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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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I'm trying to do the best for her and she's distancing herself from me
Q. Should I admit to seeing my partners writings and how can I deal with this? Recently my partner made a list of things she wanted. 1. To visit her family. (500 miles away) 2. To go on holiday abroad to the sea. 3. To move in to ...
A. 30 August 2009: Oh, I should have read this followup before my mailbox....
You need to leave her. Right now. You have the truth staring you in the face and now is the time to act on it. Either talk to her and tell her, or walk away and leave a note. Actually... (read in full...)
Commitment phobia boyfriend
Q. What am I supposed to do when my boyfriend (been together for 3 years, lived together 2 years) tells me that: - in order to be fun a relationsip must be commitment-free - he's not sure he's gonna love me forever because he might not like me in t...
A. 26 August 2009: I don't agree that a good relationship must be commitment-free. I think that committing to someone else is one of the most loving things I can do. Even if it doesn't last, for as long as we are together I am demonstrating my love and affection not ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend a player?
Q. My question is about if I am being played by a woman or not. I am 36 and have been dating a 42 year old for over 13 months. When we met, she said she was divorced, a mother of 3, and just got out of a relationship with a younger man of an unknown ...
A. 26 August 2009: Roll out.
Hiding a marriage is a HUGE lie. She's been lying to you for over a year, letting you believe she was single and ready for a relationship with you. Over a year, man! That is some deal breaker ish right there. On top of that she won'... (read in full...)
After b/f found out I'd been sexually abused, he no longer wanted to have sex
Q. soo, im 18 years old and my boyfriend and i are ready to have sex. the thing is when i was younger i was sexually abused. ive have years of therapy and ive come to terms with what happened to me. ive accepted it and im ok, and even with what ...
A. 26 August 2009: I'm really sorry that this happened to you. *hug*
Your boyfriend does sound like a decent sort of guy. I think you should give him a little time to come to terms with it. After a while, talk to him about it and see where his head's at. Let him... (read in full...)
We have dated others but were always having sex with each other!
Q. Hi I am 23 yrs old and I've been dating this guy for 5yrs on and off again. Well, in that time he have had other girlfriends and I have had other boyfriends, but we never stopped having sex with each other. We always been there for each other no ...
A. 26 August 2009: It's time for a reality check here.
Let me get out my trusty Playa-to-English dictionary and translate some things for you:
"I don't want to hurt you with my cheating" = "I am a bad boyfriend who can't stay faithful, and I don't want to dr... (read in full...)
Why do people look at couples (even friends) walking together?
Q. Everytime I am talking to a guy everyone notices us. I am always walking by myself on campus, but it seems that everytime I have a male companion, the guys would give him dirty looks. It was so weird, last time I was talking to this guy and he ...
A. 23 August 2009: It's all in your head.
Sure, some guys and girls are looking, but if you think 90% of the men you pass are making angry faces at the guy with you, you have a seriously inflated ego. Maybe there was a huge fight earlier on campus or they all... (read in full...)
Trouble with my husband's affair and flirting..
Q. Moderator's note: OP asked two seperate questions and they have been combined below. Question 1: i had just found out - my husband had an affair with a married woman for about 4 mounth. he told me it was over and he would never see her again. i kne...
A. 23 August 2009: Woman, he put his hands on you! F whatever you said, nothing in this world should make your husband slap you EVER, not in front of your friends, not at home, not ANYWHERE IN THE MOTHER F'N WORLD! Any man who slaps you is a piece of crap that you ... (read in full...)
He isnt the man I used to know...I need help with this!
Q. Hey, I've been with my bf for over a year now and we have lost our romance!! i asked him to take me out... but he would rather sit at home. i've been asking him for months to take me out to dinner but i always get a straight out NO and it annoys m...
A. 23 August 2009: I think that you need to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you would like to go to dinners sometimes, that you want to do fun activities together that make you feel special. If you can't get through to him, or he shuts ... (read in full...)
Is wanting t be friends with ther gay men a betrayal of my boyfriend?
Q. I am in what feels like an impossible situation. I have been in a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend for five years. I never really had many friends but of late have started making them. I am gay and would like to have some gay friends as w...
A. 23 August 2009: Well, your boyfriend seems to have some control issues. It's not unreasonable to go out with your friends, you are most certainly entitled to have friends and interests that don't involve him. You are a complete person, not an extension of him ... (read in full...)
He likes her but loves me...I think he's confused! Should I break up with him or not?
Q. ok i asked my boyfriend to be honest with me and tell the truth, i said "do you like anyone besides me?". he said no but i think sonni(a girl he's liked for awhile) is hot which i understood because im not the only pretty one in the world but 2 ...
A. 23 August 2009: I think you are feeling a little insecure and jumping to some conclusions based on that. Yes, he likes someone else, but that doesn't mean he wants to break up with you. You can like other people and still want to be with your girlfriend every ... (read in full...)
Been together for 9 years and have a 6 year old child together and he still won't commit!
Q. I have just paid thousands of pounds to be on holiday at the same time as my boyfriend. Out of 14 days we spent three days together. Most of the time was fun but some of the time he just kept picking at me and trying to humiliate me. I have re...
A. 22 August 2009: You will never have the relationship with him that you want.
It's been nine years this time. You don't live with him, your friends don't know you're together, you spent 3 days out of 14 with him and he doesn't even care enough to pick up the phon... (read in full...)
My ex is spreading rumors about me. How do I handle this?
Q. Okay there is a lot of little things I could say about this but I think I can keep it very brief. My ex gf is spreading rumors about me. I was 100% loyal to her although she was not to me. She is now with a guy who I know is not loyal to her. ...
A. 22 August 2009: Haters are going to hate and lie on you no matter what. Just laugh it off, roll your eyes, and keep on living your life.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Should I take the plunge and destroy their marrige or stay friends?
Q. I love him, he loves me but he is with another woman because thay have a baby together. We have a history together but are just friends right now. He has never loved his babies mum and says he will leave her tomorrow if I would be with him. ...
A. 22 August 2009: He's a grown ass man and should make his own decision on who he wants to be with. He's with her because he's lazy and comfortable, and he wants to be with you IF you make it comfortable for him.
Tell him to get it together and decide what he'... (read in full...)
Will it always be this difficult to make this relationship work?
Q. Well I don't relly know where to start. I have been in a somewhat shaky, on again, off again more off then on relationship for the past three years with this persom. Most of the the break ups I will have to say has been her fault. Wanting others ...
A. 22 August 2009: I think that you are now the backup guy she runs to when things don't work out. It's easy for her to be with you when her other options fall through until she builds herself up again. That's why she's not telling anyone about you and hiding her ... (read in full...)
Do you think he loves her and will treat her better than he treated me?
Q. My ex was manipulative and verbally abusive, in my opinion. His mother was terminally ill so I felt sorry for him and let him get away with a lot. He told me that he is emotionless and insensitive. He would call me names: stupid, hoodrate, whore; ...
A. 22 August 2009: Here's a question: why are you putting up with this pain from this abusive piece of crap?
Sure, you seem like a very loving and caring girlfriend, but you can't change people. I'm sure you thought that if you cared enough, if you loved enough, ... (read in full...)
Is she trying to make me dump him? Who should I believe?
Q. help i have been seing a married man for nearly 7 years we get on great have had loads of holidays together and functions etc all was ok until his wife done her detective work and found about about us. He left her and moved in with me for the last 2 ...
A. 22 August 2009: If he was interested in a real relationship with you instead of simply having you on the side he would have left his wife years ago, instead he waited seven years and then left you after only two months.
That's all the answer you need.
... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend to stop having anal sex
Q. my bf said he wanted to try anal sex with a man....it was his fantasy. I said he could try it. now, he says he wants to see the guy twice a month as he needs anal sex. he says I won't be replaced ever but if I want him to stop, tell him now and he ...
A. 22 August 2009: The gender of the other person doesn't matter, it's the fact that he wants to bring someone else into your relationship. Let him know that you're aren't interested in an open relationship. Let him know that you want to be exclusively with each ... (read in full...)
Should I tell this woman that her husband was cheating on her?
Q. Hi, i have a bit of a dilemma, my new girlfriend has admitted to me that before we got together she was having sexual relations with a man who is engaged over the period of a few months. She shows no remorse for her actions, and i really think i ...
A. 22 August 2009: Do you even know the other guy and his fiancee?
I agree with rhythmandblues2, you are angry at your girlfriend and projecting your anger onto the engaged man. I suspect that the image you had of her has taken a severe hit and you want to lash out... (read in full...)
I'm trying to do the best for her and she's distancing herself from me
Q. Should I admit to seeing my partners writings and how can I deal with this? Recently my partner made a list of things she wanted. 1. To visit her family. (500 miles away) 2. To go on holiday abroad to the sea. 3. To move in to ...
A. 21 August 2009: I agree with everyone else, you are too good for her.
She admits that being with you doesn't feel right, but she is happy to use your money, your time, and your feelings for whatever she needs. She cheated on you, she lies to you and she makes yo... (read in full...)
Why this sudden change in his behavior? Personally AND professionally?
Q. Hi all, Please I need your advice and opinion about what I have been through in the last 2 weeks. It is about me and a guy at work. I am so confused it's making me ill. So I have to get this off my chest so prepare your self for lots of details....
A. 21 August 2009: The dude was lying about being single. How did she get your work number in the first place, hmm? She probably went through his phone and found it. Then when he got caught out there, he lied and dropped you like a Hot Pocket. His girlfriend ... (read in full...)
He keeps asking me out, I'm not attracted to him, but I don't like hurting his feelings!
Q. I am on an internet dating site. There is a guy who has emailed me about 30 times. He has asked me out on several occasions, i have almost run out of excuses for not accepting. I am not attracted to him but he seems to be obsessed by me. Should i...
A. 21 August 2009: HELL NO. If you go out with him you are asking for trouble. Look at it this way, he is a man who does not understand no. Do you really want to have a relationship with a man who wants to have it his way, all the time? Plus, if you say yes now, ... (read in full...)
Does this relationship have a chance to last forever?
Q. I am a 31 year old mother of 3 young children. I met a 23 year old single guy at my work and started dating him 6 months ago even though I am still married. I was having issues with my marriage, I'm just not in love with my husband anymore, who by ...
A. 21 August 2009: Who knows. But I have to say the odds aren't good, considering you cheated on your husband with him and he's so young. It's only been six months and you're still in the honeymoon period.
My magic 8-ball says "ask again later".... (read in full...)
I'm bothered by what she did with another guy before we were together
Q. how can i get over the fact that my girlfriend kissed another guy and let him touch her all over before we started dating ....
A. 20 August 2009: Are you sure you picked the right age group?
She didn't come to you out of a pod. Either deal with it or break up.... (read in full...)
I've lost my bestfriend and boyfriend. How do I move on?
Q. my best friend dated this guy for 6 months and I don't know how they lasted that long because she didn't treat him the way he shouldve. when they broke up they both got over it within a week. he late told me that he had liked me all year even when ...
A. 20 August 2009: I guess you've never heard of "chicks before dicks".
It is almost never a good idea to date a friend's ex. Too many feelings are going around and someone usually ends up getting hurt. On top of that you lied to her saying you didn't like him... (read in full...)
His interest seems to have really dwindled, what does that mean?
Q. So I have been dating this guy for 3 weeks. At first he called,text, etc all the time. We went on a date almost every night and he has even told his family about me (he wanted to invite me to a family function...but we had only been on one date at ...
A. 20 August 2009: Maybe. Stop chasing him though. If he's not reaching out to you, don't call or text him. Right now he is the one who should be doing all the initiating. ... (read in full...)
Do you think he meant he didn't want a relationship, or just not a relationship with ME?!
Q. i really like this boy, we met on the internet and chatted for six weeks and then he came home ( hes in the army) for a few weeks and told me he doesnt want a relationship, he says his ex hurt him really bad and that he wants to be on his own. but ...
A. 17 August 2009: He means he doesn't want a relationship with you. He likes you, but not enough to go for the brass ring.... (read in full...)
I love my wife's sister!
Q. Hi, I am a 40 years old man and have been married for about 15 years. My problem is, I am mad about my wife's sister. She is sooo gorgeous and entirely sexy. I cant stop thinking about her. She is also married and has 3 kids. But she is a wonderfu...
A. 17 August 2009: If you were single (YOU'RE NOT) and she was single (SHE'S NOT) and lived close to you (SHE DOESN'T) and had expressed interest (SHE HASN'T) and was not related to your wife (SHE IS) I would tell you to say something. (I WON'T!)
Cut out the pipe... (read in full...)
Is this relationship able to work? Or am I crazy for even considering it?
Q. Apologies in advance.. this situation is very complicated. There is this girl.. my ex girlfriend / what I thought was my girlfriend. I was with her (fakely) for 3 months a while back until I found out she had been secretly in contact with her ex ...
A. 17 August 2009: She realized she loves you after she got kicked out of her parents, huh? I just bet that she did. She cheated on her ex-boyfriend, she emotionally cheated on you, she burned her parents. From your letter it does not sound like she is a good ... (read in full...)
In the middle of two relationships and both are troublesome
Q. I'm in a relationship with this girl whose a few years younger then me. I like her despite the fact that we are complete opposites and she's nothing but trouble. I just wanted to hang out with her and nothing really serious but I also didn't want to ...
A. 16 August 2009: Well, I think that you should think about having some dating standards and sticking to them instead of dating people just because you don't want to hurt them. You're allowed to be discriminating; after all, this is your life and you deserve to be ... (read in full...)
He likes me, so why doesn't he want to make me his girlfriend?
Q. me n this guy liked each other over a year, but he told me he doesn't want a gf right now. Me n him had a relationship w/o da title but ppl knew we were "together" n we never cheated on each other. a) should I just give up completely b)sh...
A. 15 August 2009: He likes you but not enough to make you his girlfriend. Some guys will happily take sex and companionship from someone that they don't want to officially "date", if it's available. He was honest with you up front at least.
If you're not happy wi... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to lose me but says I'm not what he's looking for
Q. I started being friends with my next door neighbor about seven months after I moved in. We quickly began having sex, talking on the phone and seeing each other practically everyday. He says that I am the closest person to him other than his ...
A. 15 August 2009: He just isn't that into you. You can stick around if you're happy with the sex and the friendship, but he was honest with you that you can expect nothing more. If you want a real relationship you need to move on and find someone else.
Good ... (read in full...)
Dating for 3 years troubled the whole time
Q. Well it all started about three years ago. we have been going out for three years and its just been so hard since day 1. Well first of all let me say he dont work he dont go to school and he is pratically like they say a bum. I work i am going to ...
A. 15 August 2009: You have some nerve complaining about him while you're out there cheating on him. You don't cheat on someone you love, and you damn sure cannot complain about trust when you are breaking it right and left. You also can't complain about giving him ... (read in full...)
Do chicks like red pubic hair?
Q. Okay, I am just wondering, do girls like red pubic hair? I mean, Im 18, just turned legal and want to know does it? I'm a natural red head. Just curious....
A. 13 August 2009: Personally I like it. My first boyfriend had it, and it was very very sexy :)... (read in full...)
Problems with my ex bf, he isnt over me
Q. Ok I was going out with this guy for a around 7 months and i was mad about him at the start but things got a little boring near the end. I wanted to move on and I deciding to break up with him and he was heartbroken as I was his first love. But I ...
A. 13 August 2009: Be firm with him and don't let him guilt you into a relationship. It's not your fault that he hasn't found someone else, so don't even take that on. Keep contact with him to a minimum, don't text him back when he sends the hearts, and if he does ... (read in full...)
I have decided an abortion is the right thing for me, but I'm worried what my boyfriend's family will do when they find out!
Q. I found out I was pregnant about two weeks ago. I am now about seven weeks pregnant. During these two weeks I have been forced to face some tough desicions. I am fifteen and my boyfriend is sixteen. At first my boyfriend was supportive, but ...
A. 13 August 2009: I'm so sorry that you are in this situation.
If you believe this is the right choice for you, go ahead and do it. His family will just have to cope with it. It's your body and you have the right to make whatever choices about it that you want... (read in full...)
I was dating a 30 year old and got my heart broken
Q. Okay i was dating someone and hes 12 years older then me and before we got together he had a girlfriend but he says he broke up with her for me but because hes a good guy he was taking her back to her home in IL and is gonna stay 6 months to 24 ...
A. 13 August 2009: Why go back to a two-timer, honey? He cheated on you with her. He also showed you his true colors when you had that pregnancy scare. Plus, why the heck is he staying out there for up to 2 years? Why no definite time? 6 to 24 months sounds like ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is lovely and I have everything I want, so why cant I stop thinking about this other guy?
Q. A while back, I was getting close to this guy. He finally told me that he was falling for me, and I was really happy. I missed him when he wasn't around etc. Then someone else came along and asked me out, and I said yes. I've been with my boyfrien...
A. 13 August 2009: So why did you go out with your boyfriend, if you were never that interested in him? It seems like you went out with him as a replacement, not because you were actually interested in him. A month into it should still be the honeymoon period, and ... (read in full...)
I feel more like a friend with benefits!
Q. I've been seeing a guy for 5 months 3 times a week we play pool cards talk spend time together we have sex once a week, he always comes to my house i have been to his once... i have met is 11 year old daughter but apart from that i have not met ...
A. 13 August 2009: Honey, if after 5 months you have not met his friends, you are a FWB. From your letter it sounds like you have not even been on a date together! How can you say you're in a relationship if you've never dated?
A man who is interested in an actua... (read in full...)
I don't want to be like her dog but I want her back. What should I do?
Q. I am 25 years old with no children and my girlfriend is 26 with a 9 year old son. We have been together for 3 months which doesn't seem long but it was a pretty intense 3 months. We seemed to be doing really good until about the beginning of the ...
A. 13 August 2009: Well, you guys fast forwarded the relationship and now it's messed up. What you should do now is step it back to the beginning. Keep in very casual contact for a while, ask her out on dates and things like that, the things you did when you were ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's a physco.
Q. Okay, first off, i regret everything i have done 100% and I am doing everything I can to make it up to my boyfriend. Anyway, me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months, and i have cheated on him twice according to him (i was talking to g...
A. 13 August 2009: Your boyfriend is crazy, controlling, and insane.
Please get away from him before he hurts you. Following you around and refusing to let you get out of the house is not normal behavior! You are allowed to have friends and go out and be your own... (read in full...)
I literally flip out thinking that when we have sex he is thinking of them or that he will find them sexier than me!
Q. I really need help! Duh, the site lol anyways, i met my amazing man and 3 months later we were married. (His cousin is my best friend so i did know of him) well he was single for 5 years prior to me and has came used to checking out everything that ...
A. 13 August 2009: I think you need to work on your self-esteem and insecurity issues. People are naturally drawn to beauty and it's fine to look as long as he does not touch or do anything disrespectful...it's like window shopping.
There are some great self-hel... (read in full...)
Cheated with my ex and confused about which one I want!
Q. So I have been with this guys for almost 2 months. I haven't seen him in 1 month and a week because of vacation, but just last weekend I went to a friend's house and I cheated on him with my ex.. I know its bad to cheat but I just don't know who to ...
A. 13 August 2009: Leave all of them alone and find a new man. Also, it's never good to cheat on anyone even if you are confused...that is the immature way out. The next time you feel confused, go off alone by yourself to figure things out.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
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