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Why are (many) women disgusted by sexual interest from an older man?

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 May 2015) 30 Answers - (Newest, 8 May 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

At work, I have been told by young girls that some of the older "gentlemen" touch them and make passes at them (ignoring the illegal aspect, some reason why they don't officially complain), and these girls have complained to me about it, also saying how gross and disgusting it is even if a young 20 something y.o. dated an older man of this age(about 50-60) even if the girl agrees(i have seen similar comments from women here e.g. he's an old fart etc.)

On the other hand there is this guy of about the same older age, and every girl and I mean every girl without exception has a huge crush on him. He's married and is very careful not to be tempted (told me it's not easy). A girl who told me how gross the age difference is, when asked "what about him" she replied "oh he's different, he's gorgeous".

So I'm asking why would their morals and principles suddenly just fly out the window. Yes, I know that men can be very shallow, but I don't notice them preaching from high if you know what I mean. Just interested in any comments.

View related questions: crush, older man

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (8 May 2015):

Many older men are attracted to young women, but not many older men are attractive to young women. Attraction makes all the difference. If someone is attractive to you, you'll automatically judge someone's actions in a more positive light.

Also, that guy they're all mooning over, he's keeping his hands to himself and staying true to his marriage, which automatically elevates him above the guys that blatantly hit on them/touch them, because he's safe. That makes a big difference as well

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (8 May 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt Eh yes, OP, some things can't be explained rationally, and charisma is one of those . It's like an aura you are either born with or without. Probably your colleague has it ( and he is also helped along by his behaving like a gentleman rather than as a billygoat in heat ). Special people gets special treatment.

I understand that you are perplexed , OP; because I am sure that your colleague does not look just LIKE Lauren Bacall, and because for a man is always a tad difficult to assess exactly how much attractive is another male, particularly in the eyes of women . Then again, you do not necessarily have to be exceptionally handsome to have exceptional charisma. There are numerous examples of that among famous performers or political leaders or- just regular people like your lucky older colleague.

OTOH, I feel you may be ALSO mistaking normal courtesy for sexual interest and including random acts of kindness among the come-hithers.

Any time I have visited the UK, I have found people there always very nice and helpful to strangers who might need assistence. I have received countless times unsolicited help with directions and maps , as in your King's Cross example. This even in busy,fast-paced London, and in the North it's amazing : in a train station a guy was so quick in snatching my suitcase out of my hands and carrying it up a flight of stairs which I was to climb - that at first , I kid you not, I thought I had been robbed ( then I realized that the " thief " was patiently waiting for me on top of the stairs ).

Guesses : A ) it's not all about sex, there's nice people too around .

B) I look like Lauren Bacall too !

... I'd love if it were B)- but I think guess A ) is more probable....

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (8 May 2015):

This is now my last post on this because you're obviously happier being stuck in the bitter barn than trying to listen to advice that shakes your belief that it's all women's fault.

'Ugly men do not have equal odds of success with women. But they should have equal rights to try.'

They do have equal rights to try. Your issue is that you don't like the responses you are getting, in which case you have 2 choices. 1. Keep doing what you're doing and blaming women for shooting you down. 2. Try something else. What you can't do is force a whole gender to adjust their behaviour to suit you.

'Either an aggressive approach towards women is okay or its not.'

In my opinion it's absolutely not from ANY man. Obviously many of the women you meet feel the same. The main thing you are failing to realise is that most women don't just want casual sex. There's no trick to changing their mind on this, so if you go barging in asking for (or demanding? I don't know how aggressive you are in your approach) it is unlikely to work. You keep disagreeing and saying it works for the hot guys you have seen, yet seem to ignore the women on here who have all claimed it would be a turn off. Why don't you take our word for it and try something else? And accept it will be tougher to get a casual relationship so if that's what you want, you will have to face more rejection.

'It cannot be the correct approach from one guy and a violation of your rights/respect from another guy.'

It can if that's the way these women FEEL. You don't, and never will, have the right to tell anyone how they should feel or act towards you. They alone have that power. All you can do is change your own behaviour which you clearly seem unwilling to do, so I'm afraid there's not much more I can suggest.

'You can reject a man without getting outraged at him for trying.'

This I agree with in general, but all bets are off if you approach me aggressively. If you make me feel uncomfortable and outraged I'm not going to sugar coat that to protect your feelings.

Dude, you have every right to go around looking for casual sex and approaching women however you see fit, but if it's not working well for you you need to adjust your behaviour rather than complaining that women are not reacting to you the way you think they should. Women have the right to feel however they want about you - get over it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2015):

Its a fairness issue.

Ugly men do not have equal odds of success with women. But they should have equal rights to try.

Either an aggressive approach towards women is okay or its not. It cannot be the correct approach from one guy and a violation of your rights/respect from another guy. You can reject a man without getting outraged at him for trying.

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (7 May 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntMale anon, are you the OP of this question? Or just chiming in on what you see as a fairness issue?

You have no idea how many women get unwanted advances from the 'wrong men.' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

The older gentleman who is married obviously has charisma. So he got lucky in that sense. He's not making unwanted advances or touching women.

And I read that great post that jls022 provided. It spells it out beautifully. Did you happen to read that?

We do not have to accept unwanted touches and sexual advances from men, especially in the workplace. Period. Get over it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015):

If a woman wants to hook up with a guy she doesn't need to sit on his lap to get him. There are lots of other ways to make your feelings very clear without violating his personal space or insulting him. Men will take any hint. For women being really aggressive on the first pass or two is rarely necessary.

For men its a different ballgame. Acting very confident and overt is usually part of a successful approach if you want something casual. (No, not ALWAYS, but it is more often than not.) If we don't risking offending a woman then we are not pushing as hard as other guys who are hitting on her. Other guys are pushing that hard **BECAUSE IT WORKS A LOT** not just because they are rude.

You can't have it both ways. If you don't want the wrong men doing something then don't reward the right men for doing it. If you want to reward the right men for doing something then you need to accept that the wrong men will try the same thing.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2015):

This is a good article that sums this up better than I can. http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2012/06/privilege-entitlement-dating/all/1/

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (7 May 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt@ male anon : so, - what would you advocate in lieu of what you perceive as unjust entitlement ?

Sexual marxism-leninism :) ?

" To each according to his own NEEDS, not his own merits " ?

It would be a very interesting experiment. I am pretty sure that it would not work even in Bielorussia or Popular Republic of China, though.

I feel that we are still re-inventing hot water.

Yes, some people can get away with A LITTLE ( not as much as you think, anon ) more than other people.Males AND females.

Come on, anon - in a time of sexually proactive women is not so rare to meet a woman who's the initiator or pursuer. Should they all get the same reception , the same treatment ? ... Maybe they should- but they DON'T.

If a hot,pretty 20 y.o. in a club sits on your knees and starts nibbling your earlobe or caressing your pecs,- chances are that you'll be happy as Punch . Or at least, flattered by the attention.

If your 200 pounds , 80 years old landlady does the same when you go to pay your rent, - you'd shake her off horrified- and next time you'll just mail her a cheque ,lol.

So , yes, attractive people ,all in all, gets away with a LITTLE more than average people. Life is not fair, anon- and not having been allotted all of us the same sex appeal is not the worst of disparities visited on us by nature or society . BUT, you must not be a very keen observer of the social scene if you haven't noticed that this has limitations too. You can be the hottest stud in the stable, but when you trespass certain limits and become crass, aggressive, offensive or threatening, you get turned down, shown the middle finger or slapped, as you say, just like Average Joe.

Just to give you one example : When I was younger, I worked in show business and once at a party I received a very explicit invitation by a then very popular, very HOT, very out-of-my-league soap opera actor. To which I promptly suggested , in a loud voice, that he should turn the invitation to his own sister. Now, the guy was really hot , and , had he been more tactful, more gracious in his approach, I guess I could have been tempted. But ,while confidence is a turn on, arrogance and disrespect are a turn OFF for most people and make even Brad Pitt ugly.

The problem is that some men , like my soap opera guy, and presumably male anon, can't see there's a fine yet quite visible line between one thing and the other, so they keep crossing it regardless of getting poor results- results which then they blame on the women , rather than on their own lacking social skills.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (7 May 2015):

@male anon

You say it's not about entitlement, then go on to say that it's unfair of women to 'want the option' to react differently to different approaches from men. Well yes, they do and they can. Just because a particular chat up line worked for one guy, doesn't mean a woman must then date you if you use it too.

Strangely, I actually agree with you that the word 'creep' is overused around men, just as I think that 'slut' and 'psycho' are overused for women (the latter usually referring to an emotional woman). However, the point I was making is that I can't control other people's perception of me. So if a man calls me a psycho because I try to convey upset at the way he's treated me, all I can do is look at my own behaviour and see if there is anything I could improve. If not, I accept the problem is his and let his comments wash over me.

Too many people think everything should be made easy for them, but that won't happen so what's the point in being bitter about it? It's hard out there and you'll likely meet lots of people who won't be interested before you find the ones that are. That's how it is for everyone. However, as a piece of advice, most women I know would hate to receive 'aggressive' passes from any man regardless of what he looks like. Particularly if they only want casual sex as 9 times out of 10, that's not what women are looking for. I feel this goes without saying, if you're getting SLAPPED you are definitely doing something wrong! Why not just ask them their name and try to start a conversation rather than treating them like a sex object?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2015):

@jls022,

Its not "entitlement" to want to know what is the right or wrong way to approach women without offending them or getting slapped. Right now men get a mixed message from women. Women tell us to be respectful but they still want the option to respond to more aggressive approaches if they like they guy. That is a double standard and its expecting men to be mind readers.

If you are not going to get indignant & angry when the right guy makes an aggressive pass then don't get indignant & angry when the wrong guy does. You can decline the wrong man's advances without calling him creepy & rude & disrespectful. If what he DID (not how he LOOKED) was creepy and rude and disrespectful, then it would still be creepy and rude and disrespectful when a hot guy does it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2015):

OP here. I have read here some responses that answer things as I have written and Cindy's Lauren Bacall factor seems to be at work in my scenario.

When I started working in this place, I could not believe what I was hearing about this guy. It is almost unbelievable. However, I watch him closely and although there is quite a bit of turnover of males and females, I have never known any girl between 18-30 who has not preferred him to any guy their approximate age.

Some examples which I or others have seen. Him standing at bus stop, with about 30 people waiting for bus. Pouring rain. Girl walks up to him "would you like to share my umbrella with me?". He looking at direction maps at busy Kings Cross station. Young girl walking past "can I maybe help you"(she wasn't TFL worker).

Saturday night standing on bus(with plenty seats available, so wasn't due to being senior citizen)young girl"would you like to sit here" showing seat next to her. I could go on and on..

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (6 May 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt This is the first time after a few years already on Dear Cupid- that I do not understand what exactly we are debating about. Re-inventing hot water :) ?...

Blame it on biology if you wish, but , with few exceptions ( people have their quirks ) a 20 y.o. girl will be turned off by the attentions of a SIXTY y.o. old man, because she will find him physically repulsive ( ... also a bit sad and patethic , because he should know better and be able to gauge himself his level of attractiveness in the eyes of a young girl ). Unless the guy is really EXCEPTIONAL.

Ditto for a male. 10 or 15 years ago, I had a young actor who was scheduled to shoot a commercial or something with Lauren Bacall, who then was around 75, if not more.

After he did, I asked him , so , how was Lauren Bacall seen in person. He said " Hot ! ". I said- well, you don't really mean " hot "- you mean charismatic ...intriguing...glamorous...fascinating .... And he answered : " No, I mean HOT, as in : I'd be happy to f..k her ". And this was a VGL young man with no shortage of sexual choices. But... Lauren Bacall was Lauren Bacall. One of a kind.

Maybe the OP's colleague is the Lauren Bacall of cup washers , or whatever he does at work . One of a kind.

Every rule has its exceptions- and every exception gets special treatment.

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (5 May 2015):

OP I have no idea where you work, but I've never worked in an environment where a woman would openly ask a male colleague to wash her boobs! I genuinely can't even imagine a situation in which that would be the norm and I fear any advice I give may not apply to the sort of women you work with. However, to answer some of the points that have been raised I will try my best.

'Also there are older( and younger) men who are very respectful and don't come on to them and these girls are not interested in them whatsoever.'

What you are talking about here is simple sexual attraction. Being respectful is not the only reason why a woman would be attracted to a man - they might just not think he is hot! I'm sure you have met hundreds of women that turn you off sexually right? Why do you think it would be different for women? Your 'George Clooney' obviously must be a good looking guy which is the main attraction. The fact he is respectful and doesn't objectify them just adds to the charm and turns him from 'hot but sleazy old guy' to 'silver fox'!

OP of course there are different rules for 'sexier' people to a point. It is not exactly news that attractive people, male or female, have more people interested in them than less attractive people is it? And because these people are viewed as a 'catch', people are more likely to put up with behaviour they might not from less attractive people. And this works both ways. I mean do you think Hugh Hefner would be as receptive to a mousy, overweight gold digger? Or would she swiftly be told to get lost in favour of the beautiful blonde one?! Again, both women are doing the exact same thing, but are getting different reactions because of what they look like. This is not a great mystery!

However there are limits. Many men I know don't seem to realise how attraction works for a woman. Looks are of course important to a degree, but being respectful and a gentleman is also a massive factor. That doesn't mean we don't want the man to act in a sexual manner towards us, but that can only be part of the whole package. A man has to make me feel special, and that's something few guys are good at in my experience. So many guys I've met do what they think they need to get sex, rather than taking the time to be charming and seductive. This sort of behaviour is transparent and yes, dare I say it, creepy. There's a difference between being made to feel desired and being objectified, and that's where many guys fall down when trying to seduce a woman. That, to me anyway, can be the difference between 'hot but creepy' or plain old 'hot'. However, very rarely will it turn a guy from 'not my type' to 'hot' as the initial attraction has to be there.

Finally, sorry to hijack your thread OP but I'd like to respond to the male anon who seems quite upset about this. I am seeing more and more posts like this from people who are upset or even angry that members of the opposite sex are not as receptive to their advances as they would like. As if these people somehow owe them sex or love or whatever they are looking for. The fact is, people can and will reject others for all kinds of reasons - as is their right. I'm sure you yourself have rejected perfectly good women for all kinds of reasons, none of which you should be judged or insulted for. A woman is not entitled to a specific response from you, just as you are not from her.

It might not be fair, but it's life and it's certainly not a gender specific thing. So many people need to stop worrying about who has it worse as things are hard for both genders in different ways; drop the bitterness because it's an incredibly unattractive quality; stop feeling that they are entitled to the response they want from others as they are not; and work on becoming a catch - the best version of themselves as they can be - rather than moaning about how unfair they think they have it. Then I'm sure they'd start to find their luck changes for the better.

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A male reader, Karlos83  United Kingdom +, writes (5 May 2015):

Karlos83  agony auntI think a man with respect for women can go a long way. As you said he is careful not to be tempted by the women and the fact he's married and appears to remain faithful to his wife sparks an admiration about him in the women. The other guys making unwanted advancements towards them are likely giving the women the impression that these guys are creepy, so I guess it's simply an unattractive thing. Generally speaking, I don't believe all younger women are against all older men, if that were the case then there wouldn't be any older guys with younger women on their arms. In fact I'm 31 and my fiance is 22 and she's absolutely crazy in love with me, and the feeling is mutual. Personality and other qualities a person has plays a big part which will determine whether a woman finds a guy attractive or not (or in some cases the size of his bank account, but that's another topic for another day). Personal preference and whether or not a woman is open minded enough about age gap will, more than anything, play the biggest part.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015):

It's not even about age. Not really.

The same principles apply with women and sexual advances in general. If they like the guy and/or want the attention, then it's okay. If they don't want the attention from him, then EXACTLY THE SAME BEHAVIOR was rude and insulting and the man should have known better.

Look at how young women react to men approaching them for casual sex. If they like the guy then that approach was fine. If they don't like him then it was "over the line."

Men are expected to be mind readers. We are being rude and insulting, occasionally even criminal, when we guess wrong. We are being sexy and assertive when we guess right. There is one code of proper conduct for sexy guys and a different one for non-sexy guys.

This is the second time I have tried to give this answer to this question. It was already on-point the first time but it was too politically incorrect for the Dearcupid moderators to run it. But the OP's answers to other people's comments since then have supported my take on it. Now maybe the moderators will give in and let my comment be heard.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI don't know what kind of work place this is, but I simply can't imagine 20 year old behaving like that (wanting one old guy to fondle them back) - I can't imagine a work environment that is that ridiculous to be honest.

My guess is THEY KNOW he won't do and THUS he is a challenge, where as the other one is doing it UNINVITED.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015):

OP again. Also there are older( and younger) men who are very respectful and don't come on to them and these girls are not interested in them whatsoever. In fact one told me sexually they are a turn off and the opposite about our "Mr Clooney"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015):

OP here. Believe me that it has nothing to do with him having respect for them. They are looking to get from him exactly what they don't want from the other men. E.g. the other day he was washing his cup and a young very pretty girl walked past and asked him "could you wash my boobs while you're at it?"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2015):

I think it's also that the other men touch them unnecessarily which is creepy in itself and crosses barriers, where as this guy never does that so he's more appealing. Even if he is handsome if he started making inappropriate comments and touching htem I think in reality they'd find him less attractive.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

Inappropriate and unwanted touching is gross to women regardless of age, my friend. They may appreciate the "good-looking guy;" because apparently he has class, and minds to keep his hands to himself. That adds to his charm. He respects his marriage, and conducts himself like a gentleman, in spite of the temptation. Don't you see the obvious difference? Women like that!

They are not saying all older men are gross, as you've generalized. They are speaking mainly of the gropers and pigs that show no respect for rules or the law; and usually look as gross as they behave. I don't think you really needed anyone to break that down for you. Beauty and good-looks is in the eye of the beholder.

Age doesn't always kill the appeal, and older people are not gross for being old. They are gross when they behave out of character. We, as mature-adults, are expected to show more class, dignity, and refinement. Be role-models and set positive examples. Some nasty old bastards never grow-up.

They ARE gross when they act inappropriately, show their age badly; and chase without any regard to how it reflects on HIM as a man. Even ignoring the repulsion he evokes for behaving badly at his age.

These same creeps probably wouldn't behave so badly around someone their own age; mainly because older women WOULD report it. The younger ladies don't want to get them in trouble; and they don't want to stirrup trouble where they work. Jobs are not easy to come-by, and women of all ages are disgusted by inappropriate behavior by men on the job, regardless of age. Reporting these incidents can be more trouble down the road professionally. "Good Ole-Boy club-politics" create built-in protections, that can be pretty tough on the victim. These ladies simply want to keep their jobs, avoid drama, and sometimes may dismiss bad male behavior when they shouldn't. The threat is always hanging over-head to shut doors in their face, by higher male authority. Who are often guilty of the same trash.

Men usually flirt more aggressively than women; because society accepts it. In olden-times, society considered it as a part of his "virility and machismo," for an old-guy to chase much younger women. A huge bank account and generosity makes him much much more attractive. Well, many women don't like it; and speak-up about it now. You're catching the brunt of it because they want to warn you against being that way. By letting you know firsthand how they feel about it. Consider it a life-lesson.

Especially when older-men dismiss women their own age as unattractive or less appealing. Well, to be called a "gross old fart" is putting it mildly, if you as me.

Guys don't usually make any comment beyond the locker-room or sport's bar about an older-woman making a pass; because there is a double-standard. Men are embarrassed by women assuming the role as the "pursuer." Not only that; but everyone generally finds it weird when a guy complains about inappropriate advances from a female. The first thing anyone would think is that he's gay. It kind of balances things out.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

OP here. You have a point Chigirl, gross, disgusting sounded like it's immoral.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (4 May 2015):

chigirl agony auntMy guess is, it's not about morals at all, lol. It's about whether the older guy is gorgeous, or disgusting. In their eyes, mind you. I mean where did you get the idea this was about morals to begin with? They've never said it was morally wrong, did they? The way you worded it at least, it sounded like they've been quite honest about it simply being disgusting.

I am sure they mean no offense, but to younger women, older men in their 50-60 aren't often attractive. The view naturally changes as they grow older themselves.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

Lots of excuses around here.

The quote in the question was not:

"Oh he's different, he's respectful!"

It was:

"Oh he's different, he's gorgeous!"

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

OP here. SVC what you say about it being a smokescreen makes sense and answers quite a bit. Honeypie, these girls do not want respect from this "george cloonie", they would love some fondling attention from him. They are doing it to him and quietly complain that he doesn't respond in kind. I told one that he's married, her response "I don't care I want him"

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A female reader, LiveAnnLearn Serbia +, writes (4 May 2015):

LiveAnnLearn agony auntAs others said, it's not just about the age, unwanted attention is simply annoying unless if expressed in a really polite way.

If a guy my age acts rudely and pushy I will be annoyed, and more unattractive he is more I'll be disgusted by it. If an averagely attractive guy makes a pass in a rude way it will piss me off, but if someone who was averagely attractive 30 years ago does the same I'll be furious.

I usually think what gives him the right to act that way when he could easily be my father - bigger the age difference more I expect people who are into me to treat me with respect I guess, I automatically think they should know better and judge them if they don't.

As I said better they look less unwanted is the attention, but even that married older guy (who I imagine is gorgeous as your coworker described him) wouldn't be everyone's crush if he was acting as inappropriately as those other older guys.

To conclude, being an old floppy fart who is objectifying women is like the least attractive and most annoying a guy can possibly get, please older guys don't do it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntOne old "fart" is making UNWANTED attentions and inappropriate physical contact the OTHER (the married one) IS NOT - so JUST going by that... I can see why ANY women would like #2 better. They SEE him as a GENTLEMAN WHO TREAT them with respect. THAT Is an attractive trait in a guy. And of course being physically attractive doesn't hinder.

These young ladies DO NOT go to work to be hassled by any men, no matter the age. In most cases WOMEN do NOT want unsolicited attention, "compliments" or touching. Which again MAKES a man WAY more attractive if he has some kind of self control and can show an OUNCE of respect for his fellow women.

I think any one dating someone 40 years older are making a huge mistakes. One (the older person) has lived through so much that the young person hasn't.. yet, and they WILL not make the young person's adventure into life easier because they have been there.

To me, dating someone who is OLD enough to be your parent OR your child... It just doesn't sit well with me. It's not balanced at all. It's not "even".

I don't see how them not liking "handsy old fart" but adoring "smart respectful old fart" has anything to do with morals or principles.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (4 May 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIt's not that the morals and principles have flown out the window... it's that he works very hard to not offend them or be involved with them so He is SAFE...

also if he's very attractive that does not hurt either.

As a 55yr old woman with a 41 yr old husband...to me it's not about age and they are just using that as a smoke screen for 'he's not my type"

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (4 May 2015):

I meant to add - imagine how you'd feel if a woman 20 or 30 years older than you made overt sexual advances towards you. I'm sure there are many extremely sexy women in that age bracket, but I'm guessing 9 times out of 10 you'd prefer someone your own age. However if she looked like Elle MacPherson...

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A female reader, jls022 United Kingdom +, writes (4 May 2015):

It's because they are not attracted to the other guys. There may be exceptions to this rule, such as with the other colleague you mention (or George Clooney!), but 9 times out of 10 a man in his 50s or 60s reminds me of my Dad or his friends and it's a bit icky to think he's thinking of me sexually.

I've also found that the older 'gentlemen' who approach me quite openly ogle me and seem to only see a pert body. I get the impression they couldn't care less about who I am or what I have to say, and while I find that a turn off from men of any age, somehow it seems worse from older guys as you'd like to think they'd have learned a bit more about women and what they want by that age.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015):

The inconsistency is not just there with age differences. Look at the reaction men get for approaching women for casual sex.

If she likes him then he was just being assertive and sexy. This is the 21st century. Women have the right to be open to casual sex sometimes just like men.

If she doesn't like the idea of hooking up with him, then EXACTLY THE SAME APPROACH will get a totally different reaction. Now he is a rude creepy pervert who needs to learn some respect for women.

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