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... Send *uirkLady a private message | | | *uirkLady's profile:Honesty can be delivered brutally or kindly...I prefer the kind approach but I will be brutally honest at times. I don't believe in being mean just to be mean but I don't believe that sugarcoating life helps at all. I also believe that respecting yourself and others is the key to living a happy life.
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| Latest articles: Same-sex rape: a real and important issue
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
20 June 2009: This story is my experiences as a same-sex rape victim. Female on female rape statistics are very hard to find. The overwhelming number of rapists are men, and so most rape and sexual assault information on the internet is geared to the victim of...
Let's Talk About The Problem With Nice Guys!
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 June 2009: "I was so nice to her but now she's going out with someone else!" "Women don't really want nice guys, they want assholes." "He never even noticed all the wonderful things I did for him!" If you've ever said any of these things, you might be a ...
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Protective and jealous but doesn't want to be with me
Q. okay so lately my ex boyfriend has been acting really protective and jealous but he says he doesn't want to be with me.....i don't understand...how can he be over me but get so mad every time i do so much as talk to another guy???...
A. 12 July 2009: He sounds like a control freak who wants to have it all. He wants you to stay single and in love with him because he gets an ego boost out of it. Tell him to kick rocks and keep living your life.... (read in full...)
Do I want him back just because I don't have him now?
Q. So I dated guy #1 for a few months and I really fell for him. We loved each other very much, and we had an amazing time together, but as time passed by, he became very absorbent and overbearing. He was very jealous, wouldn't let me see my friends, ...
A. 12 July 2009: You have to decide for yourself whether you want love or drama. Remember that it didn't work with Guy #1 and you found yourself miserable because of his controlling ways. It's not that you love him, it's that he's feeding your ego and you enjoy ... (read in full...)
Why does my friend allow this guy to treat her so badly?
Q. I have a friend that for the past several yers has been involved with a man that has done all kinds of horrible things to her(MIA for months at a time,having other women in his house playing it off that thehy are just friends etc...). Each and ...
A. 12 July 2009: The sad thing is, sometimes we have to sit back and watch our friends wreck their lives because they won't listen to reason. The fact that she asked you if he would get back in touch is a sign that she still has love for him, and will probably let ... (read in full...)
My wife went to a divorce attorney today, this was unexpected, what should I do?
Q. I have been married for 3 yrs. 2 of those yrs. we were both in the army 15mths. deployed together. we recently got out and moved. everything was going fine but 3-weeks ago her friend asked her to be in her wedding. so i told her she could go and she ...
A. 12 July 2009: What's with calling her names? Do you do that often? If you're cruel to her a lot I can see why she sought out that lawyer. I think there is more to this situation than you're letting us know, and that is the real reason she wants a divorce.
... (read in full...)
I gave them a test at the church and was escourted out and will not be allowed to come back!
Q. Before last sunday I had never been to church. My friend finally convinced me into going, but I am not big into religion and I don't like it when my friend pushes it on me. So anyway, we get to the church (it is methodist) and I overhea...
A. 12 July 2009: That was very disrespectful of you.
Your friends invited you to come to a place that was very important to them and you made fun of it. If you had a problem with religion you shouldn't have went and made a fool out of yourself. Plus, plenty o... (read in full...)
He's insecure and tries too hard all the time!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend 6 months. I love him and we get on well, apart from the fact that his insecurity and need to overcompensate is killing the relationship. I need someone to help me understand it all. My boyfriend is someone who tries too...
A. 12 July 2009: I think it's time for one last try at it. Sit down one night and tell him everything. Tell him how you feel about the presents, the smothering, and how it's affecting your relationship and sex life. Be very, very clear that you don't see a future ... (read in full...)
LDR and when I go to see him he spends all his time with his family!
Q. ok, I am in a long distance relationship (I am at university, and do my best to see my partner when I can). When I go back home to see him, he insists on spending most of his time with his family every weekend (I don't get invited). I find myself ...
A. 11 July 2009: I think that you should definitely talk to him and let him know how you feel. It's very thoughtless of him to make alternate plans and not tell you about them especially since you don't get up there that often. Why doesn't he invite you to see his ... (read in full...)
Do I let them drink and bond?
Q. My single best friend has a few medical issues that prevent her from working full time, so she can only work on a casual basis, she also has been very hurt by men in the past. She drinks to cope with this,not getting drunk but regular drinking to ...
A. 11 July 2009: Well I still think you should make an effort to get to know her better. The other woman is probably lonely and happy to make such a good friend. In the meantime keep talking to your friend and don't let this friendship die without a fight if she ... (read in full...)
How can I stand for myself more, I let myself be taken advantage of?
Q. I wonder why I am the way I am. Sometimes I stand up for myself, and other times I don't. Sometimes this is because I care too much about what other people think. Like today, I took a CPR course, and then later on came first aid. I was the only one ...
A. 11 July 2009: I've learned that people respect me much more when I stand up for myself. I do it politely but firmly and not only do people treat me better, they look at me differently. It took a long time and a lot of therapy, but I learned that and I also ... (read in full...)
My friend is making passes towards my girfriend, should I confront him?
Q. Hi I have a question.Me and my girlfriend have been together for about 3 years.I love her a lot and we have been through a lot.Now heres the thing me and my friend go to the same gym and so does my girlfriend after the last few weeks he has gotten ...
A. 11 July 2009: Yes! He is over the line and being disrespectful. Take him aside and tell him to stop touching her and check himself. He isn't much of a friend if he's touching her butt and then putting you down in front of your girlfriend. Don't take that! ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants nothing to do with sex, is this normal?
Q. My Girfreind [ been freind for 4 years been going out for 3months] doesnt want to see my C*ck.......she says they are ugly....... she doesnt want anything like Oral sex fingering because it is slutty..she is completely turned off by a C*ck and ...
A. 11 July 2009: I see choppy waters ahead if she honestly thinks sexual acts are slutty and disgusting. That does not bode well for a healthy sexual relationship. You'll have to take it very slow and gentle with her to avoid that.
But yes, I have heard other wo... (read in full...)
When a guy says, while holding a girl's hand that he caught a big fish, what does he mean?
Q. Just curious.. What does it mean when you're planning a fishing trip and the gal says, 'Let's get up early enough to go out and catch some big fish.' Then the guy looks over, holds her hand and says, 'I already did catch a big fish.' Oh, an...
A. 11 July 2009: Awww, he means he feels he caught a good lady. That's sweet! :)... (read in full...)
Why did she have to make a comment like that?
Q. i know this is trivial compared to people with real problems but its upsetting none the less. my boyfriend was at work the other day and said that a girl there mentioned to him that my ex had got married (he used to work there too) she then...
A. 11 July 2009: She said that because she is a gossip with nothing else to do. Don't sweat it, just brush the haters off. ... (read in full...)
Should I quit my job to prevent an affair?
Q. Im 27 and have the hugest crush on 1 of my reps. He's married and im engaged.We often go out out as a group and get on so well. People at work notice we have a "spark". I went on holiday 2 months ago to St Lucia for 2 weeks and the whole time i...
A. 11 July 2009: It's been two years?! Yes, you should definitely find another job or try for a reassignment. Remove the temptation if you feel that it's too much. That's the smart move.
I had the same problems with my boss once, I ended up resigning over it.... (read in full...)
I don't like porn! Is that so wrong?
Q. I don't like porn. Is that so wrong? I've read many questions about porn, and the responses are always something like "Get over it, it's just a video, porn is great, watch it with him, grow up, all men do it...". But I don't like it. I've watched...
A. 11 July 2009: I'm with you. There's nothing wrong with not liking porn. (although, what he watches has nothing to do with you, he just likes watching a little fantasy, doesn't mean he doesn't love you, etc) I think it's fine to say "don't tell me about it" and ... (read in full...)
Is he Mr Right? or MR Right Now?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost 7 months now. Before we started dating I was a virgin and he tells me that he has loved me since the first time he laid eyes on me four years ago. Ever since then we were just friends and he alway...
A. 11 July 2009: This dude is a loser. A guy who lies and gets bored with sex so fast is not long term boyfriend material. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, and if he dumps you or cheats on you, count yourself lucky you got out early. He is ... (read in full...)
My fiance called off our wedding and engagement
Q. I need some advice.....My fiance called off our wedding and engagement 7 weeks before we were supposed to get married. (August 1, 2009). He had gone away to Maine for memorail day weekend with some friends. He came back acting a little distant and ...
A. 11 July 2009: You've heard the saying, "don't know what you've got 'til it's gone?" He is regretting his silly actions right now because he lost a good woman. Frankly he sounds like a lost cause. Keep blocking him and stay strong...you will find someone soon ... (read in full...)
Am I too old to express an interest in her sexually?
Q. I just want to get some peoples thoughts on this one. At what "age" does it become "unacceptable" for a man (Aged 46) to have lewd thoughts about a young woman (i.e 18). Thanks ...
A. 11 July 2009: You're never too old to do a little fantasizing. At least that's what I tell myself XD... (read in full...)
I cant tell him why we cant have anal.
Q. so my boyfriend wants me to have anal sex with him but i just keep saying no i don't to and not telling him the real reason. The real reason is because since I was little I have had IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome) (http://...
A. 11 July 2009: Tell him. He might surprise you with how well he accepts it. You'll never know unless you try.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Do I let them drink and bond?
Q. My single best friend has a few medical issues that prevent her from working full time, so she can only work on a casual basis, she also has been very hurt by men in the past. She drinks to cope with this,not getting drunk but regular drinking to ...
A. 11 July 2009: Talk to her about it and tell her how you feel. Tell her that while you're glad she has a new friend, you miss her and you think of her as your best friend. Make some time to hang out with your friend and with both of them together - you might ... (read in full...)
I have guilt that he cheated on her with me
Q. hey im 15. okay so i love this guy and he says he loves me too. we started talking alot and became reallyclose about 9 months ago. we were like best friends. i had stronger feelings for him but i decided not to tell him because he had a girlfriend. ...
A. 11 July 2009: He's no good. If he loved you, he would be with you. There would be none of this playing around behind people's backs. As soon as he broke up with his girlfriend he would have been at your doorstep asking you out. Instead he cheats on his ... (read in full...)
My eyes are too dark....
Q. I have always been a tough girl. I don't mind being girly. I love love love bows and color, but I am not sure about something. My boyfriend says he likes blue eyes, he says it a lot. I have brown eyes... I am asian so they are sorta dark. How can I ...
A. 11 July 2009: Don't bother. You are fine just the way you are...if your boyfriend wants to look at blue eyes he can flip open a magazine or something. You don't need to alter yourself for anybody, if you want a change do it because YOU want to do it, not to ... (read in full...)
Should I be mad cause she had sex before me?
Q. Hey I got a problem that is threating to end my relationship. For some reason i keep getting mad at the fact that my girlfriend has sex in the past with other people. I have never felt this way twords someone and when i tell my friends my problem ...
A. 11 July 2009: Redirect your energy into acceptance. Your girlfriend is who she is, and the fact that she had relationships before you doesn't change that you both chose and like each other. Focus on the fact that she picked you.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Am I just a disposable girlfriend?
Q. Last night marked the most uncomfortable, heartbreaking conversation with my boyfriend. I just graduated from college and have been feeling awful because I cannot find a job to save my life. Naturally, this sadness and frustration made me want a ...
A. 10 July 2009: I think that he does love you, but it would be great if you vented to your friends at times instead of relying solely on him. I agree with him that your job situation is weighing you down, and I think that it would help if you found a nice ... (read in full...)
I feel unattractive, and my boyfriend's comment didn't help!
Q. i have recently become very self conscious about my body. i'm petite with b cup boobs and i am not one who likes exercising. im not fat, though im not skinny either.my boyfriend has recently suggested me to start exercising, and though he says its ...
A. 10 July 2009: I think you should tell your boyfriend how you feel. Tell him that you'd like him to compliment you a bit more because you feel down. In the meantime it would be good to remember all the other wonderful qualities about yourself. It's not all ... (read in full...)
Can a person become brilliant despite having little or no relationship with their parents?
Q. Hey! I'd love to hear from anyone that's experienced something similar to me! The thing is, all my life, I've never been that close to my parents, particularly my Dad, and I think that's the main reason I have low self esteem. I've never really had ...
A. 10 July 2009: I definitely believe it's possible. It sounds like you are doing all the right things already, and your self-confidence will definitely increase with time and success. A good woman will understand that she's dating you, not your family, and ... (read in full...)
How do you keep a guy without sleeping with him at the beginning?
Q. How can you keep a guy without sleeping with him in the beginning? and where do you draw the line when making contact? ...
A. 10 July 2009: The same way you attracted him...with good conversation, respect and attractiveness. I draw the line at 3 or 4 dates personally depending on the guy.... (read in full...)
What could be causing this vaginal odor?
Q. Okay, I'm new here and hope that maybe this will help. Within the last few months, I've started having almost a fishy smell coming from my vagina. It started out smelling like protein and was very faint. There wasn't any unusual discharge or any...
A. 9 July 2009: It could be bacterial vaginosis; definitely go to a Planned Parenthood or other clinic and get yourself checked out. However, antibiotics have an iffy cure rate and they usually give you a yeast infection afterward. If the doctor diagnoses BV, ... (read in full...)
I'm going to have our baby soon and he's texting another girl and calling her sexy!
Q. So due to some recent money issues me and my boyfriend have been living seperately, me staying with my mother, him with his sister some of the time...the other part of the time with his guy friend down the street. Well I kinda have some slight trust ...
A. 9 July 2009: Call him out on it. But I have to say, the cheating, the snooping and the controlling (not letting you have any male friends) are all bad signs. I am concerned that you two have fast forwarded this relationship and that it will be even more ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend's ex a problem?
Q. Hey, I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year and we are pretty serious. He is 8 years older than me and has a 5 yr old son to his ex girlfriend. He has said to me that he was really in love with his ex and they were together for ove...
A. 8 July 2009: Man, forget that woman. She is trying to play games with your ex and to his credit he is not falling for that mess anymore. He has to do what he needs to do to keep his son in his life, and that most likely includes being super nice to her all the ... (read in full...)
He makes me hate myself. I don't know what love is anymore!
Q. My boyfriend say things to me and turn me against myself. I am good person, I know it. Last night I try to speak with him and tell him that I hate me because of him and was crying and he told me to be quiet and stop making a show. I don't know w...
A. 8 July 2009: Please free yourself from this man. Remember that he's only sweet when you want to leave, and sour and nasty every other time. Remember you deserve to be loved and respected, not to be put down and hurt. You deserve the best out of life, not ... (read in full...)
I'm stuck in an emotional rut! I need help handling this...
Q. I was with a guy for two years in high school and lasted into my first semester at college. He emotionally abused me and during our relationship, I had a lot to turn on how to be a good girlfriend. But I never cheated nor did I lie! I was just ...
A. 8 July 2009: I think it would be a good idea for you to talk with a therapist. Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is hard on the heart and the spirit, and you might have some scars and issues that are preventing you from having a great relationship. ... (read in full...)
What do I say to break it off with him?
Q. This guy fancied me, and we ended up kissing. I didn't really have chance to think it through, whether I wanted to go out with him or not, so now I am. He said 'I love you' and stupidly, I've now said it back. I think I do love him, but as a friend. ...
A. 8 July 2009: Here's an opener: tell him that he's a nice guy but it's not working out between you two, and that it's best if you see other people.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Cheated on: Not sure what to do now?
Q. My (ex) girlfriend and I were together for two months. In that time I fell in love with both her and her kids, and I've never been happier. That changed two weeks ago when she cheated on me. She met a co-worker's son to help him through a tough ...
A. 8 July 2009: I'm really sorry that you're being used like this. And yes, I do mean being used. She's basically treating you like an accessory. It's not normal to cheat on someone after just two months, and it's not normal to ask you to wait around while she ... (read in full...)
I'm going to have our baby soon and he's texting another girl and calling her sexy!
Q. So due to some recent money issues me and my boyfriend have been living seperately, me staying with my mother, him with his sister some of the time...the other part of the time with his guy friend down the street. Well I kinda have some slight trust ...
A. 8 July 2009: How long have you been together?... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my friend's boyfriend!
Q. Okay, so me and my friend met this guy at a party. He's really funny, and has a great personality, but is not much of a looker. After the party, he asked me out and I panicked and said no. Then my friend told me that he had asked her to pursuade me ...
A. 8 July 2009: Treat him like he is your friend's boyfriend, because that's what he is. With that said, I agree with thatgothgirl20, he is an ass. No decent guy would date someone's friend as a backup, that's guaranteed to cause problems in the friendship and in ... (read in full...)
My best friend and I are in a big fight because of my boyfriend...
Q. Hello, I have two very close friends. One is a girl, one's a boy (E.). They are dating, but the three of us are close friends since we've known each other for three years now (my friend's have been dating for 1 and a half years now). Point i...
A. 8 July 2009: This is a red flag. Your boyfriend should not tell you who you can and can't be friends with unless your friend has done something very disrespectful. That is controlling behavior and it's not fair to make you choose.
Put your boyfriend in check... (read in full...)
Afraid of moving in with boyfriend
Q. can anyone help me? i'm 19 yrs old and my boyfriend wants me to move in with him and i'm scared to bc i dont know if he will be able to take care of me and the house....
A. 8 July 2009: How long have you been together?... (read in full...)
Roleplaying and whats "normal"?
Q. Ok. I have to ask this. if anyone roleplays what roles are normal? I know that I always have a boyfriends that are few years older then me. I always have called them daddy when we roleplay is that horrible??? ...
A. 8 July 2009: I think this is something you have to discuss with your partners. Only the person you're role playing with can say what he finds okay and normal.... (read in full...)
He won't leave me alone!
Q. this guy started calling me,never telling me he was about to get married,tells me later and lets me know he plans on keeping me,if he hears of a gu liking me ,he runs them off, i will not sleep with him. he wil not leave me alone. he tels me all of ...
A. 8 July 2009: Go to the police and tell them what's going on. He's stalking you and he needs to stop!... (read in full...)
He says "men rule the world"!
Q. Hi. For the longest time I have thought that I wanted a man who believed certain things, otherwise I was not being true to myself. By certain things, I mean in equality of the genders. He has been saying things that disturb me lately, but I...
A. 8 July 2009: None of those are facts, only opinions, and uninformed ones at that.
There is a great book called "Don't Know Much About History: Everything You Needed to Know about American History but Never Learned" by Kenneth C. Davis that is a great re... (read in full...)
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