise how being brutally savage I was beign about him. I called him 'needle dick' and said he was nothing but a 'small dick attached to a pathetic body'. The thing is a lot of people in school now know he has a 'needle dick' and I generally feel bad as its something he is consious about, but at the time he had upset me so much I couldnt think straight and after the way he treated me twice! I felt I needed to say that. But I do feel bad now, should I feel guilty? He wanted to talk to me today but I refused to speak to him but now I feel I should to apologise.Whats your advise?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 You are both young and you are both going to make mistakes, that is a process off growing in to an adult, even then we make mistakes, it is all a learning curve.
I can see why you would be upset he was playing you and other girls, he did not want a serious girlfriend he wanted some fun and to have sex with whoever he can, hopefully he will grow up soon and see that he cannot treat girls that way. I am just sorry that you had to be one off them. I don't think your response to him was unfair, he needs to know that he cannot treat people like that in life.
Now telling everyone he has a needle dick, was in fact very immature of you, I can understand that you where angry, but you played on his insecurities and that really was not fair, it just makes you equally as bad as him. I think you need to learn that no matter how angry you are at someone you still should be trusted with your private life. You should never discuss this will school mates, as now he could get bullied for that, and really that is not fair. I am hoping that this will be a learning curve for you both.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 I agree use this situation to learn and grow from it.
DO NOT bring the whole world into your relationships. Yes having ONE good close friend to talk to about it is ok but not the whole gang.
Things were said in anger and pain. Learn from it and let it go.
say nothing
do not apologize
do not contact him.
just move on with life.... it gets easier.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 June 2016):
 He's a cheater, but you played a very low card, insulting something you knew he was already self-conscious of. I know you were hurt, but that's never an excuse to play on people's insecurities like that, *especially* to other people.Don't apologise, don't talk to him and cut him out of your life - but never stoop that low again because body shaming one-on-one or in public isn't okay and you'd feel terrible if someone did it to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2016): Do not feel bad.Needle dick just wanted to use you.He never cared about anyone but himself.It is karma.Learn from this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 June 2016):
 Amen to YouWish's advice.
Take it to heart and IGNORE him, BLOCK him and DELETE him from as much of your life as you can.
And remember 2 wrongs never make a right. EVER.
Apologizing is not going to fix a thing. Talking to him is not going to fix a thing, Talking ABOUT him is not going to fix a thing.
LEARN from this and move on. Don't be a Petty Betty in the future.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 June 2016):
 My advice is not to speak to him. Don't apologize. Don't talk to him anymore. Don't talk to his friends or yours about him. Close the chapter on this cheater and be done.
Here's why:
Both of you have fallen into the trap of bringing everyone else into your relationship issues, and that will never make you feel better. Not only that, but telling everyone that he has a "needle dick" is like him slut shaming you or calling you a fat cow or smelling like fish or something nasty just to ruin your reputation. Slinging verbal diarrhea at each other does nothing but make you look bad, and even in this day and age, the double standard of women being treated like sluts and psychos by cheating exes still happens.
The guy is a cheating loser. You talking about his penis will fly in the face of you not choosing to have sex, and he'll try to turn it on you. Men's egos can be really nasty, and the "It's a trap" sense is going off in me when I hear that he wants to talk to you.
You've said what you're going to say. He cheated on you. He blew up the relationship and you slammed the door shut hard. Time to put him in the past and move on and look forward.
In the future, don't talk about men's penises in public. You won't win that way. Tell people that he's a cheater and leave it there. Don't look like the scorned woman who gets desperate to get her digs in, then goes back to him wheedling an apology when he's the one that should.
ALso, his remark "so you're just going to leave" means that he does not care about what he does to you, and he doesn't care about you either. He's toxic. Get away wit him, and never talk to him again. No more guilt. Just learn the lessons of what to do and what not to do.
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