Like what
she writes?
... Add *uirkLady to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
|
| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
|
I still don't know for sure whether he can make it or not... Help!
Q. I am dating a guy. I invited him for dinner. He accepted but told me he will only have time next week after an examination. The examination will be on Thursday. Shall I ask him again at which time and day he will able to after the examinat...
A. 31 October 2009: Geez woman, ease back a bit. You don't need to press the man so much. He knows you invited him over, he got your text, now leave it alone for a while. All this constant contact smacks of desperation and is a big turnoff.... (read in full...)
Regaining trust in yourself...
Q. hmm ok like over a year ago i had a relapse with my ex bf, he came over to my house nobody was home... we didnt have sex he just fingered me a little.. and we made out... my uncle came home he didnt catch us in the act but i knew he was disappointed ...
A. 31 October 2009: Get dressed up, looking nice and sharp and pretty, and go out on the town. Meet some new people - nothing serious, just go out and have a good time. Once you get back in the swing of dating and start meeting some men who are about something, ... (read in full...)
He likes me a lot more than I like him... how can I let him down gently?
Q. A guy i've never met added me on facebook about six months or so ago. For some reason i accepted him, we had no related friends or anything and his profile said he lived nowhere near me but i just left it and didn't say anything. I soon recieved...
A. 31 October 2009: You've never met this guy and he's already saying he loves you? Whoa, definite alert there. You need to be honest and firm with him right now before things get any deeper. Let him know that while you think he's a great guy, you only want to be ... (read in full...)
I seem to have no ambition to do anything...
Q. hey, lately i have been feeling unloved by my boyfriend of 5 years, i know he loves me but sometimes im just not sure. and i have gotten laid off work so im home a lot i never feel like doing anything, its a huge chore to leave the house, i have ...
A. 31 October 2009: It sounds like you are going through a little depression. It helps if you try to keep yourself busy even though you don't feel like it...try gardening, volunteering or maybe doing some crafts and selling them on the side. Reach out to your ... (read in full...)
She's giving me the cold shoulder for no apparent reason... any ideas why?
Q. I started a new job about 3 months ago and met an attractive woman there. I found out through the other coworkers that she is single. For the first month or so I was working under her supervision to learn the ropes and we came to find out that we ...
A. 29 October 2009: One possibility is that someone mentioned how close you two were to someone in human resources and someone was dispatched to intervene. How is the office dating policy at your job?... (read in full...)
How did I let my friend know I just want to be friends?!
Q. Hello everyone i have a question for you all. I am 29 and i have a late 40s guys after me and i have done told him all i can be with him is friends! We Have Slept Together a time are two! and i just can not see myself with him in a relationship i ...
A. 25 October 2009: Stop sleeping with him and doing things together that friends don't do. ... (read in full...)
Dealing with certain personality types
Q. So, I have a good friend, and he introduced me to his other friend (let's call him dick). Before I met dick, i'd heard some negative things about his personality. finally, i met him. sometimes he's nice, he pays for drinks and stuff, and is sort of ...
A. 25 October 2009: If the bad outweighs the good, then don't deal with him. Life is too short to deal with people you can't stand.... (read in full...)
He says he needs space and now I'm confused should I let him go?
Q. On july 10..i met the man of my dreams. We fill in love very quickly and they kicked off pretty good. We both said we loved each other and we did alot 2gether. I even found out i was 6 weeks pregnant on sept 7th. We were both happy about that ( i ...
A. 25 October 2009: I am very sorry about your miscarriage and the emotional stress that you are under.
His need for space isn't about you. It's about him. He is going through tough emotional times too and he needs a little time to sort through his emotions... (read in full...)
"I can't have a relationship with you right now". What does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when a guy says I cant have a relationship with you right now, because I have trust issues and everything Ive been through? He says that doesn't mean a year down the road that he wouldn't want a relationship with me, because he ...
A. 25 October 2009: It means he is not interested in committing to you, but he'll have sex with you if you're offering. If you're willing to hang around accepting these crumbs, that's all you're going to get. Honestly you will probably not get more down the road, as ... (read in full...)
Why is my fiance acting like this?
Q. i am having a bit of a time with my fiancee he says he loves me and wants me to still live in the house with him than he sits there and says i need to get a different job and get the f out of his house and that i don't do what he says and that the ...
A. 25 October 2009: He's an idiot and he's yanking your chain to see what crap you will put up with. It sounds like he gets a thrill out of playing games with your head and making you run in three different directions; that is control, not love.
I doubt he is going... (read in full...)
Why does he still accuse me of looking at other men?
Q. After one year of being together, why would a man still accuse his significant other of looking at other men and trying to show off her body? I can reassure everyone, I do not look at other men. In fact, I see people. I do not look at people t...
A. 25 October 2009: Your boyfriend is seriously insecure. Unfortunately you can't help him; he has to help himself before he runs you off with his constant questioning and need for reassurance. The best you can do is reassure him - not constantly - and try to explain ... (read in full...)
He's turned cold in the marriage and I'm considering divorce...
Q. I have been married to my husband for 4 years. When we met he was seperated from his wife and living with his parents and I was recently divorced from a marriage of 17 years. After getting involved with him I discover that he has some serious debt ...
A. 18 October 2009: Talk to a lawyer ASAP. No need to let this worthless hunk of junk lay up on you for one extra second. Get ready to enjoy that sweet freedom!
Good luck!... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks it's okay to do things to me I don't like. What should I do?
Q. I have a bit of a problem with my boyfriend. He constantly doesn't do things i ask of him. For e.g He will call me chubby (like a pet name as such) and i tell him i dont like it, its offensive and it's putting me down (i'm not chubby at all, ...
A. 18 October 2009: Your boyfriend doesn't respect you in the slightest.
You have to stop sinking to his level. No physical or verbal abuse, because that is wrong. What you need to do is start respecting yourself. If he hits you or calls you names again, you walk... (read in full...)
Emotionally unavailable man driving me crazy!
Q. Awhile back I made the mistake of starting a relationship with a totally emotionally unavailable man. I say this because 1)He hardly had any free time because of his work and late shifts(this I checked is true) 2)He is a relationship phobic. He ...
A. 18 October 2009: He does it because you let him.
Leave him alone and focus on your relationship. No point wasting time on a guy who has proven that he's all talk and no action.... (read in full...)
Is my jealousy pushing him away?
Q. Dear cupid: I went on my first date with my boyfriend three months ago. During the four first weeks we had great time while getting to know each other. I was always happy and smiling and he told me that he will always like me as long as I remain...
A. 18 October 2009: This dude is playing head games with you. Life is too short to put up with his mess! Keep on walking and you'll find a better man soon.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Do lack of actions show lack of care?
Q. I have a question, if someone that claims he loves you but then never calls, writes, or does anything to initiate contact, do you back off???? Very confused and told that it is your not believing in the love or trusting that is the fault. But ...
A. 18 October 2009: Yes. Someone who loves you shows it as much as they can. Words without actions are nothing but hot air.... (read in full...)
Why did he suddenly stop talking to me after our date?
Q. I don't have a lot of dating experience because I had been in a long term relationship for about for years, so please bear with me. A few weeks ago, I met a guy at a friend's birthday party (he's her friend). We danced pretty much exclusively...
A. 18 October 2009: My thought is he came over late at night looking for some sex, didn't get any, and now he's pulling away because he's disappointed. 1 AM is pretty much booty call time.
If he doesn't contact you in the next few days, write him off. Don't co... (read in full...)
Am I the only one for him? I'm paranoid and he's a good liar.
Q. My boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago now, however when we got together I was aware that he would be moving far away soon after. He kept changing the date he was going and I found myself trying to distance myself from him despite the ...
A. 18 October 2009: I went to this great self-discovery seminar and learned something very important:
There's your past, and there's the story you tell yourself about it.
I can see that you had a bad time with your last boyfriend, and I'm really sorry to hear th... (read in full...)
Why am I still obsessed after 12 years?
Q. Please help, I feel like I am turning into an obsesive stalker. Background is I met this guy 12 years ago on holiday abroad when i were 18. He was my type initially but we just clicked straight away. I had never or since felt anything so stro...
A. 17 October 2009: You're not obsessing over him but over what he represents. You had this moment 12 years ago when you had a moment, and over time you have frozen it in your mind and reframed it as this great love. Freezing it allows you to ignore the reality that ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex keep calling me?
Q. why does my ex keep calling me, no matter what i tell him or how much i ignore him he still calls,i told him that i do not love him anymore, i just do not have that connection anymore, that i need excitement and he can not provide it for me and ...
A. 17 October 2009: He's stupid. Just ignore him. He'll get the hint one day.... (read in full...)
Will he ever do anything?
Q. Men are so difficult to understand! Iv been trying to hint to this guy i like for a while now- i even tried talking to other people on a night out to make it look like i could be more than a shy girl around him. This worked well and had him coming ...
A. 17 October 2009: The next time you talk to him, touch him a few times on the arm and hand. Laugh a lot and look happy. If he doesn't get it after that the dude is a virtual brick, LOL!... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I still care but what he did was wrong?
Q. ok well here goes AGAIN... the same guy i was asking you guys to help me out with his whole commit issue well.. about a month ago i ended it with him thinking it was the best for the both of us.. about a week and a half later we got back we ...
A. 17 October 2009: Forget him. He had his chance with you and he messed it up. Then he got a second chance and messed that up too. There are guys out there who will treat you better and who you will have that same connection with, so go out there and watch them ... (read in full...)
Am I the only one for him? I'm paranoid and he's a good liar.
Q. My boyfriend and I started dating over a year ago now, however when we got together I was aware that he would be moving far away soon after. He kept changing the date he was going and I found myself trying to distance myself from him despite the ...
A. 17 October 2009: You need to take back the "mature for your years" part, because it's not true. You have written an essay on self-delusion and you want to know how to keep deluding yourself.
We don't give advice like that.
Your boyfriend has give you good re... (read in full...)
Are these actions normal for a man almost 30 yrs old?
Q. My boyfriend (29) and I (25) were really enjoying having sex the other night and when he wanted to have anal sex I said no because I knew that my stomach was not up for it. He knows that I really do not like it yet I have promised to continue doing ...
A. 17 October 2009: Heck no these aren't normal actions, and he should find himself minus one girlfriend shortly. What a selfish immature POS!... (read in full...)
Always the "friend with benefits", never the girlfriend
Q. Hey all, So here's my problem. I keep getting involved with these really great guys. Problem is I always end up as the "friend with benefits". Now it's not that I don't respect myself or anything, but I always tend to get involved with them at the...
A. 17 October 2009: Here are some suggestions for you:
1. If a man doesn't tell you he's single, move on. That includes men in a relationship, men seeing someone, and men who have an understanding with someone. Don't be afraid to ask.
2. Open relationships ar... (read in full...)
Once an abuser, always an abuser??
Q. My ex bf abused me and now he wants me back. He promises hes changed and so on. He says he regrets it and would do anything for me. He admits to be an idiot. He says he loves me- something he never told me when we were in a relationship. He says we ...
A. 17 October 2009: No, there is no chance. Abusers don't change after a little bit of being alone, they only change their tactics.
You already know in your heart that he hasn't changed. Please trust your gut and know that he is only being nice to suck you in a... (read in full...)
Flirting/chatting-how much is too much?
Q. Okay the background. I've been married to my wife for 8 years, we've been together for 10. We also work on the same floor at the same employer. Last few years have been rough- we seem to live in our own separate worlds. I'll admit- some of our a...
A. 17 October 2009: It sounds like you two have not been communicating well and have drawn apart from each other. Have you considered reconnecting, trying to talk to each other, and doing things together despite the fact that one of you doesn't like them? Is being at ... (read in full...)
What is up with her?
Q. I dont get it. Why do women tell a guy that they aren't interested in them, they don't feel the same way, reject them... then all of a sudden they end up liking you? I had a girl tell me she didn't feel the same way, it hurt so much i didnt tal...
A. 17 October 2009: Why are you assuming she wore this sweater because of you? Maybe it's one of her favorites and she simply likes the way she looks in it. She still said no to you when you asked her out again, and that is your real answer.
Sorry it's not differen... (read in full...)
He's not the type to have a relationship. Is there any hope he can change?
Q. Arg hello aunts..please help! so..I met this guy..hes lovely; into everything im into and such a good guy. I have met up with him a few times and we have kissed etc (but not had sex)...recently i asked him if he had been with anyone else sinc...
A. 11 October 2009: Don't ever get into something with someone else expecting them to change, because you will always end up being hurt.
Believe him when he says he doesn't do relationships. If you get involved with him you will be strung along and won't have wha... (read in full...)
This just isn't the lifestyle for me... I feel trapped!
Q. I'm 26 years old and identify myself as a bisexual male. For a couple of years now I have been engaging in relationships with men while still retaining my attraction to and even longing to be with women. More and more I have been feeling trapped ...
A. 11 October 2009: Have you tried online dating? It may be worthwhile to give it a shot. As long as you are honest and upfront I think there is a woman out there who will give you a chance. I am not sure if there is a specific HIV+ dating site but there might be.
... (read in full...)
Why do I find it so hard to sustain relationships?
Q. Why do I find it so hard to sustain relationships? I have been with a man I have known for over 20 years but relationship for 9 and we can not move the relationship on. I want to get married. I have three children. One of his. But we do not ...
A. 11 October 2009: Move on. He won't ever change. The only person you can change is yourself and what you will put up with in a relationship. If you keep accepting a half-ass relationship, that is all you are going to get.... (read in full...)
How do I dump him?
Q. I've been with this guy since October 28th, 2007. Our 2 year anniversary is coming up here shortly, but I find myself not being in love with him anymore. I'll try to make this as short as I can. He was in the Army when I met him, but he hadn...
A. 11 October 2009: Pack your bags, tell him you're gone, walk out the door and NEVER let a man treat you like he did. ... (read in full...)
Do I pretend everything is okay and continue to put effort into the relationship?
Q. My boyfriend of 4.5 years isn't sure what he wants. He tells me he loves me dearly but isn't sure if I am the "one" and he is afraid to break up to only realize he made a big mistake but he isn't sure if he's done being a "young single guy". I am ...
A. 11 October 2009: Well isn't he one with all problems and no suggestions.
I think that you should leave him alone for a while. Let him work out solutions on his own time while you work on the house and work out what you want out of this relationship and your lif... (read in full...)
Does the bible speak against having sexual relations with your first cousin's widow ?
Q. My first cousin past away. His father and my father are brothers. Does the bible speak against having sexual relations with your first cousin's widow ?...
A. 11 October 2009: I hope he hasn't passed away recently, because if the first thing you think of is sleeping with his widow you have bigger problems.... (read in full...)
We are talking about marriage, but he can't tell me he loves me more than his best friend!
Q. So I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. His best friend is a girl. They have been friends since they were 13 and now are 27. They have hooked up a few times during their friendship, even cheating on one of his girlfriends which he ...
A. 11 October 2009: You know, people don't really need to be with anyone. They choose to be with someone who makes them feel good, who loves them, who makes them feel special and can give them a feeling that no one else can. Your boyfriend feels that with you, and he ... (read in full...)
Either make me your girlfriend or leave me alone?
Q. Hello so Ive been dating this guy for almost 2 years and not to long ago we went back to campus of our school. And all the sudden he brks up w me but acts like nothing happened and invites me over keeps in touch but less and also hangs w his friends ...
A. 9 October 2009: Tell him no, you don't like how he treats you, and since you're broken up you're off to find a man who treats you better. He's your ex now and you don't have to pay him any attention at all. You are not second best or a fallback option when ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my son's safety when he's with my ex. There is blood in his diaper, but what can I do without proof?
Q. I am 19 yearsold and I have a 21 month old son and I am seriously worried over my son's safety when he is with my ex boyfriend. On tuesday after I picked up my son he was really upset, and cried the whole way home. When I went to bath him I noticed ...
A. 9 October 2009: Take him to the doctor and let the doctor know what's going on. Let the doctor know of your concerns and from there the doctor can help you with contacting social services and getting the required proof.
I'm so sorry that you and your son are ... (read in full...)
Why am I attracting these losers at the pub?
Q. I go out to a local pub in town most friday nights to see a friend play in his band. I enjoy going, but for some reason, I seem to be atracting scum, players and old dudes. Am I giving these people that impression? I am not a slutty person at all! I ...
A. 4 October 2009: Those guys hit on every woman walking, so don't take it personally. I do suggest you start going to different places to meet different kinds of people.... (read in full...)
He made a move on a girl right in front of me
Q. Ive been seeing this guy for about 2 months now...well let me refraise that we are friends with benefits sota speak...i no not the best relationship, but we keep eachother company. Anyways my question to you is....Not more than a day after he left ...
A. 4 October 2009: You're not in a relationship and have absolutely no standing with him romantically. He can do whatever he wants. These are the perils of "friends with benefits" relationships. ... (read in full...)
I love him but always wind up breaking his heart
Q. Well, Ive been with this guy for about a year now, on and off. I love him, very much. And he loves me. But, there are some problems. Hes extremely clingy and possessive towards me, I really dont like it. And, its like I cant go out with friends...
A. 4 October 2009: This honestly sounds like a toxic relationship. He's controlling and insecure, and you seem to be possibly a little codependent and afraid of being lonely. I don't know if there's a way to fix what you have because it sounds like a recipe for ... (read in full...)
My online guy of a month wants to marry me! Is it really meant to be?
Q. OMG..I have a problem I'm so confused idk what to do..so here I go!! Ok I met this guy through the internet and we have been talking for a while now close to a month but we talk on the phone and txt and send pictures of eachother but you see he ...
A. 4 October 2009: Heck no! You haven't even met him yet! Physical chemistry is incredibly important in a relationship, let alone marriage.... (read in full...)
| *uirkLady's friends
These are mutual friends, so *uirkLady has
added them and they have added *uirkLady!
|
