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*uirkLady agony aunt

*uirkLady

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*uirkLady's profile:

Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.

I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck!

Latest articles:

Same-sex rape: a real and important issue

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...

Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [27 pages, 1055 answers]

How do I trust my man with the kind of past I've had?

Q.   I'm getting married next year to a wonderful man who's been nothing but compassionate, patient, loving and endearing. But before him, I was in a very long term relationship that lead to nothing but hurt and lies. My ex was always doing things for a ...

A.   9 December 2010: I wish you the best of luck in becoming the person you want to be. It sure sounds like you are shedding the old, insecure you and flowering already. Looking forward to hearing about the new you!... (read in full...)

I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him either!

Q.   So my boyfriend came over today, and he doesn't have anywhere to go. I don't have any feelings for him, he knows that we are not together, but I don't know if he thinks that Im serious. I'm not in love with him anymore because of the past. I will ...

A.   8 December 2010: Why doesn't he have anywhere to go? Did his family kick him out? Did his apartment burn down?... (read in full...)

It's him or me! How do I get her to make a decision here?

Q.   I met a woman that I work with after returning from some vacation time. She was beautiful. But, I figured I didn't really have a chance with her, i wouldn't even try. I had heard she was married and didn't want to pursue her because it would have ...

A.   7 December 2010: Move on. Rebound relationships don't work. You are either helping her to ease back into the dating world or helping her ease back into a relationship with her husband. Plus, if she was so certain her marriage was over why is she worried about ... (read in full...)

How do I trust my man with the kind of past I've had?

Q.   I'm getting married next year to a wonderful man who's been nothing but compassionate, patient, loving and endearing. But before him, I was in a very long term relationship that lead to nothing but hurt and lies. My ex was always doing things for a ...

A.   7 December 2010: How long have you been in your current relationship? How long have you been broken up with your ex? I think that you need to focus on the fact that your new man is not your ex. He has never cheated on you, been mean to you, or stopped talking ... (read in full...)

I thought she was my best friend, till she tried to steal my boyfriend!

Q.   Today I found out that while my fiance now boyfriend and I were having problems, he went to smoke some weed with my guy friend and my best female friend, which I knew about and I don't touch the stuff but I thought oh fine whatever. My guy friend is ...

A.   7 December 2010: I wouldn't bring it up. She knows she was wrong and frankly, you two should stay far away from each other. Your friendship is over and your friend betrayed it. If she comes up and tries to talk to you like nothing is wrong, just say you know what ... (read in full...)

How do I stop self-destructing the relationship with the guy I have?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, and while everything looks fine from the outside, I truly feel like I'm self-destructing my relationship. I love him, and I want to stay with him, yet I am pulling away because I'm afraid of getting ...

A.   7 December 2010: It sounds like you have a very bad problem with insecurity. I suggest that you get some therapy before you ruin not only this relationship, but other relationships and friendships as well.... (read in full...)

I feel a connection but not sure if I like him, should I go on a second date with him?

Q.   Is it ok to go out with a guy on a second date to see if you really feel a connection there? Cause I'm not sure if I like him as more than a friend right now, and I would feel bad if i gave him a false hope by going on a second date. What do you ...

A.   7 December 2010: Sure, it's fine. Some people just take a little longer to figure out. No worries.... (read in full...)

We have anal sex one time, and now he always wants it!

Q.   i am kinda having an issue that i don't know how to address. me and my boyfriend tried anal a couple weeks ago. i was afraid at first but i was surprised that i actually liked it. but the problem is now that seems to be all my an boyfriend wants! i ...

A.   7 December 2010: Be honest with him. Both of you should enjoy yourselves during sex.... (read in full...)

Should I try to go after this 20 years older than me guy?

Q.   hi, i am sooo confused. I am a divorced female,25. i have never had a boyfriend, and the guy i had an arranged marriage with so far been the only guy in my life. i am totally over my past. now the problem is i like this older guy whose 45. good ...

A.   5 December 2010: You're of age, so you can go after any single guy you want. Have fun!... (read in full...)

Am I too young for this guy? Am I missing out on something?

Q.   Three years ago, my father brought a man over to the house who he introduced to us as his colleague from work. He is 20 years younger than my dad making him now 35 and 15 years older than me. In present time, I'm actually about to turn 21 the end of ...

A.   5 December 2010: Oh boy. You are very young and this is your first relationship so it's unsurprising that you're looking around and wondering if there's more out there. I guess you just have to be honest and listen to your heart. I see in your question you didn... (read in full...)

How should I react to a compliment?

Q.   Hi everyone, my question is I like receiving compliments but I don't know what to do or say when I get them. I sort of go dumb is something wrong with me? Thank you for answering....

A.   5 December 2010: "Thank you, that is very kind of you to say."... (read in full...)

I still love him, am I fooling myself for thinking their relationship will end?

Q.   My ex and I have been split up for 7 mths. after 7 yrs. together. We were engaged when he ended it. He basically left me for someone else although, they were not involved until after he broke it off with me. 3 mths. later they became engaged which ...

A.   5 December 2010: You're still not over him, which is pretty natural after such a long relationship. Just take care of yourself. You can move on without him, if you really want to. If it's meant to be he will come back, and if not you may soon meet someone else ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend spy on me?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for just over three years. During this time, he has broken the relationship off about 4 times. Every time this happens there is no warning. Things are going along fine. We are spending all of our nights ...

A.   5 December 2010: He has issues that he needs to address before you get back together. It sounds like something triggers him, but instead of talking about it, he just shuts down and leaves you in the dark. That's very unhealthy for a long term relationship. I ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend said he would never date her because she smokes...

Q.   I have asked questions about my bf's female friends before, but I'm still confused. Most people believe my bf has had these female friends longer than dating me. Not so in this instance, my bf does have some that are longer and we never talk about ...

A.   5 December 2010: Focus your thoughts on other things. If you spend all your time dwelling on this you will drive yourself crazy. Just be the best girlfriend you can be and stop thinking about other women. He is with you for you. Remember that.... (read in full...)

I finally caved and spoke to my ex, once I heard his mother was dying.

Q.   My x has been contacting me via email and other means for a while. I have not responded for 4-5 months. I heard from his sister finally that his mom is dying and I contacted him. He said he misses me a lot, and he is thinking of me. He feels ter...

A.   5 December 2010: Ahh, well if it's long distance perhaps you can call or send a nice card instead.... (read in full...)

When I don't give b/f money for drugs he tells me I don't belong in this country

Q.   Iam Chinese but I grew up here! I have a American boyfriend. who iam datinG for one year! I love him. He doesn't work since I met him. He uses drugs and drinks every night and when I tell him to stop using drugs and drinking he tells me you have no ...

A.   4 December 2010: Leave him! He's an addict and you are enabling his addiction. Walk away and let him get help for his problems.... (read in full...)

Wife says all our problems are because I don't show dominance

Q.   Hi, I'm new to this my wife is always on this site.I'll give a brief background met at the end of senior year been together since. We've been married for two and now got my back against the wall I don't know what to do stay or leave.My wife got ...

A.   4 December 2010: Showing dominance, pfft. What does she want you to do, be a gorilla? Basically she's saying you should control her because she can't control herself. Not a good sign, you know? Right now, it sounds like she just plain doesn't want to be respo... (read in full...)

I told her she was wrong to have this man spend the night! Was I right in what I said to her?

Q.   A very close friend of mine is involved with a man for more than 3 yrs and in spite of the fact that she knows he has a live in GF she has continued to see him(is she right in doing this? of course she isn't BUT I guess the heart loves who it ...

A.   4 December 2010: Yes, you told her the truth. Doubt she listened, though. She'll need you when he finally breaks her heart.... (read in full...)

Married, confused and could do with some objective views.

Q.   to give a bit of back ground i have been married for 13 years and been with my wife for nearly 16. she is a great person and a great mother to our 3 children (aged 11,12,13). we got to together at young age and had the old whirlwhind roman...

A.   4 December 2010: Switch departments and go to marital counseling.... (read in full...)

I finally caved and spoke to my ex, once I heard his mother was dying.

Q.   My x has been contacting me via email and other means for a while. I have not responded for 4-5 months. I heard from his sister finally that his mom is dying and I contacted him. He said he misses me a lot, and he is thinking of me. He feels ter...

A.   4 December 2010: His mom is dying...I think that's a good reason for him to feel overwhelmed and reach out to you. I would go see his mother and pay my respects, and be kind to him knowing he's got a lot of troubles...but that's all I would do. I wouldn't try to ... (read in full...)

My wife told me she wants to be single and live by herself!

Q.   Im 23 years old and my wife is 21. We knew eachother for 4 years dated for 2 years and have been married for 1 year. We have a 1 year old daughter. My wife is tired of being a mom and wife, she says she still loves me but she just wants to be ...

A.   4 December 2010: Right now you have to let her go. I'd bet she is tired and feeling used and lonely. Give her some space, and then show her that you have changed. And I mean really change, don't be good just when she's looking. Be a good father to your daughter. ... (read in full...)

He always enjoys the sex but I don't!

Q.   i have a problem, and i dont know what to do about it.... my boyfriend and i... ugh im not pleasured by our sex... BUT HE ALWAYS IS. i dont know how to tell him that im not because i dont want to make him do something he doesnt want too. but its ...

A.   4 December 2010: Tell him. If he is a good guy, he will want you to be happy in bed too. It's really not a big deal to ask for what you need. It will make both of you happier in the long run.... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend could do so much better than me!

Q.   sigghh. i have so much i want too tell my boyfriend. like the fact that i think he could do SO MUCH BETTER THAN ME, because of my past i refer to my self as abnormal i do have a lot wrong with me, and i really love him and want the best for him.. ...

A.   4 December 2010: A better idea would be to work on your own problems and make your relationship stronger and better. He loves you too, don't you think he wants you to be happy as well? Are you going to tell the same thing to all the men who come along after hi... (read in full...)

Should she continue to see him?

Q.   My friend has been dating this guy for almost a year, and hasn't asked her to be his girlfriend yet. During their romantic involvement, he's courted her on many dates (cruises, shopping sprees, lavish dinners, etc), which have been fully paid for on ...

A.   4 December 2010: They are together, but he's playing with his feet out the window. When the going gets tough, he won't be there. ... (read in full...)

How do I respond to a woman who flaked out on me?

Q.   I am 42. She is 34. We've gone out on two dates and have gotten along perfectly. The first time I took her to a concert, then to dinner afterward where we talked. At one point, she said, "you're so cute." The second time we went to a club, t...

A.   4 December 2010: This one time, I would let it go. Maybe she genuinely forgot and has been busy with work. I suggest that you text her next week and try to set up another date. See what happens then. ... (read in full...)

I do everything for him, I even help run his stripping company but I get no thanks in return!

Q.   I am 25 years old and my husband is 40. We have only been married for seven months and together for a little over a year. He owns a stripping company, and this alone was difficult to deal with, but I did out of love. For the past year I have dealt ...

A.   4 December 2010: Why did you marry him? You hardly knew this man when you said I do. He is not going to change and you will not gain his respect by being his doormat; on the contrary, he has no respect for you at all. You can't cure the problems in your marriage ... (read in full...)

I cannot imagine that I would be desirable in bed even though I'm only 25!

Q.   I'm a 25 year old male. I am heterosexual but have never slept or been with a relationship (outside of 'internet' messageboard 'experiments') with any woman. I have never detected any desire from the opposite gender nor have I genuinely desired ...

A.   3 December 2010: If you don't want to change get used to being alone. Women don't fall out of the sky and become magically interested in boring egotistical guys with no friends.... (read in full...)

Why is it we "hurt the ones we love?"

Q.   Why is it we "hurt the ones we love?" I know it's an old saying but I think there is much truth to it. We hurt the ones we love most. I wish it weren't true or even knew how to change it. It is no secret that I love my wife very much. It's no se...

A.   2 December 2010: I suggest that you tell her how much you love her phone calls and that they make you feel good inside. Tell her how much you love it every time she does something that makes you feel special. Do the same for her. You've been together a long tim... (read in full...)

I cannot imagine that I would be desirable in bed even though I'm only 25!

Q.   I'm a 25 year old male. I am heterosexual but have never slept or been with a relationship (outside of 'internet' messageboard 'experiments') with any woman. I have never detected any desire from the opposite gender nor have I genuinely desired ...

A.   2 December 2010: Okay, well, then you have to change a few things about yourself, whether you like it or not. Visit a dermatologist and see what s/he can tell you about your scars. They may be fixable. You have to cultivate an interesting and approachable... (read in full...)

I cannot imagine that I would be desirable in bed even though I'm only 25!

Q.   I'm a 25 year old male. I am heterosexual but have never slept or been with a relationship (outside of 'internet' messageboard 'experiments') with any woman. I have never detected any desire from the opposite gender nor have I genuinely desired ...

A.   1 December 2010: What about having a girlfriend would change your life for the better? I mean, look around the site...relationships are far from a one way ticket to happiness. Is it that you want children, or someone to look after you, or what? If you're c... (read in full...)

I slept over at his place and he pulled out a vibrator! Why would he have this?

Q.   My ex had a really small um, "member", mentioning only for reference, it wasn't an issue. We are both in our 30's. So, when I slept over at his place and we had sex and he pulled out a vibrator. All I could think of the whole time is...where it ...

A.   1 December 2010: Maybe he enjoys involving vibrators in his sex life. There's nothing wrong with that. At least he is open minded...think he's still single? :)... (read in full...)

One part of me wants to call it quits, the other part wants to stick it out!

Q.   This is going to be sort of long, so please bare with me! For starters, I am 20 years old and have been engaged to a great guy for about six months. We have been together almost two years, and we recently moved in together about a month before we ...

A.   1 December 2010: It sounds as if this is on its way to being an abusive relationship. It may help to check out these resources: http://www.wadv.org/abused.htm http://www.lilaclane.com/relationships/emotional-abuse/ http://helpgu... (read in full...)

I slept with my friend's husband and I don't want to lose her friendship!

Q.   I am currently separated from my husband. He asked for an open marriage in order to pursue his secretary. I said no and he left several months ago. I have a friend. I asked her to set me up with someone she knows. I was expecting her to...

A.   1 December 2010: I say bite the bullet and be honest. You may lose her friendship, yes, but at least you will be doing the right thing. She will be angry, but down the road you may come together as friends again; you never know.... (read in full...)

I do love him a lot but am I a mug?

Q.   This is a long story lol.. Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years ( 6 Month break between) we have a 2 yr old daughter also. Anyways at first he was perfect but after aa while of him smoking drugs I ended with him an found someone kn...

A.   1 December 2010: You can be strong, it just takes a lot of daily practice. I suggest a daily affirmation that you can repeat whenever you are feeling down. Something like, "I am strong, and I deserve to be happy every day of my life." Because you are strong, even ... (read in full...)

I caught him acting deceitful but I did it while spying

Q.   I'm involved with a man that I'm deeply in love with but do not trust. In the past he hid the fact that he was still with his ex and had a secret text relationship with her (if not more). He promised he would change and after 5 breakups things ...

A.   1 December 2010: Here you are, having broken up with this cheating idiot 5 times and still making excuses for him. He pulled a bait and switch on you with the email accounts. He's lying about his phone. He might as well be waving a big red flag in your face that ... (read in full...)

I cannot imagine that I would be desirable in bed even though I'm only 25!

Q.   I'm a 25 year old male. I am heterosexual but have never slept or been with a relationship (outside of 'internet' messageboard 'experiments') with any woman. I have never detected any desire from the opposite gender nor have I genuinely desired ...

A.   1 December 2010: As long as you are happy and satisfied with your life, why worry about it?... (read in full...)

Two lives, two women......who does he really love?

Q.   Ten years ago I met a guy and we quickly fell in love ..long story short he became violent, controlling along with plenty of other issues. At that time we were living together and I had a young child in the home. With that said my family became ...

A.   1 December 2010: Because he is a loser, a liar, a low down dirty cheating dog, a scum sucking soulless douche bag, an abusive piece of trash. He never loved anyone as much as he loved himself. He enjoyed having his live in girlfriend and having you on the side... (read in full...)

Stuck in the middle!

Q.   If one if my really good friends is a hoe and I know it, am I wrong for not wanting to be her friend anymore? I consider myself a classy woman with morals and dignity. On NO account do I think I'm better than her!!!! No that I'm realizing how "out ...

A.   1 December 2010: I don't think you're wrong. Our friends are a reflection of who we are. If one of my friends is doing something truly awful like that, I would end the friendship as cheating goes against my basic values. Someone who does that is not someone I ... (read in full...)

He says I need to relax and take things slow

Q.   i have been seing this guy now for about 4 weeks. we are so happy with eahother and i know he is going to ask me out soon. only problem im faced with is he is now having major work issues he has pushed me away from it which is not fair on me and he ...

A.   1 December 2010: You aren't even dating! wth? Slow down. You sound kind of bunny boilerish right now and I don't blame him for trying to get away from you. If you are acting like this now, how will you be if you were actually going out? Stop texting him and ... (read in full...)

He still hasn't called it quits with her, even though he knows that I'm fully prepared to love and be with him!

Q.   I love him. About a month ago my very good friend asked me to the movies. I accepted and when I arrived asked how his GF was doing, we will call her Sarah. Sarah decided they needed a break two days previous...so he was upset. I ended up tryi...

A.   1 December 2010: Don't pursue guys who have just broken up with someone. Rebound relationships rarely, if ever, work out. You will just end up feeling used, because at least some of the time you are being used. Pursue men who are clearly single instead of tryin... (read in full...)

Women: do you want a bad guy or a good guy?

Q.   Hello, i am hopin someone can help me here, prefferably a female. I know a girl whom I am attracted to but she is not interested in me just want to be friends. i am a nice guy. steady job, supportive, relaitvely stable, kind, et cetera. But she ...

A.   1 December 2010: Why do guys swear because they've managed to hold down a job and not act like an ass they must be the greatest thing since sliced bread? Maybe she just doesn't like YOU, specifically. No need to wonder about her daddy issues or her past dating ... (read in full...)

What went wrong? Why his change of heart? Can I get him back?

Q.   I have recently had a breakup with a guy I dated for 2 months. It was a short relationship, but everything seemed from the first date and so on. We went out every single week since we met each other. In each one of the dates we felt we had so many ...

A.   1 December 2010: Talking about a five year plan after just two months? Yeah, he was way ahead of himself. He realized he was going way too fast and would end up married like his friend soon, and he didn't even know you that well. That's why he took himself out of ... (read in full...)

I do love him a lot but am I a mug?

Q.   This is a long story lol.. Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years ( 6 Month break between) we have a 2 yr old daughter also. Anyways at first he was perfect but after aa while of him smoking drugs I ended with him an found someone kn...

A.   1 December 2010: If a guy spent my daughter's Christmas money on going out I would freaking go HULK SMASH on him. He is a loser. Dump him. If he is still mad about your breakup he shouldn't be taking it out on your child!... (read in full...)

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