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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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I am so afraid of karma, but it just happened. How do I deal with this?
Q. I have put myself in a veryyy uncomfortable situation. Basically i have this ex with whom i went out with when i was 16 years old, we were in a relationship for a year, i am currently 19, and well ,between us ended for a very stupid reason, these ...
A. 18 June 2009: Everybody makes mistakes, OK? The important thing is that we learn from them. You learned that your ex boyfriend is the type of guy who doesn't respect his marriage. Now's the time to lick your wounds a bit and move on. I'm glad that you ... (read in full...)
What can I do? I'm in a sexless marriage!
Q. I have been in a sexless marriage for about 4 years. My wife is a recovering alcoholic which means she has loads of behavior problems.There is no part of our relationship working at the moment. I want us to go to get help but she will not go. Where ...
A. 18 June 2009: If she won't go to counseling go by yourself. A good counselor can help you figure out the next step and see if your marriage is worth saving. I'd also recommend going to Al-Anon if you haven't already. You're in a tough place right now but it ... (read in full...)
Sex just DOESN'T happen with us any more...
Q. Me and my partner have been together for about 4 years, the last 18 months or so 'sex' does not happen! Well it does but once a month at the most. I dont know why and it could break us. Its as if she just dosnt want it any more. What could be the ...
A. 18 June 2009: Have you sat down and talked about it? That's your first step.... (read in full...)
She doesn't want me near her house? Why?
Q. Hi all, Ive got a small dilema which I hope some of you people can help me with. I still live with my parents (I know im too old but no jokes please lol) and my girlfriend lives with her Dad. My girlfriend only stayes at her dads 3 nights a we...
A. 17 June 2009: The place probably holds a lot of bad feelings for her. She enjoys being with you and being at your house because she's away from all that bad energy, and it's possible that she feels if she brings you to her house that bad energy will ruin your ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant but my ex says I must have an abortion!
Q. I am pregnant and my ex boyfriend wants me to get an abortion. He is very stern about the idea and says that i am ruining his life and i am ruining his family goals. i am 19, he is 25. We split up about 5 months ago and then tried working things ...
A. 17 June 2009: It's your choice. If you want to keep the baby, do so. He will have to step up but he had his part in making this child too. He'll just have to deal with it. Don't have an abortion to please someone else if that's not what you want to do.
... (read in full...)
I want to be taken seriously, not just for sex
Q. ok this is a weird situation and queston. well I was at work today and one of my co workers asked me if anyone has ever told me that I had seductive eyes?! well I said no not in that way. well anyway she kept on and on with it and told me I had ...
A. 17 June 2009: The next time a coworker says something like that to you, cut them off. For one thing, that's inappropriate talk for work. F me eyes, indeed. That's sexual harassment.
I second all the advice that says to carry yourself professionally and with... (read in full...)
Are we incompatible sexually?
Q. Are we incompatible? My boyfriend and I have different tastes sex wise, he loves the porno raw/release type sex all of the time and whilst I can get into this most of the time I also crave the sensual foreplay/after-play type sex that we had at ...
A. 17 June 2009: I don't think you're completely incompatible but he needs to accommodate you from time to time. A little compromise is good and won't hurt him. Sit down and tell him that your sex life is great, but the fact that he doesn't have the slow, sensual ... (read in full...)
He is paranoid that I might cheat, due to his past experiences
Q. I'm afraid that my boyfriend will get upset with me. You see, I'm Head of the Student's Council of our faculty, and this week we've been celebrating the faculty's anniversary. I had to organize a party for this Friday night, at some local club. I ...
A. 17 June 2009: Don't do anything. This is his issue, his insecurity, and he has to address it himself. I realize that he feels insecure because of his past but that isn't your problem and you shouldn't take it on. Hang out with your friends and don't do ... (read in full...)
I cancelled the wedding due to serious doubts, but he is crying and begging..please help!
Q. Ok, so I have been with my fiance for 3 years now and everything has been wonderful. Just this past weekend I have cancelled our wedding which was to happen in 3months from now. He is 7 years older then I am and lately I have been feeling distant ...
A. 17 June 2009: If you're not feeling the relationship anymore, end it. I think it would be a shame if you stayed and ended up feeling frustrated, resentful and angry the whole time. That would be terrible for everybody involved. You're not in the same place ... (read in full...)
Husband secretly getting ready to bolt?
Q. I found a new passport that my husband received (and hid) yesterday. We have had our problems based upon alcohol and his verbal abuse but he has been adamant about how much he loves me and moving forward with working things out. We misplaced both ...
A. 17 June 2009: Have you ever been to Al-Anon? I think that it would be very helpful for you. It would also be good for you to seek professional counseling for your hurt.
Every marriage has its ups and downs but yes, there are happy marriages.... (read in full...)
Do I stay with a husband I don't trust or go with a man who really hurt?
Q. I was involved with a man for a short time (just over a month) I had waited 17 years to really give my heart to another man. This man sparked everything inside of me and I fell head over hills in love with him. He (we) talked about moving in with ...
A. 17 June 2009: It was a terrible decision to get married to protect yourself from hurt. Nothing guarantees a hurt free life except maybe never encountering anyone else and even that isn't for sure. You still have time to set things right. If you don't trust ... (read in full...)
My dad tries to control my life! I've had it!
Q. i need some advice. i've posted on here about my situation, i'm a student studying nursing, and have been at uni for 9 months. when i started uni i lost my nana and lost all battle to do this course, since then it's slowly gone down hill. i am doing ...
A. 17 June 2009: I'm so sorry for your loss and that your dad is doing this. I don't know why he's being so controlling, but moving out and going your own way is probably the best option for you. I applaud you for following your dreams and doing what's right!
... (read in full...)
I slept with my ex as she doesn't really like the guy she's with
Q. Hi I had an argument with my exGF after we had sex. I told her she really didnt love the guy she's going out with now, because she cheated on him. She told me I was nobody and I just laughed and said that wasn't what she was yelling when were doing ...
A. 17 June 2009: You're not exactly a paragon of strength yourself. You admit that you still love someone who told you you were nobody, and you're dishonoring a relationship by sleeping with her.... (read in full...)
All the other little things is putting a wedge between us
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about one and a half years now. There were ups and downs but we mangaed to stay together. He is really nice and caring now after all the arguements. Except that he still dislike some of my guy friends (I've known some ...
A. 17 June 2009: I don't think there's any way to avoid him being sad. Breakups are hard. The best way to do it is to be honest and free him and yourself to find the people that are your true partners.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
He and his son has drinking problems and dislikes my sister
Q. My husband has a drinking problem. His son, 28, drinks too. I hate when his son comes home because they drink together.Some times I get so angry that I can act really nasty. My husband gets upset because I bring my sister to our house and I am ver...
A. 17 June 2009: Codependency and love can exist together. You can easily love someone and be codependent at the same time...heck codependency can be born out of love.
I think it would be good for you to join Al-Anon. There are a lot of people with similar ... (read in full...)
Help me understand my boyfriend
Q. Right, well i've been with this guy for nearly 9 months now, and it's the most serious relationship ether of us has ever had. We've both had kinda rough childhoods tbh I've just gotten over a really rough time in my life, and for the first time i'm ...
A. 15 June 2009: Well, when I would pull away and be uncommunicative she would not call me, she would let me come back in my own time. Sometimes she would leave a message that she was thinking of me just so I'd know she was still there for me when I was ready. She ... (read in full...)
My father is the father of my baby... I'm falling into depression... help!
Q. i dont really know how to put this, most of you will probably be utterly digusted, and wont even be able to find the right words.. but i really need some advice. about a month ago, my mom was out of town for a business trip. i am a only child ...
A. 15 June 2009: I'm so sorry that this happened to you. *hug* It's going to be all right.
I hate it say it but your father took advantage of you. You were in a bad mental state and it was wrong of him to put himself on you sexually. He should not take advantag... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to deal with this jealousy?
Q. Hi people, I need some advice on how to deal with my feelings please! I’ve known this girl through work for 4 years. For the first couple of years we were very close, always hanging around together and flirting. Everyone said we would make a gre...
A. 15 June 2009: She's in a relationship dude. If she wasn't happy with it, she wouldn't be in it. Simple as that. I think it would be a good idea to increase the distance between you by getting a new job.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Together for 3 years and still no sex, what should I do?
Q. So I have been dating a girl for almost 3 years. From day one she was against oral sex, which is fine. But I believed that after dating for a while she would be willing to have sex....3 years later an this has not happened yet. Basically, I am ...
A. 15 June 2009: There's nothing wrong with waiting to have sex until marriage if both partners agree to it. That doesn't seem to be the case here. She seems like she has an issue with sex as she thinks you're perverted for wanting it. There isn't anything ... (read in full...)
I'm not cheating but he's accusing me of it!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs and we are both very very insecure, i dont accuse him of cheating on me but he thinks that i am because i am always working and working for long long hours and sometimes even 6 days a week, we dont live together ...
A. 15 June 2009: I'd be concerned if he doesn't let up. He shouldn't be accusing you of doing something you're not, and there's also a chance he is doing it to cover up what he's doing.
If he keeps it up let him know in clear terms that is not acceptab... (read in full...)
Haven't met yet in a year and I'm feeling insecure.
Q. hey guys, well me and this girl have been dating over the phone for a year now and we havent met because she has trust and insecurity issues. Her last relationship was unhealthy with her ex abusing her sexually, physically and cheated on her as ...
A. 15 June 2009: I agree with the other advice and wanted to add that there's a good chance those aren't even her pictures. A whole year? In the words of the immortal Keith Sweat, something something just ain't right.... (read in full...)
A love saga... please help!
Q. I started dating this guy casually. We werent exclusive but despite neither one of us wanting to be in a relationship, we became close. He told me he loved me. 7 months in I find out he is living with a girl who has just had his baby!!! Apparent...
A. 15 June 2009: If you want to stay friends with him - and it's certainly your choice to do so - make it absolutely clear that you are only friends. No tripping and falling into bed together. No money lending. Offer emotional support only. I have a feeling that ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my past?
Q. I wrote in my other question about how i got raped by my bro in law and my sister chose him over me. And i asked whether if i was right or my sister was. But this time ive got another problem. I am gettin into a serious relationship about who my ...
A. 15 June 2009: I think that it would be okay to tell him when you're ready. If he loves and cares about you he will have no problem accepting it, since it wasn't your fault. I probably wouldn't tell him exactly who did it, but that's just me. Trust your gut.
... (read in full...)
I would love to find a meaningful relationship but it's just not happening...
Q. I guess this is a long one so where to start. I'm 21, I'm Gay, I came out when I was 17 years old and had a fantastic response from everyone I know. As a person I'm not effeminate in anyway, most new people that meet me are shocked to find out that ...
A. 15 June 2009: I think you've got bigger issues than simply meeting someone else. Sex can be scary but it's also quite natural and enjoyable. You cannot depend on another person to bring you happiness either, you have to find it in yourself first.
If you have... (read in full...)
Help me understand my boyfriend
Q. Right, well i've been with this guy for nearly 9 months now, and it's the most serious relationship ether of us has ever had. We've both had kinda rough childhoods tbh I've just gotten over a really rough time in my life, and for the first time i'm ...
A. 15 June 2009: I'm happy that you found my advice helpful :)
It does sound like he has some hangups that he needs to work on. That's normal, we're all human and have issues. I have issues with emotional unavailability myself and what really helped me was havi... (read in full...)
How to stay in contact with an ex and maintain that bond and friendship if he has suddenly shut down?
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma and really confused on how to deal with this guy I really like but is unavailable. I know I can never really be with him or have a serious relationship but I don't want to lose him entirely either and am struggling to at ...
A. 15 June 2009: All that text to say "whatever, I do what I want!" LOL.
I think it's funny that you're super defensive about this guy who doesn't want to be your friend. Friendship is a two-way street. But hey, if you want to hang on for some scraps of affec... (read in full...)
How to stay in contact with an ex and maintain that bond and friendship if he has suddenly shut down?
Q. I'm in a bit of a dilemma and really confused on how to deal with this guy I really like but is unavailable. I know I can never really be with him or have a serious relationship but I don't want to lose him entirely either and am struggling to at ...
A. 14 June 2009: You were a side girlfriend the whole time. He was never that interested in you because he was married. He never fought for you. He doesn't want your friendship. It was all about the sex and keeping you just happy enough that the sex wouldn't dry ... (read in full...)
I need your help moving on from my heartbreak. I can't keep it together anymore
Q. I Had been in a relationship with this really nice lad for 4 months. about a week ago he went onto my facebook account and read some emails i had been sended another lad. He accused me of cheating on him with this other lad, although i would never ...
A. 14 June 2009: You're better off without him. Not only did he snoop into your facebook, dump you for writing some friendly emails (I am assuming there was nothing going on in these emails of course) - he does all this after knowing you just 4 MONTHS?
Be gl... (read in full...)
Help me understand my boyfriend
Q. Right, well i've been with this guy for nearly 9 months now, and it's the most serious relationship ether of us has ever had. We've both had kinda rough childhoods tbh I've just gotten over a really rough time in my life, and for the first time i'm ...
A. 14 June 2009: Ah, the old "come closer, go away" trick, the sign of the emotionally unavailable. He is going to be a tough nut to crack. There will be times when he'll be incredibly lovey-dovey and then times when he gets overwhelmed and withdraws. If you're... (read in full...)
Its only a matter of time before I ruin everything!
Q. I am confident and trust my boyfriend. I don't get paranoid or jealous, I don't care about him hanging out with other girls and I truly love him. However I am really good at hiding how insecure i am. A year ago I spent all my time with my current ...
A. 14 June 2009: A good therapist will help you work on your feelings of insecurity. You have to learn to love yourself and accept yourself, and once you do, confidence in your relationship choices will come naturally. Now, if I'm reading your question right, ... (read in full...)
We are living together but now I feel nothing for him
Q. My boyfriend of only 4 months and I live together (I realize its a mistake to move in together so early) I'm 26 and he's 30. I have lived on my own for about 8 years and he is right from mom's house. The first few weeks were filled with argueing ...
A. 14 June 2009: Good communication always helps. Sit down and talk about what's going on, together. Tell him how yelling at you makes you feel. I think it's a good sign that he's willing to work on it, that he sees that something's wrong and he wants to fix it.... (read in full...)
My ex threatened my first love, and told him lies, how do I fix this?
Q. 20 years ago I ended a relationship when I moved out of state. I never fell out of love with my first love but ended up marrying someone else 10 years ago. Last year I began my seperation with my husband, at the same time unknowingly my first love ...
A. 14 June 2009: It seems like he still cares but is scared. Your ex is a nasty piece of work. Give it some space, both for your potential guy to stop freaking out and for your ex to stop being psycho (hopefully). Then, after a while send him a message that you ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex and yet am repulsed by it
Q. I've never heard of anybody who has this problem. I am a man in my late 20's, who like most other men is desperate to have sex, yet at the same time I'm repulsed by it. The reason why is because I despise the human race, I view all emotions as ...
A. 13 June 2009: Your heart and your mind seem at odds with each other. Your mind is going on about the weaknesses within humanity but your heart longs for closeness and understanding.
I think a good therapist will help you reconcile the differences inside y... (read in full...)
Ex rings me while on vacation with new g/f
Q. hi all My ex is on holiday with his gf who is pregnent and last nite he rang me and he said are you missing me i repled kinda, but then i asked why he rang me and he said just seeing how you are then as we speak hes texting me. Does anyone think...
A. 13 June 2009: It's very strange - but he shouldn't be doing it. He is reaching out to you probably because he is stressed with a baby on the way. Hopefully he is not doing it to see if he can set you up to be a stress reliever aka side girlfriend, because you ... (read in full...)
Forever is a very long time....
Q. hey everyone . i hope someone could fill me in on this , or help me understanf atleast a bit i have noone to tell or ask for support and i trust alot of your opinions . me and my bf were making out and so on , told him i loved him - we say it ...
A. 13 June 2009: Sounds like he is feeling insecure after the contact with his ex. Reassure him that you love him, and that hopefully it will last a long, long time. Tell him how good he makes you feel every day and that you look forward to being with him all the ... (read in full...)
Mom's boyfriend came into my room and played with me..how do I tell my mom?
Q. okay, last night my mom had to work (as usual). her boyfriend just moved in last week, so he is around when she's not. last night before I fell asleep, he came in my room and sat on my bed. he talked to me about boys and how now i was old enough to ...
A. 13 June 2009: I'm so sorry that your mom's boyfriend took advantage of you. He is the adult and he should never have touched you or told you those things. Please tell your mom what he did. What he did was not your fault, at all, it is COMPLETELY HIS FAULT and ... (read in full...)
Leave the boyfriend? Is this an abusive relationship?
Q. Long story. Thank you for taking the time to read this! My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. When we first dated, I had just left an abusive relationship and eventually had to place a restraining order against my ex. I truly shou...
A. 13 June 2009: It looks like you are in a carbon copy of your old relationship. I think that a good therapist would help you work on your issues so that your next relationship will be better. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and I have been through hell but I think I'm falling for his friend!
Q. Ive asked for help on this before but the situations worsened and now i reaaaaaaly dont know what on earth to do! See, thing is. Ive been with my boyfriend for three months, i feel as though fate has set us up to be together and ive FINALLY foun...
A. 13 June 2009: Well, if you want to make it work with your boyfriend you'd limit your time around his friend. No sense playing with fire if you don't want to get cooking. There is also a possibility that you are being tested; his friend could be testing you t... (read in full...)
He says I should feel lucky to have known him!
Q. My guy friend was talking to me friendly today after hes been ignoring me for weeks. He says that I'm lucky to have known him for a year. Yeah right I hate him ignoring me and yet I should feel lucky to have known him. He's big headed physically and ...
A. 13 June 2009: Don't give him any feedback. He wants his ego stroked because inside he is insecure. Instead, learn the art of non-reaction. When he ignores you, ignore him back. When he picks on you, ignore him. When he gets all big headed, ignore him. When ... (read in full...)
His facebook activitie worry, irritate and annoy me!
Q. My guy has dumped me uncountable times even on facebook (blah blah ended their relationship) He flirts with almost every gal, and some of them have a crush on him. He inboxes his ex fuck buddy that his loins burn for her and he misses her, he even ...
A. 13 June 2009: The next time he changes his Facebook relationship status you change yours too...online and offline! Get a new boyfriend that respects you and won't go behind your back to get with other women.... (read in full...)
How could he not know that I wanted to see him?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks now. Thought it was going really well. Talk to him every night on phone and meet up with him when we both can as we live 2 hours away and both have kids. Last night we had planned for him to come ...
A. 13 June 2009: Nothing prevented him from picking up the phone and asking, if he wasn't sure. However, if this is the 1st time it's happened, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. It probably is simply a miscommunication since he did come down after all. Just ... (read in full...)
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