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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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Is this the right approach?
Q. I own a marketing company and started dating a guy who owns his own business too. Shortly after meeting he started paying my company to do work for his company. I then broke up with him because I got jealous of his ex who is not in the picture.. ...
A. 5 June 2010: So, let's recap....
You flip over a picture he had of his ex. He tells you from then on it's only business. He sleeps with you and tries to be friendly. You tell him you like him, he doesn't respond. You then cut off all communication with him... (read in full...)
His wife does not want to give him the divorce, other problems, need a lot of advice?
Q. Here is the back-ground: I had an affair with someone several years ago. He (I'll call him Scott) was a very close friend and confided in me that his marriage was over and he was leaving her. We began the relationship then. Well, "scott" ...
A. 26 May 2010: 1. Maybe. Probably not for a long time, though. Just keep conducting yourself with respect and be a good person and hopefully his mom will warm up to you. No guarantees though.
2. Forget it. Live your life for yourself and the people close to... (read in full...)
Is this the right approach?
Q. I own a marketing company and started dating a guy who owns his own business too. Shortly after meeting he started paying my company to do work for his company. I then broke up with him because I got jealous of his ex who is not in the picture.. ...
A. 26 May 2010: If you're satisfied with being only friends, then by all means continue. If you want more you should move on to someone else. Pursuing him romantically sounds like you would be being a dead horse. He has been clear that he is not interested in ... (read in full...)
Is it fair for him to have gotten me nothing for my birthday?
Q. i have a new boyfriend been with him for 6 months its tough from the begining but we had many good times together . then i started noticing things .. he was very cheap and didnt want to be giving ( very cheap with his money ) and i felt like even ...
A. 26 May 2010: It isn't like he didn't get you anything, after all he did get you flowers and you had already broken up when your birthday rolled around. You're not owed a birthday gift by any means and him not getting you one doesn't mean he doesn't love you. ... (read in full...)
Do I choose the father of my child or ...
Q. Who do I choose, between father of my child who I had helped become rich and turned around and started an affair with other woman he just comes from another town or a man that I met on line and had similar problems and just hit it off but he also ...
A. 22 May 2010: Don't choose either. It sounds like they both have baggage. Your child's father sounds like he is selfish and useless, and the other guy scares you. Walk away from both and concentrate on making your life better for yourself and your children.
... (read in full...)
I don't mind helping someone get on their feet, but I don't want to be taken for a fool.
Q. I have started seeing a man 22 and i'm 43. It started well but he asks me for five or ten dollars here or there and i pay for our dates since i have a full time job and his is part time. He is looking for a full time job also to get a car and we ...
A. 22 May 2010: He is a loser. A good man would have appreciated you and been nice to you the whole time. I hope the next guy will be better.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Does this mean I'm gay even though I love women?
Q. I'm an 18 year old "boy" and heading to college soon. My first time I was curious to porn was in the 6th grade. I watched gay porn and immediately was hooked. I began masturbating to it and now I look at men on the streets and sometimes get aroused. ...
A. 9 May 2010: The best part of today's world is getting to define your own sexual orientation. You may be straight but leaning, bisexual, or gay. It's up to you and you don't have to pigeonhole yourself into one specific way or another. Just be open and ... (read in full...)
Because of my childhood & past I'm co-dependent but I want to get over this!
Q. HI, I am not sure how to put all of this...anyways, I was very abandoned as a child (at 34 I can admit and see this now)...anyways, my mom used to leave me alone alot while she went out and it caused me alot of anxiety. She used to have to leave a ...
A. 9 May 2010: I recommend all the books by Melody Beattie. She has written Codependent No More and the New Codependency, both of which have really helped me a great deal.... (read in full...)
I'd love to date my close friend but I'm ashamed of my financial situation
Q. i adore my close friend and would love us to date-i know hes fond of me. im scared of him knowing stuff-like how my ex left me edging on bankruptcy thanks to his grasping so im insolvent for 3 more years and my flat looks really bad. i have little ...
A. 9 May 2010: Go for it. He's fond of you, and you are not your possessions. If he's a good person he'll understand.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
I've been in love with him for 4 years but we aren't really together
Q. i have been in love this this dude for almost four years now but we havent been in a committed relationship. he is or has been engaged.but says he's loves me and want to be with me. I dnt kno if i should wait on him or move on? he havent talked ...
A. 9 May 2010: Why wait around for this guy who clearly doesn't want you when you could be having fun with so many other men? If he really, truly, wanted to be with you he wouldn't let hell, high water, or Glenn Beck stop him. You are too good to wait around for ... (read in full...)
I don't mind helping someone get on their feet, but I don't want to be taken for a fool.
Q. I have started seeing a man 22 and i'm 43. It started well but he asks me for five or ten dollars here or there and i pay for our dates since i have a full time job and his is part time. He is looking for a full time job also to get a car and we ...
A. 9 May 2010: Find yourself another man who likes what you like. He doesn't sound like he's that interested in you and is only taking what's available. Don't be a sugar momma.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Is there potential for a lasting, healthy relationship?
Q. I met this wonderful man on Match.com and we really connected. He is 40. I am 32. We started going out over a month ago. For some reason, I felt really comfortable with him and revealed alot about myself to him right away: the fact that I was ...
A. 9 May 2010: I don't think there is anything you can do at this point. He has been honest with you that he is not comfortable with your issues, and I hate to admit it but that can be a deal breaker. He has a lot on his own plate at the moment and dating you ... (read in full...)
He wont leave his 'baby momma' right now, .. is he worth waiting for?
Q. i met my boyfriend about 3 springs ago this spring.... well fell in love almost right away....he has a girlfriend who he has 2 kids with their young,....but he wont leave her right now because of court and her acknowledgements he works and suppports ...
A. 8 May 2010: No, he's not worth waiting for.
If he can't get it together enough to get his own place and decide clearly that he wants to be with you, he is not the man for you. Don't get it twisted, he is with her. (If I had a nickel for every guy that sai... (read in full...)
His actions don't match his words of love
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been in a relationship for almost eight years, married the last three. My husband had a couple of bad relationships and has difficulty trusting anyone. One relationship resulted in a child he paid support for and never saw pa...
A. 1 May 2010: I think that you should try counseling for yourself. Hopefully a counselor will help you tell him exactly what you need from him, and work out what you will do if he can't give you what you need. If you can get him to go with you, that would be ... (read in full...)
Should I do as my separated husband wishes?
Q. I been separated for nearly an year.This guy that Ive been seeing decides to call my husband. His intention was to find out what was going on between my husband and I. Well my husband told him that we were gettting back together and that I was ...
A. 27 April 2010: I don't have time for knuckleheads, so I would have no time for your husband.... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he called? Was I too mean?
Q. I was approached buy a guy exactly one week ago tonight at a wedding. He came up and sparked a convo with me and we totally hit it off. Halfway during our convo he said you have to let me get you coffee sometime and i kinda joked around and avoided ...
A. 25 April 2010: When you avoided talking about his invitations, you sent the message that you weren't interested. Very backwards of you, don't you think?... (read in full...)
Says he is not ready for a relationship then gets into one with a 19 year old....he is going to be 30!
Q. I have been seeing this guy for about a year. He had to put a lot of work into getting me to go out with him. When we started dating, he was really romantic to me and very nice. He respected me and was really into me. He told me how beautiful I am ...
A. 25 April 2010: When he said he didn't want a relationship, he meant he didn't want a relationship with you. He liked you a lot, and he certainly liked the sex, but it sounds like he felt you and him are not a good relationship match.... (read in full...)
How do I stop my step dad bullying me?
Q. My step dad always says nasty and spiteful things to me. He belittles me and tells me that I'm going to fail school because I'm too stupid and he also tells me that I'm never gonna get a girlfriend because no woman would want me, my mom hears him ...
A. 25 April 2010: I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Your stepdad shouldn't be treating you this way...it's bullying, plain and simple. I wish your mom was defending you but it doesn't seem that way. It would be good for you to get away from this man - ... (read in full...)
I accused of him of not being over his ex and we haven't been the same since
Q. I had been dating a guy for a little over one month. He definitely went above and beyond to show me he was totally into me. I have a marketing company and he owns his own business. After a few weeks of dating he asked if I would like to put in a...
A. 25 April 2010: You seriously overreacted, especially since you had only been dating for a month. He had a picture. He apologized and deleted it, and that should have been the end. But honestly, when you flipped out and accused him of not being over her (over a ... (read in full...)
Is this guy settling for me?
Q. Hi, I've been in a relationship for a year now. I feel that I love this guy and told him but he hasn't said it back, he said that he needs more time. My gut feeling is that he is settling for me because he told me that he cares for me deeply but has ...
A. 25 April 2010: I agree, you are settling for someone who doesn't love you. After a year he should be able to tell you he loves you. The fact that he can't is a very telling sign.
I suggest you move on and try to find someone who makes you truly happy instead ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me but now he doesn't want me to see other guys
Q. i been datin this guy for 8 months,he broke up with me last sunday and i begged him and cried sayin i didnt want anyone else. i now know this was a mistake as i have been reading that begging pushes them away but anyways he talks 2 me some at schoo...
A. 25 April 2010: He is playing games with you. He's pulling that trick of "I don't want you but no one else can have you either." to satisfy his ego and feel good that he's got a girl begging for him. He likes that he can just say the word and you will stay home ... (read in full...)
I keep running into that hot personal trainer, should I make a move?
Q. Okay, so I have been hitting the gym hard this year...really investing in my overall well being. Then one day as I 'm working out I notice this personal trainer and boy was he HOTTTTTT!!!! Killer body, beautiful smile, tall, i mean just gorgeous. ...
A. 24 April 2010: So far he's being nice and a good personal trainer. It doesn't mean anything and honestly, he probably is that nice to every lady who walks in the door. Wait for him to make a move; that will show you if he's truly interested or being ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex girlfriend keep contacting me?
Q. Hi - can anyone help? A year ago my girlfriend ended our relationship after 2 years. I was certain that she was meeting someone else but could never prove it - she says that she wasnt - but a couple of days later I spoke to her and she said to ...
A. 24 April 2010: You already said you would ignore her, so no need for another email saying that. Just do it. Delete her information and block her. She likes playing with you for a little bit of fun. Don't give her the satisfaction.... (read in full...)
Escaping the friend zone?
Q. So I've been friends with this girl for about 5 months now. We hang out like every other week and text for like a few days at a time during random weeks. When i first started talking to her i told her i liked her and she told me she didnt want to ...
A. 24 April 2010: 1. Stop being so available. Don't accept every invitation, don't answer all of her texts.
2. Don't share everything that happens in your life.
3. Date other people. Feel free to tell her about the great dates.
4. Look your best 24/7.
If ... (read in full...)
Fiance thinks he might be missing something by having sex only with me!
Q. me and my boyfriend been together for 5 years and we are getting married this summer i have been his only girlfriend his entire life he feels insecure because of that and he is constantly wondering what it would be like to be with another female ...
A. 24 April 2010: Personally, I would put "Don't Know What You've Got 'Til It's Gone" on repeat and then leave the house, but I'm crazy.
Seriously, I would have one last talk with him about his feelings, and then I wouldn't listen anymore. Let him deal with his... (read in full...)
Friends vs lovers - you women mix us guys up!!
Q. What is it with you women? I know it's a woman's option to change her mind, but.... Poor guys on here get so mixed up by you lot! Half the time you tell us to "hang in there, be their friend" when we like someone but the other person is with s...
A. 19 April 2010: I've never told anyone who was interested in someone to just "hang around and be their friend" because that is a recipe for heartbreak. I sincerely doubt that you have seen a "lot of women" here do the same.... (read in full...)
Told him of my past, idk if he really loves me or not?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 6 monthz almost 7 and im really in love with him but its not the same as before.he use to treat me really good but after awhile he started treating me really bad because of things i told him about the past n til this ...
A. 17 April 2010: Any man that hits you does not love you.
Period.
He doesn't respect you or love you, and it's best for you to leave and find someone who treats you like a human being, flaws and all. As long as you stay with him he will never treat you even h... (read in full...)
What should I do, continue or break it off?
Q. dear cupid, Recently i have broken up with my partner of 22 years and have been contacting my ex-lover who which we broke up over 25 years ago we have now decided we want to get back together agian because we still love each other a lot. the only...
A. 17 April 2010: I definitely think you should slow your roll on this one.
You just got out of a long relationship and your ex-lover is unhappy with hers. This could be love, or it could be two lonely people trying to restart a relationship for no other reason b... (read in full...)
Confused, am I a freak?
Q. i am a 39 year old male who's wife passed away 9 years ago i have not been with another person since.Here is my confusion and question about four months ago i met this great looking girl at a bar she was nice and smart and everything well i went ...
A. 16 April 2010: It's fine man. You were lonely and someone showed you some affection and kindness. I don't blame you for responding and I don't think anyone else would either.... (read in full...)
How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?
Q. i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend. i have already told my best friend that i love her. i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if sh...
A. 16 April 2010: You have to focus on letting go. The more you focus on keeping her close to you, the farther she will go away. You must focus on yourself and finding new sources of happiness. Go out to places and start talking to other people. Try to meet ... (read in full...)
Need help not feeling guilty for wanting to move on from me ex who cheated on me..
Q. How do I stay strong and not feel guilty for wanting to move on from my ex who cheated on me and made a child as a result? Im finding it extremely difficult not to feel sorry for my ex.. I want to move on and heal my heart, so I changed my phone ...
A. 16 April 2010: That's the spirit! Keep up the good work!... (read in full...)
My ex and I are on again but there are trust issues! Advice?
Q. My ex and I are trying to put our relationship back together, but there are some trust issues blocking the way. Essential background: I spent six years of my life (21-27) loving a man who had serious problems with jealousy, fear of abandonm...
A. 11 April 2010: Break up again. Seriously. Tell him you're not even interested in meeting for coffee until he gets more therapy. You could probably use a good amount yourself.
Your life without him is your business. He is not owed the minute details of what ... (read in full...)
Mr. Right is in all the wrong places
Q. Dear cupid, I have been soul searching for Mr. Right but where is he? I know what I want in a man and its not that my standard are to high because I found all the qualities that I'm looking for yet when I try and date these men that I think are Mr. ...
A. 10 April 2010: If I knew where to find Mr. Right I would be with him and not on here answering questions, let me tell you.
Everyone dates their share of losers; it makes you appreciate the one you have when you finally find him. That's my take.
Try dating ou... (read in full...)
Sometimes boyfriend is sweet but other times he makes me want to cry
Q. Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend doesn't really love me. He's sweet and everything, but sometimes, he's just criticizing things like my driving (its not bad, he just has been driving longer than me and is better than i am and expects me to be like ...
A. 10 April 2010: Call him on his behavior. When he says something that hurts, you let him know that it hurts you. When he starts flipping out, you stay calm (v. important!) and let him know yelling and all that is not acceptable. If he doesn't modify his ... (read in full...)
Need help not feeling guilty for wanting to move on from me ex who cheated on me..
Q. How do I stay strong and not feel guilty for wanting to move on from my ex who cheated on me and made a child as a result? Im finding it extremely difficult not to feel sorry for my ex.. I want to move on and heal my heart, so I changed my phone ...
A. 10 April 2010: We're all human, but that doesn't give anyone a pass to lie.
We all make mistakes, but that doesn't give anyone a pass to cheat.
We all have slip-ups, but that doesn't give anyone a pass to hurt you.
I know you're hurting right now, and I... (read in full...)
How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?
Q. i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend. i have already told my best friend that i love her. i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if sh...
A. 10 April 2010: There's nothing you can do to stop the gossip. People are going to talk nonetheless...at this point you have to give them less to talk about, which means not hanging out with each other as much. Date around. Hang out with some new girls. Get ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to confront him about these emails to his ex?
Q. I need help. last few days i found a chat on my bf facebook with a woman he was dating four years ago. they were talking about meeting up again and all. How they had great relatonships with great love making. I really felt bad, jealous and betrayed. ...
A. 6 April 2010: I'm not saying I approve of your methods, but the cat's already out of the bag so w/e. As soon as you read the email with him lying about your relationship, you should have been gone. He is not going to change and you see that he is perfectly fine ... (read in full...)
Need help not feeling guilty for wanting to move on from me ex who cheated on me..
Q. How do I stay strong and not feel guilty for wanting to move on from my ex who cheated on me and made a child as a result? Im finding it extremely difficult not to feel sorry for my ex.. I want to move on and heal my heart, so I changed my phone ...
A. 6 April 2010: I can't think of one reason why you should feel sorry for him. Wait, I take that back. I feel sorry that he lost the pleasure of your company by acting like an idiot and breaking your trust. That's neither here nor there though.
It's up to yo... (read in full...)
Fallen for my BFs wife
Q. I am in need of advice, constructive critisim, and feedback. Please do not tell me how terrible of a person I am. I already know this. I have beat myself up emotionally for years now. I can't get away from these feelings, so here is my story. I be...
A. 6 April 2010: NO, you should definitely not bring this up with her. You need to stay out of their marriage and limit your contact with her as much as possible. To go after her would mean losing so much. Your friends and family will lose respect for you for ... (read in full...)
My woman is confused if I'm her friend or her lover!
Q. I'm 30yo male. I have been in a relationship with a 29yo female for nearly 3 months now. Things started off great. Then one day, she suddenly txt me and said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was assured there's no 3rd party involved. Few ...
A. 6 April 2010: I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
I don't know why people lie and cheat and treat others dirty, but the only thing we can do is move on and not act like that ourselves. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Our relationship is basically everything without a label?
Q. Hi everyone, I find myself stuck in a rut with a lot of history...so here goes the story: I've been with this guy for over 2 years (we're both 20), but we still don't have that "boyfriend/girlfriend" label. We weren't too sure if we wanted that k...
A. 6 April 2010: What relationship? You don't have one. What you have is a dude who's fine with being around you and taking what you have to give.
In order to get what we want in life, we have to at least ask for it. That means if you want a committed boyfrien... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he proposed after all this time?
Q. I'm 29 and I've been with my man for 11 years. We have a 10 year old son together, we've purchased a home together, cars together, and basically everything together as if we are married, but we're not. Everytime I bring up marriage he says everythi...
A. 6 April 2010: I think you're doing okay. Marriage is obviously very important to you, and after all this time you have proven that you are a wonderful woman and mother. He has no real objections and he's just being hard headed. If marriage is what you really ... (read in full...)
How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?
Q. i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend. i have already told my best friend that i love her. i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if sh...
A. 4 April 2010: Talk to her and tell her that you'd still like to hang out. However, it makes sense that she's distancing herself because you're in love with her and she loves someone else. She doesn't want to be around you and see you hurt/hurt you, and she ... (read in full...)
My woman is confused if I'm her friend or her lover!
Q. I'm 30yo male. I have been in a relationship with a 29yo female for nearly 3 months now. Things started off great. Then one day, she suddenly txt me and said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was assured there's no 3rd party involved. Few ...
A. 3 April 2010: It sounds like you're in a rebound relationship, and honestly, these types of relationships often don't work out. Your girlfriend is still carrying baggage from her last relationship. The only thing you can do is keep being you, and let her know ... (read in full...)
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