A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have to have surgery soon, and will be going home that day, im told i need someone to take me home but i have noone?Its day surgery and i must be driven home Im all alone with no family or reliable friends, friends are busy and wont careI mentioned my surgery to A work colleague ( I did not ask her for help!) she then said she will pick me up and drive me home Should i take her up on this? Is it appropriate for her to see me looking crap after surgery? She has a boyfriend and a sick mother with cancer and works part time, why did she even offer? Was nice but did she mean it? I dont have surgery date yet but will have soon She's a workfriend but i rarely see her socially? Is it weird for her to pick me up from the hospital ? Again I have no family in my state( Im not close to them) and the hospital insist Im picked up. I CANT rely on friends
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2016): "Should i take her up on this?"Yes."Is it appropriate for her to see me looking crap after surgery?"Who cares? Everybody looks like crap after surgery, and given her mother has cancer she's probably seen worse."She has a boyfriend and a sick mother with cancer and works part time, why did she even offer?"Maybe she's just a kind, generous, sympathetic person who sees a chance to help someone in need, and maybe she likes to believe that if she were in your shoes then you would make the same offer to her. "Was nice but did she mean it?"Why wouldn't she mean it? Again, given her mother has cancer she knows the importance of having transportation to and from medical treatments. "Is it weird for her to pick me up from the hospital ?"Given that people have surgery in hospitals, it's eminently sensible for her to pick you up there. I'd think it would be weird if she offered to pick me up at the mall or a factory or an auto dealership, etc.Seriously, it's not weird but I can understand your questions. We live in a time and place where the prevailing attitude seems to be "What's in it for me?" and one of the unfortunate ripple effects is questioning the motives of people's apparent generosity.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2016): Of course you should accept her offer!Now, let's talk about you not having friends you can rely on... You've mentioned it a few times, so I guess it's been bothering you.First of all definition of a friend, I am sure, includes being able to rely on him/her.Knowing someone for a long time doesn't make him a friend. So you have some acquaintances, I guess, like most of us. That's how it is. I wouldn't blame them. As long as your relationship is based on reciprocity, it's fine. They don't feel the need to be there for you when you go to a hospital, you don't feel the need to be there for them, fine. But, if you do, if you would go on a limb for them, it's time to set priorities straight. And, MAKE some real friends.I can't emphasize enough the importance of the verb MAKE in this context. Friendship is not something you find, it's something you cultivate. To do so, first of all you have to let people in (like your colleague for instance) and go on from there.I think you should always invest in people (your energy, time...) but when you realize that you're not getting anything back, then you need to know where their real place in your life is.I moved away from my country of origin. I know how hard it can be and I also know that it is possible to meet new, interesting, kind people and grow new friendships. Hang in there and I wish you all the best for your surgery.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 July 2016):
 If you are allergic specifically to morphine, they will give you another opioid. And if you are allergic to all opioids, they'll give you non- opioid based narcotics/ painkillers, which could nevertheless make you feel drowsy / tired , so you should not drive or exert yourself.
So, take your colleague up on her offer.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 July 2016):
 I would ask her. I think with her having sick family members she knows how important it is to have a ride, and I don't think she would ask if she didn't mean it.
Some hospitals do provide rides home - medical transport ( not sure here in your State) so that might also be something to look into.
I'd ask the work colleague first though, before shelling out a fortune.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2016):
 Yes you take her up on it.
I have a work friend like that... over the years we have become actual "go to brunch on Sunday" friends..but it started with her offering to transport me from a day procedure when my husband was not available.
I now consider her one of my besties.
if she offered she meant it. say thank you and let her be kind.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (12 July 2016):
 If she didn't want to do it, she wouldn't of offered. She has family that will be in and out of hospital so she will be used to it.
Take her up on the offer and thank her.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (12 July 2016):
 Have you enquired if there is a 'lift' service run by volunteers of the hospital? In my country they do. If not and you really are stuck I cant see why you cant take this lady up on her kind offer. Hope all goes well with your surgery too
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (12 July 2016):
Sure, why not ?
She would not have offered you a ride if she had not felt like doing it- precisely because you aren't very close ; it's not as if she would had looked bad if she had not offered.
It' not so weird that she voluntereed to offer you a ride. Probably she is just a nice, friendly person who does not mind helping out a little if it is not terribly inconvenient and complicated. She must have decided that it is NOT terribly inconvenient and complicated ( I don't think that having a boyfriend , or a PART- time job , or even a sick relative would prevent most people from donating a spare hour of their time in an emergency ).
Why should you look like crap after surgery ?... Unless it's a face lift, maybe. I had a few surgeries , including maxillo-facial surgery, which I came out from with very pouty lips for a few hours , " National Geographic " pouty, lol, but I did not look like crap, I looked like my usual self. That you may FEEL under the weather after surgery, that's normal, but you won't look like crap. Although, even if you should look like crap- come on, it's an operation. An emergency. Not a beauty contest. Your colleague knows how you look normally.
Anyway, if you are afraid to impose on people, or do not like to be in debt of favours to anybody, or, whatever other reason for which you want to do this withoit help, there's a simple solution. Have the nurses call you a cab.
The hospital insists that you are picked up only insofar they don't want you driving a vehicle until you are still filled up with anesthetics and painkillers, or trying to figure out your way back by bus or subway while you are still basically on drugs. That may be dangerous. But as long as you have someone putting you in a car and driving you home, it does not matter if he's a friend or a paid driver.
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A
female
reader, mishi 1 +, writes (12 July 2016):
 Hi there,
I will give ride happily without any reason If My coworker need ride from Hospital to home .
My mom was under cancer treatment so I could feel how it's important to help someone when they are under treatment.
She just want to help you that's all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2016): this is poster..
As I said I don't have family.. and while I have friends, they are super super busy people and in the past they haven't been reliable.(I had minor surgery 9 yrs ago and my "best" friend forgot to pick me up..)I ill not ask her again..'
I will not be on morphine (I am allergic) and the precedure will only take 30mns..my Dr says..
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 July 2016):
 I'd let her! I wouldn't worry too much about vanity. The world is still a good place.
Otherwise, you can have the hospital staff arrange for either a taxi or an UBER to get you where you need to go.
If it were me, I'd go for a work colleague. Trust me - you won't look like crap...you'll just FEEL like crap, or you'll be on morphine and tripping out on the headlights of your work colleague's dashboard. oooh...GPS...pretty!
LOL. I've been through some surgeries, and a few rides home. You'll be fine. I'm sorry you have no loved one that can step up for you. But you might be writing off your friends too easily. Have you asked them, or are you assuming you don't have friends worth your friendship??
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