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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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How do I get him to overcome his commitment issues?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for about 2 and a half months. We have been really hitting it off. We both absolutely like each other and have soo much in common its like seeing myself in a mirror. he treats me like his girlfriend, he h...
A. 4 August 2010: Show him with your actions. When he reaches out for you, you be there. When he needs someone to lean on, you be there. Treat him with respect, love and affection. Make it so that he knows when he comes to see you he will always have a good, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a pothead!
Q. My boyfriend and i have been dating for 3 and a half years since 8th grade. he was a major pot head and last year he was sent to a boot camp for almost ten months, he made it seem like he was so changed and he wouldnt smoke again i waited for him. ...
A. 1 August 2010: If this is a major deal breaker for you, and it sounds like it is, then break up with him. Sometimes people just don't fit well enough together, and there's nothing wrong with that. If you don't want it in your life, that's your decision.
Good ... (read in full...)
Since moving in together he is not the same person I fell in love with...
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for some time now and we've been living together for about 2 months. It was nice in the beginning when i first moved in, but now i feel horrible. He is not the same person i fell in love with. He calls me name and ...
A. 1 August 2010: Leave. Life is too short to be miserable.... (read in full...)
I feel like everyone hates me and that I just don't matter.
Q. Hi All, My life feels so weird lately, I have friends on Facebook that take their friendship away without giving a reason, I get ignored on Facebook, anything I post doesnt even get a response! I feel like I dont exist, at a works party recently...
A. 1 August 2010: You absolutely do matter.
I can't say why everyone is treating you strangely, but I'd advise that you try not to take this to heart too much. Don't dwell on the awful things people do; think about the enjoyment that you get out of life.
Talk... (read in full...)
No matter what we try, I just can't have an orgasm
Q. my boyfriend and i who have been together for over a year and regularly have protected sex. but ever since we have been together, he has never given me an orgasm! i usually have to fake it because it makes him feel bad when he asks and i tell him, ...
A. 1 August 2010: After all of this effort, I wouldn't be surprised if you had a mental block.
Tell him he needs to stop asking you. An orgasm is not the be all end all of sex. It's nice if it happens, but having sex by itself is also nice too! You don't ha... (read in full...)
How do I get him to overcome his commitment issues?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for about 2 and a half months. We have been really hitting it off. We both absolutely like each other and have soo much in common its like seeing myself in a mirror. he treats me like his girlfriend, he h...
A. 1 August 2010: Wait a second, you mean he won't ask you on a date, or he won't ask you to be his girlfriend?... (read in full...)
He's breaking my heart with his neglecting ways, why would he say he loves me??
Q. I have been seeing a man on and off for the past 10 years. I really love him and the biggest problem is that he dosen't seem to make time for me. He use to call every day some times 3 times a day. Until three weeks ago I just got tired of waiting ...
A. 1 August 2010: Plain and simple, you are not important to him. You can cry and beg all you want, but if he can't pick up the phone once in three weeks you are not even on his radar.
Time to move on to someone new. Someone who's interested. He is not that guy... (read in full...)
What does he want from me relationship wise?
Q. I liked this guy back in february and we had talked for 2 weeks. when i discovered he had a girlfriend we stopped talking . In april we reconnected through facebook and started to talk again since he was single for over a month now. he seems ...
A. 17 July 2010: If he hasn't asked you out on an official date - not just a "come over and visit with my family" date, you are not dating. You are just hanging out.
Until he asks you on an actual date, I'd say he is probing around to see what he can get from... (read in full...)
I want him back but I don't want to hurt my friend who he is now dating, and I don't want to ruin what we already have
Q. I loved my boyfriend so much, and I still do however he is my ex now. He claims to have dumped me because we never get to see each other, but two days after the harsh break up he was already in a relationship with my best friend! Now it has been ...
A. 13 July 2010: He's a piece of crap and so is your ex-best friend for dating him. The next time he calls you, tell him that you are not interested in hearing from him anymore and hang up. Do not answer any more of his calls after that. Don't answer his texts or ... (read in full...)
He wants me to meet his daughter but I am uncomfortable because his ex (the child's mother) will be staying at his house
Q. I have been dating this man for 9 months. When we met he told me he had been divorced for 2 years after a 20 year marriage but in his Younger days he had a gf who he never married who he had a child with, however he raised this child on his own, ...
A. 13 July 2010: You really swung and missed on this one.
If anything, you could have been right there watching him interact with the woman and seen if there was anything fishy for yourself! You had a chance to be gracious and show everyone that you are a wonder... (read in full...)
Set to be married next month, but things have been quite rocky. Needing advice.
Q. Hey, sorry that this is going be to quite lengthy. I apologize for any ranting. Lately my fiancée has been acting completely different than she has in the past. I love her more than I can explain, but have been questioning whether this is the righ...
A. 13 July 2010: OMG, if someone told me they didn't care because they knew I wouldn't leave I would be out before their gums finished flapping. I kinda feel that she has been pulling an extended temper tantrum because you haven't forgiven her for her affair. No ... (read in full...)
No sex drive whatsoever - 22yrs old raped before
Q. Well, I have no idea what to do at this point. I've been raped/molested before. Raped at eight, raped at fifteen by a bf, raped again at 19 by a different bf. My crazy, disturbed mother heavily molested me as a kid and physically and emotionally ...
A. 13 July 2010: I hope things are getting better for you now.... (read in full...)
I regret not making a move on her back then, but should I add her as a friend on Facebook now even though it has been 3 years?
Q. There was a this girl I liked back in high school. She was a really nice and beautiful girl who I hung out with every lunch our of that semester. I don't think there is a girl other than her I've fallen for this hard ever. I was devastated when I ...
A. 13 July 2010: It's just Facebook. Go for it. Something good might happen!... (read in full...)
Why would he blow me off and then come back as if nothing happened?
Q. Hey all, so I started seeing this guy four months ago and we talked about dating, well then he got a letter saying he had to go back to the military and stopped talking to me after telling me that, he didn't have to go until November. However, he ...
A. 13 July 2010: Because they think you are stupid and desperate for them to come back. You know what? Bursting their bubble feels SO GOOD.... (read in full...)
Is there is anything I can do to him while he's pleasing me?
Q. I'd like to give my boyfriend a wild time in the bedroom. We've tried all types of anal, missionary, oral. I just want to to know if there is anything I can do to him while he's pleasing me, because he's doing all the work pretty much during ...
A. 13 July 2010: 1) Push him on the bed and tell him you're in charge tonight
2) Take off his clothes, kiss him all over (including his nipples if he likes that), and give him a great blowjob - and use your hands!
3) Try regular and reverse cowgirl position... (read in full...)
Can you honestly love someone else after having had such strong feelings for someone?
Q. I broke up with my ex little over two months ago. Things were complicated between us because of jealousy. His jealousy. It was too much. We told each other many hurtful things in the relationship, and sadly, we got into a circle of breaking up and ...
A. 13 July 2010: 1) I think you should go for a period of no contact, say six months. It will be very hard to get over him as long as he's right there. Down the line you can be friends again but right now space and time will help you the most.
2) You certainl... (read in full...)
He refuses to come inside of me!
Q. BF of 3 yrs cannot/will not come inside of me even though pregnancy is not possible. I have also suggested he use a condom if that would make him more comfortable with the idea. He doesn't seem interested in increasing our intimacy this way. We are ...
A. 13 July 2010: What does he say when you tell him that you'd like him to come inside of you? Have you told him how much this turns you on?... (read in full...)
We seem to be on different pages...
Q. I've been seeing a great guy for about two months now. After we were intimate for the first time, I asked him what did he want between us. He let me know that he didn't want something exclusive at the moment. He said some other things, but I just ...
A. 13 July 2010: You can't have an honest relationship without being honest with your heart, too. It sounds like the guy likes you and enjoys spending time with you, but you have one foot out the door already because you are afraid of being hurt. Well, from ... (read in full...)
Dead love, continued agony... it doesn't make sense...
Q. BACKGROUND: I met him in fall, 2008 - both in our early 30s, professionals in DC. For about a month, we had a mutual new love with hope, excitement and passion. I fell hard - he was charming, handsome, confident, fun. THE PENDING MOVE: H...
A. 13 July 2010: I agree that it is terrible how he treated you, and no one deserves to be treated like that....but I think there were a bunch of red flags that were ignored:
1) You were ready to move across the country with him after knowing him only a month. ... (read in full...)
I want to work in porn but am worried about my boyfriend, its not fair!
Q. I need help!?! With all the pressure from everyone asking what am I going to do with my life after I graduate high school I had no idea and I talked to my bf about working in porn because it seemed like something I would enjoy and get paid well for. ...
A. 13 July 2010: Why porn? Is trade school full?... (read in full...)
FWB sometimes he's sweet, sometimes he's not
Q. first of all I'm 16 NOT 13. Okay. So I've been friends with benifits with this guy for like 2 years..and yes I like him alot..I never told him though cuz I didn't wanna make anything weird..this guy is a major player but when he likes someone he's ...
A. 13 July 2010: And seriously, you have sex with this guy but you don't want to tell him you like him? That's just weird.... (read in full...)
FWB sometimes he's sweet, sometimes he's not
Q. first of all I'm 16 NOT 13. Okay. So I've been friends with benifits with this guy for like 2 years..and yes I like him alot..I never told him though cuz I didn't wanna make anything weird..this guy is a major player but when he likes someone he's ...
A. 13 July 2010: If he really wanted to date you he already has had plenty of time to do it. But he won't, since he is already getting everything he needs from you. Why should he make you his girlfriend? What's the incentive? What extras is he going to get from ... (read in full...)
I really want revenge on this shameless, unthankful liar...help?
Q. I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 ...
A. 13 July 2010: The best revenge is living your life well and enjoying every day.... (read in full...)
Am I her fall back guy?
Q. So I am confused and lost so I'll keep this short and simple. I met this girl over 7 months ago and started having phone and text conversations with her. We had a brief argument which led to 2 months of avoiding each other. We have been on...
A. 13 July 2010: Yes, you are. You're the guy she has around to massage her ego. If she doesn't want to go out and have fun with you, find someone who will.... (read in full...)
My ex is possessive and it is troubling, why is he like this??
Q. I don't know why my ex boyfriend still keeps an eye on me. It's been almost a year since he cheated on me and dumped me. But still he keeps an eye on me and finds out everything I'm upto. And whenever he gets the news that there's a new guy in my ...
A. 3 July 2010: He's an idiot. Don't waste your time and thoughts on him.... (read in full...)
I feel like our relationship is falling apart, I don't know why, we're constantly fighting/
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, going on 7. Our love has never been stronger. I honestly and truly believe we are in love. He's 19 and I'm 16 by the way. For the first 4 months he didn't have a job, we've both had jobs in the ...
A. 3 July 2010: Right now it's time to check yourself. The man tells you he loves you, knocks himself out giving you everything and you feel like the spotlight's not on you? What else does he have to do, build the Eiffel Tower out of his fillings?
Anywa... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to move on??
Q. Me and my boyfriend has been in this relationship for 4 years, 2 years together and two years apart since I have to go overseas to work. We were so inlove. He is 25 and im 27. He has been asking me to marry him two years ago, he doesn't want us to ...
A. 3 July 2010: First, let me say I am sorry that you're going through this.
Second, let me congratulate you on dodging a bullet! Yes, I'm serious. If he reacts to you saying you have to finish your work contract by sleeping with other women, imagine what kin... (read in full...)
He has a good job, will he marry me now?
Q. Am in a long distance relationship for 3 year now. he say he will marry me once he get a good job... Now he has a Great Job for the past month now... he never brought up the topic.i know a month is a short time .. but i do not what to be wasting my ...
A. 3 July 2010: Bring it back up in six months. If he comes up with another excuse, you'll know he doesn't have any intention of marrying you.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
He wants meaningless sex with other women but to keep our relationship
Q. My boyfriend wants to have sex with other women. we have been together over 2 years, and i know he loves me. We have a great relationship. We are both open and honest and loving towards each other. Yet he honestly spoke with me about how he wants ...
A. 6 June 2010: I give him points for honesty at least.
At heart, you have to determine if you are okay with him basically being polyamorous (having many lovers). There are a lot of questions to clear up first. For example, is he going to be sleeping with ran... (read in full...)
Do I ask him?
Q. Dear Aunts, I've been dating this guy for a few weeks but I'm not sure if he really like me like he says he does or if he is just interested in sex. He takes me out to dinner and movies. He always pays. But every time we get together it alwa...
A. 5 June 2010: Well, if he is spending money and time on you he likes you. Personally I think a few weeks is a little fast to determine if you are a couple or not, so I can see why he didn't answer.
I say ask him.
... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I cheat; why don't I just do it?
Q. I´ve been married for nine years but together for 16. Since the beginning of our marriage, and because of our personalities we´ve fought often but have remained together (this mostly because before we got married I cheated on him once, and he found...
A. 5 June 2010: Have you tried marital counseling? I think it might help you. If he won't agree to go try a few sessions by yourself. I know it can be tough to be constantly accused of something you don't plan on doing, and I think a therapist can help you sort ... (read in full...)
I want her badly, but I'm afraid of being turned down
Q. There is this girl at work i would really love to date. I accually see her as someone i could marry but i am scared to ask her out. I have walked her home a couple of times and jokingly mentioned hanging out maybe going to the movies or someth...
A. 5 June 2010: You've got to just go for it. A no won't be the end of the world.... (read in full...)
Is this the right approach?
Q. I own a marketing company and started dating a guy who owns his own business too. Shortly after meeting he started paying my company to do work for his company. I then broke up with him because I got jealous of his ex who is not in the picture.. ...
A. 5 June 2010: So, let's recap....
You flip over a picture he had of his ex. He tells you from then on it's only business. He sleeps with you and tries to be friendly. You tell him you like him, he doesn't respond. You then cut off all communication with him... (read in full...)
Should I just let the liar fly???
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and I noticed he was acting strange. He stated that he had to have a meeting with his cousin for their new business in jersey. He tried to leave me to go to new jersey on my birthday... to have a "business ...
A. 29 May 2010: When the trust is gone, the relationship soon follows. Why involve yourself in all this drama when there are so many good men out there?... (read in full...)
She doesn't think I can change...
Q. Hi im 47 and my ex girlfriend is 55 we were together for 2 years i left a partner and three kids for this lady now she has kicked me out because she felt that i was putting a lot of pressure on her cause we used to argue every weekend because i was ...
A. 26 May 2010: In addition, I think you should try a self-help course on overcoming insecurity. It will help if she sees you are working on the problem that broke you two up.... (read in full...)
No sex drive whatsoever - 22yrs old raped before
Q. Well, I have no idea what to do at this point. I've been raped/molested before. Raped at eight, raped at fifteen by a bf, raped again at 19 by a different bf. My crazy, disturbed mother heavily molested me as a kid and physically and emotionally ...
A. 26 May 2010: I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
There are two good books I have read that helped me - I Can't Get Over It and The Rape Recovery Handbook, both by Aphrodite Matsakis. Both books are available at Amazon and most major bookstor... (read in full...)
How long of drinking 3-6 days a week does it take to be an acholic?
Q. Ok... I'm a bit tipsy so gimmie a break on spelling. So.. I started drinking about three months ago, about three or four times a month. But in the last couple weeks, I've drank every day. I don't know what classifies alcohol though. I don't drink ...
A. 26 May 2010: I think you can be an alcoholic after your first drink. To me, alcoholism isn't how many drinks you can drink, it's if you need alcohol to get through the day.... (read in full...)
15 years and the guy still won't commit to me!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. but we have known and been together since i was 18 years old and that was over 15 years ago. he tells me he loves me, and he can't get enough of me, but he won't commit. he calls me for booty and that's ...
A. 26 May 2010: If you don't go on dates and he only calls you for sex, how is he your boyfriend? He sounds like a friend with benefits you've had for 15 years. Don't you think it's time to find someone who's interested in a REAL relationship? Sheesh!... (read in full...)
Why is my b/f upset that I'm not bothered by his interactions with his ex wife?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for a little under a month. We went on numerous dates and took things very slow before that, so all in all it has been about 3 months. Our first conversation lasted 6 hours...and I learned that he has full custody of ...
A. 26 May 2010: It sounds like he is projecting his feelings onto you. He isn't okay with dealing with her and he wants to believe you have the same problem.
I'd let him know that I understand his feelings and why he feels that way. Keep on being understa... (read in full...)
I am not totally happy with him, but it's comfortable, should this be enough?
Q. Im 21 years young and I dont have a clue what profession I am going to college for. Meanwhile, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years and have we had our ups and downs. He is 24 and already having awful problems being in debt. His family ...
A. 26 May 2010: Break it off. You're too young to settle. If you trade being comfortable for being happy you will regret it for the rest of your life.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
My ex was abusive, I still have feelings for him, and guilt, how do I get over all this?
Q. I'll try to make this short. Six years ago, I had a really close male friend ("Johnny"). I liked Johnny, he was a few years older than me, I was 15 at the time. He didn't like me as more than a friend, but we were friends with benefits. I remained a ...
A. 26 May 2010: Anyone who hits you doesn't love you. That's my position. If he hits you and makes it seem like your fault, that goes double and I'd say he doesn't even like you.
Until he is willing to take responsibility for what he has done, he is a lost cau... (read in full...)
His wife does not want to give him the divorce, other problems, need a lot of advice?
Q. Here is the back-ground: I had an affair with someone several years ago. He (I'll call him Scott) was a very close friend and confided in me that his marriage was over and he was leaving her. We began the relationship then. Well, "scott" ...
A. 26 May 2010: 1. Maybe. Probably not for a long time, though. Just keep conducting yourself with respect and be a good person and hopefully his mom will warm up to you. No guarantees though.
2. Forget it. Live your life for yourself and the people close to... (read in full...)
Is this the right approach?
Q. I own a marketing company and started dating a guy who owns his own business too. Shortly after meeting he started paying my company to do work for his company. I then broke up with him because I got jealous of his ex who is not in the picture.. ...
A. 26 May 2010: If you're satisfied with being only friends, then by all means continue. If you want more you should move on to someone else. Pursuing him romantically sounds like you would be being a dead horse. He has been clear that he is not interested in ... (read in full...)
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