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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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He wants to be there for the birth... but what about after???
Q. I'm really confused me and my ex partner split up four months ago he said he was feeling trapped, without thinking straight I threw him out as we were regulary arguing, I found myself regretting that when he said he was happy and didn't want to come ...
A. 9 December 2009: If he doesn't want to be with you there is no way to force him. Concentrate on making your life better for yourself and your two children. ... (read in full...)
Her ex boyfriend won't leave us alone and refuses to believe she has moved on!
Q. I have been dating this girl for the past 7 months and we are very happy together. There is a problem though, her exboyfriend will not accept that they are not together any more. She has told him several times to move on but he refuses to do so. He ...
A. 9 December 2009: Your girlfriend must never talk to him again. PERIOD. All conversation must be through the cops or a lawyer. Get a restraining order and if he comes around again, call the cops. Neither of you should talk to him - do not engage him in any way. ... (read in full...)
He wants to be there for the birth... but what about after???
Q. I'm really confused me and my ex partner split up four months ago he said he was feeling trapped, without thinking straight I threw him out as we were regulary arguing, I found myself regretting that when he said he was happy and didn't want to come ...
A. 9 December 2009: How long were you two together?... (read in full...)
Is my ex girlfriend playing mind games???
Q. Hi sorry this question is going to be really long with the details and such. Me and this girl dated for 3 years. You could say she was my first love. I was her first love too. Our relationship was wonderful she was tight with my family i was tig...
A. 9 December 2009: I honestly would never trust someone who broke up with me on my birthday, and from the rest of the story you don't have any reasons to trust her whatsoever. It sounds like she is working hard on having you as her backup boyfriend while she still ... (read in full...)
He wanted to get engaged but when it came to the crunch he cooled off
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now, we moved in together after just two months of knowing each other, which is quick but I didn't have anywhere else to go at the time. He has been pretty open about the fact that he wants ...
A. 6 December 2009: Looks like he changed already, and not for the better.
You have to stand up for yourself. Your boyfriend should never, ever, ever lay his hands on you and call you names. Marrying you is a privilege and not a right, and he doesn't get to make ... (read in full...)
When she is out of sight she is always on my mind
Q. Hi, I have a problem whenever I don't see my GF for a few days I get the feeling she is cheating. I have told her I don't trust her and she was very hurt by it (I said this in anger) but still I told her I will stay on my toes! she has assured me ...
A. 6 December 2009: You really have to check yourself. Have you been cheated on in the past? Why would you think your girlfriend is cheating on you? If you have no reason to doubt her, you have to try to redirect your thoughts to something positive.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I need to move on even though I love him. Any suggestions?
Q. I just cannot move on....Got dumped 4 months ago but he still calls me nearly daily and we see each other so its like it always was but without the sex! Then I get confusing signals like he still cares and if pushed he reminds me we're just friends ...
A. 5 December 2009: Set boundaries. Stop taking his phone calls. It's been 4 months and it's time for you to cut the cord and move on to someone new.... (read in full...)
Even hearing he's ex's name makes me ill!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4months and yesterday was the first time i met his 4year old son. It was so weird hearing him call my bf 'daddy'! I'm quite a jealous person and i can't stand his ex (the mother of his son) but they get along very ...
A. 30 November 2009: Get over yourself. His ex has a child with him and she is not going anywhere. If you can't deal with the fact that they have a permanent link because of that child, move on and let him find someone who's mature.... (read in full...)
15 years together and he won't make a comittment!
Q. I have been with my partner for 15 years. We have lived together for 10 years. We have a young family and life is good, apart from one major thing. He will not make any form of commitment to me. We could afford to purchase a house but he won't. We...
A. 30 November 2009: I am very disturbed by this: "We talked about marriage before having children and it was something we planned for the future. However since we have had children he has told me he will not and never intended to marry me. He wanted our children to ... (read in full...)
Is is wrong to want to remarry again so soon?
Q. I am married to man that i dont love before,i want to be honest i marry him because i want to have a good life,but in 4 years beeing married i am not that happy.i tried to love him, i do my best to be a good wife even my feelings for him is not real ...
A. 29 November 2009: Try being single and simply date for a while. You don't have to jump into marriage again so soon.... (read in full...)
BF doesn't want me hanging out with her brother, but we do and I lie about it!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been treading in dangerous waters with my best friend lately (her name is Jane). Several weeks ago her brother came into town and I had been looking forward to meeting him for a while and I finally did. We immediately had ...
A. 29 November 2009: If she finds out you've been lying it's going to blow up even worse. Just sit down with her and tell her you'd like to see more of her brother. You have talked and you enjoy each other's company. She might get mad but you know what? She can't... (read in full...)
It's so painful that I love him and he doesn't feel the same way! What should I do?
Q. Hi, Ive been with my boyfriend for just about a year, and we haven't approached the "love subject" well he hasn't. I love him and haven't said it, im 2 upset to because i no he won't say it back. This really hurts because obviously im in ...
A. 29 November 2009: Why have you wasted a whole year on a man who doesn't love you?... (read in full...)
Confusion here!! Why did he just stop calling me out the blue?
Q. Hello everyone! I'm having this problem and would love you guys help with this situation I'm having. First off I met this guy that's a year younger than me, and I'm 22 by the way, and from the first time we met he was up front with me about his ...
A. 29 November 2009: It all boils down to he's not interested in you anymore. Some guys like to fade away rather than tell a women it just isn't working for them. Cowardly, but it happens. Move on, and good luck doing so.... (read in full...)
Should I give this some time to see if he comes round?
Q. My ex and I were together for over 3 years and broke up. After a year of no contact I still had feelings for him and contacted him and he said he can't jump back into this and it would be like starting over and he doesn't want something serious ...
A. 27 November 2009: Well, talking to you may be more interesting for him than doing nothing. If you're making your companionship available without him working hard, he'll take it even if he's not serious about you.
You're trying to fit your view of the situatio... (read in full...)
In love with an actor and it is affecting my real life relationship??
Q. okay, so i am in love with an actor, ryan reynolds. the guy from the proposal, okay? its getting in the way of mine and my boyfriend's relationship. but ryan is so so so so so so so so hot. i have a poster of him in my room. and look at videos of ...
A. 27 November 2009: SV is right, you're in love with the image of Ryan, not the real man. He is hot, no doubt, but I have also heard many stories of him being a high maintenance diva. Besides, he's married! In the meantime you have a man right here who loves you and ... (read in full...)
My ex-boyfriend faces prison for what he did, should I continue case against him?
Q. I stupidly met up with an obsessed ex boyfriend reasons I do not know nor can explain. We met up and returned home to his house by taxi around 11.30. On entry into the house I went to the toilet. During this time he had taken my mobile and proce...
A. 27 November 2009: He made his choice when he swung his fist. Don't feel sorry for him for acting up. He knew the risks - and frankly nobody should put their hands on anyone else, ever. That's never acceptable.... (read in full...)
Should I give this some time to see if he comes round?
Q. My ex and I were together for over 3 years and broke up. After a year of no contact I still had feelings for him and contacted him and he said he can't jump back into this and it would be like starting over and he doesn't want something serious ...
A. 26 November 2009: Don't waste your time. Your ex was trying to let you down easy. If he cared about you and wanted you back he would have let you know, instead he fed you a line so you wouldn't feel too bad. Focus your energies on finding someone new who wants, ... (read in full...)
Her boyfriend wants her to cut all contact with me even although we're now only friends...
Q. I was with my ex for over 3 years, in which time we became best friends. Her ex use to always cause trouble with us, asking her round to his at 2 in the morning and hooking up with her friends that kind of stuff. Im not a jealous person and I di...
A. 26 November 2009: Absolutely cut contact. You should have cut it when you found out she cheated on you. She left you for the guy she cheated with, dude! Stand up for yourself! Stop with all this "I want her to be happy" crap. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. You need to ... (read in full...)
He held me tight all last night and he said he loves me more than anything, but now I am in fear of him leaving...
Q. My boyfriend has Huge trust issues but i trust him completely, he is a very honourable, loving man. he has a bit of a reason though, as i had taken anti-depressents and didn't tell him about it because he was always telling me that i'm such a downer ...
A. 26 November 2009: Honestly he sounds like a controlling jackass and I can't see why you're wasting your time with him. A man who loves you does not go through the trash to try to catch you cheating. THAT IS NOT NORMAL.
A man who loves you does not deny your ill... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said it's too expensive to get a divorce, that's it's only a piece of paper but it's tearing me apart...
Q. I have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 4 years now. Living together for most of it. I love him more than anything, and we have been through a lot together. We both have 2 children from previous relationships and all 4 children are ...
A. 26 November 2009: It's been four years now and he really needs to get it together. I suggest that you have an honest talk with him and let him know how you feel. Figure out a timeline for divorce and stick to it. He may try to stall, but if he is truly committed ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend slapped me... what should I do for him to forgive me?
Q. What should i do my boyfriend slapped me? What should i do for him to forgive me? me and my boyfriend got in a big argument about where we will spend thanksgiving and i said a few things and kicked him where it would hurt the most.. cause he was p...
A. 26 November 2009: There's something wrong with both of you.
Neither of you should be laying hands on each other. Where do you get off kicking him? That's assault! This is a totally unhealthy relationship and both of you need to learn that it is NEVER EVER app... (read in full...)
Why does he always seem so shy and uncomfortable when I talk to him?
Q. There is a guy I have always liked. He is one of the nicest people I know and I am pretty nice myself. He currently has a girlfriend and I respect him, her and their relationship enough though to keep my distance. I do not flirt with him and if ...
A. 26 November 2009: He likes you and it's uncomfortable for him to talk to you with his girlfriend around.
However, you already know that.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend physically and mentally drains me... I'm so unhappy...
Q. Hello to everyone that responds to my question. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. The relationship started out ok, and its been alright since. I enjoy his company sometimes, but half of the time he mentally exhausts me. Once upon a t...
A. 26 November 2009: It's not your responsibility to make someone change and start acting right. He is a grown man and knows full well what he's doing...which is bleeding you dry. He's a parasite and you need to start standing up for yourself and stop him from sucking ... (read in full...)
He asked me why I was so quiet and I told him... did I do the right thing?
Q. My boyfriend sent me a message two days ago asking why i had been so quiet with him recently and he knows i find it difficult to express my feelings face to face so he said to tell him in a message. So i did. I told him that i feel like i cant...
A. 22 November 2009: Did he actually TELL you that is his idea of the perfect girlfriend, or is that simply what you think he thinks? There's a huge difference between the two. If he didn't tell you that, he may be completely confused by what you said and he has no ... (read in full...)
I told him I had Herpes and now he won't see me
Q. Met this guy 5 times and really hit it off. Just before 3rd date I told him that I had genital herpes. He said he was falling in love, and still met me for date, but then told me we could only be friends. I havent seen him for 2 weeks, and last ...
A. 22 November 2009: I think he's trying to let you down easy.
Herpes can be a turnoff for some people. It's better that you know what he can't accept ahead of time before you get too involved and get your heart broken.
If he contacts you, go ahead cautiously... (read in full...)
We ended things amicably, so why is he suddenly rude?
Q. I dated a guy for 9 months, it was never exclusive. It then ended when he moved to another city for work and we left on good terms without any closure. We kept in contact as friends for the two months since he's left. But since he left, he's been ...
A. 22 November 2009: Jealousy, pure and simple. ... (read in full...)
My bf is abusive but I love him... what do I do?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and we even live together. He treats me great, takes care of me and tells me everyday that he loves me. Problem is that when he gets upset he calls me names,gets very loud with me and has even ...
A. 22 November 2009: Someone who truly loves you treats you well every day. They don't hurt you to put fear in you (and that is one of the flat out dumbest things I have ever heard, why would someone who loves you want you to fear them?) and they never, ever, EVER put ... (read in full...)
Bf has had a lot of girlfriends and one night stands... how do I get over his past... or should I not even get involved?
Q. Hello. I need some advice. I just started seeing this guy, I mean, we've been on a few dates and seem to get along very well. However he's self confessed to having had a lot of girlfriends, and a lot of one night stands. He's 28. My question is ...
A. 22 November 2009: The best thing you can do is be yourself, be a good girlfriend, and hope for the best. Not all relationships last, and a year from now you may have a different perspective on this one. I believe that each relationship teaches us something about ... (read in full...)
Why won't he answer me on Facebook?
Q. I'm pretty sure this guy likes me, it seems like he's just waiting for me to make a move on him. But he doesn't reply to messages that I send to him on facebook? (well i just send him little messages saying hi) Why would a guy do that? Does he think ...
A. 15 November 2009: If he's not responding to you, quit messaging him. He's got a mouth and if he wants to be with you he'll use it.... (read in full...)
Her childish behaviour is making our new marriage difficult
Q. Hi, I recently got married (3 months ago) to a girl i was with for 2 years. She is 20 and I am 26. I understood before getting married that she is younger and I decided to go through with it and develope more patience to accommodate the ...
A. 15 November 2009: It sounds like your wife is fuzzy on the concept of basic courtesy. It's pretty rude to text during dinner because it shows you're not interested in the person sitting across from you, and apologizing for rude behavior is far from stupid.
Only ... (read in full...)
My fiance will have a dabble with crack here and there... and now I'm not so sure I can handle it!
Q. I had been bought up around a drug infested enviroment.. I've never really found it a problem being around friends who do such drugs as ecstasy, amphetamine and weed. I've dabbled myself but left it at that. I've always been against heroin, ketamine ...
A. 14 November 2009: Lady, please get away from this mess. Crack is no joke and will suck you under soon. No justification is strong enough to stay with a crackhead. Think about your own health and sanity and make a stand for both by not staying with someone with ... (read in full...)
If all he wanted was sex, why is he still talking to me? But if he really likes me why wouldn't he take me out?
Q. There is this guy that lives in the same dorms as me at university. we got talking and he has invited me in a few times. But then he made a move on me. and he also asked me if i would be up for having sex with him. He was clearly just up for some...
A. 14 November 2009: He still thinks he can get some sex from you.
A guy that wants to date you takes you out on dates. If he doesn't, he's not proper boyfriend material.... (read in full...)
I've fallen for somebody who doesn't want a relationship with me.
Q. Im in a huge fix.I've fallen for somebody who doesnt want a relationship with me.He's scared of commitment and also according to him our schedules dont allow us to see each other enough anyways.We met almost a year ago,and I kind of assumed he didnt ...
A. 14 November 2009: You need to set some boundaries with him. Tell him that now you've transitioned to a friendship, he can't call you as often nor can he leave sweet nothings on your voicemail. Tell him how much this is hurting you and that you need space from him. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's ex is overstepping the line!
Q. I met my girlfriend a little over seven years ago. She was still married and living with her husband. We did fall in love, however, I told her I did not want to be in a relationship with a married woman. She told her husband about us and then she ...
A. 11 November 2009: I don't see this as too excessive myself, as long as it's only birthday and Christmas gifts we're talking about. They were married and have two children together after all, and there's most likely some residual affection there. He wants her to ... (read in full...)
How do I let him go?
Q. Hi. I'm 19 and my "boyfriend" is 21. I've been with him since August 2008. Last week I found out that he's been “playing around” with another girl since December 2008. I had my suspicions that something might be going on but I had no conclusive ...
A. 8 November 2009: Playing around with another girl just four months after he started dating you? What a loser he is! Forget him, he's a slimy cheater. He had plenty of time to come clean and he didn't. He's only sorry he was caught.
Find another man who's ho... (read in full...)
Was he just being honest???
Q. There is a guy that i'm dating. he always says that he is not a liar, that he hates liars, that he's a straight forward person, he tells it how it is and he doesn't hold back for anyone. it's quiete obvious that he appears to be very honest. but the ...
A. 8 November 2009: They call it brutal honesty for a reason...because raw honesty has no regard for your feelings and frankly hurts.
Anyone with a brain and a heart knows this. Your guy is missing one of those.... (read in full...)
I want a family he wants his career and a harem.
Q. I broke off with the guy i was seeing last December because i couldn't continue living without emotional security and without being able to express honestly my feelings and emotions with him. I want a family he wants his career and a harem. I said ...
A. 8 November 2009: I don't think you realize how much control you already have over this situation. You're giving up your control hoping for him to change and make the final decision for you...but he's never going to do that. As long as you're waiting around keeping ... (read in full...)
He doesn't trust me financially and wants a divorce..
Q. My husband of 12 years recently told me he wants a divorce. After arguing and fighting about this we said we would go to counseling. Only through the 3 meeting did I find out that he doesn't trust me anymore and is not in love with me because he ...
A. 7 November 2009: $3500 after you already lost the house?!?
You lied to him again after you lied and lost the trust once. He gave you another chance to be honest with him and you went behind his back to an amazing extent ($3500, I'm just stunned). The trust is... (read in full...)
I'm ready to introduce sex back into our marriage...How do I approach my wife?
Q. Ridiculously, we have let our marriage slip into a nearly sexless funk for 2+ years. Our second child was born in January and we've only been intimate a couple of times since she conceived. We've always been pretty low on the libido front, our ...
A. 7 November 2009: It can all work out fine.
If you want some at 10pm (and it's been a while and stressful, like what's going on with you) you have to start work at 9 am. Help with the children, bring your wife flowers and compliment her, make everyone feel spe... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has rejected me sexually for over 18 months...
Q. For well over a year my gf has been cold towards me. Some of this I explained in my earlier question - not allowing me to say I love you or express my feelings to her etc. Also she as rejected me sexually for nearly 18 months. At the start she used ...
A. 2 November 2009: I remember your previous question and I'm surprised you haven't left yet. I suppose that you will finally leave when you'd had enough of being disrespected. This woman emotionally manipulates you every day and every day you forgive her anew.
... (read in full...)
He's become very friendly with this female co-worker and I don't feel right about it
Q. My husband and I have been married under a year. I love him very much, we have a strong relationship and he treats me well , but there has been a situation recently that has put stress on our marriage. There was a girl, a few years back, that...
A. 31 October 2009: It's way past time for you to speak up and say something about this. He may think of her as one of the guys, but I can guarantee she isn't thinking of herself the same way. Trust your intuition and talk to him about how much this bothers you. He ... (read in full...)
I still don't know for sure whether he can make it or not... Help!
Q. I am dating a guy. I invited him for dinner. He accepted but told me he will only have time next week after an examination. The examination will be on Thursday. Shall I ask him again at which time and day he will able to after the examinat...
A. 31 October 2009: Geez woman, ease back a bit. You don't need to press the man so much. He knows you invited him over, he got your text, now leave it alone for a while. All this constant contact smacks of desperation and is a big turnoff.... (read in full...)
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