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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 26 July 2009: You might have to give your mom a pass on this one. If she already knows how violent John is and doesn't care, I don't think she's the right one to talk to. Moms aren't always right. Do you have any friends you can sit down with?
I also fee... (read in full...)
Should I tell anyone she was raped? Or just stay silent?
Q. My friend told me yesterday that she had been raped two weeks ago, i was in complete shock and didnt really know what to say, i promised her i wouldnt say anything to anyone, but she says she crys her self to sleep every night since then, in worry ...
A. 19 July 2009: holmar, the rape reporting laws vary from country to country and even from state to state in the US. Cerberus very well may have worked in a center where counselors were NOT required to report. In addition, depending on the age of the friend, a ... (read in full...)
Best friend won't see sense!
Q. i need some help! i have been best friends with my friend since we were 3. attached at the hip.. through everything together. So we went our seperate ways after school, still as normal hanging out the odd day or night to keep in touch. so then, for ...
A. 18 July 2009: I'm sorry but you have to let her be. I know it's difficult to watch someone that you love mess up their life, but you can't live her life for her nor can you save her from something she's intent on doing. It sounds like you've already tried to ... (read in full...)
His parents don't want to get to know someone unless she is going to be a permanent fixture in his life
Q. Ok...so..I've been dating this man for 8 months. I've only met his parents twice, and his whole family (6 brothers and sisters)once. This is really tricky situation, but...his parents told him a while ago that they don't want to get to know someone ...
A. 18 July 2009: I think you should go. He needs you and your support. I know it's uncomfortable for you but think about his situation...his mom is passing and he needs someone to lean on. Don't focus on how his family treats you, focus on your boyfriend and how ... (read in full...)
Now when I call he won't pick up the phone!
Q. hello, i met a friend on the internet for like 3 yeras we was very close he was sweet too but he only wanted to be just long time friends, but i felt inlove with him and the only thing he use toido is flirt with other girls but he never flirted ...
A. 18 July 2009: Sadly it sounds like he is distancing himself from you. I don't think he reciprocates your feelings and it's becoming awkward for him. I would let him go and move on. If he comes back to you in the future that would be wonderful but you can't ... (read in full...)
Should I tell anyone she was raped? Or just stay silent?
Q. My friend told me yesterday that she had been raped two weeks ago, i was in complete shock and didnt really know what to say, i promised her i wouldnt say anything to anyone, but she says she crys her self to sleep every night since then, in worry ...
A. 18 July 2009: I agree with Danielepew, stand by her and support her. She needs your friendship now more than anything else. Telling anyone is her decision to make. I know it's hard to watch her keep this awful secret and not call the police up, but please ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to keep a man or a friend no matter what I do
Q. Hi, what brought me to this site is the loneliness and despair i feel. I can't seem to keep a man or a friend no matter what i do. I run everybody off and I'm not sure why. I laugh at peoples jokes, listen to them, and always try to offer ...
A. 18 July 2009: I'm not 100% sure why but I can take a guess that it has to do with how you feel about yourself. If you feel bad about yourself and that you don't measure up to others, it comes out in your interactions. Do you feel like you need other people to ... (read in full...)
I can't help feeling jealous hes already had the big white wedding!
Q. I've been seeing a guy that I'll call Sam for a little over 3 months, about a month ago we decided to become serious. My concern is this, he was married at a very young age but divorced her after he caught her cheating. He was truthful and did not ...
A. 18 July 2009: I'm going to be blunt here: You crazy.
You've only been dating him 3 months. That's not nearly long enough to determine if he's the right man for you. You're still in the honeymoon period where everything is kisses and roses yet you're already ... (read in full...)
How can I stop my posessive feelings?
Q. Hi there, Quick outline to my situation: I live with my friend, who's also a work colleague. We sleep together also, in the same bed every night (we do have separate bedrooms though.) We moved in together after breaking up with our long term pa...
A. 18 July 2009: Move back into your own bedroom and erect some boundaries. You are treating this as a relationship when you are really just friends, and need to act accordingly. You have no claim on him whatsoever, and while I don't agree with him not allowing ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting or were his hurtful words as bad as it seems?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 7 months and well it has so far been great! im 17 now, but when i was 11 i was raped twice by the same guy. this horrified me, and i havnt told anyone since! apart from my boyfriend, i didnt want to be rushed into sex, ...
A. 18 July 2009: NO, YOU WERE NOT STUPID IN THE LEAST. He needs a clue for real. What he said was extremely dismissive and minimizing. His selfish ass needs a date with a clue. Rape isn't like getting your bike stolen! You're better off without that loser.
... (read in full...)
Why did she assume that my current man stole me from my ex??
Q. well here goes. my ex fiance got married 6 months ago. my current boyfriend was working with a girl the other day who was telling him about my ex fiance getting married. my current boyfriend knew of him but didnt know his surname. he knew of him ...
A. 18 July 2009: So what if she thinks that? She's not your friend or his friend or anyone whose opinion matters. She's just a coworker and she can believe the moon is made out of green cheese if she wants to!
Don't worry about what random people think of your ... (read in full...)
Was I right to end things with my boyfriend? And what should I do about my 'new' boyfriend?
Q. I was going out with this guy ('dale') for over a year, but like every relationship we had out ups and downs, but the best thing was is that, not only was he my boyfriend he was my bestfriend too, we got along perfectly, i felt so comfortable around ...
A. 18 July 2009: You're welcome! I'm glad that I could help :)... (read in full...)
How do I know if my boyfriend will want to settle down? We have a son...
Q. I have been with my partner for 5 years who is samoan I have put up with alot and actully thought he would want to get married. We hyave a one year old son who we both love to bits that he never wants me to leave if i feel things arent working. But ...
A. 17 July 2009: After five years I think it's time to ask him where you see the relationship going. I don't think it makes you look desperate at all to want to know if he plans to make it legal. Give it a try.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been having sex with me whilst I'm asleep
Q. i really need help! my boyfriend has been having sex with me whilst im asleep. i should explain that i have a medical heart condition that makes me faint quite a lot it also makes me very tired so i have extra naps during the day to prevent b...
A. 17 July 2009: I hate when people start pulling the "real problems" card or start insinuating you must be crazy. That's bullshit. Not everyone is okay with sleep sex and it's fine if you're not. Just because you're not being punched in the face nightly doesn't ... (read in full...)
For the Ladies: What do you mean when you say, "Hey, you're cute!"
Q. Dear Ladies and Girls, Would you please enlighten me, and many other men no doubt, as to what you ACTUALLY mean when you say to a guy the following:- "Hey you're cute". Thanks. ...
A. 17 July 2009: It means, "hey, you're cute." I suppose it could mean "hey, I want to take you home and lock you in the basement and make you father 10 children and make tiny hats for sale until your fingers bleed,", but I doubt it.... (read in full...)
My husband can't stand my two children! What do I do?
Q. my husband can not stand my 2 children, his step children. He wants nothing to do with them, cause he can not stand their dad. My kids are 11 and 8, they are just kids. My husband and I have one child together and he is a great dad to her, but he ...
A. 17 July 2009: That's cold blooded of your husband to take his dislike out on the kids. They didn't ask for him and their dad not to get along, and they didn't ask for your relationship with their dad to fall apart. He needs to get a damn clue and treat the kids ... (read in full...)
Will he take me back? Would you?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. The thing is that i sent an email to my ex saying that im sorry for what happened in the past and i hope he doesnt see me as a bad person ever (our relationship lasted almost 4 years and i broke hi...
A. 16 July 2009: I'd take you back. Heck, I never would have dumped you in the first place. It takes a strong person to admit they were wrong and apologize. You weren't trying to get back with him, you were making peace with the past so you could move forward. ... (read in full...)
How do I build my trust in him?
Q. I was best friends with this guy a little over four years. We have so much in common, we have a good time together, he makes me happy and treats me great. We have most recently been hanging out much more and our friendship has become a little more ...
A. 16 July 2009: I think it would be a great idea to talk to him and let him know you want to take it slow. It's natural to feel wounded and distrustful after getting out of an abusive relationship, and natural to need space and time afterward to heal yourself. ... (read in full...)
Was I right to end things with my boyfriend? And what should I do about my 'new' boyfriend?
Q. I was going out with this guy ('dale') for over a year, but like every relationship we had out ups and downs, but the best thing was is that, not only was he my boyfriend he was my bestfriend too, we got along perfectly, i felt so comfortable around ...
A. 16 July 2009: You've got to get a handle on your insecurity. It ruined the relationship between you and Dale because you could not handle his ex, and it made you go too far with Kyle because you wanted attention. It is time to learn to love and be comfortable ... (read in full...)
Could someone please give me some words of support here?
Q. I am a mid 40s woman who has been involved with a married (now separated) woman for over a year. We have lived together all the time we've known each other. Her estranged husband knows about our relationship. She and I had been talking for some ...
A. 16 July 2009: This sounds like it is hard for both of you, but I feel that you are being a bit selfish here. Frankly, the fact that you mention running away because she is going through a hard time is very worrisome. I think it would be good for you to ease ... (read in full...)
How can I stop him being bored with the relationship?
Q. Hellooo I have been with my new boyfriend for nearly 2 weeks noww and i was with him before but it only lasted for like a week. people keep telling me he doesnt last in relationships and that he doesnt treat girls right. sometimes he does my head ...
A. 16 July 2009: If he gets bored in relationships that's his problem. He's not the only guy in the world. If he breaks up with you, find a new guy who treats you well and who enjoys spending time with you. ... (read in full...)
I know he is selfish...how can I get that to change without ruining his self-esteem?
Q. I have had an unsatisfying sex life when it comes to having the act with a male. I have pleasured myself successfully most times and have no problems having an orgasm then within 15 minutes or less. When I am with someone of the opposite sex I ...
A. 16 July 2009: Just tell him. Your sex life will not improve without communication. Guys can't read your mind and they won't know what works for you specifically. Plus, what's normal varies from woman to woman, and what works for you may not work for someone ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 16 July 2009: Does you mom know how controlling and violent John is? If she doesn't definitely try talking to her about it. Your mom sounds like she has some control freak tendencies herself (which may explain why you are so attracted to John) but hopefully she ... (read in full...)
I don't want a physical relationship, I want something meaningful.
Q. I meet this guy well over 1yr ago, we exchanges numbers 3 to 4 months ago. We went on two dates within the last two weeks and basically went all the way last night our third meeting. I’m 26 and at this point in I’m tired of dating for sport. I’m ...
A. 13 July 2009: Well, the next time you hold on for yourself. Don't do anything with a guy just because he's pressuring you into it. If you don't feel comfortable, hold back. A good man will respect your wishes and not force or whine his way into your bed.
... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that he'll cheat on me too?
Q. my boyfrind went to south carolina for work. He called me one day and told me that his ex was coming so he could see his daughter that he hasnt seen in 3 yrs. But the problem is she is stayin with him at his brothers house. She wont let him talk...
A. 13 July 2009: Okay, now that I have the information I need here's my advice:
The past is often the best predictor of the present. If he's had a lot of problems staying faithful it is definitely something to worry about. It wasn't just one relation... (read in full...)
Is he serious or just joking?
Q. My boyfriend of a year and a half has, in the past, said multiple times that my friends are wh*res, n*ggers, and handfuls of other derogatory names because of some threat that they pose to him. I am not friends with bad people, I am not friends...
A. 13 July 2009: Your boyfriend is one of the biggest idiots going. I don't understand how you're cool with him disrespecting your friends so blatantly. Using racial and sexual slurs is never acceptable and speaks of a deep seated ignorance and hatred.
Your ... (read in full...)
I want my ex to leave me alone to let me get on with my life!
Q. hi I am a 45 year old bloke. My problem is 2 years ago I met someone whilst i was with my partner of 7 years and as we weren't married and i paid all the mortgage of our joint house, I wanted her out and my new g/f in. So I told her she never pai...
A. 13 July 2009: Well if you stopped acting like such a dirtbag you wouldn't have to worry about these things.... (read in full...)
He's got a girlfriend so why is acting so nervous?
Q. I started a job around 3 months ago. I noticed a guy at work, we both seemed to stare at eachother. We got on well and when he spoke to me he seemed to really warm to me, however on that same day I felt this, he told me he was off to meet his ...
A. 13 July 2009: Be friendly, but not too friendly. The man is in a relationship and you need to respect that. Back off and stop looking for signs. If he becomes single, he will ask you out. Until then, keep on going with the rest of your life.... (read in full...)
I need your help. What do I do next?
Q. Hi all, Mine isnt really a problem, but more advice what to do next. I have been very close to a girl for a number of months, however she has a boyfriend. The other day she came out she was going to dump her boyfriend because it just wasnt right...
A. 13 July 2009: Back up and respect her relationship. She has to figure out what to do next on her own. If she doesn't make a move to break up with him in the next, say, two months, then move on with your life.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Is he only in It for the Sex?
Q. So I'm newly single, was married for 6 years. However I'm only 23, young by most standards! I would like to have a relationship, but am not looking for someone to bring home to my kids. I met a guy back in April we had a class together, and 2 weeks ...
A. 13 July 2009: Wow, honey, you need to get your game polished up. A first date and he didn't even have to take you anywhere, just got some takeout and went right to the sex...*sigh* If he is only texting you at night to come over he sees you as a booty call. ... (read in full...)
I know what is right, but I'm still confused on what to do
Q. So I am newly engaged to an MP in the army and he is stationed at Guantanamo Bay, I live near an air force base so naturally i have alot of air force friends well one of my friends which is a guy has been hitting on me knowing i am engaged and sends ...
A. 13 July 2009: You tell this dumb knucklehead to stop texting you with that silly shit. He is not your friend! This isn't harmless, he is straight up disrespecting you and your fiance. Friends do not hit on their *engaged* friends! If he doesn't get the ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that he'll cheat on me too?
Q. my boyfrind went to south carolina for work. He called me one day and told me that his ex was coming so he could see his daughter that he hasnt seen in 3 yrs. But the problem is she is stayin with him at his brothers house. She wont let him talk...
A. 13 July 2009: How old is he?... (read in full...)
Is he really ready for marriage?
Q. Looking for some advice please. I have been going out with a guy for about 1 year. We are very close and moved in together about 5 months ago. It was the best thing we could have done and it was his suggestion as we'd been spending most nights ...
A. 13 July 2009: Give it time. He is still working out his mental kinks about it. It sounds like you both are going in the same direction, though. So ease up, revisit the conversation in 6 months to a year and see what he says then.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Underappreciated and undervalued, she treated her exes better than me
Q. Hi, I'm new to posting on this website, but i have come here for advice before dealing with my relationship. my girlfriend and i have been going out for almost 8 months now. things were amazing in the beginning. she would do anything to please me ...
A. 13 July 2009: So...in the past your girlfriend was a doormat for the guys she was dating, and now you're upset that she's not a doormat anymore? She loves you and gives to you freely of her time and energy. Love isn't about how many gifts you get, or how much ... (read in full...)
He was my first love but now my ex won't talk to me... Help!
Q. ok here goes!! just before easter my best friend introduced me to this absolutely amazing guy who was into exactly the same things as me. she was going out with his best friend who i knew from auditions at drama schools, and coincidently, the guy ...
A. 13 July 2009: First off, I am very sorry about what your two friends did to you. It was totally wrong for your male friend to try to take advantage of you and very cold of your best friend to run her mouth like that. They both owe you an apology at least, and I ... (read in full...)
Been with him 6 years but he says I'm not ready to be his wife yet!
Q. We have been together for 6 years I'm 24 now almost 25 and I'm ready to get married and have a baby. He wants a baby too but says I'm not ready to be a wife yet. He says I don't keep the house clean all the time and I'm supposed to be his best ...
A. 13 July 2009: I personally feel this is all smoke and he plain doesn't want to commit to you. After six years you know pretty much what you're going to get, and his feeling that he can't tell you everything is more "fault-finding" than reality. Instead of ... (read in full...)
Is there anything left between us?
Q. I met this guy, I've known him 4 years and think I love him. We work together and I was with him for a couple of months knowing well we both had long time partners. He got caught and I didn't but left my fiance. He stayed with his girlfriend and ...
A. 12 July 2009: No, there is nothing. He chose his girlfriend over you, ending your affair. Now is the time to let him go and work on meeting someone else who is single, honest, and interested instead of waiting around for crumbs from this guy.
I'm sorry bu... (read in full...)
How can I get him to last longer and bring back his sex drive?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a lover which I have had for 25 years, he is married to another woman, and has 3 boys with her, I have 1 son with him. I moved away from him many years ago when my son was 3, he is now 20. We have had a relationship on and off ...
A. 12 July 2009: Leave him alone and find a single man without that problem.... (read in full...)
Its been four years and I can't get over him. Why is he so mean?
Q. hi, im 22 years old. and i first met this guy back in school and we dated then. we had not seen each other for years so we met again. and when we did it was love at first sight. it felt so perfect! he was my soulmate. he would always tell me how he ...
A. 12 July 2009: Please don't give up. I know life is crazy and it hurts so much to get your heart broken, but please don't give up. If you keep trying, soon you will find someone who is good to you. You have so much fun ahead of you! I can feel it!
Howev... (read in full...)
I don't like anal sex and my boyfriend is being an ass about it
Q. i have a problem with my boyfriend, he stated that i don't agree we have anal sex then this proves i don't love him that much ,,, but i tried it and i hate it hurts alot and i don't get it it's not like we can't have sex other wise , now i don't ...
A. 12 July 2009: If you don't like anal it is absolutely your right to refuse. He is being an ass by insisting on it to prove your love. Tell him you won't stand for it and it's not going to happen.
Good luck. ... (read in full...)
I got irresponsibly drunk, had sex and my parents want to sue him
Q. i kinda got raped. i cant explain but i can try. i was drunk. i passed out , was consantly throwing up, but continued drinking. he carried me into his room. i was awake, i didntr say no but i didnt say yes either. im 16 and he is 22. my parents ...
A. 12 July 2009: Why don't you want your parents to sue?... (read in full...)
Its been four years and I can't get over him. Why is he so mean?
Q. hi, im 22 years old. and i first met this guy back in school and we dated then. we had not seen each other for years so we met again. and when we did it was love at first sight. it felt so perfect! he was my soulmate. he would always tell me how he ...
A. 12 July 2009: It's time to let go of the idea that he was your soulmate. A guy that is meant for you doesn't do the crazy things he did, and doesn't talk about you like a dog. It seems like he never got over your rejection of his marriage proposal, and while he ... (read in full...)
Protective and jealous but doesn't want to be with me
Q. okay so lately my ex boyfriend has been acting really protective and jealous but he says he doesn't want to be with me.....i don't understand...how can he be over me but get so mad every time i do so much as talk to another guy???...
A. 12 July 2009: He sounds like a control freak who wants to have it all. He wants you to stay single and in love with him because he gets an ego boost out of it. Tell him to kick rocks and keep living your life.... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 8 July 2009: Well I would definitely not pick John. Someone who is violent, controlling and possessive is not good for a long term relationship. Staying with him would erode your self-confidence further and wouldn't be healthy for you. Life is too short to ... (read in full...)
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