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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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My boyfriend is financially dependent on me. Will he ever change?
Q. My boyfriend is always broke! We've been together for 4 years, living together for 2 years. I am a recent grad with BS, he doesn't even have a GED. I'm 24, he's 25, but he's been financially dependent on me and it's draining my savings. He's a g...
A. 1 July 2009: Look, the next time he pulls out that "be patient" line, tell him you have been patient long enough. He needs a metaphorical kick in the butt. As long as you're okay with paying the bills and letting him drain you he's going to keep on doing it. ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do. I split from my fiancee.
Q. please please somebody give me some good advice. i feel so alone i dont know what to do. i split with my fiancee 6 weeks ago. i met him through working at the same place where i was best friends with him. at the time i was seeing somebody else ...
A. 1 July 2009: Andrew gave you excellent advice. I just wanted to add that you can build yourself back up. You still have so much of your life ahead of you and you have plenty of time to get back on your feet again. As long as you have breath in your body ... (read in full...)
He told me he was divorced now I want him to leave his wife for me!
Q. I know your all gonna call me bad names but its so hard, i really like him and miss him loads, when i met him he told me he was divorced and i deserve a nice rich boyfriend and said he would fit that category, hes a lawyer and gets paid a fair ...
A. 1 July 2009: Huh. He blew your head up with all those promises and can't swing cash for a hotel room. Not much of a catch even for a married cheater. Sex in the car is some high school "I don't have anywhere to go but my parents' house" type mess, not ... (read in full...)
Hair is getting me down. Why is it so frizzy?
Q. My hair is getting me down. Ok - so my hair has never been my best asset - it is long, uncontrollable - never goes properly straight etc etc. But just recently - I have noticed it is REALLY frizzy and to me is very annoying as it just looks awful! ...
A. 1 July 2009: I usually use a good moisturizing conditioner, a leave-in conditioner and a potion called Hask Straight Solution. It's made for use with flat irons and such and helps protect your hair from heat damage. I straighten my hair in the winter and they ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do. I'm falling for my ex's brother!
Q. Helpp! im really lost and confused. need some advice because everyone keeps telling me something different everytime i bring it up. my ex and i broke up in january and we never told anyone we were dating. he always denies it now even his brother...
A. 1 July 2009: Why not go for it? What's the worst that could happen?... (read in full...)
How do people stay away from others they know are bad for them?
Q. Help me. Besides being a bit of a Well, I cheated. I didn't enjoy sleeping with a stranger. I strongly suspect he was more attracted to my pocket book than to me. I understand now that it was not destiny, but i don't really understand what it ...
A. 1 July 2009: You're welcome.
I also think you should stay away from the other guy if he's pushing you. It's wrong if you keep seeing him knowing that it's going to lead to cheating.
As for your husband, how about asking him for an "adoration night... (read in full...)
Should I just leave the pieces on the floor and move on?
Q. Hello...I am a lesbian and my ex girlfriend and I are trying to be together again. We were together in 2008, for a little over 9 months. Through this time she went to alcohol and drug rehab, and I myself was going through a recovery process too. The ...
A. 1 July 2009: All love isn't good love. You can love someone with all our heart but that doesn't mean the other person is the right person for you. I believe that if the other person can't open up to you and give you their heart, you will always feel a little ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend being completely insensitive and will never support me when I need him.
Q. I need some relationship help. I've not been getting on with my partner lately and it's really stressing me out. I've had a lot of issues this year and he hasn't helped me through any of it. The first major one was that i had major issues abou...
A. 1 July 2009: You deal with it by leaving his abusive behind. He is verbally abusive and cruel and cannot emotionally support you the way you deserve to be supported. He will not change no matter how much you love him. This is no way to live life. You're ... (read in full...)
How do people stay away from others they know are bad for them?
Q. Help me. Besides being a bit of a Well, I cheated. I didn't enjoy sleeping with a stranger. I strongly suspect he was more attracted to my pocket book than to me. I understand now that it was not destiny, but i don't really understand what it ...
A. 1 July 2009: It worked for you once so you're doing it again. This time can be different though. Take all that energy and put it back into your marriage instead of cheating. Heck, you might even try role-playing this situation with your husband one night. I ... (read in full...)
I'm hurt and confused...
Q. Ok, lets make this short as possible and understandable! i am a young woman with a 4 year old beautiful baby girl that i love more than everything. i lived a very hard life in the short time I've been on this earth, bad bad childhood, i never had a ...
A. 29 June 2009: SY gave you great advice, so all I have to add is that I've been reading this great book lately called Sucka Free Love. I think this book would bring you a lot of value and show you how to avoid bad relationships with losers. It's available at ... (read in full...)
How can I handle my four year old? He's uncontrollable!
Q. hello i'm a single mom with an unrully four year old who seem to be as controlling, and disrespectful than a rebelled teenager. The child yells at me, throws things at me, and ignores me when I say no. I try to put boundaries but completely goes ove...
A. 29 June 2009: I think you are letting your guilty feelings get in the way of providing punishment and structure. Yes, he is your little man, and you love him, but part of parental love is gentle correction.
I know it will be hard to ignore the puppy eyes, bu... (read in full...)
I need your advice bad!!! My boyfriend got another girl pregnant, what should I do?
Q. Alright, well this is going to be long, but here it goes. A couple of days ago my boyfriend confessed that he indeed cheated on me with a girl and that she is claiming now that she is pregnant with his baby. The girl he cheated on me with was with ...
A. 29 June 2009: Dump this loser. Dump him right now, right this very freaking second. You did a lot for him and this is how he repays you, by throwing it in your face and blaming you? He's not a man at all, he is a boy playing stupid games.
Honestly you igno... (read in full...)
Am I the ONE for him?
Q. So I been with this guy for a year now, and we also just had our first kid on april 2nd. So it wasn't that much longer after we got together that i got pregnant. okay. He wasn't ready for kids, i wasn't on the pill and it feels alot better without a ...
A. 29 June 2009: A married uncle of mine once told me, "you don't know if you truly want to marry someone until you've seen each season together twice over." I think that's excellent advice. A year is not really a long time and a lot of couples go through a really ... (read in full...)
Brothers friend just won't take no for an answer! What can I do to make him quit?
Q. Hey Aunts, Well I really need help with this fast,my twin brothers best friend is madly in love with me and i dont like him back but i also dont want to distroy my brothers friendship.Also im in a new relationship with a really special ...
A. 29 June 2009: Tell your brother what's going on. Your brother's friend is being very disrespectful by not quitting when you asked him too. (Like that's going to make you fall in love with him? As if!) Your brother may be a bit hurt but it's his friend's fault, ... (read in full...)
Husband's been exchanging emails and planning a holiday with another guy! I think he could be gay. What should I do?
Q. I was checking my emails this week (well, actually our emails, we have a shared email address, e.g. johnandjane at yourdomain.com) and got an email entitled "RE:Holidays" Nothing odd about that, you might say. I was expecting the content of it to...
A. 29 June 2009: Oh hell no. Tell him if he goes on holiday with this man your marriage is over. Two weeks of "hot fun" with some dude he met on a dating site? Is he serious? He is a cheater and a stupid one at that. And honey, if he was messaging people on a ... (read in full...)
What would you do? How would you handle this situation?
Q. A man fancies you. The man pursues you, a lot. You fancy him. You enjoy the attention and you go out with him. He tells you he loves you and has never felt this way before. You fall for him, you talk about the future. Then one day - literally ...
A. 29 June 2009: Pfft, don't pay him any mind. He made his choice when he dumped you and now he's trying to get back in your pants. Tell him to kick rocks and forget about him.... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing giving him an ultimatum? How do you think he will react?
Q. I dated this man two years ago for 5 months and was utterly in love with him. We had an amazing connection, unlike anything I've felt before or since. We ended it because he had just come out of a serious relationship (he was engaged), which had ...
A. 29 June 2009: You did the right thing. It was great that you supported him in his hour of need but it's not fair to you to be in a painful situation. Kudos to you.... (read in full...)
When is the right time to ask someone out?
Q. Girls are you more likely to say "yes" to go out on a date with a guy if you two talk a few times before he asks you, or if he just comes up to you and asks you out on a date? I wanted to ask a girl out today but we only talked once before and ...
A. 29 June 2009: I like to talk to a guy a few times first too, just to make sure we get along OK. It's much easier to accept a date from a guy that I like than from a guy I just met. It's definitely a plus sign that a guy wants me to be comfortable with him ... (read in full...)
Why can't I say no to my boss?
Q. im seeing my boss.. we are very close first he kissed me i said stopped it cos he was gettin married he kissed me again and i went with it after a year i told him i fallen in love with him we had a heart to heart he said he would never leave his ...
A. 29 June 2009: You can't say no because you're weak and you don't really want to. You're okay with getting crumbs and being second best. Meanwhile he gets to have his cake and eat it too.
If you really wanted to end it, you would, there would none of this wis... (read in full...)
I feel embarrased that I have been used again!
Q. Im 15 years old.. And i have been sexually active since i was 12 yes i know very young well i hanged around wrong crowd and got myself in lots of trouble... Well all of my sex partners played me as in had sex with me than walked away.. well just ...
A. 29 June 2009: Well, it sounds like it's time for you to make a change in your life. There are a lot of guys out there who will happily use you for sex if you let them, and unfortunately you ran into a bunch of them. Your friends and family are looking out for ... (read in full...)
She agreed to not hang out with guys but she still does!
Q. I've been dating my girlfriend for a little over a year and a half. She kept a lot of things from me about her past and what she has done with other guys, and there have been a few times where she broke promises to me. For example she went out ...
A. 29 June 2009: WTF do you want to change her mind for? WTF do you want to tell her what kind of friends she can have? If you can't trust other guys that's your problem, not hers. You need to take a huge step back and stop being a control freak. I don't even ... (read in full...)
I can't trust him but do I really want to start over?
Q. My husband had sex with a women that we were couples friends with over 20 years ago. I did not know of the one night stand at the time. She would not go on with the affair. But my husband admits that he lusted for her for another 10 years. ...
A. 28 June 2009: I think it's time to give marriage counseling a shot. It's hard to recover after the trust is gone but if you're both willing to work on the marriage that's a good sign. 35 years is a long time and it will be even longer if you don't address the ... (read in full...)
Why do good people always get hurt in relationships?
Q. So why is it that good people always get hurt in relationships? Why is it that when you really are good, caring, honest, and above all loyal to another person you always get screwed over in the end? I have (and not to brag but) been told before by ...
A. 28 June 2009: Yay, my favorite subject! LOL
1) Sometimes givers attract takers. It's just a fact of life that not everyone in the world is a good person, and the bad ones are always on the lookout for the next person to use. A taker can spot a kind, giving p... (read in full...)
I'm soon to be married but met someone online and now I'm confused!
Q. I am soon to be married to my boyfriend of 4 years. Things are great between us that's why we decided that it's time to take our relationship to the next level. He's a seaman and although our times together are limited, he makes sure to call me 1-3 ...
A. 28 June 2009: Stop talking to this man and remove the source of your confusion. I understand it's normal to feel anxious about an upcoming wedding but you are playing with fire. I hope that you have not met with this man in person yet and that it's simply an ... (read in full...)
Girls: would you stay with a guy that's so cheap and shallow?
Q. see i use to like this guy when he was studying with me i use to look at him in class because he's so cute well he asked me out and we've been going out for like 4 months and in this period i've never hated any one as much i do not like him when i ...
A. 28 June 2009: Heck no. I've been on first dates with shallow and cheap guys but never a second. I would definitely not go on with someone I hate...if you detest this guy so much why are you still together?... (read in full...)
I'm confused! My best friend says he does not want a relationship.
Q. I think I'm really in love with my best friend. I've know him for years but we're weren't close until recently. And I guess the more I know him, the more I'm in love. He's really sweet and caring. But one thing I'm afriad of is that he doesn't feel ...
A. 28 June 2009: I can see that you're really interested but he doesn't feel the same way about you. I think it would be a good idea for you to step back from him a bit. If you keep on being close with him your feelings will end up getting hurt. I'm not saying ... (read in full...)
I hate it when he has to go to his wife! It's like he never has time for me...
Q. Im 18 and hes 40 and where having an affair, i hate it when he has to go to his wife, help? First of all he told me got divorced at christmas and he was 2 kids who are 3 and 7 who live with the mum, then he finally admited he was still married an...
A. 28 June 2009: Leave him. He lied to you and he's lying to his wife everyday. Why waste time with a guy that you can't trust?
The irony of a cheating married man talking about how truthful he is slays me. Didn't you vow to forsake all others?... (read in full...)
I'm hurt because the married man I'm seeing thinks I'm pressuring him into a relationship!
Q. Hi, I have been seeing this married guy for 6years and we were together all the time. we started out the best of friends and then it turned into love on my part, I love this guy so much, everytime I ask him about a permanent relationship he reminds ...
A. 28 June 2009: I hope that you can see the disconnect between his words and his actions. He tells you he loves you and you're the ideal woman, but he says not to pressure him into a relationship? You've been in a relationship with him for six years!
He wi... (read in full...)
Is she "playing" me?
Q. I was engaged to a girl that I was with for two years. We began living together after a few months of meeting, just after becoming engaged. We had a great relationship and we were both very happy. However, we both brought children into the ...
A. 28 June 2009: Yes, it does sound like you are dating a manipulator. She wants to have you around while she does her dirt, because you are the guy she can come running back to when her dirty deeds don't work out.
The overspending is a big red flag, but so w... (read in full...)
The girl I like is with another guy, should I accept that I'm second best or continue to persue her?
Q. There's a girl that I like. We met over the internet, and have been chatting for the past 2 months. We get on really well and have a lot of common interests. We even arranged to go on a date earlier in the month, but the plan fell through. Now it ...
A. 28 June 2009: Keep in touch with her but still move on with your life. After all, she could get close with this guy and end up dating for a few years...you want to wait around for all that? Plus you haven't met in person, and meeting up physically might show ... (read in full...)
So many half-commitments! Why can't she just tell me ...yes or no?
Q. Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago. I admit, as I did to her recently, that I realize that the way I was acting was kind of abusive towards her. Actually, I made a huge mistake and did and said something when she was leaving me ...
A. 28 June 2009: She's being nice because she was a nice person and cared about you once. That doesn't mean she wants a relationship. A passive no is still a no.
I agree with satindesire, you should give her space.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I don't want to push him away?!
Q. Hey. So this is going to be kind of long. But I am really stressed out right now. I usually tend to be over analytical, but please, I need some help. So I met this amazing guy on an internet dating site. I know, I NEVER imagined that I ...
A. 27 June 2009: Calm down. You've been on one date. It's fine to not contact each other every day yet. Now if you don't hear from him for a week, that's a different story. Give him a little time to miss you and contact you, especially after the text about you ... (read in full...)
Should I really move on? Everyone is telling me I'm in denial.
Q. I'm so confused cuz I love a man who has been abusive with me and the last incident was yesterday when he tried grabbing me by my hair for trying to get out of his car. I broke this relationship off cuz I'm so tired of his bullshit and excuses on ...
A. 27 June 2009: Choking and slapping is just as bad as punching IMHO...it's all violence and something you should never do to someone you love. You are doing the right thing by staying away although it is very hard; much respect to you for doing this.
There... (read in full...)
Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
Q. This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
A. 26 June 2009: Dear anonymous,
Please don't think of yourself as a coward. It was very brave of you to tell your story and I thank you for sharing, and for your kind words of support.... (read in full...)
I feel so lonely in this relationship. Help.
Q. hi i'm involved with this very nice guy,he's 55,he looks out for me financially,we have no problem with our sex life it's just that he's really caught up with his family and businness affairs,i feel very lonely especially at nights due to the fact ...
A. 26 June 2009: This guy is most likely married. No guy gets THAT caught up in his work that he can't stay over and take you out sometimes. No honey, he is probably caught up with his wife and children at home.
I suggest you go out and meet a man who is singl... (read in full...)
I need to know how he's feeling so that I can stay with him or just move on.
Q. I have been dating this guy since September of last year. If we aren't around each other, then we're always on the phone at least 3-5 times a day everyday. We've have been going strong since we've met. I was also 3 months pregnant, by him, but I ...
A. 26 June 2009: I am very sorry that your lost your child. I can't imagine how painful that must be for both of you.
With that said, you've been seeing each other for nine months, lived together, and met the family and friends; it's far past the time for the ... (read in full...)
My BF owes his friend money from over a year ago - what to do?
Q. I have a rather sticky situation. I have been dating a young man for about 3 months. A few days ago, I witnessed an unpleasant confrontation between him and one of his friends. His friend approached him at his house when I was over there, and ...
A. 26 June 2009: Talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Find out his reasons for not paying and see if they sound like bullsh*t. If he's just being a jerk let him go and count yourself lucky he showed his true colors so early in the relationship.
Good ... (read in full...)
I'm 38 and hes 24. Is this going to work in the long term?
Q. Okay so I'm a young 38 (very active) and my boyfriend is 24 (active as well) honestly, what are the chances of things working out long-term with such a huge age difference? We are exactly the same - we joke about it often, and sometimes if I have ...
A. 26 June 2009: Worked out pretty well for Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, so I don't think it's impossible. As long as you both love each other and are committed to working things out everything should be aces.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Would this be classified as rape or no?
Q. I basically wanna know if this classes as rape and if the guy still has an interest in me or not. Well about four months ago i went to meet a guy off the internet. He wasnt the first person id met off the internet and i always have an incling ...
A. 26 June 2009: I'm glad that you found my advice helpful. It was pretty surprising that you ran into a buzzsaw here; it is almost always a respectful place and I hope the responses don't run you off.
If you are still having problems dealing with the assault,... (read in full...)
Female orgasm: A spot
Q. "A" Spot Orgasm Step 1: Lubricate Put grapeseed oil on her vagina and your dominant hand. Some people that edible oils cause yeast infections, but little do they know that grapeseed oil is used in cures for yeast infections. Step 2: F...
A. 25 June 2009: This definitely looks like something fun to try.... (read in full...)
I'm having flashbacks of all the bad things I've done in the past! How can I get over this and realize I'm actually a good person?
Q. I keep having flashbacks of bad and stupid things i've done in my life and i have constant anxiety about everything. These spells can last for days in extreme cases and can really depress me or they just niggle at the back of my mind. Sometimes i'll ...
A. 25 June 2009: I don't think the mistakes you listed make you a bad person at all. Everybody does stupid things...if I would list all the dumb things I've done we'd be here all night! LOL! But I do think that you are being very harsh on yourself. Plenty of ... (read in full...)
Would this be classified as rape or no?
Q. I basically wanna know if this classes as rape and if the guy still has an interest in me or not. Well about four months ago i went to meet a guy off the internet. He wasnt the first person id met off the internet and i always have an incling ...
A. 25 June 2009: 1. You're a nice person, his conversation was interesting, and you didn't want to hurt his feelings by running away although you weren't attracted to him.
2. You got drunk. It happens.
3. What happened to you is 100% NOT OKAY. It is in fact s... (read in full...)
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