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How can I convince myself that this is my mind playing games? Or is my FWB interested in another?

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Friends with Benefits, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 April 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 27 April 2015)
A female age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My FWB and I have being seeing each other for a year now.

I'm Starting to fall for him and I ADORE him.

I don't know if he feels the same but I'm too scared to tell him how I feel.

For a while I've always had issues with jealousy and recently he befriended a really attractive girl I know (everyone loves her) on facebook.

For some reason my head is now telling me that he is chatting to her now, I have no evidence, no proof he even has her number, he says he think she is attractive but he likes me and she doesn't do it for him.

I still don't believe him I still think he's talking to her , i was with her a few nights ago and she was texting someone but keeping her phone hidden away.

I don't know what to think, my gut is telling me something's going on, but I have no evidence.

How can I convince myself that this is my mind playing games ?

If I ask him straight up again I think he will get mad

View related questions: facebook, jealous, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (27 April 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwhen my husband was accused of doing drugs in rehab (and he was not) he did not get angry. the rehab called me and said "he didn't get angry, this is not a typical reaction so we assume the test was wrong (it was)

You MUST tell him how you feel. And take your chances.

IF you stay with the feelings you have you are doing both yourself and him a disservice.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (25 April 2015):

N91 agony auntThis guy can do as he pleases, neither of you are tied to each other so you can't really complain or get mad at him even if he is talking to this other girl.

You either tell him how you feel and get a straight answer whether he wants to be together or not or you continue in limbo having yyour mind create all these questions that it cannot answer.

He shows signs of interest? He's having sex with you, what else is he supposed to do? He needs to keep you sweet and he will do that for as long as he wants to have sex with him before he finds someone else.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say he doesn't want a relationship with you and that he's enjoying the sex on tap whilst he searches for something else - Most guys have an amazing ability to not give a fuck about the girl they're sleeping with whilst the girl falls head over heels in love.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015):

Thanks. OP here.

We both agreed that we are not tied down to each other but he told me he didn't want anyone else and I certainly don't.

He shows all the signs of liking me. We talk everyday, he calls me for hours everyday, even after this time, we kiss, cuddle, can't keep out hands off each other all the time we spend together . I'm just terrified to tell him how I feel.

I had an ex who I was convinced was cheating on me with another girl and my suspicions were always correct. I worry that this is the same"feeling".

I did ask him about this girl, he was really nice about it, didn't get angry and just told me not to compare him to other men as they aren't all the same and they aren't all superficial going for women with good looks.

He was so cool about it. Didn't get mad at me . Which I found odd

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015):

"How can I convince myself that this is my mind playing games ?"

You can't. More than likely he's actively pursuing her and is just telling you what you want to hear so you'll keep putting out for him.

Friends With Benefits means exactly that, by definition he enjoys the freedom to do as he pleases outside your hook-ups; you have no right to be asking him about other women nor should he feel compelled to lie to you to spare your feelings.

If you think you're going to be able to screw your way into his affections then you're sadly mistaken. He has zero incentive to invest in a serious relationship when he's already getting exactly what he wants from you. As my late grandmother would have said, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free?"

Sorry, but as an old fart I just don't understand why any self-respecting young woman would want to lower herself into engaging in casual no-strings sex with a guy who sees her as nothing more than an easy, convenient lay who can be had without even having to buy her dinner.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2015):

I think that since you guys are in a FWB relationship there is usually an understanding that you can decide to enter into a relationship with someone else if you have feelings for them if you want to. Technically.. he's just a friend and you wouldn't mind if one of your friends got in a relationship. Problem is that you've developed feelings for him because of the benefits side of your relationship. You should talk to him

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