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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 26 July 2009: You might have to give your mom a pass on this one. If she already knows how violent John is and doesn't care, I don't think she's the right one to talk to. Moms aren't always right. Do you have any friends you can sit down with?
I also fee... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 16 July 2009: Does you mom know how controlling and violent John is? If she doesn't definitely try talking to her about it. Your mom sounds like she has some control freak tendencies herself (which may explain why you are so attracted to John) but hopefully she ... (read in full...)
He says "men rule the world"!
Q. Hi. For the longest time I have thought that I wanted a man who believed certain things, otherwise I was not being true to myself. By certain things, I mean in equality of the genders. He has been saying things that disturb me lately, but I...
A. 8 July 2009: None of those are facts, only opinions, and uninformed ones at that.
There is a great book called "Don't Know Much About History: Everything You Needed to Know about American History but Never Learned" by Kenneth C. Davis that is a great re... (read in full...)
Do you need to talk to each other about becoming serious?
Q. Is it fairly universally accepted that to get serious with someone you're dating, you need to have a conversation with each other and agree to it? I'm assuming that's the case, but sometimes I get the feeling that the man I'm seeing might be ...
A. 8 July 2009: I think that a talk like that is a great idea and ensures that you are on the same page. However, if you're not ready for that talk - and it has only been a month which is not long at all - then don't have it. He sounds like he really likes you ... (read in full...)
I wish I had a sister, dream made me want one even more!
Q. ok, i never had a sister before but whenever I get sad or depressed i wish i had a older sister. i just think having a sis would be sweet and cool, but recently i had a weird dream about this woman who called me her lil bro and held me in her arms ...
A. 8 July 2009: No, I don't think that's bad at all. It's nice to have a sister, someone you can rely on and be close with. Maybe you could find a female friend who can be like a sister to you and provide that closeness you need in your life.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I'm looking for something different but I don't want to hurt her
Q. Hello guys, This is my situation. I have a girlfriend, we are currently on our 10th month this month. Everything seems to be in great shape. I know I love her, but not sexually, intimately or passionately. I don't know how, but I know I wan...
A. 8 July 2009: It's best to be honest. If you don't feel that you can make her happy, then tell her. It's better to break it off now than suffer in a loveless relationship for years. What other people think of you doesn't matter because they don't know the ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 8 July 2009: Well I would definitely not pick John. Someone who is violent, controlling and possessive is not good for a long term relationship. Staying with him would erode your self-confidence further and wouldn't be healthy for you. Life is too short to ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married and she wants to be my secret love affair!
Q. first and foremost, i am straight,engaged to a beautiful man whom i have shared my life with for the past 4 years. 2 years ago, i met this really attractive woman at a party, she is my friend's cousin and because she is working in the same line and ...
A. 7 July 2009: News flash: people chase after unavailable people all the time. People are going to hit on you when you're married all the time. It happens to just about every married person out there. If you cannot commit to your fiance just because someone ... (read in full...)
My situation with this boy has me depressed. What do I do?
Q. Hey :) i am quite depressed and very confused about what I should do here. Please help if you can thanks. I have never had a serious boyfriend except for a few months last year going out with a guy, but that was very minor and relaxed. I'm not a ...
A. 5 July 2009: Lots of young ladies have crushes on their teachers. You're not alone on that. Just let it be...he is your teacher, after all, and nothing can happen between you and him. It would be wrong.
As for S, let him be as well. You are right, until he... (read in full...)
Is it possible to stay friends when we love each other? We're both married!
Q. hi if you are friends with a married man, you spend time alone together, and your friendship has quite obviously taken a turn towards being romantic; you've both admitted to each other that you want more and that you've fallen in love; he's told ...
A. 5 July 2009: You're right, it's not fair. It's a line that married cheaters use to get their side pieces to stick around. He tells you not to get too attached so you don't feel like he's pressuring you (and so he can opt out later) but throws you a bone with ... (read in full...)
What does a guy from Kansas have to offer a girl from Italy?
Q. note: i am changing all details and painting the picture/situation accurately to find advice/suggestion...should i fight for her. title: Boy from Kansas meets girl from Italy. She's 33 and i'm 36. ...we dated for 3 years, i'm 36 and to be as m...
A. 5 July 2009: If you love her and you know that she is the one you want, then yes, fight for her! Values can be learned. Love cannot. Give it a try...at the very least you can be proud of reaching for the stars. Good luck! I'm rooting for you!... (read in full...)
I'm getting married and she wants to be my secret love affair!
Q. first and foremost, i am straight,engaged to a beautiful man whom i have shared my life with for the past 4 years. 2 years ago, i met this really attractive woman at a party, she is my friend's cousin and because she is working in the same line and ...
A. 5 July 2009: Break this relationship off and be honest with your fiance about what happened. You do have control over yourself. Don't weasel out and say she manipulated you...you could have stopped yourself at any time but you chose not to. You chose to lis... (read in full...)
I love him but I'm not attracted to him...he has hygiene issues!
Q. Hello Reader's My boyfriend and I been together for 4 1/2 years when I meet him I was only 18 and he told me that he was 26. After a year into our relationship he started looking older then he said he was. After snooping through his wallet I...
A. 5 July 2009: This relationship is not the right one for you. He lied to you for a year, there's no attraction, there's cheating, there's jealousy. What is GOOD about this relationship?
It's sad that he's had a rough life, but you are not responsible for his ... (read in full...)
If it's okay for men to meet visual and sexual needs through porn then surely its okay for married women to date and go on romantic outings with other men to have their romance 'needs' met?
Q. I often hear men (and some women) claim that porn is ok for men within relationships because they are 'visual' and only seeking thrills....etc If this is the case and these people like to stereotype then the other side of this argument is that wom...
A. 5 July 2009: A better comparison would be "if men watch porn, can women read erotica?" Certainly less chance of going on a bad date with that angle.
I am really amused by the "brainwashed by a misogynistic society" comment. There's nothing wrong with bei... (read in full...)
How do you stop thinking about a lover?
Q. Hello. I am married to a man that I have happily been a relationship for almost nine years. We are extremely compatible, both make each other stronger and have a very high level of trust in our relationship. Three weeks ago I cheated on him, for the ...
A. 5 July 2009: In your letter you claim to have a high level of trust with your husband, but you cheat on him with an ex and nowhere in your letter do I see any remorse or any claims of love. Honestly your description sounds like a close friendship than a ... (read in full...)
My heart is broken in pieces I really need help
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me this week and it's being so hard to get over the whole situation for me because it ended up in really hurtful terms, he seemed like he didn't care hurting my feelings, he broke my heart in pieces, but after all that he ...
A. 4 July 2009: Hey honey, I'm so sorry that your mom isn't taking this well. I hope that she will come around eventually but it will take time...it sucks but it's true...in the meantime *hug**hug**hug* and please keep putting one foot in front of the other. The ... (read in full...)
Was this really nothing, or is she the most ridiculous person ever? Why is she like this?
Q. I don't know if this is a bigger deal that it should be? My girlfriend is kind of shy, but also kind of picky. People tease her about both these things sometimes, even I do. I think she might have a complex, but I honestly don't understand why s...
A. 4 July 2009: Your poor girlfriend. I can't believe she puts up with a jerk like you. You're proud of the fact that you can bulldoze her and verbally abuse her...wow. There are no words for that kind of behavior. I hope this argument is the first sign that ... (read in full...)
My wife has suddenly become jealous and suspicious...why?
Q. My wife has recently become excessively jealous of the women I work with. I'm not jealous of her socialising with other guys - far from it - so I don't get why she's like this. She seems to think I'll sleep with any other woman in sight - even ...
A. 4 July 2009: Perhaps it's depression. I see you tried to talk to her once before, but I think it's worth another try to see what is wrong. If she won't talk to you, maybe she will talk to a marriage counselor?
... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing to say goodbye?
Q. Ok so me and my ex were going out for about 4 months and i have been feeling a little captivated in our relationship. Like he expected more out of me than i can give, he also did little things like tell me what i couldnt wear (cloths, make up, ...
A. 3 July 2009: YES YES YES, you did the right thing. I am 100% behind you. I doubt this guy ever loved you at all. You were a prop he used to get close to Jennifer (who should also run away from this crazy controlling loser).
A person's actions tell you how ... (read in full...)
My wife has suddenly become jealous and suspicious...why?
Q. My wife has recently become excessively jealous of the women I work with. I'm not jealous of her socialising with other guys - far from it - so I don't get why she's like this. She seems to think I'll sleep with any other woman in sight - even ...
A. 3 July 2009: Hmm. I would be concerned as well. It sounds like she may be projecting her issues onto you or she may be cheating on you.
Has she gotten any strange phone calls lately? Been spending blocks of time somewhere else or suddenly had to work a l... (read in full...)
He says he loves me, but he'd like to have sex with other women!
Q. I've been with my b/friend for 5 yrs. I'm very open minded as in making allowances for other peoples idiosyncracies...But there's never any kissing -which I need to light my spark, and he only ever likes to enter me from behind. It makes me feel ...
A. 3 July 2009: Open up your mouth and tell him what you want. He will never know what turns you on if you don't tell him. He thinks everything is hunky-dory because you haven't said anything! Tell him what's wrong with your sexual relationship and how you would ... (read in full...)
She's going out with a guy she says is The One...but I think I could be her One!
Q. I'm Falling for this girl i know, the problem is she is going out with a guy she says is the one. Should i tell her how im feeling about her? or try to move on? I think i could be her one....
A. 3 July 2009: Feel free to tell her, but be prepared to be turned down. If she's already going out with a great guy and happy she is not going to listen to what you have to say.
If she does turn you down don't sulk about it, just respect her choice of relation... (read in full...)
He treats me badly, makes me feel sad, and strips me of my confidence...so why do I still want him and hope he'll change for me?
Q. Its hard to express how i feel bout my ex do i love him still? Am i jealous of him? I dont know. Me and him have been so back and foward to the point it makes me dizzy. 3 yrs ive spent trying to make him realise and hoping that one day he will cha...
A. 3 July 2009: He has torn you down. I'm so sorry this happened to you, but sometimes this happens to the best of us. Honey, he is not going to change, no matter how much you love him and wish that he would.
It's time for you to cut him off for good. D... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has been difficult but tonight she hit me
Q. Tonight my girlfriend 32, came over to tell me I was not going with het and her 3 kids to san diego. A 4 hour notice. She is ptsd. Also pregnant with our child. I am 59. When I asked her why she changed her mind she said I was trying to smother her. ...
A. 3 July 2009: It sounds like she has a lot of issues and she is taking them out on you. I really feel bad for the children who are caught up in this situation. It is not right for her to be abusive, whether verbally, physically or mentally.
I think it would... (read in full...)
He had issues with an exclusive relationship and wanted to play around
Q. We were together for a few months and did everything like a real couple but he wouldnt call himself my boyfriend. He said he thought of us as dating but not in a relationship. I asked him if I was his girlfriend and he started freaking out. He said ...
A. 3 July 2009: Nah, he was a jerk with commitment issues. There's no point to dating someone you're not on the same page with. Did he really expect you to hang around for years until he felt ready? LOL! Relationships don't work that way!
Big points for stic... (read in full...)
I have massive trust issues and can't tell what love really is
Q. i am just wondering how can you tell if a guy really loves his girlfriend. i have trust issues so i'm just wondering if there are any signs to tell if guys really love there girlfriends or if there just trying to get laid. i have been in 4 different ...
A. 3 July 2009: Watch his actions. A guy's actions will tell you exactly what you need to know.
Does he treat you with respect?
Does he treat your friends and family with respect?
Does he treat his friends and family with respect?
Does he call when... (read in full...)
I stayed in the marriage for financial reasons, but looking for more reasons to continue this farce
Q. My husband came home with two liter bottles for the weekend (1 vodka, the other cognac)and told me he had Friday off. My immedate though was, oh no. I will be at the computer or walking around with a smile on my face while he ridiqules me and ...
A. 3 July 2009: He sounds like he needs therapy.
I think it would be good for you to go to Al-Anon if you haven't already. There you can be with people who have gone through similar experiences, and perhaps learn what you can and can't tolerate in a marriage... (read in full...)
His insecurity is killing our connection with each other
Q. well im 17 and i've been in a relationship w/ my boyfriend for 2 years now and he's still insecure..i don't know what to do.I love him and i want to spend the rest of my life with him..but i feel like i can't have any friends casue he's insecure..i ...
A. 3 July 2009: He has to take charge of his own insecurity. You should never live your life without friends because he can't handle it. That is a very limited and depressing way to live. Everybody needs friends!
Sit him down and talk about it. Reassure... (read in full...)
My guy is more conservative and this is driving me nuts
Q. my boyfriend and i have been on and off constantly for 2 years now. we keep breaking up because he's not 'touchy'...he wont even hold my hand or kiss me or put his arm around me or anything. we text each other like nonstop and he always tells me ...
A. 3 July 2009: Yes, definitely make a move on him. Kiss him, touch him, take his hand, tickle him sometimes! I've got to say, though, that if this is constantly bothering you and you're always breaking up he might not be the guy for you.... (read in full...)
I'm a sporty girl who wants to be a bit more feminine but also be one of the guys
Q. I am so confused. I am really sporty and tomboy. I have more guy friends than I have girl friends. I can hang with the guys more easier than I can with most of my girl friends. I am 13 and I wear no makeup. I'm not fat but yet this one guy lets call ...
A. 3 July 2009: 1) Tell Fred to stop calling you fat. I agree that he probably likes you but he needs to get a grip on that. Also, let him know that if he keeps calling you fat you're going to quit talking to him. You don't need a boyfriend who puts you down. ... (read in full...)
How can I divide the time between my friends and family?
Q. I am having trouble talking to my family. My family and I use to be so close but now.. I hang with my friends and I do anything to not hang out with them. My dad always tells me that I am drifting away from him. that I'm not his "little girl" ...
A. 3 July 2009: Well drifting away from your parents is an inevitable part of life. They can't expect you to be their little girl 24/7...you have to grow up and experience life.
With that said, it would be nice if you could spend time with your dad sometime... (read in full...)
Were they talking about me, or am I being paranoid?
Q. Well... I've admired this guy for about a year and a half now he's always sat infront of me in japanese class. But there was one thing kind of hindering my feelings for him, his now ex-girlfriend (who looks like a sex goddess compared to me.) and it ...
A. 3 July 2009: You've got it going on if he's noticing you.
I can't say for sure if they were talking about you, but if they were, apparently your crush said something nice about you and his friend was downing it. Who cares about what his friend says though..... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has been difficult but tonight she hit me
Q. Tonight my girlfriend 32, came over to tell me I was not going with het and her 3 kids to san diego. A 4 hour notice. She is ptsd. Also pregnant with our child. I am 59. When I asked her why she changed her mind she said I was trying to smother her. ...
A. 3 July 2009: Do not ever let anyone put their hands on you. Period. Women can be abusive and controlling too, and there is never any reason to hit another person, especially someone that you love.
How long have you been going out?... (read in full...)
Sexual fantasies and jealousy
Q. My boyfriend just told me that he has had sexual fantasies about a few girls, two of whom I was already extremely jealous of, but he said they were one time things and for only about thirty seconds. He also told me that he never masturbated and ...
A. 3 July 2009: Honestly, why do you care? He is not with them. He is with you. You are the one he chooses to be with every day. Fantasies are just that - fantasies. Unless he is trying to take action with these girls, don't worry about it and focus on what ... (read in full...)
He's now dating BOTH of us! What do I do?
Q. I started dating my boyfriend 2 years ago and he told me he has a girlfriend but based on the girl's attitude he wants to breakup the relationship but all those times they had a quarell and i thought it will soon be over but the girl kept calling ...
A. 2 July 2009: Break up with him. He's never going to break up with her. He is simply stringing you along with a line. You deserve someone who will be honest with you, not a liar like this guy. If you were the only one for him, she would have been a memory ... (read in full...)
Stuck all day in the house doing housework and tending the baby! He gets stoned and plays video games
Q. hi! i need someones advice on this,, me and my partner have been together for 4 years we have an 11 month old, my boyfriend doesnt work because he has stomach problems and he smokes cannabis daily, hes 26 and im 20 , thing is i like to keep my ...
A. 2 July 2009: Well you've got to be honest with him. Tell him that you feel like you're doing too much housework and that it would help you out so much to do certain things. Talk about having a job list, like he takes out the trash and does the dishes while you ... (read in full...)
He gives me false hope along with broken promises....
Q. I hate the way i feel. Basically i have been in a relationship on/off 4 3yr years. I was madly in love with this man so much. But all i ever wanted was more time and attention from him! Im confused bout how he felt 4 me. We were so intense. So ...
A. 2 July 2009: I doubt he will change. He has already been pulling this off with you for three years.
I think you are right that your confidence is shot. He has dragged it down with his lies, his cheating, and his hurtful comments. It would probably be a goo... (read in full...)
How do I go about this crush on my best friend's Bf?
Q. Hi, I have been dying to tell someone about this.... I have a huge crush on one of my best friend's boyfriends. He is funny, caring and good looking. He is also a very touchy feely person and when she is not around gives me hugs and snuggle...
A. 2 July 2009: Stop playing with fire. It's not cool for you to get touchy with your friend's boyfriend. Push him away when he gets snuggly and try to limit your time around him. Don't say you can't help it, because you can.
It doesn't matter how good you... (read in full...)
Should I tell him I want something serious or is he just using me?
Q. There is a guy who I've known for a while and he has a girlfriend that he's been dating for six months but he flirts with me all the time and talks about wanting to have sex with me. Should I tell him I want something serious or is he just using me?...
A. 2 July 2009: Yes, he is using you. He's blatantly disrespecting both his relationship and you. Frankly you should have told him to stop that mess the first time. Honorable, nice guys do not try to cheat on their girlfriends. Why would you want something ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of over one year constantly calls me a whore and accuses me of sleeping with coworkers when I have work meetings.
Q. My boyfriend of over one year constantly calls me a whore and accuses me of sleeping with coworkers when I have work meetings. I have never, in my short 26 years been unfaithful, I have been cheated on and I know that pain. I have been making...
A. 2 July 2009: If he wants to change, he will have to do it on his own. What you really need to do is leave him because if you stay, you will be sending the sign that you are OK with this controlling and abusive behavior.
So what you do is leave. When he asks ... (read in full...)
Why am I more attracted to married woman?
Q. Why am I more attracted to the married woman? ...
A. 1 July 2009: You're afraid of commitment, so you date women who can't commit?
You like the thrill of having another man's woman and feeling superior to her husband?
Nobody knows but you for sure.... (read in full...)
I want a divorce, how do I bring the subject up?
Q. I have posted two other questions. Here’s another. Like ya’ll know my husband has fathered another child. I’ve known about this since last Nov. 2008. We have been trying to work things out for the sake of our family. Things haven’t been going so...
A. 1 July 2009: Tomorrow night, sit him down and tell him that you have tried, but the relationship is not working for you anymore. Discuss custody of the children. Then you either tell him to pack his bags or you pack yours and you leave. Don't hang around so ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is financially dependent on me. Will he ever change?
Q. My boyfriend is always broke! We've been together for 4 years, living together for 2 years. I am a recent grad with BS, he doesn't even have a GED. I'm 24, he's 25, but he's been financially dependent on me and it's draining my savings. He's a g...
A. 1 July 2009: Look, the next time he pulls out that "be patient" line, tell him you have been patient long enough. He needs a metaphorical kick in the butt. As long as you're okay with paying the bills and letting him drain you he's going to keep on doing it. ... (read in full...)
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