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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
I'm always straightforward...and if you don't like it, sorry about your damn luck! |
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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He claims to care about me but then he goes cold. Is this a waste of my time?
Q. i am in love with a friend. we were getting closer than just friends and then he called me (cuzz). Didn't quite understand where that came from. Just a day before that, he spent the night with me. no we didn't do anything. we just layed and talked ...
A. 21 November 2010: He doesn't feel the same way that you do, and he only wants to stay friends. ... (read in full...)
I do love him a lot, but he just doesn't care! How do I deal with this?
Q. Well I've been with my boyfriend for 5 nearly 6 years, and we had a really bad path for about 7 months and about 2 months ago he moved out for a week and came back. Well he's back and he tells me he does love me but when I say I love you in a text ...
A. 21 November 2010: You don't love the man he is, you love the man he used to be. Problem is, the man you loved is gone.
Like you said, you already know what you have to do. The good times are not coming back and your boyfriend has already emotionally checked ... (read in full...)
Will he leave her for me?
Q. So i've been with this guy for a little over a year i love him and i know he loves me but recently we've had some problems i was kicked out of my home and for some reason i couldnt stay at his house he made me stay at a hotel until i made up with my ...
A. 21 November 2010: If he didn't want to be with his girlfriend he wouldn't be there. Don't believe that lie he told you. He had plenty of time to come clean about his living situation but he kept you in the dark the whole time. That should tell you all you need to ... (read in full...)
Misunderstood about dating, and want my friend back
Q. I've had an extremely difficult school quarter. I started out my sophomore year of college by quiting my fraternity. Due to the backlash and harassment I received due to leaving I ended up in a very dark place emotionally and was extremely ...
A. 21 November 2010: I have to wonder why she didn't mention her boyfriend up front. You'd think that would have come up in a month and a half!
I suggest you give her a little more space, and then shoot her a text asking how she is. Nothing heavy, just friendly... (read in full...)
Should I move on to this other guy?
Q. I have a boyfriend and we've only been going out for a few weeks. I don't know if I really like him enough to be in a relationship with him but I'm afraid to wnd it because I don't want to hurt him. There is also his other guy who is into me who is ...
A. 21 November 2010: If you're only with your boyfriend because you don't wabt to break his heart, you should definitely break up with him. It's not cool to string him along while you're thinking and dreaming of someone else. You should be with him because you care ... (read in full...)
Choosing between guys AND whether to abort or not!
Q. Well guys I'm stilled confused. My husband left me about eight mths ago and now I"m pregnant with another guy's baby. My husband recently contacted me with the hopes of us getting back together. When i went to see him he ask if I was pregnant and I ...
A. 21 November 2010: Glad to hear you are doing well. Best of luck with your future.... (read in full...)
In love with bandmate who is dating my other bandmate now
Q. I'm in this band for about a month now and I've grown very fond of my bandmates, especially our female lead guitarist. Just yesterday I found out that my friend who is the rhythm guitarist asked her out and now they are dating. It pisses me off ...
A. 7 November 2010: You snooze, you lose. That's life. Don't take it out on your friend though, he didn't know you had a crush on her. Just try to minimize contact and focus your attention on someone else if you can.... (read in full...)
I really don't want to hurt this man but I don't think I can be with him my whole life
Q. I am so conflicted right now. Sorry if this gets long - I am 27 in a relationship with someone who is 48. We met because we have a mutual sexual fetish that while completely normal and not one of those weird ones, is a little uncommon. I h...
A. 7 November 2010: I agree, you already know what you need to do. Yes, it sucks being the one to initiate the breakup, but sometimes it is for the best. ... (read in full...)
I want her to have everything she has ever wanted, but if she goes away out of my life I think it'll crush me.
Q. Hello. I started dating this wonderful girl recently. She is everything I ever wanted. We had a bit of an odd start as friends. Then she started to pursue me as a little more than friends. Things were going well, until a man from her past came along ...
A. 2 November 2010: Read her this post. (Leave out the part about the man from the past, though) I mean, all that you wrote about having the world and feeling fireworks got me kinda misty and we've never even met.... (read in full...)
Every time he is out with his friends I turn into a HORRIBLE control freak when he doesn't answer my text right away. How can I stop being this way?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and we have been living together for about three months. My issue is I have been treating him horribly lately. I get angry at the smallest of things and lash out on him. Every time he is out ...
A. 2 November 2010: Go straight to therapy.
Do not pass GO.
Do not collect $400... (read in full...)
I need to move on from my childhood sweetheart who now has another girlfriend
Q. I had a childhood sweetheart whom I grew up with. We've known each other since I was two and he was three. I've loved him the entire time we've known each other. Sadly, I'm twenty and he's twenty one. We grew up together and are going to the same...
A. 2 November 2010: It would be a good thing for you to finally start dating. You will get a chance to meet other men and find that there are plenty of guys who will make your heart flutter, too. Yes, you will probably have your heart broken, but that is life, and it ... (read in full...)
It really hurts that he'd rather believe the girl who he just met and not me, when we'v been best friends forever!
Q. My best guy friend who I love like a brother is a real player to other girl. He always has a girlfriend and he's usually a nice guy. There was a new girl who just moved to my school and she's not really that pretty but she's a real bitch excep...
A. 2 November 2010: There's nothing you can do. Just let him go ahead and get it out of his system.... (read in full...)
Past trauma is interfereing with my relationship
Q. so my boyfriend and i are having some intimacy problems. mainly because of me tho.i was raped when i was 14 yrs old and ive been very distressed and disinterested in sex lately mainly because i hav nightmares from when it happened.i cant seem to ...
A. 2 November 2010: I'm really sorry that you're going through this.
I suggest that you talk to one of the trained counselors over at RAINN. It's free, safe and confidential and they can give you a lot of helpful information. Their online hotline is at www.rain... (read in full...)
His reasons for wanting just FWB don't really make sense
Q. I like this guy, i have liked him since the day we met. He says he likes me so much he doesnt know what to do, then one night he asked me if i would rather date him or be friends with benifits. My heart sank, i said i wanted to date him rather then ...
A. 2 November 2010: He's just not that into you. He'll take sex if you'll make it available, but he doesn't like you enough to make time to date you.
I'd move on.... (read in full...)
I'm scared of everything and just want to hide!
Q. Not sure anyone can really help me with this, but... For some reason, all of a sudden, I find myself scared of everything. Scared of taking my family on an upcoming trip to Spain. Scared to go to a Halloween party. Scared of who to talk to, what...
A. 2 November 2010: It could be that you're going through a period of anxiety. Have you been stressed lately? Any major changes going on in your life?
I would first go to your regular doctor to see if you have any hormonal changes going on, and if s/he gives yo... (read in full...)
I don't know whether to go see this LDR guy or not?
Q. Im so stressed! Please help.. Ok so I have a friend who I've been knowing for about 5 years. About a year ago she moved to Atlanta Georgia from Los Angeles which is where I live and where we met because we used to work together at the mall when we ...
A. 2 November 2010: You've only been talking to this guy for three weeks. You don't really know him. Keep that in mind. It's one thing to say you love someone when you've never met and you can build a fantasy in your mind, and another thing totally when you actually ... (read in full...)
Husband wants to leave but can't but he claims he doesn't love me
Q. What should I do? My husband of two plus years has told me he no longer loves me yet he can't leave me. He is no longer sleeping in the same bed. He has spent some nights away from the house. He says he needs space away from me to decide if he lov...
A. 2 November 2010: I'm sorry, but you can't force him into doing something he doesn't want to do. I can tell that you love him, it comes through strongly in all your responses, but right now you are in love by yourself.
Put him out. Make the decision he cannot. ... (read in full...)
What did I do and what is he doing?
Q. Okay..this is a long story so just try and keep up. At the end of July this year (2010) I met this guy, M.A.D (Since that's the initals to his first, middle and last name). I met him through a guy that I've known for five years and used to like me ...
A. 31 October 2010: He wanted some booty.
He got some, now he's gone.
Sorry things didn't work out for you.... (read in full...)
What is a good height for men?
Q. What is a good height for a man?, I'm 5 10 or 5 11, and i'm 25 years old.. i have always wanted to be tall. Sometimes i ask my self whether im tall or short. i never seem to get the right answer.. my dad is well over 6 feet and my brother is 6 or ...
A. 31 October 2010: 5'10" is perfect for me. I'm 5'6 and I don't want someone who would tower over me. Just a little taller. 5'10 is just right!... (read in full...)
How much baggage is too much baggage?
Q. How much baggage is too much, should it matter anyway? Am I to swallow my pride and move on. How do I stop thinking of the negative ? Ive been with my girlfriend for just over a year now. Prior to that I was in a long term relationship straig...
A. 31 October 2010: Ahh, crazy sexual pasts. The one time where "don't ask, don't tell" makes sense.
It might be good for you to talk to a therapist about how you feel and how you can reframe things in your mind. I mean, yes, she had a wild past. But her past mad... (read in full...)
How to deal with a girl who is always bored
Q. I have a girlfriend that is always bored. before i met her i was never going anywhere or doing anything. she likes to do things bt get upset when she ask me what i want to do but i always say i dont know. what should i do?...
A. 31 October 2010: Think of some things you can do together.... (read in full...)
I regret what I did, but regret doesn't fix things
Q. Today I'm bogged down with regret, it never really leaves, but I usually manage it a little better, today though, I'm to weak to fight it, and so I feel its full debilitating force. I've always been a romantic, ever since I was a toddler, but aft...
A. 31 October 2010: Yeah, he's sensitive, but that doesn't give him the right to put his girlfriend down and make her feel miserable too. Just because you have feelings doesn't give you the right to bring anyone else down, because YOUR personal feelings are YOUR ... (read in full...)
Do women view penis size as a sign of worthiness?
Q. A real quick question - Men are very sensitive about penis size, women not too bothered about it, which seems to suggest its a man made issue and often when you read answers about does size matter women will answer size doesn't matter - its how you ...
A. 31 October 2010: Realize that you do not actually know what the woman is thinking and you are just making things up in your mind. Unless the woman tells you specifically, verbally, that she has these thoughts you have to realize this is your mental problem and not ... (read in full...)
He asked me why I broke up with him. Should I tell him?
Q. I've been seeing a man for just 7 weeks. After spending more and more time with him, I realized that he makes rude comments, says condescending things, interrupts conversations to be self-promoting, and is generally more antagonizing than ...
A. 31 October 2010: You can tell him, but I have this funny feeling that he's not asking because he doesn't know, he's asking because he wants to argue you back into a relationship.
Hope I'm wrong.... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if its stupid or foolish in a sense that I'm 'waiting' for another chance at 'us'.
Q. to make a long story short, i was in a relationship with this guy for about a year. in the beginning, i lied to him about my past, which really hurt him and tainted the relationship. we took a 'break' after that, and since then we've been in this ...
A. 31 October 2010: He's going to date other people, so you might as well do your own thing.... (read in full...)
Should I ask her to be my girlfriend on her birthday or is this too soon?
Q. Ok, so I've finally met this girl at my very first party, she's 2 years younger than me and we pretty much hitting it off. It's her first time too, so we are so new to this whole thing. Anyway, I got her # and drive her home after the party... ...
A. 31 October 2010: Slow down dude! Have you even asked this girl on a date yet? If not, you should do that first.... (read in full...)
Husband wants to leave but can't but he claims he doesn't love me
Q. What should I do? My husband of two plus years has told me he no longer loves me yet he can't leave me. He is no longer sleeping in the same bed. He has spent some nights away from the house. He says he needs space away from me to decide if he lov...
A. 31 October 2010: Let's start with three months. That will give you both time to think over things and decide if the separation is working for you.... (read in full...)
I feel used after sex
Q. Okay well I'm 14 and me and my friend are "talking" to these two guys who are best friends and my guy who is 16 lives with my friends guy who is 15. Well we are having sex on and off and I give my guy blowjobs all the time. Well after we have sex he ...
A. 26 October 2010: You feel used because you aren't having sex with someone you love, you're having sex to make him happy. I suggest you step back and find a happy, loving relationship. Things will be different and you'll be so much happier.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
I regret what I did, but regret doesn't fix things
Q. Today I'm bogged down with regret, it never really leaves, but I usually manage it a little better, today though, I'm to weak to fight it, and so I feel its full debilitating force. I've always been a romantic, ever since I was a toddler, but aft...
A. 26 October 2010: Look, you are who you are. What you have gone through and experienced in the past has made you the person you are today. Sure, you may have done things that you wouldn't have done if you had foresight. But you know what you can do about it? ... (read in full...)
Is he just messing with my head? Why is he saying this stuff?
Q. I'd like people's opinions on this as i'm a bit confused. My friend, who used to be a fbw/buddy a while back has been acting a bit strangley towards me. He recently was chatting online and said he thought i was amazing and he always has but he lives ...
A. 26 October 2010: He's keeping the lines of communication open so that if his relationship ends he can get back together with you.
It's all talk. Move on.... (read in full...)
He says I'm the one for him, but I'm concerned about his passion for sports!
Q. I am a 27 year old female and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now. We live together now, and he constantly brings up marriage and children and tells me he has no question in his mind that I'm the one for him. I really ...
A. 26 October 2010: Try talking to him honestly about how you feel about these issues. Don't worry about censoring yourself, just be honest. Hopefully you two can talk this out and come to an agreement - maybe he will play free fantasy games instead of paid ones and ... (read in full...)
Should I wait to see if he'll leave his girlfriend
Q. I know this 30 year old guy for a few years he used to come in my shop. Had not seen him for a few months when he started coming in my shop again. after a few times coming in my shop, I told him I had divorced from my husband. The next thing he did ...
A. 26 October 2010: The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
This guy seems like he has a real problem with commitment, and if you get with him it will come back to bite you in the butt. ... (read in full...)
Should I congratulate him on a great performance?
Q. OK so last night I went to go see a concert version of "Les Miserables School Addition". It was spectacular and everyone sounded AMAZING! I knew two of the people who were in it (sort of) and today at school I told one guy's little brother to tell ...
A. 26 October 2010: Tell him anyway. Everybody likes compliments!... (read in full...)
Husband wants to leave but can't but he claims he doesn't love me
Q. What should I do? My husband of two plus years has told me he no longer loves me yet he can't leave me. He is no longer sleeping in the same bed. He has spent some nights away from the house. He says he needs space away from me to decide if he lov...
A. 26 October 2010: If he won't make a decision you have to. If he will not listen nor compromise, then you have already done all you can do. If it's space he needs, give it to him by asking him to leave. Limbo isn't good for anyone, and that passive-aggressive ... (read in full...)
Do I tell my g/f about this?
Q. My ex gf cheated on her then fiance, now husband with me. It happened after a night of drinks, a conversation that we wanted to be friends, and that she wasn't as happy as she was when she got engaged. I in a way started to think there was a ...
A. 26 October 2010: What exactly would your gf get out of knowing this information?
I say keep it to yourself, deal with the guilt, and focus on being a decent person both in and out of relationships. You don't have to blab every bad part of your life, you know.... (read in full...)
Will telling her what I did win her back?
Q. I'm mid twenties, and I dated this girl for two and a half years and she loved me SO SO fiercely. We were pretty much joined at the hip, and I loved her, but she definitely loved me more than I did. Eventually this took a toll on her and we broke ...
A. 21 September 2010: Let her make her own choices. She is a grown woman and doesn't need you messing in her affairs, especially dirty crap like making a fake Facebook profile. The only thing that does is make you look bad and like a creep who can't let go.... (read in full...)
I'm torn, what should I do?
Q. Dear cupid, my feelings are like a ball of yarn and I don't know what to do... I have been living with the father of my two children for over a decade,but we are not married. I met him when I was very young around of 18 years of age, and he was ...
A. 21 September 2010: *sigh* Why don't you try being single for a while and quit running from married man to married man? You do not need to replay your decade of not being loved, so don't do it. What you do need is some clear thinking and common sense. What will you ... (read in full...)
don't want to leave him but hes got too much baggage... all we do is fight...HELP!?
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title. I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years on and off and we live together now, but all we do is fight. we fight about everything from his drug dealing drinking having people over all the time and messing up the hous...
A. 21 September 2010: I'm not surprised at all. You'll stay and deal with the misery because you don't think you deserve better.
Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. It may help you when you're ready.... (read in full...)
don't want to leave him but hes got too much baggage... all we do is fight...HELP!?
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title. I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years on and off and we live together now, but all we do is fight. we fight about everything from his drug dealing drinking having people over all the time and messing up the hous...
A. 10 September 2010: I could maybe understand if he spent money on you and you were used to a nice lifestyle, but this dude won't even buy you food! How can you marry a man who can't support you at all? What if you lose your job?
You are missing out right now on m... (read in full...)
Doesn't want a relationship but still acts as if we were still together
Q. Ok so my boyfriend of one year said that he wants us to take a break. He used to be head over heels in love with me, even so much as saying that he could see me as his wife. But this past summer was extremely difficult for the both of us and I said ...
A. 10 September 2010: Okay, I have read your response and now that I have information about the comment you made, I'd break up with him again. If he loses you, it is what it is. No point in waiting around for him to figure out when he's back in love at his convenience. ... (read in full...)
don't want to leave him but hes got too much baggage... all we do is fight...HELP!?
Q. MOD NOTE: OP's own title. I've been with my current boyfriend for 4 years on and off and we live together now, but all we do is fight. we fight about everything from his drug dealing drinking having people over all the time and messing up the hous...
A. 8 September 2010: You mean, physically come over there and move you away from this drug dealing scumbag loser? I would if I could!
You can do bad all by yourself. Leave and start enjoying your life again.... (read in full...)
Doesn't want a relationship but still acts as if we were still together
Q. Ok so my boyfriend of one year said that he wants us to take a break. He used to be head over heels in love with me, even so much as saying that he could see me as his wife. But this past summer was extremely difficult for the both of us and I said ...
A. 8 September 2010: It's pretty simple to me. He goes out and has fun getting attention and flirting with other chicks, while giving you the verbal honey so that you stay home and wait around until he's finished having fun. He needs something drastic to change him ... (read in full...)
Choosing between guys AND whether to abort or not!
Q. Well guys I'm stilled confused. My husband left me about eight mths ago and now I"m pregnant with another guy's baby. My husband recently contacted me with the hopes of us getting back together. When i went to see him he ask if I was pregnant and I ...
A. 4 April 2010: I'm with quiet-echo here. Your new boyfriend has a bad track record. Sure, he's excited, but he was excited about the other kids too, and he's not with those women anymore. How is he supporting all these kids? Will he have enough to support you ... (read in full...)
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