A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was involved with my ex-boyfriend for many years we are friends first so I've known him a really long time. We know each other very very well. He had some substance abuse issues and during that time cheated on me multiple occasions. When I finally found out I was furious. He then took up with another woman and left me altogetherOut of my anger I went on to a website and posted his name and his behaviors cheating on me with other women because I knew he was cheating on everybody basically. I don't condone my behavior but at the time I just wasn't myself. He was of course furious when he found itNow couple years of gone by and he seems to kind a want me back. And I still have feelings for him too but we both have obvious hurts yet he seems to think mine was way worse than what he did to me I'm very confused right now could really use some help I know I probably shouldn't take them back but what I did, was that so so terrible? Worse then him?
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cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (24 June 2016):
 Take back your power. Not just about this guy but ANY man you date.
HAVE standards, boundaries and deal-breakers and STICK to them. If you don't want to be with a cheater... then END it the FIRST time you find out he cheated, don't keep on "forgiving" it. IT doesn't make you a "better" GF nor will it make you happy.
Say to yourself every time you have little doubt or feel yourself wavering... I don't want to be with a cheater, what he DID to me in the past is NOT OK and I deserve better.
PLENTY of good duds out there, don't get stuck on a rotten one because you are single and his is available...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): OP here:
Thanks. In hindsight maybe it's a good thing I did what I did :( it makes him hesitant to come back and I am so powerless against him I kind of need him to have a reason to hate me. Otherwise I'd be screwed
Thanks :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 June 2016):
I have to agree with SVC
Don't take him back. You two have a negative influence on each other, what he did to you was detrimental to the relationship and something that YOU can't fix. You couldn't trust him then, you can't trust him now. He cheated SEVERAL times on you, which means it wasn't a "mistake" on his end. It was a SERIES of choices with absolutely NO respect for you OR the relationship.
The reason he is considering getting back with you is because all his other relationships have failed (the ones after you) and probably... because of HIS behavior. So he wants to go back to something familiar, someone he knows PUT UP with his crap for a long time. (you).
What you did? Like SVC said, it's not a competition in who did worst. You both did things TO each other that are NOT OK. I think because you two bring out the worst in each other. THAT is not love.
Just like a child learns to NOT touch the stove because they can get burnt, the kids that still DO touch it and get burn, NEVER do it again. Because that is the SMART thing to do.
Getting back with your ex? NOT smart.
WANT more for yourself. He had his chance with you and he BLEW SEVERAL times with other girls. YES, he might have grown a little since then, but really.... is he the only guy out there? No. You can find better. You can DO better. Why settle for something that didn't really work in the past?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 June 2016):
 So is the question about taking him back (the answer is NO)
or is my bad behavior WORSE than his bad behavior?
both of you behaved badly it's not a competition. Use it to learn and grow and never behave so childishly again but move on and let him go.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (24 June 2016):
 Many of us will still hold affections for past loves. I think is right to acknowledge them but it doesn't mean you have to jump back into the hole you have just climbed out of.
Put you memories in a box. A bright and unmade future awaits you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (24 June 2016):
 What he did to you was betray your trust. What you did to him was publicly shame him. I'd call it even, if not what you did was worse because you can't take things back online and it could ruin his life, whereas you can move on from his cheating. I don't condone his cheating at all, but what you did was unforgivable too.
You're clearly not meant to be together, so don't get back together - you're toxic with each other and you need to both let go and move on with other people.
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