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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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Choosing between guys AND whether to abort or not!
Q. Well guys I'm stilled confused. My husband left me about eight mths ago and now I"m pregnant with another guy's baby. My husband recently contacted me with the hopes of us getting back together. When i went to see him he ask if I was pregnant and I ...
A. 21 November 2010: Glad to hear you are doing well. Best of luck with your future.... (read in full...)
How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?
Q. i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend. i have already told my best friend that i love her. i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if sh...
A. 16 April 2010: You have to focus on letting go. The more you focus on keeping her close to you, the farther she will go away. You must focus on yourself and finding new sources of happiness. Go out to places and start talking to other people. Try to meet ... (read in full...)
How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?
Q. i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend. i have already told my best friend that i love her. i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if sh...
A. 10 April 2010: There's nothing you can do to stop the gossip. People are going to talk nonetheless...at this point you have to give them less to talk about, which means not hanging out with each other as much. Date around. Hang out with some new girls. Get ... (read in full...)
My woman is confused if I'm her friend or her lover!
Q. I'm 30yo male. I have been in a relationship with a 29yo female for nearly 3 months now. Things started off great. Then one day, she suddenly txt me and said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was assured there's no 3rd party involved. Few ...
A. 6 April 2010: I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
I don't know why people lie and cheat and treat others dirty, but the only thing we can do is move on and not act like that ourselves. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he proposed after all this time?
Q. I'm 29 and I've been with my man for 11 years. We have a 10 year old son together, we've purchased a home together, cars together, and basically everything together as if we are married, but we're not. Everytime I bring up marriage he says everythi...
A. 6 April 2010: I think you're doing okay. Marriage is obviously very important to you, and after all this time you have proven that you are a wonderful woman and mother. He has no real objections and he's just being hard headed. If marriage is what you really ... (read in full...)
Can I win her heart back if her marriage falls through?
Q. I’ve been heart broken since the 20th of June 09, my ex and I broke up after I had a emotional break down and said a lot of nasty things about her and her family after we had been together for a year and 15 days. There a lot of things about me that ...
A. 6 April 2010: I think that you should allow her to be happy and work on being a good man for yourself. In your question you posted that you have tried to commit suicide six times...that is about as far from healthy as you can get. Therapy may also help you from ... (read in full...)
Do you think he is interested or is being friendly just part of his job?
Q. Hey everyone... This is going to be a bit long, but I truly have nowhere else to rant about this so please, please take some time to read it and try to give me advice if possible. I'll be thanking you forever. My situation is a bit weird/fu...
A. 4 April 2010: Go to the bar. Can't hurt. If you see him there, tell him you remembered the bar from the conversation and wanted to see if it was fun. See if a friendly chat goes anywhere. It just might!... (read in full...)
She rarely responds to my flirting but seems to enjoy the attention anyway. Do you think this can go anywhere?
Q. I am a happily married middle aged man of 47 but I have developed a very enjoyable and good friendship with a 30 year old single woman who lives at home with her parents. She and her Mum and my wife and I have been out together to the cinema and had ...
A. 4 April 2010: You're happily married but you're flirting and trying to get with another woman? Dude, respect your marriage and leave this woman alone.... (read in full...)
She does not mind my advances, appreciates my compliments, but only want to be friends. What should I make of this?
Q. If a girl knows you love her, and doesn't mind your advances, and hearing whatever you have to say (which usually a person in love would say to his beloved--usually quite frank), but at the same time tells you that she doesn't see you as a lover, ...
A. 4 April 2010: She wants to be friends. That's what she said, and she meant it. ... (read in full...)
He is cancelling dates and disrespecting my time. How can I make it clear that this is not ok!
Q. Hello all, I have a question about a guy Ive recently started dating (about a month or so). He seemed to be really interested the first few dates and still does seem to have interest in getting together but had cancelled the last 2 dates. He has ...
A. 4 April 2010: If he doesn't call you, don't call him back. It's his loss.
If he does call and cancel at the last minute, tell him, "I understand that you have a busy schedule, but I would appreciate if you gave me at least an hour's notice the next time you... (read in full...)
I want a relationship, but he doesn't.
Q. *OP's own title* I met this guy 4 1/2 years ago and when i first met him he had told me that he had just got out of a relationship which she left with their 2 girls and that had devastated him. Anyway i felt sorry for him for a long time,then as...
A. 4 April 2010: He's just not that into you.
A man who is in love with you will make you his date, his girlfriend, and then his wife. He won't keep you around for 3 years without even buying you dinner (and why are you putting up with this, anyway?) and he will ... (read in full...)
Does he really need time to think?
Q. My boyfriend dumped me about a week ago. I was overbearing, not truthful,and not a very good girlfriend.I miss him, and regret all of this..I just want another chance.. Now, I am giving him his space, but it's hard. He says its hard too, and asked ...
A. 4 April 2010: Leave the poor man alone and let him think. While he's doing that, take time to figure out how things will be different if he gives you another chance. It's all well and good to say you're going to change, but following through is another matter ... (read in full...)
How do I get her to love me again?
Q. Ok where should i start !!! My girlfriend and i have been together for almost 5 years. She moved in with me after we dated for 1 year. In the last 5 years we have been threw it all... I have cheated on her both emotionally and physical, and even tho ...
A. 4 April 2010: She may fall back for you. She may not. You see, each time you cheated, each time you hurt her, a little of her love for you disappeared. By now it's all gone. You used it up. Now you want to make amends, and it won't be easy.
The only thi... (read in full...)
How do I save my friendship without us looking like a couple?
Q. i love my best friend very much and want to see her happy alwayz but she loves my other friend. i have already told my best friend that i love her. i am happy to see both of them happy together because i just want to see her happiness. if sh...
A. 4 April 2010: Talk to her and tell her that you'd still like to hang out. However, it makes sense that she's distancing herself because you're in love with her and she loves someone else. She doesn't want to be around you and see you hurt/hurt you, and she ... (read in full...)
I supported him during his separation and he repays me with lies
Q. i need advice please. i dont know what to do regarding my work colleague. he started the job we're in 8 months ago. his wife left him last year and hes used me as a huge emotional crutch which ive been happy about. i really like him, hes funny an...
A. 4 April 2010: Sometimes people just abuse our good natures, you know? We extend a hand in friendship and they use it to grab everything they can. At this point you need to back off him and let him live his life. There's no point in you continuing to give when ... (read in full...)
Choosing between guys AND whether to abort or not!
Q. Well guys I'm stilled confused. My husband left me about eight mths ago and now I"m pregnant with another guy's baby. My husband recently contacted me with the hopes of us getting back together. When i went to see him he ask if I was pregnant and I ...
A. 4 April 2010: I'm with quiet-echo here. Your new boyfriend has a bad track record. Sure, he's excited, but he was excited about the other kids too, and he's not with those women anymore. How is he supporting all these kids? Will he have enough to support you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend makes me pay for hotel rooms to see him and I'm tired of it. What can I do about it?
Q. My boyfriend and i go to hotet rooms to spend time alone. Neither he nor I are working right now. I am a college student and he so is he. We both hate having to ask our parents for money for anything. But my dad gives me everything so he expects me ...
A. 3 April 2010: ...he talks about sleeping with other people while he's in a committed relationship with you?
Is he out of his mind?
Your so-called boyfriend is a self centered jerk. No man who sincerely loved you would ever try to manipulate you that way. A... (read in full...)
3 months married, a football widow and I don't know if he loves me!
Q. I need advice... I got married 3 months ago to a guy I thought loved me. I have never been so wrong. It sounds completely stupid, and judging by the other emails on this site I have no reason to be complaining.... But I am the original football ...
A. 3 April 2010: I think that you need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. Let him know how you feel about all this arguing and shorting your child on the attention and medical care that he needs. It's possible that you may not be able to get through ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's best friend assaulted me
Q. I started to tell the whole, long story. but it turned out to be about 20000 words.. so here is the short version: My boyfriend's best friend forced me to give him head. He was drunk, i was not that drunk. My boyfriend was sleeping on the couch ne...
A. 3 April 2010: If you were afraid to say no, it was sexual assault. Someone doesn't have to hold a gun to your head for it to be sexual assault.
I can understand why this happened. Assholes - which is what this guy is, he's not nice at all - will take advantag... (read in full...)
My woman is confused if I'm her friend or her lover!
Q. I'm 30yo male. I have been in a relationship with a 29yo female for nearly 3 months now. Things started off great. Then one day, she suddenly txt me and said she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was assured there's no 3rd party involved. Few ...
A. 3 April 2010: It sounds like you're in a rebound relationship, and honestly, these types of relationships often don't work out. Your girlfriend is still carrying baggage from her last relationship. The only thing you can do is keep being you, and let her know ... (read in full...)
I am always suspicious of him, how do I trust him?
Q. I heard a rumor about my boyfriend cheating on me, I immediatley freaked out, smacked him in the chest and screamed at him without giving him a chance to explain, left our house and stayed at my friends for the next 3 days. After I left, he didn'...
A. 3 April 2010: What is wrong with you? You never put your hands on another person. Violence is never the answer to a question. Never!
Second, did you stop to consider the source? Who told you your boyfriend was cheating on you? Did the person have any ulte... (read in full...)
My wife wants to have sex with a black man
Q. I am an average size guy and my wife is large down below after having our child and since I have noticed that she has become frustrated as I am not satisfying her, We have toys and have fun but she has asked if she could sleep with a black man to t...
A. 27 March 2010: Kegels, man, kegels.... (read in full...)
I made a decision about the cheating father of my baby, now a friend is telling me I did the wrong thing
Q. I have a 2 week old son. His father is not in the picture. He pretty much just up and left and I haven't had any contact with him. At first he wanted to be there. He kept trying to agree to letting him get a place and have me move in with him. ...
A. 27 March 2010: Well, it is and it isn't your fault.
It isn't your fault that the guy did an about face on you, and isn't doing what he should do. He's a grown man and he knows what the right thing to do is. You can't persuade someone to do something that isn... (read in full...)
Should I end this 8 month marriage?
Q. Hi, I think its time to end our marriage. I have been married for about 8 months now and everything seems to be falling apart and my love for my husband diminishing. I feel like he is a chronic liar and does not treat me the way I want. Im now d...
A. 13 March 2010: how long were you together before you got married? did you spend a lot of time together before marriage or was it all long distance?... (read in full...)
I can't believe that no one remembers my birthday
Q. So I'll be 45 in two days. My kids are grown, and I've been dating this guy for 2 years. He has 3 kids; 13, 15, 21. I am currently staying with him until I close on my house (he wanted me to live with him, but the house is too small and I just ...
A. 6 March 2010: After two years you have certainly earned the right to say something. No point in moping around and hoping things get better magically. No one celebrates a doormat. Life is too short to put yourself out for other people and get nothing back. ... (read in full...)
Is she stringing me along...?
Q. Hello All, I have been in an almost two-year relationship with a married woman. Things are wonderful when we are together and that is 5-10 times a month and we talk every day. She is 16 years younger than her husband and tells me they have nothin...
A. 6 March 2010: Set a deadline and be prepared to walk away if it's not met. It's been two years already. If she's in love with you and has nothing in common with her husband, there's no reason for the divorce not to be started by now. She can only string you ... (read in full...)
Is the friend the reason our relationship crumbled???
Q. i went out with my boyfriend for 5 months it was brilliant for the first month and everything was going really well until i met his friend, his friend started ringing me every night and i stupidly ended up talking to his friend rather then my ...
A. 6 March 2010: You failed the test. Really, why were you spending all that time talking to his friend instead of him? You exposed yourself as a woman that he can't trust. Why would he spend time with you when he could spend time with someone that wasn't chasing ... (read in full...)
I don't want to love him anymore and he doesn't want to love me.
Q. I've been with this guy for exactly 1 year and 6 months today. I'm crazy about him. But that’s the problem. I don’t want to love him any more and he doesn’t want to love me. We've got into random fights our entire relationship, and about a year...
A. 6 March 2010: Someone who truly loves you will never hit you.
You need to get out of this relationship and into therapy to work on your self-esteem. Stay single until you've worked on it. Right now you have the welcome mat out for anyone who shows you affe... (read in full...)
On and off and missing him, even his flaws.
Q. me and my man been off and on for 3 years. both at fault but i know i treated him like crap and then did the same things again when he came home. its been 2 months and its the longest we have been apart. i got in touch as i need support as i have a ...
A. 6 March 2010: Looks like you need to find a new source of strength. If you kick a man enough, he will not come back to you. I suggest you move on and concentrate on being a better girlfriend to the next man. Stop contacting him to rub it in as you instead are ... (read in full...)
How do I get over someone who only wants me for sex?
Q. i found out he only wants me for sex ...i had always hoped that this wasn't the case and that he would want a relationship with me (like when we first started...we had a few fights in between and hadn't talked for a few months until he recently ...
A. 6 March 2010: Forget him. There are too many fish in the sea to worry about one dude who doesn't appreciate the wonderful lady you are. There's a guy out there who will love and accept you for you and you'll be happy together. Don't waste your time and ... (read in full...)
We're trying to work it out, but his Facebook status isn't helping
Q. My husband and I were seperated....We are trying to work things out and have been back together for about 2 months. His facebook status is its complicated.Im upset because we are trying to work things out so he should change it am I right???? Its ...
A. 6 March 2010: "It's complicated" is way better than "single". I think you should let this slide and focus instead on your relationship.... (read in full...)
What he said to me makes me fell bad about myself
Q. Here is my question...i am a down to earth laid back country girl, and the last guy that i dated tried to change a few things about me before we broke up and he made me feel bad about myself. Now when a guy ask me for my number or flirts with me the ...
A. 6 March 2010: Some people want a round peg to fit in a square hole. Just because your ex-boyfriend wanted you to fit in a square hole doesn't mean that was the right fit for you. He's just one dude out of a sea of millions, and frankly, his opinion is just that ... (read in full...)
I love my fiance, but I want to run off with my best friend
Q. I'm getting married soon. I love my fiance. We've been together since high school and have lived together for the past few years. A week before he proposed, I had started to be thinking about other men. I was so shocked when he proposed I got ...
A. 6 March 2010: First off, I think you should postpone the wedding. It may be difficult, but you owe it to your fiance and yourself to not get married unless you truly feel he is the One. Better to put it off and sort out your feelings than spend time in a ... (read in full...)
Why must I wait weeks to hear from her and months to see her?
Q. Oh boy, I have problem. I don't even know where to start with my question so I'll just tell the whole story. I have two very important women in my life. The first is my girlfriend of five years- my love.The second is a very close female friend who ...
A. 12 February 2010: Love is not logical. The more you try to force feelings into a logical cage the more upset you will get.
Look, for whatever reason, Suzie has decided to move on from you. We can theorize all day about openness and the ability to love more tha... (read in full...)
I want to give him a second chance but will my friend get mad at me?
Q. My now bffl used to go out with this guy. Then i like the guy so, i asked him out. We went out for 5 months and he would always be there for me, so sweet, and he was the perfect guy!!! Well, so i thought. But as it turns out, he was going out with ...
A. 12 February 2010: Put your friend's feelings before a guy, or one day you won't have any friends.... (read in full...)
I never got over my ex but I don't want to hurt my current boyfriend!
Q. Ok.so i have a boyfriend.but me n my ex never got over eachother.i just needed space.so ive ben talkin with my ex about how we wana get back n how he loves me n im his everything.the thing is i thought he left me cuz he didnt care 4 me.but he told ...
A. 12 February 2010: You can't go back without hurting your current boyfriend. I suggest you be honest and upfront and at least he won't be too badly hurt when you go back to your ex. ... (read in full...)
How do I move things forward? He won't make the move!
Q. EX BF, keeps asking if im dating, atleast 10 times.. Im single he is not, he ended it nearly one year ago, doesn't seem happy in new relationship. He recently started flirting with me, contacting me, he suggests to meet up for coffee a few tim...
A. 12 February 2010: If he's not single there's no point. The ball is in his court, and he needs to saddle up and get it together. As long as he is dating someone else there is NOTHING you can do.... (read in full...)
How can I stay strong and keep my decision of walking away?
Q. I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years, during this time he disrespected me, tried to hook up with other girls and just acted as if he didnt care about me, only when I wanted to leave did he break down and cried, so I foolishly stayed. ...
A. 12 February 2010: Take it day by day. You know that you can't trust his words, since he lied to you so easily before. So each day, just for that day, you commit to staying away. Don't worry about the future, just concentrate on yourself and being strong today. ... (read in full...)
Should I still try to date one of them or leave them both alone?
Q. I have this problems i been messing with this boy for three years we never have an relationaship but we felt in love. Even through we not together or never been together he broken my heart in many ways you couldnt image.. so i stop caring and doing ...
A. 12 February 2010: Leave them both alone. The first dude, if he loved you he would have been in a relationship with you. You don't keep it casual with someone you love, you know?
The second dude is his friend and he's treating you like crap. Never accept that.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend said she can't do our long distance relationship anymore and is going to block my number!
Q. Back in July of 2009 I started dating this wonderful girl, but soon after she moved to California. We kept it a long distance relationship. She was 25 and i am 19. In November I flew out to see her and I lost my vcard to her. (Yeah I know 19, ...
A. 12 February 2010: I'm sorry but this chick sounds kind of crazy, and it also sounds like she was cheating and projecting it on you. Found someone in a week huh? Odds are she was already interested in him, and that's why she broke up with you.
She is treating... (read in full...)
How do I handle a guy who gets completely freaked out at the thought of having a girlfriend?
Q. What would you do with a guy who you're sure likes you but who seems completely freaked out by the idea of having a girlfriend? I like him, we briefly got together last year before he backed out and now we hang out mainly in groups, with his best ...
A. 12 February 2010: I'd move on and let him miss out on the pleasure of having me. No reason to put my life on hold because HE has issues.... (read in full...)
I don't understand religion and why we should be forced to put up with it.
Q. hi, im 14 and an atheist but i respect religious people who are open to another persons point of view, but the other side of that coin is that ignorance and single mindedness makes me really really angry. i just dont understand religion, i mean no ...
A. 12 February 2010: There are plenty of people in therapy for issues that have nothing to do with religion as well, and so on down the rest of your list. You can look at Russia, Haiti, Chile and other places to find massacres that were politically motivated. Should ... (read in full...)
Should I dump him and move on or give him another chance?
Q. I have been dating this guy for two years and its been on the rocks since day one. We developed a relationship from a one night stand.To make matters worse I found out several months later that I was a part of him cheating on his at that time, ...
A. 31 January 2010: You should have cut your losses when you found out he was a cheater. Why bother with a guy who has no problems lying to your face?... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone only calls you talk about their problems?
Q. When you meet someone and get into a relationship with them while they're going through a rough time, but then they finally come out of it a while after you break up (they are finally improving their life and are happier), and they used to call you ...
A. 31 January 2010: No, I'd say they are using you for emotional support.... (read in full...)
Is it fair that I should down my ex to my new boyfriend in orde to make him feel good?
Q. I'm female - when a relationship ends and a new one begins is it okay to say bad stuff about the man you have just came out of the relationship with to the new man in your life? Not vindictive stuff, just stuff that makes the new person in you life ...
A. 26 January 2010: You can tell your new man things to make him feel special without bringing up the ex. Tell him how great he is, how wonderful he makes you feel, how it feels so good to be with him, how nice it is to be with a gentleman, etc, etc. ... (read in full...)
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