A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My three best friends (A, B, and C), and I are planning a graduation Europe trip. We are considering inviting our boyfriends as well as we are all very close and it would be very fun! However, none of us including the guys, can stand C's boyfriend! None of us know what she sees in him. He is immature, overly attached to C, has a volatile temper, and even the sight of him annoys us. Only A, B, and I have dicussed the trip together. Whenver we do occasional double dates with the 8 of us, everyone except C ignores him. Should we invite everyone and just let C's bf tag along? Maybe have him take pictures for us. Or do a girls only trip? Or how should we deal?
View related questions:
best friend, immature Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (4 May 2012):
When I was 18 me and my friends were in a similar situation, where we all couldn't stand one of the friend's bf. The thing is, my friend really loved him and despite what we and our own bf's thought of him, I felt we had to respect that. You can't just tolerate him coming along and let him dangle behind.
So what we did was make an arrangement t to just start over and give the guy a shot as an equal, and not to automatically roll our eyes at whatever he said. After all, the only other option was making it a girls only trip and we had already invited our own bf's. We'd have to lie to our friend and word would come out regardless.
So he tagged along. And he turned out not to be so bad once I got to know him. Turned out he just had this wall built around him that just took a while to break down.
So if you want to be the opposite of C's bf, be the mature one and bite the bullet. Give the guy a real shot. Don't be led by prejudice. You've only experienced him in glimpses. There may be more to this guy. C certainly seems to think so. So trust your friend's judgment on this one. If you treat him well, chances are he'll warm up to you too and though you probably won't become best friends, at least it'll be okay.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): do a girls only trip. this trip is for the group of friends, not for the significant others. if you all bring your boyfriends along, it will dilute the experience even if everyone got along with everyone. But if C's boyfriend is in the mix (as he should be if the other boyfriends are going) it will just ruin the atmosphere for you who don't like him, and for C.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): Thanks everyone! We were leaning toward a girls only trip, and girls only trip it is! The four of us grew up together and are very close. I may have exagerrated - We don't ignore C's boyfriend, we're just not fond of him and tend to talk to one another. But we're polite and don't purposely disinclude him from anything. Although a trip to Eurpoe is a big thing. It would probably be better if he didn't come.
C's family doesn't approve of her bf either. He has a volatile temper and lashed out on C for hanging out with a guy friend. He threw his backpack and it seemed like he would become physical. Anyway, aside from the trip, A said "As long as C is happy with him" though we are still concerned.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012):
If I was C I would not consider you as friends nor would I want to go away with or without my boyfriend ~ with you.
Your behaving very badly and like your all 5 yr olds, deciding who is going to be in YOUR gang. Boys come and go but friends are there through thick and thin.
Girls only on this trip IF you value her friendship and IF she wants to go
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 May 2012):
 Agreed. Girls only sounds like the logical solution and I think you'd have a lot more fun anyway.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 May 2012):
 The title on here is inaccurate. You like C just fine. It's her boyfriend that you don't like.
I also think it should be girls only. This isn't a simple date. This is extended time together, and you're friends with the girls. Trust me, it'll be good to spend a little time apart from the boyfriends! Remember, the title of boyfriend isn't a permanent one. It's the friendships that are permanent.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (3 May 2012):
 I think girls only sounds like the best idea - that way you and your 3 friends will all be happy and have a great time with no issues.
If you let him (C's boyfriend) tag along then it is not fair on him to be ignored for a week or more, regardless of him being a pain it isnt nice to be ignored by your girlfriend's friends. So he will get pissed off that he is being ignored, and then he will have a rubbish time. Because he is having a bad time he will bring the mood down on the rest of the group - especially C. She will get fed up of him being pissed off, and will then turn on you and your friends for being nasty to her boyfriend. You will probably all fall out and then you will all have a pretty terrible time.
Girls only is definitely the way to go - otherwise things will just turn messy.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 May 2012):
 If you want to go on a holiday with A, B, your BF and their BF's, why not? It's not like you are really a good friend to/with C - at least that is how is seems when you talk about her and her BF the way you do.
Why do you think you HAVE to invite her?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2012): It should be a girls only trip. If one boyfriend is not welcome, (and allowing him to "tag along and maybe take photo's" so you can have your boyfriend there is disrespectful to your friend C and immature and selfish). So you have a few options.
1. No boyfriends at all
2. You go without C
3. Cancel the trip altogether.
This may sound harsh, but you have disrespected C repeatedly by ignoring her boyfriend when you have all been in a group situation. yet you complain he is immature and has a bad temper. Maybe he seems to have a bad temper because you girls and your boyfriends are RUDE! not to mention immature. How would you feel if it was your boyfriend who was being treated this way.
You don't have to like him, or see what she sees in him, you simply have to be polite because she is your friend and you have respect for her. Don't ruin her trip and experience just because you want your boyfriend's there. Grow up and start acting like adults, instead of immature children.
No boyfriend's is the only decent and mature option.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (3 May 2012):
 Hi
Its a shame you dont see any good in C, even though your friend does. I would go for girls only as any other scenario is going to spoil the trip for everyone and put your friendship in jeapordy with the girl.
...............................
|
