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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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How could he not know that I wanted to see him?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks now. Thought it was going really well. Talk to him every night on phone and meet up with him when we both can as we live 2 hours away and both have kids. Last night we had planned for him to come ...
A. 13 June 2009: Nothing prevented him from picking up the phone and asking, if he wasn't sure. However, if this is the 1st time it's happened, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. It probably is simply a miscommunication since he did come down after all. Just ... (read in full...)
Best friends drifting apart because of her boyfriend! History repeating itself
Q. Me and my friend are going through a rough spell the now. A cupple of years ago she got a new boyfriend and we slowly started to drift apart, we ended up arguing and i lost her for about a year. She came to me and told me she was havin trouble ...
A. 13 June 2009: I know it really hurts to watch your friend screw up her life, but you've got to let her do it. You can always support her when she needs it, listen to her when she needs to talk, help her out if she asks, but that's all. If you love your friend, ... (read in full...)
Should age matter?
Q. Should age really matter in a relationship? I personally think, and from experience in my own life, that age shouldn't matter. All it is is a number. No one should be judged on who they love or who they're atracted to. I take into consideration th...
A. 11 June 2009: No worries. Everybody makes mistakes! It wasn't hard to read at all :)
Also it's just my natural protective instinct to warn younger people against things that could hurt. I don't like to see people doing things that could hurt them and I get ve... (read in full...)
Should age matter?
Q. Should age really matter in a relationship? I personally think, and from experience in my own life, that age shouldn't matter. All it is is a number. No one should be judged on who they love or who they're atracted to. I take into consideration th...
A. 10 June 2009: I appreciate that we are all treating each other with respect. However, I have to respectfully disagree with both your assertions that you're more mature than most people. That's a very myopic view since, statistically, you haven't met more than ... (read in full...)
Best friends drifting apart because of her boyfriend! History repeating itself
Q. Me and my friend are going through a rough spell the now. A cupple of years ago she got a new boyfriend and we slowly started to drift apart, we ended up arguing and i lost her for about a year. She came to me and told me she was havin trouble ...
A. 9 June 2009: You can't save her from herself. Let her go, if you are a good friend to her your friendship will go on. It seems like you have some codependency issues yourself, since you want to control what type of relationship she's in and what kind of beh... (read in full...)
Defensive (and blinkered) friends, what do you suggest?
Q. So I have this friend, we've grown apart greatly over the last year. I have this problem with him. We have this mutual person we know, who is an old friend of his (lets call him ali). Ali is a guy our own age. He messed around many of our friends, ...
A. 9 June 2009: Your friend has made the decision that the friendship with Ali is worth having. You said you've already made your position on this clear, so listen politely and change the subject. If your friend wants to be friends with someone you don't like ... (read in full...)
I'm overwhelmed by my family. How can I get my own life back and not worry about them?
Q. Help, iam overly overwhelmed with my life right know, this is the deal, I’ am 22 and I feel like I have the weight on the world on my shoulders…..1st…my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, psychofrenia, I was 13-14. Growing up I saw my mom struggle ...
A. 9 June 2009: I'm really sorry that you're going through all this! This is a giant load for anyone to bear and you are very strong for putting up with all of this. I can see that you really want to help your family, but you can't fix everyone's probl... (read in full...)
She doesn't know I like her, we once were close, what can I do
Q. Hi I'm having trouble ok there is a girl we once were good friends but know we never talk I really like but she dosent even know what should I do?...
A. 9 June 2009: Tell her you like her and would like to take her out sometime. You'll never know what would happen unless you ask her out!
Good luck! Keep us posted!... (read in full...)
Should age matter?
Q. Should age really matter in a relationship? I personally think, and from experience in my own life, that age shouldn't matter. All it is is a number. No one should be judged on who they love or who they're atracted to. I take into consideration th...
A. 9 June 2009: I personally think age gaps matter a great deal if one person involved is a minor. Even people over 21 struggle with dating someone who is at a different stage in their life, but it's nothing like an adult dating a minor.
I'm 32 now, and when I l... (read in full...)
Bi-curious boyfriend
Q. My boyfriend told me a few months ago that he used to mess around with guys when he was 15. He said that it was with a few guys and it only lasted for a year or so. I don't know what to think about this? He is kinda feminine and it is always in the ...
A. 9 June 2009: Bisexual people are fully capable of committing to one person at a time just like straight and gay people do. Unless he actually goes out and cheats on you I would not worry about it.... (read in full...)
Should I trust him?
Q. i caught my boyfriend cheating on me . He apologized in the sweetest ways , flowers, cards , sending my favorite movies, phone calls, messages , voicemalls constenly. I love him alot and without him i fell horible, but i dont know if i should trust ...
A. 9 June 2009: If it was once, I'd say he would have to prove himself to you by being a trustworthy boyfriend. But since it's the second time, don't even bother. There's a guy out there who won't cheat on you. Go find him! :)... (read in full...)
Pornography, cheating & lying
Q. my husband is watching porn and lying to me about it and every time i offer sex he makes up excuses like im tired or im sore. i have confronted him several times and i go through the history on the computer and his phone. there is porn sites. what ...
A. 9 June 2009: None of this is normal. He shouldn't be lying and you shouldn't be going through his computer and phone. It sounds like he has a porn addiction.
Since you've already confronted him the next step should be marriage counseling for the both of ... (read in full...)
He says "If you munch I'll marry you"..what is THAT all about?
Q. Hi, not really sure how to address this question. So my fiance and i have been talking about marriage, weve been together going on 4 years and have 2 kids together and i thought we were both ready. well one day i brought it up and he said he didnt ...
A. 9 June 2009: Frankly it shouldn't come down to if you'd sleep with another woman. Four years and two kids should be more than enough for him to decide if he wants to marry you or not. I can see this coming up as a sexual fantasy but he's got some huge freaking ... (read in full...)
Dating a married man. I just want him to be with me
Q. hello, i dont want any hurtful or rude comments, iam writing to everyone here because i think this is a site for evryone to write about their problems and feeling's. Well, iam seeing a married man. i have been seeing him for 2 1/2 years now. i got ...
A. 9 June 2009: Other men have hurt you but he didn't? It didn't hurt when he left you to go back to his wife, the woman he vowed to love until death, huh? Of course it did.
You're miserable and unhappy because you are not getting the love you need. You're g... (read in full...)
I can't stand him touching me but feel guilty when I tell him to get out
Q. I lived with my boyfriend for 5+ years. About 6 months ago I decided to move out and into my own place. He would not work and I paid all the bills. I finally could not deal with it anymore and moved out. He still calls all the time and stops by. ...
A. 9 June 2009: Take control of yourself. He comes back because you let him. He can tell that you are weak since you keep opening that door time after time. You don't have to feel guilty since you gave him a chance to get it together and he didn't.
Call ... (read in full...)
We just clicked. He says he loves me but hes already with someone!
Q. I met him 4 months ago the day i met him we've been talking everyday all day thru text and phone call's no exaggeration we just instantly clicked the day after we met i asked him if he has a girlfriend he told me yes i kindaof draw back but it was ...
A. 9 June 2009: Sometimes I wish I wasn't so nice and could bullsh** someone like this guy is doing you. He gets to have two girls chasing after him. What a player!
You're his side piece. If he was really that interested in you he would have broken up with his... (read in full...)
Cousin troubling wife...
Q. hi, I just got married to a beautiful lady about 6 months back.. my wife is a good looking 25 year professional.. I am 30 years old.. recently my cousin brother joined us in our house, he is 16.. so he trying to date a girl...so he asked my wife if ...
A. 9 June 2009: Your cousin is already quite the player, LOL.
Well, just don't let them have any more dates. He had his practice date, and now it's over. See if he goes out on dates now or keeps hanging around your wife. If he starts going out on dates wi... (read in full...)
I think I was used as a rebound girl for my ex boyfriend, but don't understand why he picked me?
Q. My ex boyfriend slept with me two or three times when he were broken up with his girlfriend that he had after me and then left me when the girl came around. (At that time I still loved him and wanted him back...) While we hung out when they were b...
A. 9 June 2009: He picked you because he didn't have to work for sex. You were right there and available.
Honey, you were used for sex and an ego boost. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you and not someone else. I'm sorry that you're in this sit... (read in full...)
He is such a complex character and I want to be there for him to help him through all this.
Q. I'm hoping for some advice to help me through all this. I've been with my partner for 9 years, lived together for 5. We're not married as he always told me he 'wasn't ready' but he would be one day. Anyway a few weeks ago when we were cuddling ...
A. 9 June 2009: You've got to give him more space to work this out. Being on top of him all the time is actually counterproductive. Dive more into your own life, see your friends, go out and have some fun. If you keep calling him and contacting him you WILL keep ... (read in full...)
Help!!! My boyfriend would rather spend time with his friends than me.
Q. I am so in love with my boyfriend, I do so much for him, I go out of my way for him, I hang out with his friends, I tell him how much he means to me and how I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him. My boyfriend however does nothing for ...
A. 9 June 2009: Wow, this relationship sounds seriously one-sided.
I think you need to spend some time on your own and give your boyfriend time to miss you. Perhaps he will see once you're gone how much value you bring to his life. Spend time with other fr... (read in full...)
Will this go on forever?
Q. my best friend is really self absorbed, and always kinda has been, its often all about her and sometimes some ppl cant handle her cos of this. She often only talks about her issues, her health problems, of which there are a few, and lately her ...
A. 9 June 2009: Have you talked to her about how this makes you feel? Sit her down and tell her you would like her to show interest in your life sometimes. If that doesn't work (because perhaps she just isn't the kind of person that asks) try bringing up your ... (read in full...)
I prefer her sister to her!
Q. I met this girl through a friend and we started texting each other but her sister got my number and now she says she loves me and I have met them both but I just want her sister to forget me but i dont know how to tell her without hurting her ...
A. 9 June 2009: Keep the sister at arm's length. Be polite but no more than that. Don't text her unless it's absolutely necessary.
If the sister doesn't give up tell her politely that you are interested in her sister and you two can only be friends. Then sti... (read in full...)
I just want fun, but he's getting emotionally attached...
Q. I have recently started an affair with a married guy at work. He is a lot more senior than me, older than me and married. It started off with him inviting me to a working lunch and I genuinely thought that's all it was. We then went out again and I ...
A. 7 June 2009: Please rethink both having an affair and having a relationship with someone at work. It's a serious minefield. Have you thought about the consequences of other people at your job or his wife finding out? You could end up losing your job and a lot ... (read in full...)
Should I just carry on as normal?
Q. Okay, so I recently told a guy friend that I liked him. Unfortunately, he said he didn't think of me that way but he thought I was "very cool and funny if not a little weird" (can't necessarily argue with that :P) I must admit, I was a little upset ...
A. 7 June 2009: Carry on as normal. You never know, he might be impressed that you are taking this in stride. Guys like a smart, funny girl who can roll with the punches. If he doesn't step up, another guy surely will! :) Good luck!... (read in full...)
The "horror" of it all!!!
Q. Listening to heavy metal, violent video games and 18 rated movies wont make me a psycho. My mom doesnt think so, i do all of these and i can tell you now, it doesnt do me any harm. How do i convince her that watching apocalypse now wont make me go ...
A. 7 June 2009: Eh, there probably isn't anything you can say. There is something you can do though...keep being a good kid. Keep your grades up and stay out of trouble. I watched a lot of those movies growing up as well but I made sure my mom never had anything ... (read in full...)
What to do... I'm in love with my best friend...
Q. I am in love with my best friend. He and i work together and we see each other every day including weekends. I know his family very well and he knows mine. I even spent a long weekend with him and his family in Arizona. I feel like I've known him ...
A. 7 June 2009: What relationship? You don't have a relationship. At best this is a friends with benefits situation. You were sleeping with a married man without any type of commitment because you wanted to. Since he is single, he decided to date someone els... (read in full...)
Is my vagina abnormal?
Q. I think i have an abnormal vagina. The labia are strangly larger than the rest of my Vagina and sorta hang down a bit. i have always been consious of this but even more so now when a guy described it as overgrown funghi. is it really abnormal ...
A. 7 June 2009: Vulvas (vaginas are inside your body, the external part is called the vulva) come in all shapes and sizes. It's totally normal to have differently shaped and sized labia. Hanging or not it's all natural and part of what makes you special. That... (read in full...)
Todays letters are J and R, and they're not getting along
Q. My fiance and I have been in a great relationship up until recently. I'll call my fiance J. Well, he has been working for this guy for a while now, about a year, lets call J's boss R. Well, R doesn't have a very good work ethic and J barely ever ...
A. 6 June 2009: 1) Probably nothing, if you've already told him repeatedly how you feel.
2) J might be avoiding sharing things with you because it leads to arguments.
3) J might feel guilty about living in R's basement and leaning on him for emotional support ... (read in full...)
Now that I found my true love, why is it so hard?
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a few months now. The time span seems to be short and new yet so many things have happened already. Infidelity (on both parts), hitting (I will explain this further), and just disresp...
A. 6 June 2009: Y'all need relationship counseling, badly. You are both inflicting pain on each other in a cycle and you need to break out of it.... (read in full...)
Does he want us to be a family?
Q. I'm pregnant and living with my boyfriend. yesterday I was the happiest person ever as although it was a shock that I was pregnant, he seemed to get used to the idea and I was quite happy from the beginning until, and I know I shouldn't have done, ...
A. 6 June 2009: Oh man, those are some big red flags waving there.
Ever heard the phrase, "hope for the best, prepare for the worst"? This definitely applies to you. There's the lack of trust evidenced by your snooping, and his crazy text messages and plotting... (read in full...)
I think my ex wants to get back together but not so sure and I don't know what to do
Q. Hey guys my ex recently sent me an sms saying he miss me and yesterday he asked if i still love him and i ignored him.i think he wants us to get together again but im nt so sure.what can i do because i want to ask him what he meant.plz guys help me ...
A. 6 June 2009: How did you break up? How long has it been?
He's definitely signaling that he wants to get back together but I need more info before I can give detailed advice.... (read in full...)
Do I love her? Should I get her back? I need help.
Q. So, I started dating this girl in HS. She was my first g/f and we dated 2 yrs. I broke up with once after a 1 1/2 years then asked her out again for another 1/2 yr and then broke up with here again. Soon after I started dating another girl for 10 ...
A. 6 June 2009: Only you can change yourself. If you're going to ask her out again, make a daily commitment to yourself that you're going to be the best boyfriend you can. That means being honest and treating her like the awesome lady that she is.
If you're o... (read in full...)
I daydream about others, sex and negative nasty thoughts
Q. im 15 and i have negative nasty thoughts going threw my head like sex and other thoughts and when i do day dream its about mostly other people even some i don't know having sex and doing other things and i hate that all i think about is other people ...
A. 6 June 2009: It's normal to be curious. There's nothing nasty about sex, it's natural to get horny and have sex dreams. Just about everyone fantasizes from time to time. Don't worry about it.... (read in full...)
How can I help him orgasm?
Q. This is a very raunchy and mostly homosexual post. If that bother's anyone, please direct your help to someone else, I just don't know where else to turn here. First off, I'm bisexual - and I also don't see sex as the final reward to a personal re...
A. 6 June 2009: Maybe more foreplay would work. He might have been tense since it was his 1st time. Try again, play around with each other before you get to penetrative sex - more blowjobs, more kissing and stroking, etc.
If he gets the pain again he should s... (read in full...)
The pain from my past has numbed me
Q. so thru my life I have endured quite a bit of pain. my first love was killed when I was only 16. my next girlfriend at 17 left me to go live in another state and before she left she told me I was nothing and broke me. after a month or so I found ...
A. 6 June 2009: *hug* I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this much pain.
I second the counseling idea. That's a lot of agony to for anyone to go through...just hang in there for a while longer and talk to a professional. It can really help.
Good luck wit... (read in full...)
Why did he treat me like this when he said he loved me?
Q. I just dont understand what im doing wrong. Im trying to get over a ex who has hurt me stripped me of my self by his hurtful remarks.his flirtous ways.not wanting to spending time with me and making out his single!he knocked my confindence made me ...
A. 6 June 2009: *hug* You can do better sweetheart. In fact you already are, that is why he is trying to wriggle back in your life. Your ex sounds like a very selfish guy who gets off by making you insecure. You are better off without him. You can meet a nice ... (read in full...)
He says his feelings haven't developed as much as mine!
Q. im 19 year old guy, hes 24, we have been seeing each other for about 4 months now (not actually in a relationship way). he has just came out of a long term relationship (3 years) as well as his bit on the side leaving to go home (far away), well ...
A. 6 June 2009: Sounds like you have a friends with benefits relationship. Nothing wrong with that if that's what you want, but it seems like you want more and he doesn't. If I was OK with being in a FWB, I would stay...but if I really wanted more I would lea... (read in full...)
Can I make a selfish man and father change or should I just leave him to be alone and ruin someone else's life?
Q. Hello all, I am 25 years old and have a 6 year old son with my ex and a one month old with the man I am having trouble with. I lost my job at 3 months pregnant and I was extremely depressed and felt really lonely and distressed due to hormones...
A. 6 June 2009: *hug* I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. It's so unfair to you. Unfortunately, he understands all right, he just doesn't care. He'll have to learn from life. File for child support, get your stuff, and move on with your life. Try... (read in full...)
Are we over because I had sex with ex?
Q. I went to a party with my girlfriend. She's new at my school (she has trouble making friends) and we been to together 3 months now. She kept clinging to me (she doesn`t really know anyone at the party besides me) she would`t let me 4 secords to ...
A. 6 June 2009: I can't believe this is a real question.... Yes, it's over. Why would she want to be with a cheater? Really, now.... (read in full...)
I love him but he's changed
Q. been dating my boyfriend for the past 2 and a half years.....i am 25 and he is 37 and has 3 children never been married ... i been in love with him and had the biggest crush on him since i was a teenager for 6 years before we ever even spoke.... he ...
A. 6 June 2009: I'm so sorry that you ended up in this situation but I will be brutally honest with you: You're in love with an image, not your boyfriend. You're dating a man who doesn't want to touch you, who makes you cry, who is rude, who starts fights wi... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 6 June 2009: SyferFire, I favor relationships based on mutual respect. I don't expect my man to bend over backwards for me, and he doesn't expect me to fall over gushing with love because he held a door open. But, you know, keep on going with those usele... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 28 May 2009: SyferFire,
Thanks for displaying exactly the kind of behavior I was talking about.
You can't make someone love you by doing things for them. You do them because you're nice or because you care about them and you DON'T EXPECT ANYTHING BACK. ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 25 May 2009: Gentlemen do exist. I know quite a few guys who are polite and courteous and their girlfriends/wives appreciate it very much. I've dated a few myself, loved it and appreciated it. I think a big part of the decline is that fathers aren't around as ... (read in full...)
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