A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy at work who is jealous I'm friends with this female. The problem is he's very full of himself and tries to ruin moments I have with her, when I talk to her.To my horror, I found out he is friends with her on facebook today, I don't know if she sent him a request or he did it. I find this very odd because she doesn't even like him, and I'm worried he is ruining things for me, as ive got a nice friendly arrangement with her, with regards to chatting to her and I'm hoping to ask her out one day when I'm comfortable in progressing that far with her.I don't know exactly what his motives are, he is engaged to his partner who is attractive as I met her in the pub once when he introduced me to her, when he started working for the company.i left a compliment for my friend when she posted a photo of her on facebook which was a nice photo of her, and I don't know if he doing this on purpose as he thinks he will stand a chance.Should I tell him to back off? Help
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 OP perhaps she changed because she picks up your agitation over her choice of friends.
or perhaps she was interested but you have dragged your feet too long in waiting to ask her out.
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (30 June 2016):
You've got to get over this sense of entitlement. Man up. It's simple, you ask her whether she'd like to get coffee sometime.
And he didn't "come along and ruin" anything. If anything you are ruining it by taking so darned long to make a move. She may have tired of waiting and decided to move along.
Stop fixating on this guy. If you are interested, ask her out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016): By rubbing it in obviously. How should I ask her and what should I say to her?I'm aware she isn't but he seems a bit doggy to me, and the conversations I used to have with her, have got less, things were okay until he came along and ruined it.Now she finds it awkward to talk to me or even look at me, I've tried not to let it bother me but it does.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 June 2016):
 OP, she's not yours to own. She is her own person and can add whoever she wants on Facebook. For you to be horrified by it is immature; Facebook is nothing in the grand scheme of things.What *you* do is ask her out or give up. Why? You're already being possessive, but haven't made a proper move. Do it now or stop acting like she can't get attention from other guys.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 How is he walking all over you ?
It's not as if he is tryng to steal from you something that's yours.
You are her cowowrker, he is her coworker too. You like the girl, he ( maybe- we don't really know ) likes the girl too. May the best man win.
Don't tell me you think it's reasonable that you should call dibs on a girl you fancy , and every man in the world should just back off , until an unknown future date when you will be good and ready and comfy in asking her out ?
What if it should take you an year ? Two ? More ?... Are all the other guys supposed to give her a wide berth just to make your life easier ?...
Sorry, maybe it would be nice but it's now how things work in life.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 The guy is not walking all over you
you have a crush on a girl
she is not your girlfriend
she is a work colleague
he is a work colleague
he can talk to her
he can be her friend on facebook
You can get all huffy and puffy as much as you want, but nobody is doing anything to YOU but you yourself. She is not a piece of meat to be marinaded (chatted to) until you feel she has been chatted enough and should be ready to ask out.
None of your rights as a person have been trampled here, be careful you do not huff and puff yourself into being a laughing stock at work, which is the most likely outcome if you decide to tell him to "back off" or any other thing like that .......
If you want to ask the girl out, then ask her out, what are you waiting for?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016): What do I do then let him walk all over me?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 June 2016):
Should you tell him to back off , ... in your quality of what ?!
Of guy who thinks maybe perhaps some day in future he MIGHT ask this girl out ?
Of colleague to whom the girl says " Hi " " Have a good day " see you tomorrow " same as she says to your rival and probably to various other colleagues too ?
Of Facebook stalker ?
Don't do it- he'd just laugh his head off. And, what's worst , probably he'll circulate what you said for all the workplace, making you the laughingstock of your coworkers. It may even arrive to the ears of this girl... and how do you think she would react, knowing that you have the gall to meddle in her private life and to tell off her friends/flirts/ whatever ?
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (30 June 2016):
This female, as you refer to her, is not your property, just because you have a five year plan in place to eventually ask her on a date does not mean she cannot add or delete people from her facebook friend's list, and those people can comment on photos she posts, and because most people are more nice than nasty there is a strong chance comments will be more complimentary than derogatory and this is the usual way of things.
What on earth makes you think you have the right to tell this other colleague to back off?
They are work colleagues, just like you and she.
There is a chance this guy has a motive, its possible he has noticed your proprietorial air and the steam coming out of your ears when he talks to her, and is stirring you a tad. Then again he might not, who cares what his motives are, you have no rights to telling either of them what they can and can't do.
You need to back right off and have a good look at yourself, and ask if there is any chance your assumptions and expectations of your work mates needs some readjustment, from where I set they certainly do!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016): know I sound a little as though i am but I don't trust him. He hasn't complimented her ive done, and he went on and on about it today and asked me what I talked about to her, like he's obsessed, if he's engaged he should stay away and that is that, he's playing with fire.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 June 2016):
 Should you tell him to back off? No. That would be HER job, it's HER Facebook and you are NOT the Facebook police.
What you CAN do is hide his feeds/comments so you can't see what HE posts or just ignore them.
The whole notion that you have ANY kind of say over HER Facebook is pretty ignorant of you, you don't get to piss on her page and be all territorial JUST because you "hope" to date her maybe if she might perhaps want to date you in the future.
HER Facebook page, HER business.
So what if he has a fiance? If she knows he has a fiance and she doesn't LIKE him what's the big deal? She probably added him when she (or he) was new to the company and she feels uncomfortable un-friending him now or... she doesn't mind his compliments.
Either way... stop being so over-dramatic.
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