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How else could I have handled this situation? Am I wrong to be upset at his behaviour?

Tagged as: Family, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2015) 6 Answers - (Newest, 7 May 2015)
A female United States age 41-50, *luesteel writes:

I met my husband and child at a restaurant (took separate cars due to a reason)

I parked my car then got out and looked around to see where they were. I waited for a while then called him asking where they were. He tells me they are inside the restaurant sitting and already starting to order.

Am I wrong to be upset at that moment? I thought it rude to not find me or at least wait at the door for me then enter the restaurant.

I felt like an idiot walking around the parking lot looking for him, when the whole while he was already sitting and ordering.

I politely said I wished you would've waited for me...he got mad

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (7 May 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony aunt"I politely said..."

perhaps YOUR interpretation of polite vs his interpretation is different?

I can't see why this caused such an issue.. perhaps something else is being masked by this?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (5 May 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt I can't see that your husband did anything wrong. Maybe he was not mad when you complained, just baffled : why would you choose to wait in the parking lot ? It does not make sense . It's comfier and easier to go straight to the restaurant , it's sort of implied, at least it is what most people would do . In the parking lot you are not repaired from adverse weather conditions, you are respiring exhaust fumes and hearing car noises , you are underfeet to other motorists, and you'll probably be importuned by panhandlers. Not to mention that if the other people are late you stand to lose your reservation , and that it's easier to spot people right away inside a restaurant than in a large , busy parking lot. Unless specific agreements otherwise have been made, it just makes more sense that ,even going by different cars, every driver goes straight to the restaurant and waits there .

As for ordering food, yes maybe your husband could have waited for you to be seated too, and just ordered his drink while he was waiting - but do not forget that he had a child with him, and, for all he knew, you could be another 10 or 15 minutes late. Maybe the child was hungry and anyway even the most well behaved children gets restless if they just have to be sitting quiet in a public place for an undisclosed length of time.

Anyway, this is such a minor issue that it 's really not worth nitpicking or getting upset about it . If for any reason you prefer/ need to be escorted to the restaurant, just tell your husband that , from next time on,you are supposed to wait for each other in the parking lot.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (5 May 2015):

Danielepew agony auntI think you blew this out of proportion.

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A female reader, bluesteel United States +, writes (5 May 2015):

bluesteel is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Honeypie, thanks for your response. I was not "pissed" but maybe confused. It was not dramatic.

Thanks again

Janniepeg, thanks! the child is 10. I appreciate your response.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think it was a case of misunderstanding. I see NOTHING wrong in taking the child INSIDE and sitting down instead of waiting around in the parking lot.

Ordering food without you? Yes, that would be a no go for me.

I DO think he could have texted you like Janniepeg mentioned to let you know they got a table as was waiting on you.

But I think this is such a minor issue and you are overreacting. Instead of being SO pissed off, TALK to your husband, let him know that next time you go in separate cars to either meet out front or to text you when he arrives, or if you arrive first, YOU text.

It's NOT this big drama issue you seem to be making it.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (5 May 2015):

janniepeg agony auntIt depends on how young the child is. There are kids who can't wait for food, get fidgety. Parents get irritated. Maybe that's why he ordered food without you. He might also be blaming you for not being able to get there fast, that he had to deal with the kid complaining. That's just my guess because I can't think of a reason why he did that.

It wouldn't be difficult for him to text you that he arrived and got a table already. Maybe he assumed that you would just go straight into the restaurant. You handled it alright. Some men are not so aware of how they look. I have, several times asked my husband was he mad but he assured me wasn't. Sometimes a puzzled, confused look could be misinterpreted as mad. However, I don't think a parking lot is a place to wait because of cars coming through. So it makes sense that he wondered why you waited there.

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