A
male
age
41-50,
*edneck597719
writes:i fell in love with my best friend and she has feelings for me to but shes engaged and has a 2 year old.shes 21 years old and i'm 35.we hang out all day every day and we talk about everything.she told me she had feelings but the next day she said she wanted to try to make it work with her boyfriend.she said shes going to push the feelings a side because shes not ready to give him up.so she came clean with him.so will mine and her feelings go away or is this going to turn into a big mess.and i tried to stay away but she will not give me up.she says she wants to go back to the way it was.she doesn't want to lose her friend.she calls every day,she looks for me every day.so we both know this isn't going away because we are so close but shes struggling with this and i don't want to see her hurting.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): My advice is be the sensible one in this situation and break off the friendship. As the other poster said, this is going to turn into a big mess if you don't. Everyone involved will end up being hurt.A friendship can only exist between a man and a woman when there are no feelings beyond friendship. As soon as that happens, the dynamic changes and it's just a matter of time before they either become a couple, or someone gets hurt and the friendship ends. Sometimes both people get hurt, in addition to innocent third parties, such as this woman's fiance.Do the right thing for everyone and tell her you cannot be friends anymore, and then break contact. You're older and have experience, which is why you KNOW this is the right thing to do. She'll use this as one of life's lessons, and hopefully learn from it. The time to do this is NOW, before the bomb goes off.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 This is going to turn into a big mess I'm afraid.
She cannot keep you as a friend who she spends all her time with, yet expect her boyfriend to just accept that and for their relationship to work out. If she has come clean to the boyfriend then he will be pretty pissed when she carries on hanging out with you all day, what man would want their girlfriend hanging out with a man she has feelings for?!
You cannot be friends with someone you have romantic feelings for, simple as that. So if she wants her relationship to work, she has to give you up. Or she gives up her relationship. She doesnt get to have her cake and eat it, she has to grow up and make a choice.
She has made the right choice to try and work on her relationship, after all they are engaged and they have a child, at least for the child's sake she should give it a try.
But if you are really her friend, and want the best for her - then you should walk away and dont let her back into your life. I know it will be hard, but you have to think about her child, it is not fair on the child that mummy cant decide between 2 men, so you need to decide for her and walk away.
Aged 21 she is too immature to understand the damage she is doing to her child, and she is too immature to understand that you cant remain friends when there are feelings involved. So as a 35 year old man you need to be the adult here and do the right thing and walk away.
Tell her that simply friendship is not enough and you either want her as a girlfriend, or you have to walk away and cease the friendship. She probably wont accept it, because she cannot see that this is the right thing to do - but at least you will be doing the right thing.
She will regret it when she gets older if she didnt try with the child's father, because the child will ask questions about why mummy and daddy are not together anymore, and she will feel ashamed if she cant say to the child that they tried everything to make it work. She might not know this now as she is too young, but she will have this regret when she gets older - so you have to be the one that ensures she doesnt go through life with this regret.
Think about her happiness, think about the child - be the grown up and do the right thing.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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