A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear aunts, I have started a fbw relationship with my ex. We meet up every three weeks or so and spend two days together. We have gone on two hotel mini breaks and are planning another. Things have been really good. The pressure of being in a relationship is gone and we have alot of fun together. I know all the reasons we split up and I do not want him back as my boyfriend we were always more about fun then a serious relationship. My question is how do fwb really work out, anyone out there in a fwb that works?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 99% of the time FWB's do not work. This is because one person in the FWB has stronger feelings than the other person, and deep down they want more than just sex and friendship.
Search for FWB on this site and you will see, there are so many people coming on here saying "I really like my FWB, how can I tell if he/she likes me" or something along those lines.
If you are 100% certain that all you want from your ex is sex, and you will NEVER want to be with him in a relationship again, then you have a chance at making this FWB work. And you need to be sure that your ex only wants you for sex too.
Also, you need to make some rules - you need to figure out what happens when one of you meets someone that you like. You need to set ground rules about sex with other people (is this allowed? Think about STD's). You also need rules about affecting - like making sure you dont fall into girlfriend/boyfriend territory. Dont buy each other christmas or birthday gifts, no 'dates', no seeing each other's families, not too much kissing and cuddling. It literally should just be sex, with a bit of hanging out at each other's houses at the very most.
If you can stick to all that, and definitely dont have any feelings for him other than sexual feelings - then you should be ok. But be warned - FWB's hardly ever work because it is complicated to try and remain purely 'sex buddies' without feelings creeping in.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (10 May 2012):
 The only one I had that worked was one where we both knew we'd hate dating each other but had great chemistry. We also left penetrative sex totally off the table. Mostly we were make-out buddies. Worked out perfectly until he moved away. I can honestly say I didn't even feel small pangs of jealousy that he was sleeping with other women.
Then another time I had a FWB that I thought was going great, he was good in bed and also could be called on as a friend. But then he developed feelings for me so I had to cut him off. I know people tend to say men are the ones who detach and women get connected, but I've always been the one who doesn't develop feelings.
I think the vast majority of the time they don't work out for the reason that one person develops feelings and the other doesn't reciprocate. Especially if actually having sex is involved.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (10 May 2012):
Honestly, the concept of FWB is something that really interests me, and I have done some research of my own over the last 5 years.
I have rarely if ever heard of these arrangements working.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 May 2012):
 I had an ex boyfriend that when we stopped dating we kept seeing each other every week for a tryst. It was fun.. I spent the night and went to work from his place the next morning... this went on for a few months till I started dating someone else... then we just lost track of each other.... painless and seamless...
my current partner (we are engaged to be married later this year) started out as a NSA/FWB kind of thing....
what do you mean by "is there a FWB that works"
works how?
works that you wont' get hurt?
works that he won't get hurt?
that one of you won't want more?
only time will tell.
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