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female
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anonymous
writes: I wasn't sure myself, but please let me know if I'm splitting hairs or being a mincer of words, or if this is a big deal at all... I recently saw my bf's myspace and we both have one so we check the other one's page now and then. I was looking through his picture page and there I saw a comment from one of his ex-gfs. In her comment she was saying it was great to see he had his pics online and when was the next time they were going to go to a certain resteraunt they used to go to when they went out. Needless to say, this bothered me, but I didn't wnat it to put me in a bad mood, so I just tried to ignore it because I don't want to be a shrew and I felt like I have overreacted to some things my bf has done in the past (not cheating or anything, but sometimes talking to his ex-gfs on the phone, which he doesn't do anymore since I told him it upset me). A little while later, he sent me a text message saying he'd do anything for me and I was thinking to myself that I should ask him to delete his mypsace page and I would too to be fair, but I didn't tell him that and rather just wrote back "anything?" and he said he wouldn't bunjijump off a roof, and I replied I know that, but it's a big word--actions speak louder than words..meaning that he shouldn't say it to me if he wasn't going to back it up. Then he replied 'are you mad now'? And I said no, I'm not angry. I'm just surprised you used that word. I feel I really handled that badly because I was kind of acting out of the anger I had when I saw his ex want to meet up with him again. On the same day I said I wnated a break with him...which makes me just want to delete my page and ask him to delete his because I don't want to make myself crazy thinking something is going when it isn't--do you think I should do this? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2006): Yea your over reacting, i'm a insecure person when it comes to my boyfriend but you incredibly insecure. if you dont want him to see his ex gf just tell him how it upsets you and if wouldn't mind not meeting her. he oblivously loves you so i dont know why you feel insecure.
you should go speak to you boyfriend explain to him how you feel, how you feel insecure, why you broke up with him.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (2 April 2006):
 First things first, he can't be held responsible for the actions of his ex. She may post the message and he can't control that. You have to accept that. Assuming hes done nothing to encourage this and from what you say that seems a fair assumption he cant be held as being at fault for messages she leaves.
When you asked him before he seems to have acted out of consideration for your feelings and put you first, this is something that is worth remembering whenever you feel insecure. Having said that, there is nothing wrong or 'bad' about feeling the way you do and you also need to stop torturing yourself.
Last time around talking to him worked and it seems to me that maybe you should consider doing that again. Whether you ask him to delete the page and delete yours is up to you. If it makes it easier for you not to feel insecure then maybe you should seriously consider it. I think you need to take some deep breaths while making this descision. Other than this it seems you have a good relationship. Is this worth losing it over?? Hope that helps.
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