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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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Will I ever be ready for BIG commitments?
Q. Most of my boyfriends have been really nice, my current bofriend is no exception. He's the best by far and wouldn't ever hurt me. When we first got together, we had conversations about our future; moving in together, children and marriage. When ...
A. 1 August 2009: How long have you been together?... (read in full...)
I truly love this guy and I cannot believe it has come to this. What do I do?
Q. Oh God, someone help me. So me and my boyfriend of 6 months broke up a month ago and I was devastated. In the month though we have been in constant contact, initiated by him. He even told people we were back together. This guy told me I was his ...
A. 1 August 2009: You've only been together six months. That's still the honeymoon period. Count your blessings that you got away from him before his insecurity and paranoia got worse!
If you go back to him you're going to go through this drama all the time. A... (read in full...)
Cheating, Love, and Hate.. I don't know what to do!
Q. Me and this girl have been friends for a while and her boyfriend and I have been friends for even longer. I am talking many years and I would consider him my best friend. Anyway one day she starts to touch my arm so I start to do it back. This es...
A. 1 August 2009: You are being played.
She cheated on her boyfriend with you. If she was dead serious about you she would have left him. She's not. She picked him over you and tossed you to the side. Now she's stringing you along so she has a safety net in c... (read in full...)
I thought he was a player, so why is he obsessing over me??
Q. I have been dating this guy for almost 2 months, on and off. it seemed like it was going nowhere, so I slept with this other guy I had just met not that long ago. He knew I was already seeing someone and He's kind of a player so I assumed he knew ...
A. 1 August 2009: He's nuts because he can't have you.
MAKE SURE YOU CALL THE POLICE EVERY TIME HE COMES NEAR YOU. You don't have to wait to get a restraining order. Make the call and after you have your police reports you can go back for the order. Please take... (read in full...)
He's not texting so is he not interested? Do I forget him?
Q. hi. i started talking to a guy i meant on a online site, and we exchange emails, and soon numbers. we texted everyday, with him texting me every day, and we would text alot throughout the day. we fell out a few times, but it was all forgotten, and ...
A. 1 August 2009: Well he is texting you back so his interest isn't totally gone. I'd suggest pulling back a bit. Let him text you first and call you first. He might get interested in the chase all over again. However, if he doesn't contact you at all, let him go ... (read in full...)
Should I send another text or just hold my breath?
Q. For background, my first question was in March. It's called "We've been through more than anyone can imagine..." Thank you! Hi guys, i want to thank you again for all your help and kindness. I wish i had a happier update on the situation but i ma...
A. 1 August 2009: Something really fishy is going on. I get that he has another family member moved in but he should be able to make time to send you a quick text now and then. If he hasn't answered your texts after a month I think you need to pull back from him ... (read in full...)
He threatens to leave me, should I just let go?
Q. I need some answers, recently me and my fiance of 2 yrs have been having problems a couple of months ago I found some text messages from his phone to a girl and when I confronted him about them he said that it wasnt him and that a friend from work ...
A. 1 August 2009: It sounds like he tends to fly off the handle at times and say things he doesn't mean. I think that you should have a talk with him and let him know how you feel when he does these things. At the same time he can talk to you about how he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to put your baby in temp. foster care and then claim it back at a more convenient time?
Q. hi im 15 and i just found out i was pregnant. i know my options, abortion, adoption, or keeping it. i don't want to give my baby up for adoption because i dont think i could handle carrying it for 9 months and then giving it away but if i abort it ...
A. 31 July 2009: Have you ever heard of open adoption? That is a type of adoption where you choose the parents and what type of communication you will have after the child is born. That way the child will be raised in a supportive environment and you can still be ... (read in full...)
I feel hopeless... Is he ever going to stand up for me? Should I leave and try to find a new life without him?
Q. I feel hopeless, violated and disrespected I have been with the same man for over 7 years, also we love each other very much, of late it seems like nothing is happening. We have some problems, but three of the most prominent are the constant int...
A. 31 July 2009: Have you talked to him about your feelings? I understand that it was very upsetting for you to have his mom sneak meat in and for you to see what happened to the chickens. That was indeed very disrespectful of his mom. It was also disrespectful ... (read in full...)
I love him and want to be with him, but I'm tired of waiting around for him!
Q. I just broke up with my ex bf a couple months ago because of a stupid argument. I wanted to talk things out a couple days later only to find out (from myspace) that he already got back with his ex-girlfriend 2 days after we broke up! We didnt talk ...
A. 31 July 2009: So stop waiting around for him. He has shown you exactly how he feels about you by running back to his ex-girlfriend and staying with her instead of working it out with you. All the sweet words mean nothing if he's not following it up with ... (read in full...)
My ex's best friend is hitting on me!
Q. So latest on my ex. I guess he is over me so im over him his friend who dated my friend (lets call her D).he had apologized for saying stuff about how my ex wants nothing to do with me. And said hes being an ass and than asked what i was doing for ...
A. 30 July 2009: Stay out of all of it. Rise above and keep your thoughts to yourself, and no one can bring you into the drama.... (read in full...)
My wife only wants to goes out with her male gay friends and always comes home falling down drunk.
Q. I'm 27, my wife is 26 and she's been going out partying all the time with her friends. Most of the time it's her gay male friends, very seldom she goes out with her girlfriends. She won't ever go out with anyone other than these gay male friends. ...
A. 29 July 2009: You and your wife need to sit down and have a talk. She's married now, she really doesn't need to be in the clubs getting drunk every weekend with her friends. You are her husband now and as such you should cleave to each other. I'm not saying ... (read in full...)
How can I convince him that I'm telling the truth?
Q. I have been talking to this guy on and off for 6 months now. Recently, he called me from another number, and when I asked who it was, he told me to guess. Not realizing it was him, I called him by someone elses name and now he won't drop it. He ...
A. 29 July 2009: Eff this fool. He has issues and frankly any guy who plays that stupid game is not boyfriend material. He is too busy deflecting his trust issues on you to be taken seriously.
Don't play the games. Don't go running after him, because that giv... (read in full...)
How do I kindly break up with someone? I still love him and don't want to hurt him
Q. I need to know how to kindly dump someone you still love and don't want to hurt. I've tried it before, but he started balling and at one point hyper-ventilating. I don't think I can do that again. I couldn't stand to see him that way and took it all ...
A. 29 July 2009: It's going to hurt regardless. Sit him down and be honest with him. He will cry and be upset but you have to be strong and stick to your decision. Hopefully he will have friends and family to lean on.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Husband never wants me...
Q. I am a married woman of 5 years, been with my husband for 6. I have noticed in the last like 3 months, maybe 4 that he has not been acting what I would call "normal". I dont know if its just me, or is there anything I should worry about? Typically ...
A. 29 July 2009: Wow, your husband is tripping hard. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to be going through this. Something is definitely going on!
I think you should try to have it out with him. It is not fair for him to ignore you and fight with you... (read in full...)
My ex's best friend is hitting on me!
Q. So latest on my ex. I guess he is over me so im over him his friend who dated my friend (lets call her D).he had apologized for saying stuff about how my ex wants nothing to do with me. And said hes being an ass and than asked what i was doing for ...
A. 29 July 2009: If you don't feel comfortable talking to him, then don't go. Keep him at arm's length. He may have a little crush on you which is why he always had bad things to say about your ex.... (read in full...)
She ignores me all the time. What can I do?
Q. hello, i have a problem, me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 3 months now, and well... I'm just not happy, she is a year younger than me and a virgin, although i do not want a sexual relationship with her i just know she may be ...
A. 29 July 2009: I think that you should try talking to her about it and ask her how she feels. Tell her that you'd like her to look at you a little more, touch a little more, maybe hug a little more. At least give her a chance to open up more to you. She might ... (read in full...)
His controlling behavior is tearing us apart
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about eight months now. We haven't had a steady eight months, we have been on and off numerous times. Sometimes he can be the most loving boyfriend ever. Some days he will treat me good, and other days he won't. ...
A. 26 July 2009: The key phrase is "seems sincere". He is not. You have ample evidence that he's not and he will not change. If you're constantly fighting and dealing with drama now it will not get better with time.
The next time you break up and he tries to... (read in full...)
We broke up, I told him I needed space, but now I want him back, how do I know how he feels?
Q. Hi, I broke up with my bf a few months ago. We stayed friends in the interim. I just sent him a "would you consider getting back together" letter. I told him to take his time to think about it. I think I was so subtle in the letter that I never ...
A. 26 July 2009: I think that he is holding up his end of the bargain. Just because you regret agreeing to stop talking doesn't mean he does too. Depending on how subtle you were, he might see it as a "no hard feelings" letter.
Next time try being direct a... (read in full...)
How can I end this abusive relationship safely? And is there any way I can restore the self-esteem he has damaged?
Q. Hey everybody. I don't know what to do. I have recognized that I'm in an abusive relationship. It's a mixture of extreme control/jealousy, verbal abuse, slight physical ("play hitting", has hit me 1 time, threatens to punch/hit me if I dont do somet...
A. 26 July 2009: Crap. I added a period.
The correct link is http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml... (read in full...)
I had my heart broken in the past and became cold-hearted. Then I opened my heart to this girl...but she is pulling away. Why is this happening?
Q. So, I never in my life chased after women. Just a male ego. I had fun with girls here and there that came my way but never chased after one, because i've been heart broken in the past and i'm not ready for that again but it seems like its happening ...
A. 26 July 2009: She enjoys your friendship and your friendship only. She has been open and honest with you about that. Don't push it and force it to be something it's not because you will both end up hurt for sure. If she had no heart she would have used and ... (read in full...)
I love him so much, but I feel like I am single in this relationship
Q. My problem I don’t know how to approach or to deal with my boyfriend or to discuss this issue with him cuz its not very clear to explain it to him ? I feel that I love him loads more than he does, no no its not feeling its true , I keep missing...
A. 26 July 2009: I feel so sad for you after reading your letter. You deserve better than this. You deserve someone who is thinking about you and treating you like you are special. Honestly it hardly sounds like a relationship...you don't have that mutual love ... (read in full...)
How can I end this abusive relationship safely? And is there any way I can restore the self-esteem he has damaged?
Q. Hey everybody. I don't know what to do. I have recognized that I'm in an abusive relationship. It's a mixture of extreme control/jealousy, verbal abuse, slight physical ("play hitting", has hit me 1 time, threatens to punch/hit me if I dont do somet...
A. 26 July 2009: Congratulations on making the decision to leave. You made the right choice in choosing yourself and your happiness. I'm very proud of you! *hug*
Now you can make a safety plan. Check out http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/plan.shtml. It has steps th... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 26 July 2009: You might have to give your mom a pass on this one. If she already knows how violent John is and doesn't care, I don't think she's the right one to talk to. Moms aren't always right. Do you have any friends you can sit down with?
I also fee... (read in full...)
Opinions needed. Should we stay together?
Q. So me and my girlfriend have been living together for a while now and we just broke up. I screwed up in the past while out with my friends(not cheated or anything)and lied about it. So we came to an agreement that to gain her trust back I wou...
A. 26 July 2009: It's never a good sign when your partner wants to separate you from your friends. Every one needs time apart and time to do things that are really important to them, and it's not fair to have your partner be your entire life.
If she can't tr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he's curious to date other women
Q. I have a boyfriend that appears to be curious to date other women... I'm his first girlfriend, we've been dating for 3 years. He was 25 years old when we first started dating..He's been very critical of me lately, says that I'm difficult and wants a ...
A. 26 July 2009: Let's see... he picks on you, says you're not right for each other and wants to date other women.
Yeah, I'd definitely say you're not getting married any time soon. It sounds like he is feeling his oats and getting ready to break up with you, or ... (read in full...)
Why is he like this now? Is he into me... or not?
Q. My man dont treat me right, when we first met he used to bring me roses all the time not just on valentine's day or my birthdays, now he acts as if I dont exist, I am geting really fustrated with him, I been with him for seven years now and dont ...
A. 26 July 2009: Tell him it's time to shit or get off the pot. After four years unless you've had some kind of major issue there should be a wedding scheduled and money saved up. Now he is settled and taking you for granted. Time to wake him up!
I am usually ... (read in full...)
Help! He said he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship any more...
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and everything was going great untill he told me that he doesnt know if he wants to be in a relationship. he use to tell me that he loves me but he said that he really likes me. he said that he ...
A. 26 July 2009: Dump the wishy-washy guy and find a guy who isn't confused about wanting to be with you.... (read in full...)
How do I let him know I'm here for him and how do I get him back?
Q. I've been broken up w/ my bf for 2 wks or so. We broke up cos he was "no longer feeling it" although during are whole relationship up until the end - he called/saw me daily, told me i was better than everyone he's dated/had me meet his family, ...
A. 26 July 2009: I say let him be for a while. He sounds like he is going through a really stressful time with his money and work problems. Keep in casual, positive contact and don't add to his stress. Hopefully once the storm has passed he will realize what a ... (read in full...)
Does this prove women want what they can't have?
Q. ok so I met this girl over the internet. I wasn't looking for anyone yet she found me. we've talked and have been texting and talkin for a couple months now. I would have never thought if meet a girl over the internet and fall in love. but I did. ...
A. 26 July 2009: It's not just women who do that. I've noticed that guys hit on me more after I've met someone. I think that it's because you reflect happiness and joy out into the world and people are attracted to that. Confidence and happiness is sexy!... (read in full...)
Help me get her back! I don't want to lose her to someone else!
Q. hi after 2 years with my girlfriend(who lives next door) we had a pathetic argument and she finished with me, ive told her how i feel and that i want her back , but she isnt having any of it she is 19 and im 26 , we are friends at the moment,s...
A. 26 July 2009: I think that you two need to take a break from each other for a while. Let her miss you. Right now she is running all over your heart and you're putting up with it. Now is the time for you to pull back and let her know that you do these things ... (read in full...)
I know this is a relationship cul-de-sac, but it's so exciting. What should I do?
Q. I am currently in a realationship with my boyfriend of three months,although this seems like a short period of time to be serious,he has introduced me to all his family and friends and there is a very strong bond there.However,he is leaving in two ...
A. 21 July 2009: The same thing you do if you're driving and about to hit a wall...pump your brakes and stop. Trust your intuition.... (read in full...)
We apparently act like a couple, but we've been broken up for 6 months!
Q. Well this is a bit of a long story but if you like essays then here it goes! My ex-boyfriend and I were great together and everyone used to say how cute we were together, i thought everything was fine until one day..totally out of the blue he t...
A. 21 July 2009: Ask him what he wants again. If he says he wants to be friends, is "confused", doesn't know what he wants, or anything other than "I want to be your boyfriend again", treat him like an ex you're friendly with. See and talk to him less often and ... (read in full...)
He said he's not ready for a girlfriend right now, but he also told me he'd never let me go!
Q. ok so im 15 and theres this guy ive been in loge with since december.. hes 16 and tells me he loves me too. first he had a girlfriend and we started talking and were like best friends. then i started to like him more than a friend. i just figured it ...
A. 21 July 2009: Don't fall for that line and wait around. If a guy is single and interested in you he will ask you out. He will not ask you to be a side piece. He will not date other women instead of you. He will ask you out because he knows that you are ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong? Is he? Is my relationship over??
Q. Last night I came home to my man and told him that I was considering taking a pole dancing fitness class with a workmate who asked me to join her. It has always looked like a bit of cheeky fun and I really wanted to do it. He didn't like the idea, ...
A. 21 July 2009: It's okay to not know what to feel. Don't worry about that part...you'll go through a lot of ups and downs over the next few weeks or so.
However, I think your ex-boyfriend is totally immature. It's a freaking pole dancing class for fitness ... (read in full...)
My BF wrote to the aunts about the things awful he's said to me, and now I am destroyed
Q. Hi Aunts, I think my boyfriend wrote a few days ago (I saw something that was similar to what he said to me on his computer) about some things that he's said to me about our sex life (how "f*cking me is like f*cking a doll...I'm only good when I'm ...
A. 20 July 2009: *hug*
I agree with the other aunts. Leave him...
- because you deserve to have a better life
- because you deserve to be loved and loved well
- because you deserve to be happy and peaceful
- because you're worth more than this
- because you... (read in full...)
My ex has a new girlfriend, how do I get him to date me again without being the reason they break up?
Q. ok so my ex who im really not over called me a few days ago and said he hates his gf and needs help on breaking up with her. i said ok?? but the thing is he has called every night since then. and i always answer and he always says i love you. so the ...
A. 20 July 2009: Put the responsibility back on him. Tell him you won't talk to him until he breaks up with her. Then when he calls, ask if they are broken up. If he says no, hang up. If he says yes, it's all systems go.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Should I go back to my ex-girlfriend, or stay with my fiancee who lied to me, and has a shady past, I do love her?
Q. This is a mess of a problem... and after reading this, you won't like me. Partially because I'm discussing cheating on my fiancee, and further because I end up passing sweeping judgment on people who've slept around. Ironic, right? That said, if you ...
A. 19 July 2009: "And be ye kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians 4:32
"But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not... (read in full...)
Befuddled and heartbroken
Q. I am 34, divorced (3 times over) with five kids ranging from 15 to 3. I ended my first marriage because my husband thought he was gay. I ended the second because he was seeing several other people and became an alcoholic and abusive. I ended my ...
A. 19 July 2009: Well I think when you stop talking to someone that's a pretty obvious answer that you don't want them around anymore. Like you said, it's not hard to answer an email. He's not answering you because your affair is over. Done. You can hang on if ... (read in full...)
Should I tell anyone she was raped? Or just stay silent?
Q. My friend told me yesterday that she had been raped two weeks ago, i was in complete shock and didnt really know what to say, i promised her i wouldnt say anything to anyone, but she says she crys her self to sleep every night since then, in worry ...
A. 19 July 2009: holmar, the rape reporting laws vary from country to country and even from state to state in the US. Cerberus very well may have worked in a center where counselors were NOT required to report. In addition, depending on the age of the friend, a ... (read in full...)
Best friend won't see sense!
Q. i need some help! i have been best friends with my friend since we were 3. attached at the hip.. through everything together. So we went our seperate ways after school, still as normal hanging out the odd day or night to keep in touch. so then, for ...
A. 18 July 2009: I'm sorry but you have to let her be. I know it's difficult to watch someone that you love mess up their life, but you can't live her life for her nor can you save her from something she's intent on doing. It sounds like you've already tried to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell anyone she was raped? Or just stay silent?
Q. My friend told me yesterday that she had been raped two weeks ago, i was in complete shock and didnt really know what to say, i promised her i wouldnt say anything to anyone, but she says she crys her self to sleep every night since then, in worry ...
A. 18 July 2009: I agree with Danielepew, stand by her and support her. She needs your friendship now more than anything else. Telling anyone is her decision to make. I know it's hard to watch her keep this awful secret and not call the police up, but please ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 16 July 2009: Does you mom know how controlling and violent John is? If she doesn't definitely try talking to her about it. Your mom sounds like she has some control freak tendencies herself (which may explain why you are so attracted to John) but hopefully she ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in a relationship back home and afraid to end it in case things don't work out with the other guy!
Q. I am in a very confused state. I am torn between two men. The first guy, (we'll call him John) and I have been in an on-off relationship for almost 6 years now. Initially I did love him, as he showered me with gifts, and did lots of little favors ...
A. 8 July 2009: Well I would definitely not pick John. Someone who is violent, controlling and possessive is not good for a long term relationship. Staying with him would erode your self-confidence further and wouldn't be healthy for you. Life is too short to ... (read in full...)
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