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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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My online guy of a month wants to marry me! Is it really meant to be?
Q. OMG..I have a problem I'm so confused idk what to do..so here I go!! Ok I met this guy through the internet and we have been talking for a while now close to a month but we talk on the phone and txt and send pictures of eachother but you see he ...
A. 4 October 2009: Heck no! You haven't even met him yet! Physical chemistry is incredibly important in a relationship, let alone marriage.... (read in full...)
Are you genuinely happy being single? If so why?
Q. Are you single and stuck in your ways? It seems these days that most people only feel complete if they are in a relationship. I will admit I used to feel the same way. And went from one relationship to the other, quite quickly. I have been single n...
A. 4 October 2009: I'm single and I enjoy it. I'm happier than I've been in years. No crazy relationship drama, no hanging out with relatives I can't stand, and I always have time for my friends. I love my own company and doing whatever I want. It's cool!... (read in full...)
Should I end it now and let him get on with his life?
Q. during a conversation with my boyfriend of 3 years last night, he said to me that if we stayed together and ended up breaking up when he was around 23/24 he'd regret ever being with me in the first place, because if it was never going to work then ...
A. 4 October 2009: Tell him if he's ready to go live the single life, there's the door and don't let it hit him in the ass. You're not holding him down and both of you are free to walk anytime it's not working out. If he wants to be single and free, there is another ... (read in full...)
In love with my best friend, she's getting engaged. Do I tell her or not?
Q. hi there everyone..first of all, i'd like to thank all the people who actually take time in reading these posts. Your answers are usually very helpful and much appreciated. Ok so here goes. I'm in a real messed up situation. I'm in love with my best ...
A. 4 October 2009: Did you ever ask her out? If not, too bad. You snooze, you lose. Seems like you had an opportunity to tell her before she met this guy and you missed it. Now you have to keep quiet. It's not a great situation, and it would be understandable if ... (read in full...)
I don't think I can trust him after he went off on stage with a stripper....
Q. What would u do in this situation? I met this man a few wks ago and its been going good really getting to know each other. We havent slept together yet. Just kissing a cuddling. Anyway he went on a stag do last wk end to ansterdam. I didnt worry ...
A. 4 October 2009: Honestly, I would let it go. You haven't been dating long enough to claim exclusivity, and he probably didn't want to give you the dirty details because he had a feeling you'd spazz out. He didn't sleep with anyone, he had some raunchy fun but he ... (read in full...)
Is there more to it? or is it just sex?
Q. i am still good friends with my ex and he has moved on but i still feel something for him. although lately he broke up with his girlfriend and he is always texting me asking to meet up for sex. he says we are only friends but i cant help thinking ...
A. 3 October 2009: Listen to him when he says you're only friends. He means it. If he was interested in more than just sex he'd ask for more than just sex. Respect yourself and say no.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Am I supposed to believe her about the father of this child? It doesn't help that I'm deployed and away!
Q. Ok well here we go. i joined the army back in may of last year. my wife left me for another man then. she aid she didnt want that kind f life. well she ended up getting prgo from this guy right after i left. well when i was about done with basic we ...
A. 3 October 2009: She is not cut out to be the woman for you.
I think that you should continue to be friendly with her for your children's sake but your romantic relationship needs to end. It is not fair of her to jerk around your heart like that, and not fair of ... (read in full...)
I am so unhappy in my marriage. How do I find myself again?
Q. I have been married for a year and a half and I think that I have made a mistake. My husband is "old fashioned" and likes me to stay home with our son and cook and clean and all of that lovely stuff. He likes to guilt trip me when I want to go out ...
A. 3 October 2009: I think couples counseling would be a great idea for you. If he's not willing to go you should go alone. I think it would be a good way to get a handle on what you want and need out of your marriage, and also to find good ways to discuss this with ... (read in full...)
He cheated... whats best for me?
Q. Ive dated this man for 19 months now. When we first started dating, after a month I found out that he was sneaking around with a married woman twenty years younger than him. It didnt bother me too much because I did just meet him and wasnt looking ...
A. 3 October 2009: He showed you from the get-go that he was the cheating type, so why are you surprised that he's a cheater? That's like being surprised a tiger has stripes.
Break up with him and find a real relationship with an honest man that you can trust. ... (read in full...)
Why does he want to sleep with me now that he's married?
Q. Dear All, I have a problem 14 years ago I was in love and thought I had meet the man who would one day make me his wife. We spent 5 years together and had a child, both of us being young and all we made some stupid choose cheating etc.... The ...
A. 3 October 2009: Because he is a scumbag and that's what scumbags do.... (read in full...)
Will I even satisfy her?
Q. Hi um... this isn't very standard for me. I mean, I've watched tutorials and what not, but nothing happens to me in real life. Not physically anyway. And I'm not one to ask these kinds of questions mainly because I've never gone through most of the ...
A. 3 October 2009: Courage is being scared of something and doing it anyway.
There are no guarantees in life. You'll have things planned out one way and they'll happen the complete opposite way. You'll head right and life will send you left. It's just the way ... (read in full...)
He wants phone sex! Does that mean he likes me?
Q. so their this one guy i really really like you but then he never tell me how he feel:/ mmm he will tell me to have phone sex with him and i'll do it cuz i really like him i know its really stupid but thats how he makes me happy. Anyways do you think ...
A. 3 October 2009: 5 months and he hasn't asked you on a date yet? Ugh, what a loser. You're worth an actual date and you don't have to settle for some conversation that's only good for him.
A man who can't take you out and treat you like you're special is not w... (read in full...)
Was this incident sexual assault?
Q. Is this sexual assault or acquaintance rape or anything of that matter? I had a long day and one of my best guy friends were sleeping over. He always had the hormones and hots for me and I liked him, but before the incident I was never the person to ...
A. 3 October 2009: This was sexual assault. He was touching you against your will and taking advantage of your kind nature and your fear. It's totally possible to be so scared you don't fight back, so don't even worry about anyone complaining that you didn't fight. ... (read in full...)
Is he too scared to get involved again?
Q. I am "just friends" with a man who I dated for three months time over a year ago. He is a full time father of his daughter for two weeks at a time, alternating with his ex for two weeks. Everything started beautifully and we ended up sleeping ...
A. 3 October 2009: When he's trying to have sex with you, he's warm, attentive, funny, and putting on his best act.
When he's finished with sex he goes back to the way he really feels.
Don't get it twisted. He's not confused. He is happy with having a good ti... (read in full...)
Why won't my family give me space?
Q. Okay I'm 20 years old and my family marks my every move. Today I went to visit my oldest sister and it was a mistake. Her boyfriend is a big trouble maker and she believes everything he says. One of his friends had a digital camera he wanted to ...
A. 3 October 2009: There's not really much you can do. If your sister wants to believe him over you, you've got to chalk it up. Just conduct yourself with respect and you'll have nothing to be ashamed of. Let silly ass rumors and innuendo slide off your back.
... (read in full...)
He is friends with the girl he cheated on me with. Should I just get over it?
Q. Hi so I had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half when he cheated on me with a girl i was kinda friends with, he says its not cheating coz we werent together at the time coz we had been fighting a lot but i never knew we had actually broken ...
A. 3 October 2009: No, you don't need to just get over it. What you need to do is kick him to the curb and find a man who will treat you better. No decent man would pull out the excuse that he did, and no decent man would hide his phone and pull those other sneaky ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband feel the need to lie to me about silly little things?
Q. its been like 1 year for my marriage and now for few months i have come to my moms house for some work and i talk to my husband daily over phone and we chat online also but sometime he lies to me. Like, if i ask him what are you doing now he says ...
A. 2 October 2009: He's not lying to you. When he says "nothing," he means "nothing important." I suggest that you stop worrying about this because it is so small in the grand scheme of things. Sheesh!... (read in full...)
Are any women actually trustworthy?
Q. I'm losing faith in humanity in general and myself in particular here. A little more than five weeks ago, my fiancée dumped me. I'm 25, she's 21, and we had been together for over 3 years, engaged for over one year. We were making good progress pl...
A. 2 October 2009: Eh, we all have bad relationships. They make the good ones so much sweeter. It sounds like your last ex was a Psycho Sid-level crazy and you are better off without her. Don't let the bad ones get you down. There are good women out there ready ... (read in full...)
Why would he want to spend time with an older woman when he could have me?
Q. I recently turned 21 I haven't had a boyfriend in awhile. I consider myself mature and I met a guy a few months ago that is 12 years older than me. He was in a long term relationship so he doesn't want to commit right now. He talks so sweet to me ...
A. 2 October 2009: Listen to him. You're not his girlfriend and he's not obligated to tell you anything about his life. You're his chick on the side. Why should he commit to you when he's already getting everything from you without commitment? He tosses you a ... (read in full...)
He's constantly jealous, I can't go anywhere or talk to anyone
Q. im 19 ive been in a relationship since Jan 25 of 08 a little over 1 1/2 and already have a 8months old baby by him and i live with his parents. i gave up everything/everybody to make him happy and to be with him.he is constintly jelious of ...
A. 2 October 2009: Move back home. His jealousy will not get any better and you will spend the rest of this relationship feeling trapped. This is the kind of problem that doesn't get better even though you communicate...he'll have to go through a lot of therapy and ... (read in full...)
Am I meant to just suffer with longing for my boss?
Q. I am hopelessly in love with my boss. We are very close and we talk about everything. All I can do is fantasize what it would be like to hold him, to kiss him, to make love with him. The main problem is we are both in relationships. He recently ...
A. 1 October 2009: Consider that if you go through with this relationship, if it blows up you will be single and out of a job. Your relationship might violate a human resources policy from the start, and if you break up it's usually the employee fired, not the ... (read in full...)
I give the best advice I can, but I feel helpless
Q. When my friends come to me for advice and help, I listen and offer advice to them. I get upset sometimes with them when they don't listen to me. I know they have to learn for themselves, but sometimes when we are in a situation, we can't see clearly ...
A. 27 September 2009: This is why many of those "guides to life" suggest you never give advice to a friend. Most people really just want to be heard. They know the answer already even if they think they don't. Take your friend, for example. She knows her other ... (read in full...)
I love him and want him, so what's holding him back?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I had been together for 4 years. During our relationship, we became best friends. During the last year of our relationship, I experienced lots of stress from trying to finish my senior year of college. I slacked on our ...
A. 27 September 2009: I suggest that you tell him exactly how you feel. That you love his company, intelligence, et cetera, et cetera and that being only friends is not working for you. Be honest with him and tell him that you want a relationship and nothing short of ... (read in full...)
I just can't trust him, should I even bother to keep trying?
Q. So here's my situation, i've been dating my boyfriend for a while now and I really love him a lot. But, I can't trust him, and I want to. He has done so many sneaky things behind my back and that makes me think he doesn't care what I think or how I ...
A. 27 September 2009: Life's too short to be with someone you can't trust, especially with so many wonderful men out there.... (read in full...)
So confused, where do I stand with him?
Q. Dear Cupid, I met this guy three weeks ago. We hit it off wonderfully. We went to the movies and had a great dinner. I spent the night cuddling at his house. We then spent the entire weekend together and even raided the swings at the park at midni...
A. 27 September 2009: Meh, if he's not willing to put in the energy to contact you, he's not worth your time.... (read in full...)
Husband's head games...
Q. please help My husband of 5 years keeps playing head games with me, when he Is not feeling happy for various reasons he starts being weird with me.. He will act like he is having an affair, he has told me he was going out one night and I got a fr...
A. 27 September 2009: Frankly this sounds like emotional abuse. He's got you walking on eggshells trying to please him and he gets off on having power.
I think it would be good for you to see a therapist and work on regaining the strength he has taken from you. Th... (read in full...)
He didn't really rape me as such... but what do I do for the best?
Q. so im going to tell u a rather lengthy story but i REALLY need to vent and get it off my chest and know an outsiders opinion about it before i go telling anyone that could know the people involved: im gona be 16 in less than a month and i went to a ...
A. 27 September 2009: I won't lie to you, some people may treat you differently. But honestly, their opinions don't matter. What matters most is how you feel about it and how you feel about what you do. Let other people have their opinions, it's not their life to lead ... (read in full...)
Why why why?????
Q. Ok I asked a question some hours ago... I'm having so many problems understanding this, and I just feel so bad! The thing is, I had lied to my boyfriend in the beginning of my relationship, and ever since he has judged me for being a liar, but last ...
A. 27 September 2009: I think that talking to a professional therapist about your issues will really help you find the clarity you seek.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I forgot to tell him about my vow of abstinance!
Q. Im a too in love with my boyrfiend and Im 16 and have taken a vow of abstinance that I would love to uphold. The problem is I kinda forgot to tell him that 6 months ago and now Im about 80% sure he thinks he's gonna get to sleep with me and Im about ...
A. 27 September 2009: Just tell him. You made the vow, there's no need to be ashamed of it.... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my ex want to be a friend or a lover?
Q. Why does he find me so repulsive?! I've loved this guy for 4 years. He always was such a flirt and a player and we liked each other for two years, and dated for about 2 weeks when he broke up with me in text and I never replied. I was crushed. I ...
A. 22 September 2009: People don't stay friends with people who stalk them.
Love isn't always reciprocated. Everybody has a story about loving someone who didn't love them back. Move on and, um, stop with the stalking because that NEVER works.... (read in full...)
Am I blowing this out of proportion? I really want to get a divorce because I feel like this is going to be a never ending pattern
Q. OK well i have been married for two years in october and total time together will be 3yrs. My husband is a solider and we got married before he went to iraq. After seven month when he got a 2 week break everything was fine and loving but he used my ...
A. 21 September 2009: *hugs* I wish you the best. I know it will be tough for a while but you're going to be okay. Please keep us updated.... (read in full...)
Am I going crazy here?
Q. This is the first time I've posted anything like this, but I'm in desperate need of advice. Here is the situation: I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We were engaged at one point, but we called it off in order to try working through ...
A. 21 September 2009: Why should he change his status when he knows he can get you right back? See, that's the thing about insecurity...it doesn't just hurt relationships, it hurts you too. Here you are, a perfectly lovely and smart woman, putting up with some ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals/hot and cold
Q. Just want to thank everyone for answering ahead of time. My problem is with this guy I've been talking to. We've only gotten together twice, but he's nothing like anyone I've met before. I'm bi, and I just starting reaching out to guys because I ...
A. 20 September 2009: He wanted sex that night. He drove all that way to get some, and when it didn't happen he pulled away. All that stuff about being busy and having a jealous roommate (a jealous roommate? REALLY?) is just smoke for the fact that he doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
Am I blowing this out of proportion? I really want to get a divorce because I feel like this is going to be a never ending pattern
Q. OK well i have been married for two years in october and total time together will be 3yrs. My husband is a solider and we got married before he went to iraq. After seven month when he got a 2 week break everything was fine and loving but he used my ...
A. 20 September 2009: Trust your gut. It's telling you this guy is a loser and a cheat. Honest men don't feel the need to hit on other women in clubs, send dirty texts to women who are not you, and send pictures of their half naked selves around. You're not blowing it ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, but I still love my ex, too!
Q. I hate this. Ive been with my boyfriend officially 5 months but really its been like a year. I love him sooooo much and hes completely amazing, hes helped me so much and literally worships the ground i walk on, hes basically perfect, but i still am ...
A. 20 September 2009: If you're in a relationship with your boyfriend and fully committed to it, there's no need to run back to your ex and listen to how much he loves you. That's having one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. Either stop talking to the ex ... (read in full...)
Am I going crazy here?
Q. This is the first time I've posted anything like this, but I'm in desperate need of advice. Here is the situation: I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We were engaged at one point, but we called it off in order to try working through ...
A. 20 September 2009: I think that more than anything else, you should work on your insecurity. Once you start seeing yourself as a valuable person, a person who is good no matter what, a person who can roll with things good and bad, your life will improve.
Insec... (read in full...)
Shall I tell the girlfriend?
Q. Ok, so my sister (30ish) met a guy (30ish) on a two week business trip. They had a couple of brief encounters but it was essentially a friendship. Anyway she has recently found out that she is pregnant. The guy has a girlfriend of a year and a hal...
A. 20 September 2009: It's not your place to get involved in his relationship, so forget that idea.
I suggest that your sister talk to a lawyer and let everything be handled that way. Child support, visitation, whatever. The dude has proven that he isn't going to... (read in full...)
Why do I want my abusive bf to be happy and successful....even "after" he came at me with a knife??
Q. I'm having a really hard time because my boyfriend was arrested yesterday for domestic violence. Yes, there's a big long history, but yesterday was really bad because he came at me with a knife which he was then going to turn on himself (this is ...
A. 20 September 2009: I totally understand where you are coming from. It's strange and confusing when you love someone so much and they try to hurt you.
You did the right thing by telling the truth, and it's understandable that you still love him. You can't tu... (read in full...)
I wish he was more romantic
Q. right, so ive been with my boyfriend a while now, 2 and a half years, and were in love. well I'M in love, and i think he is too, he just doesnt really show it anymore. you know what its like being in a new relationship, you're getting to know eac...
A. 20 September 2009: I suggest that you retreat a tiny bit and see if he steps up his game. Sometimes after a while our partners get complacent and we have to remind them that we need to be desired too. Right now you are doing all the work of keeping it romantic and, ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he like me? He likes her instead.
Q. Ok i have this problem, ALL my friends who are girls see that this boy "bob" likes me right, he is my best guy mate and i really like him. But my other close guy mate has told me that "bob" likes my friend "emily" , she has told me she doesnt want ...
A. 20 September 2009: When you hear something about someone else from another person, always take it with a grain of salt. You don't know for sure that he doesn't like you; you only have the word of your other guy friend. Your other guy friend may be telling the truth, ... (read in full...)
Why is he with her when he says he felt this way about me? Opinions, from men especially, appreciated!
Q. My ex boyfriend tells me that hes never felt the way he feels when he kisses me with anyone else. He has a new girlfriend (he got back with a long term ex he was with before me) and even though he wants to see me sometimes, no signs of wanting to ...
A. 14 September 2009: He's not confused. He is telling you all this bull in order to keep you around when he'd like some sex. Think about this...he's only complimenting your sexual skills, not you as a person. Do you really want to be with someone who only cares about ... (read in full...)
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