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He has the stamina. But why can't I achieve an orgasm with my Bf? Do I need to see a Doctor?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Sex, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 April 2015) 7 Answers - (Newest, 29 April 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years, we are very close and he knows me well.

However, during sex I just don't seem to get an orgasm. He'll thrust and continue until he ejaculates and then bam, he's done.

He can last for over an hour before he ejaculates but, I still just can't seem to have an orgasm.

We've tried me being on top but he gets frustrated because I can't go fast enough so he thrusts himself and holds me tight against him which I don't mind, we've tried it side ways where I will have my back against his chest (sort of like. A spooning position) which is okay, he's gone on top too.

We even tried doggy style but it's uncomfortable for me.

When he goes in deep, I get a sharp pain and my lower abdomen hurts afterwards.

I don't know what to do so I can get an orgasm instead of him being the only one to get one.

I'm 5ft 3" and young, what can I do ?

Many thanks

View related questions: ejaculate, orgasm

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 April 2015):

olderthandirt agony auntHis main "goal" in sex is to make you achieve orgasm before he does. Oral stimulation seems to work best in my view, however, assuming you can give yourself an orgasm, you could try doing so while he is in you.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (29 April 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, your BF doesn't know how a woman work (sexually). MOST women do NOT orgasm from penetration. (our nerve ending are mostly in the clitoris NOT the vagina).

Much like SVC said, if you can masturbate and achieve an orgasm you can show your BF what needs STIMULATED on you for you to get one. If you don't... maybe you need to try and figure out how your body works.

When you say it hurt when he goes deep, well that is because he is BANGING up against your uterus. THAT is NEVER a pleasant experience for a woman. Again, your BF doesn't REALLY know how a woman's reproductive organs work.

For him to NEED to jack-hammer in order to come seems a tad excessive to me. Does he "jerk off" a lot? Is that how he can last that long?

Either your BF knows nothing about how to please a woman or he is pretty selfish in the bed.

Have you TOLD him that you didn't orgasm or did you "fake" it a few times... or.. told him.. Oh it was still great? If so, NOW is the time to figure out HOW your body works and show him. He should WANT you to "get off" too, not just focus on HIS enjoyment.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (29 April 2015):

chigirl agony auntHere's what you do: stop trying to achieve an orgasm in the most difficult, if not impossible, way there is, which you're currently doing, and go for the easy option instead:

CLITORAL STIMULATION aka he goes down on you.

You're not doing anything wrong, you're simply not doing anything to stimulate your clitoris whatsoever.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015):

I know this a question for women but nevertheless I venture my opinion and mention that women learn to achieve vaginal orgasm after quite some sexual experience with a steady partner and a steady sex life over a period of time.Probably some other aunts can clarify this better.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (29 April 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMOST women do NOT orgasm from penetration. He can thrust from here till the cows come home but it's the same as if you played with his scrotum and testicles and expected him to orgasm from that.

A woman's orgasms come from stimulation of the clitoris NOT the vagina. IF a woman has good nerve endings in the clitoris then the pulling of intercourse MAY stimulate her enough to orgasm without clitoral stimulation but it's highly unlikely.

do you orgasm from masturbation? if so then what you do when you masturbate needs to be incorporated into your sex play.

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (29 April 2015):

BrownWolf agony aunt

No you do not need to see a doctor. What you are both suffering from is "LACK OF EXPERIENCE."

Your boyfriend doing what I call "rabbit sex" is only good to a woman when you are both rush for time, or trying to be sneaky.

Just because a woman is in the mood for sex does not mean she is a man, and has a orgasm like man. Women need a lot of foreplay to truly get them ready.

NO MAN should be trusting into you unless you are real close to your peak, or you like rough. You are not a punching bag, or some blow up doll that has no feelings or sexual desire of your own. Sex is not just about your boyfriend getting off.

If he is not ready to spend the time to make you have an orgasm, then you don't have the time to give him one...And please do not get into the...If I don't he will leave me... Good! Because there is someone out there willing to do what he doesn't. I am not saying leave me right now. I am saying...If you are going to start having sex at such a young age, at lease learn this rule...

The pleasure of sex goes both ways. It is not the man who gets to have all the orgasms and fun. It is the man's job...and do not let anyone tell you any different...IT IS THE MAN's JOB to please his woman. If he is not willing to take the time for you now, then why continue giving yourself to him?

Ever heard the saying "Slowing and steady wins the race." Sex should be the same way. Rabbit sex (fast) is for porn addicts, and men who don't give a sh*t about their woman, only themselves. Rabbit sex is good in the right place and time. But if you two are alone and have time for one hour of sex...there is absolutely no reason for him not to give you any orgasm.

Take control at times and get him to slow down. If he wants it fast, then let him make you have an orgasm first.

It's your body, and yes, you do have rights to it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2015):

I found that masturbating helps as I could discover how to orgasm at my own pace without the pressure of sex with someone else.

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