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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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If I'm so "nice" why do I get treated so badly?
Q. After failed relationships and a marriage, I have ended up alone, in debt, lost my home (to my ex-wife) and, apart from my mum, no other family. Women have never respected me or found me really attractive. When I met my wife, it was through a ne...
A. 9 August 2009: Wow, that's a quick change in three days. What happened? It was a 180 from your previous followup.
Believe it or not, your problem is actually quite normal. I can see now that it's self-confidence that you need (forget about arrogance or aggre... (read in full...)
I don't see how I could be in love with him..
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 7 months now and everything has been ok up until the other day (we've had the occasional argument but what couple hasn't) but the other day everything changed and now i don't know what to do. Me and my...
A. 5 August 2009: First, please stop hurting yourself. You are a good person and you don't need to hurt yourself, for anybody or anything, ever.
Second, that was very cruel of him to say he hates you and to talk about you behind your back like that. What he says ... (read in full...)
Do you think she really means it? Do people really change? I have lots of questions..
Q. What does it really mean when someone says there not ready go be with anyone right now, but everytime your together its like youve been together for a long time? If someones feelings are strong enough should it really matter? or do people really ...
A. 5 August 2009: Man, this girl is full of sh*t. She's stringing you along so that she can have someone at her beck and call when she feels like it, and then shuts you down with that punk ass "I don't want to be in a relationship" crap so that she doesn't have to ... (read in full...)
We had a nice night together, then he never called me again.
Q. Did I do the right thing? My ex and I seemed to be getting back together, we had sex afew times. but the last time he put on all the romantic moves, dinner, opening up, talking about our times together. We had a wonderful night and I stayed over ...
A. 5 August 2009: You absolutely did the right thing. You stood up for yourself and made clear what you won't accept from a dating partner. Good for you! If he can't reach out and make a call he is not the right man for you. You'll get over him in time and your ... (read in full...)
My friends are making a joke about the only good thing about me.
Q. recently i feel like my friends see me as a stupid person. i dont want to come off sounding conceited, but i have always done better in work than most of my friends. recently, ive noticed them making fun and laughing at me because i havent been ...
A. 5 August 2009: You've got to get a handle on your insecurity. It's the thing that's making you feel upset and depressed about yourself. I think it would be good for you to try some counseling and/or some self-help books about increasing your self esteem. Once ... (read in full...)
He treats me so well but dosen't want a relationship, should I wait for him?
Q. I had asked a question previously about a situation between my good friend and I. This may be long so bare with me, but I really am confused about this situation and would appreciate any input! Basically the sum of it is, we had been friends sin...
A. 5 August 2009: Yeah, I'd stop spending time with him. If he doesn't want to be in a relationship, stop acting like you're in one. No sex, no kissing, no cuddling and all that. Why give away the milk for free, you know?
When he gets out and decides he wants a ... (read in full...)
Shall I persue this girl or let it go?
Q. hey guys i am in dire need of help... ok so i lost my ex and was a wreck till i met this girl. we hit it off right from the start. so much even that i thought i was ready to date again... so i did i dated this girl for a few weeks... dinner ...
A. 5 August 2009: Unless her Facebook says they are running off to get married, you still have a chance. Let her go talk to the ex and see if she comes back to you. ... (read in full...)
If I'm so "nice" why do I get treated so badly?
Q. After failed relationships and a marriage, I have ended up alone, in debt, lost my home (to my ex-wife) and, apart from my mum, no other family. Women have never respected me or found me really attractive. When I met my wife, it was through a ne...
A. 5 August 2009: Your problem is that you have no self-esteem. Ladies like men who like themselves. It doesn't matter how a guy looks (though it helps, NGL), if a man likes himself and radiates that out to others, women will flock to him like there's a 90% off ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of him being a liar and a player and I just want him out of my house.
Q. My boyfriend has lived in my house 3.5 years. At first I paid his way, then in the last 1.5 years he paid mine. I own the house and he pays all the bills. At first I had money, now I don't and he has money. When I got tired of his daily emails...
A. 5 August 2009: Pack his shit and put it on the curb. Tell him to call Stacey to pick him up. Don't let him use your phone to do it though.
Get all the bills put back in your name and move the hell on from this cheating loser.
Better luck next time.... (read in full...)
I fell in love with a married woman. Should I continue being around her? Or should I stop any contact with her outside from work?
Q. I fell in love with a married woman, we started as a secret but in time we both fell in love, her husband found out about us kicked her out of the apartment and stayed with the kids, she was heart broken about not being able to stay with the kids ...
A. 5 August 2009: Leave her alone until she is divorced for six months. Never get involved with a married person, it always ends in heartbreak for somebody. Whether she goes back for the kids or for love is irrelevant, because either way you end up alone.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me in a very mean way, my mom's not accepting that I'm gay and I don't have a job! I feel like my life is falling apart!
Q. Hello, I'm new here and I need help, I'm gay and I have a bunch of problems now, I feel really stressed and lost, first of all my boyfriend broke up with me in a very very mean way, he told me really mean things that destroyed my heart, I really ...
A. 5 August 2009: Awww sweetheart, I'm really sorry that you're going through all this right now. It's a lot to deal with at once. Let's take it a bit at a time.
I don't know why your boyfriend was so cruel to you, except perhaps he wasn't the guy he pretende... (read in full...)
How much is too much to tolerate?
Q. My boyfriend of a year and a half wants to go visit his family far away. In order to do so, he insists that i do not stay at our apartment on my own - none the less in the CITY on my own and tells me that I have to go to my family's house in ...
A. 5 August 2009: That is a ridiculous request. If it's your shared apartment you have a right to stay there whenever you want. On top of that he ties this to you caring about him? The nerve! He is trying to assert control over you and not acting like a loving ... (read in full...)
Should I accept my coworkier's matchmaking invitation?
Q. I’m 24 and I have a fantastic coworker in a neighboring cubicle that around my mom’s age. Recently, after sharing some laughs about some funny/“bad” dates I went on the weekend she suggested her son’s good friends and sent me a group photo. Her ...
A. 5 August 2009: Go meet her. Maybe you'll hit it off, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll meet some new friends and have some fun. It's worth a shot.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I just found out that my boyfriend slept with my mom!
Q. This may sound a little sick and twisted and that's cause it is. My boyfriend was my brothers best friend growing up (he's 10 yrs older than me). He's been a friend of the family for years. We have been together going on 4 yrs (no kids or talks ...
A. 5 August 2009: That is kind of weird, but you know, it happened twenty years ago. Twenty years is a long time. It is awkward all around which is probably why your mom didn't mention it. I mean, how can you start that conversation?
Maybe he slept with her once... (read in full...)
My boyfriend does nothing to help! Am I being used?
Q. im 23 with 2 kids. i got with my new boyfriend just over a year ago. he as 2 kids he was grate at 1st but i feel like he's babysitter now as he is never in and when he is in he on the laptop. he dosnt help me do owt or look after any of the kids. am ...
A. 5 August 2009: You should talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. Ask him to help around the house. Set up a chore chart where everyone is assigned responsibilities.
If he doesn't start picking up the slack, look for a new boyfriend.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Why does he always cheat on me?
Q. Six of you kindly replied to my question dated 31st july 2009 about my cheating husband, while i write this my so called loving husband is in bed with the woman who has caused most of my problems. I thought i was just being paranoid about his ...
A. 5 August 2009: Good for you! :D... (read in full...)
He's not interested! How do I tell her so I can ask him out?
Q. My friend's boyfriend broke up with her the other night. He made it pretty clear her wasn't into dating her, yet she seems to be in denial. I'm not saying she's acting like an idiot, but she believes she will get him back,but I don't know how to ...
A. 4 August 2009: Don't get involved in this at all. If you say anything to her and then go after him, she will blame you and your friendship will take a hit. Plus, friend's exes are off limits if you want to keep the friendship.
Find someone else and keep you... (read in full...)
How do I tell my FWB about the girl I want to marry?
Q. I am seeing someone on a regular basis and we have discussed marriage already. We have been seeing each other for about 3 months now. The problem is that before this I was seeing someone on again and off again for 2 years. We were the classic ...
A. 4 August 2009: You'll just have to be honest with her and let her know what's going on. It's worse to string her along and not tell her.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Seperated and awaiting divorce but I'm not sure about dating whilst going through this process. What are your views?
Q. I separated from my husband not even a month ago and we are getting a divorce shortly when we can afford it. Well I met a guy that went through a divorce himself and has been single for awhile. He's not a huge step up from my ex husband but better ...
A. 4 August 2009: It's not wrong for you to take it slow. And honestly, if he gets pissed off that is HIS problem and shows that he is not really the guy for you. You've only been separated for a month, that is not a long time at all.
You know, listening to yours... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to buy an engagement ring just because he's "supposed" to!
Q. I have been in a committed relationship for five years. Of the five years, we have lived together for four. I want to get married. He claims that he also wants to get married but will not be told what, when, and how to do it by other people. ...
A. 4 August 2009: Have the big talk. Tell him what you want out of life: that you want to be married and have a child with him. Tell him that you love him and you want to keep what you have together going. Then ask him, what is it about the engagement ring that ... (read in full...)
Should my friend settle to be the othe woman?
Q. The back story: My best friend has had a hard time recently, starting about nine months ago. She split up with her girlfriend of about three years, roughly a year into a thirty something year joint mortgage. The ex has since been diagnosed with s...
A. 4 August 2009: To answer your questions:
1) This is a medium deal. Not big but not small either.
2) Yes, she is responsible for her actions. She is an adult.
I find that people who are crazy magnets are usually crazy people themselves. Like attracts like. ... (read in full...)
Torn between my husband the guy I'm obsessed with
Q. I don't know what to do. I've been with my husband for 2 years but we got married a few months ago. I'm not happily married. He neglects me a lot. He can't work due to an accident he had and part of me feels torn. Two years ago I met this guy and ...
A. 4 August 2009: Talk to your husband and try to resolve your problems with him first before you make any decisions. Don't go looking outside the marriage for love, either make the marriage work or get divorced. See if your husband is willing to work on his ... (read in full...)
Why is my cousin's wife so angry with me?
Q. Ok so I haven't talked to my ex for a few years now because he is a jerk, I used to be good friends with my cousins wife or at least though we were, and recently she was talking to my parents saying how she's glad that I don't talk to my ex anymore ...
A. 4 August 2009: Your cousin's wife is being kind of shady here. I think she is after your ex. She tried to throw people off by mentioning he was a jerk but her words and actions after that say she is extremely interested in him. Your ex is probably badmouthing ... (read in full...)
How do I forgive him for cheating on me with 6 different women?
Q. okay i have been with my kids father for about five years we have two beautiful children together we have known each other for a total of about nine years. he recently confessed that he cheated on me with six other females, okay dont call me crazy ...
A. 4 August 2009: I think it would be good for you to seek some counseling, either together or on your own. You are not over his cheating and it's driving a wedge into your relationship. Now you have to work on forgiving him honestly and truly.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Hes mad with me because of a text. What to do?
Q. Ex and I broke up 3 wks ago.We've txted frequently.Broke up - claims he wasnt feeling it anymore *he gave numerous random reasons*(during our relationship he never acted unhappy/called and saw me daily - on his part, had me meet his fam/they ...
A. 4 August 2009: Stop contacting him, period. If he wants you back in his life he will let you know. You two are broken up and need to act like it for a while.... (read in full...)
Can two opposit people have a relationship that works?
Q. Can two opposites in a relationship really work? Me and my bf are so different. Hes 25, im 20. He likes to go out partying, drinking all the time(every night of the week, he doesnt have one alcohol free day a week), where as i rarely drink at ...
A. 4 August 2009: Opposites can work but I think there has to be some common ground somewhere, especially when it comes to values. Also, I don't think it's a good sign when one wants to change so much about the other.
You're only 20 though, so take the relation... (read in full...)
Why does he always cheat on me?
Q. Six of you kindly replied to my question dated 31st july 2009 about my cheating husband, while i write this my so called loving husband is in bed with the woman who has caused most of my problems. I thought i was just being paranoid about his ...
A. 4 August 2009: I think you need a trial separation at least. He is doing this because you have shown that you will not hold him accountable for his actions, yet his actions are not those of a loving husband. He is breaking your heart and disrespecting all that ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to make our marraige work so I had sex with his brother..
Q. so i met my husband and 9 month into our relationship i found out i was pregnant and either get married and keep the baby or get an abortion so i chose to be married. well a month before i found out i was pregnant i was cheatin on him with his ...
A. 2 August 2009: You were cheating with his BROTHER? Ewww!
Grow up, leave both of them alone (God knows you shouldn't date a man who is willing to screw his brother's wife) and take care of your child. Grimm is right, you are too immature for a relation... (read in full...)
The way he treats me makes me feel like a slave. Should I move on?
Q. Hi guys. I'm sorry. My story is a little bit long and I'm not good at English but I try to write as well as I can. Therefore, it might be hard to read for some guys. Pleaser read this story all and give me a good advice whether I should move on o...
A. 2 August 2009: I consider lies to be a total deal breaker. Anyone who lies to my face and doesn't even feel guilty is not someone I want to be with. The not cooking is bad, but he may feel obligated to continue doing something like that for his family. The ... (read in full...)
Am I really ready for a baby? How should I approach my boyfriend about this?
Q. Well this is my first post here so I am not sure how I should ask this and I also know peoples opinions differ but what I am wanting to ask is how would I go about asking my bf how he would feel if I said I wanted a baby.....weve only been together ...
A. 2 August 2009: I don't see the harm in talking about it and seeing where his head is at. Maybe he sees it down the line, maybe he wants to get married first. Communication is really important in a big decision like this. I also second rcn's suggestion to talk ... (read in full...)
Found someone I really cared for, drove him away, should I try to get him back or move on?
Q. Hello, I'm 30 years old and finally met someone I cannot get over no matter how hard I try. It's been half a year since he left me and we had only dated for half a year. He was everything I have every dreamt of and more -- from our similar drea...
A. 2 August 2009: I think that you should consider talking with a therapist about why you have these relationship problems. If you've noticed a pattern that you keep picking fights with people to prevent them getting close to you it's important that you figure out ... (read in full...)
How can I admit to being sexually assaulted to my friends and family?
Q. how can I admit to being sexually assaulted to friends/family when I feel so embarrassed or ashamed to tell them? I also don't want them to worry about me or feel concerned about me so that I can't relax. I have reported it to the police and it is...
A. 2 August 2009: You can do it in any way that you're okay with. You can write a letter and show it to them, or maybe tell one close friend and she can help you with telling other people. Sometimes when you tell that first person it makes it easier to tell ... (read in full...)
Does he just want sex or does he want to see how things might develop?
Q. I am not sure what to think, I have fancied this guy from work for a while, on a recent night out he asked me when we were going to hook up because he knew I fancied him and I said well that depends when you want to go out, he looked and smiled and ...
A. 2 August 2009: He wants a friends with benefits situation, nothing more. If he wanted more he would have asked you out properly.... (read in full...)
I'm nine years older than her, and don't know what to do with my feelings for her. Any advice?
Q. So I'm not sure if this is a question as much as me just wanting to get it out, but here's my situation. I'm 9 years older then a girl I've meet recently. I know her family well, her parents, little sister, and little brother I see as my own family. ...
A. 2 August 2009: Umm, you listed your age as 22-25 which means this girl can't be older than 16 and she hasn't even said she likes you. Why pin all your hopes on a young girl who may not even be interested in you? Like you said, there are other girls out there ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for my boyfriend of 7 years to propose to me or should I start looking for a new guy?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years and though he has expressed that he wants to marry me, he says he can't marry me yet due to limited finances. The problem is, I know him well enough. Limited finances has never been a hindrance...
A. 2 August 2009: Talk to him and find out exactly what he needs financially to marry you. How much money does he need in the bank? How far away is he from getting that money? Pin him down exactly and find out if he has a plan. If he hems and haws and tries to ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for him to keep letters and pictures of his ex?
Q. My husband still keeps his ex-girlfriends letters and photos..Is it ok? My husband kept his ex-girlfriends photos and letters over 20 years. At first I want to burn those letters and photos. I asked him permission, i am not going to burn the...
A. 2 August 2009: He married you. He chose you over all those other women. Every day he is creating beautiful memories with you, the woman he vowed to love. As long as the letters are old and not in your face everyday they pose no threat, unless you make it one.
... (read in full...)
How do I forgive my wife for being a prostitute?
Q. We have now been married for 7 months. I met her at a bar and we started dating. She is a very good looking girl and 26 years old. Im 25 and hansome. I feel for her very quickly and we got married in 4 months. When we were dating i asked her what ...
A. 2 August 2009: You need to both forgive and ask for forgiveness.
She was probably ashamed of what she did for a living and probably stuck in it as well. Yes, she should have told you the truth before she married you. She did quit though when she discover... (read in full...)
Not cheating, but accused of it...
Q. I know I'm not perfect, and don't pretend to be. My girlfriend of several years is convinced I have been cheating on her, when in fact, I have not. What should I do? Thanks...
A. 2 August 2009: Reassure her that you are not cheating, and then watch her to make sure she's not projecting her own guilt onto you.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Do actions speak louder than words?
Q. I'm quite confused here and I need help! I'm starting to like a guy at my workplace. He started flirting with me and I wasn't very interested. I thought he was attractive but I was still in recovery from my ex and I wasn't paying much attentio...
A. 2 August 2009: He definitely likes you, and you seem to like him, so why not have a non-serious relationship? Go out with each other and enjoy each other's company, and take it from there. It may develop into something serious down the line.... (read in full...)
How can I move on and be happy again.
Q. I've been in love with this guy for almost three years now. We dated for two of those three years. We broke up a year ago and I cant seem to stop loving him. He has told me that he no longer has feelings for me and that there is no chance of ever ...
A. 2 August 2009: Have you tried going out and meeting other people? Sometimes new love can replace old love. Maybe you need to get out there, make some new friends, try some new activities, flirt with some new guys. Try a new approach to life and you may find the ... (read in full...)
Will he ever ask me to be his wife?
Q. i have been divorced for nine years and i have been seeing a guy for almost the same amount of time. he is the only guy i have dated since my divorce. i love him so much and he still takes my breath away when he passionately kisses me. he has been ...
A. 2 August 2009: You should talk to him and see how he feels about marriage. Since he's already been married twice he might not want to do it again, but then again he might. He knows better than we do.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Will I ever be ready for BIG commitments?
Q. Most of my boyfriends have been really nice, my current bofriend is no exception. He's the best by far and wouldn't ever hurt me. When we first got together, we had conversations about our future; moving in together, children and marriage. When ...
A. 1 August 2009: How long have you been together?... (read in full...)
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