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female
,
anonymous
writes: when is an age gap too much? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (14 April 2006):
 Dear Reader
First off, hi.
An age Gap is too big when each of you are in a different stage of life. For instence, if you're a mature (and I'm sure beautiful) eighteener and you hook up with a thirty year old. You'll be 21 and wanting to parrrrty! He'll be thrity three and thinking about when he can retire. I think you can tell when an age gap is too big yourself. You just get that feeling. If this person feels right for you, go on. Unless of course we're talking about TEACHERS and they are a major no-no! How old are you? If you go off with a much older guy then things might not work out so well.
Good Luck and all the best
-find your special someone-
Phoebe xxx
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 April 2006):
 The age gap is probably too large when each of you is on a "different page" in your lives. For example, if you were ready to settle down and have kids, say at 28, and you were with someone who's still wild, say 21... that would have you at stages where you wouldn't work well together for the longer term.
Some might say that "it's only 7 years and won't matter when you get to be 80", but the fact remains you're after different goals and will struggle to make your lives mesh, so you probably won't make it until you're 80.
Likewise, a 14-year-old girl with a crush on a guy of 19 is just asking for trouble, because they're both after different things. 19-year-old men are into risk-taking and fun, hedonistic pleasures (and more power to them, might I add).
Girls of 14 are more interested in kissing and maybe a bit of a grope, but basically are looking for a boyfriend more as a status-symbol, than automatically as a sex-partner, the way a 19-year-old generally does.
Another example of an age-difference that's probably too big is a 45-year-old woman with a young buck of 25. Sure, there's probably a fair amount of sex, but after that, there's nothing to talk about, no friends in common, and generally no outside interests that can be shared.
Of course, I'm painting with broad strokes, and for every sweeping statement I make, a dozen people will pipe up that they know couples with 30 years' difference and they're still "so in love". Well, maybe. But they'd be the exception and not the rule.
Summarised, when you're younger, then a few years' difference is a much larger fraction of your life (5 years when you're only 15 is a third of your existence!), and therefore can be harder to bridge. As they age, couples notice it less, because five years when you're 40 is only 20% of your life.
Hope that this is some insight for you... from a Mouldy Oldie.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006): age is a number that has nothing to do with your feelings---most peoples "mental" age are not accurate to their body age anyway. its too big when a)its illegal and b) if it ruins peoples lives (ex. a father with children--young children--who are uncomfortable--it would need to be when they're old enough to understand and have their own lives). other than that--lifes short, have fun & enjoy the people you meet when you can.
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A
female
reader, ..x..Lauren..x.. +, writes (13 April 2006):
 it all depends on how old you are not the difference... if your above 20 say then a 5 year different would be fine whereas if you were 14 then 5 years is just wrong... so maybe if you say your age youd get a better answer... hope i have helped somehow, update me by leaving me a message :) and ill get back to you if you want ..x..Lauren..x..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2006): i have always thought age as just a number. But i would only go up to 3 or 4 years between us
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (12 April 2006):
 That is a really hard question to answer specifically. I have had two relationships where my partner has been 12 years my senior and some people would think that is stretching it. I would say in general certainly anything upwards of 15 years is stretching it however ultimately what is too much comes down to the people involved. Some people can span massive age gaps due to their particular experiences/needs/wants/desires, others can't.
Alot of it comes down to how much you can find in common too. If you can't find common ground then you will also have problems making the leap.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (12 April 2006):
 dear reader. an age gap is too big when you and the other person have a problem with it at then end of the day no-one can tell you how to feel and who for.on the other hand i hope your not a girl still in school thinking of going off with a much older guy that would just be silly and illegal i wish you good health and happiness i hope you find your answer xxx
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