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female
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anonymous
writes: 9 months ago i found a hidden text on my partner of 5 years mobile from a work colleague saying thanx for not taking advantage of me last night but i really enjoyed our kisses ... im still racked with worry that he may want other relationships ... am i wrong to think those kisses were a form of cheating i felt as tho my heart broke when i read those words ... please will i ever feel secure with him again???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2006): thanks for the replies guys, feel i should elaborate, 9 months ago i did tackle him over it, we have open access to each others phones he said it was a mistake and was full of remorse and was silly thing to save her message, i forgave him and we got on with life but other day he received a text from her asking if safe to call while we were together, he called her and loudly said that i was beside him it just sounded very strange as tho he was warning her but tho probably all innocent it brought back the feelings of insecurity and pain id felt 9 months ago, as to why he got into position of being alone with her its because they work in a job where they have to go to seminars for work and stop overs at hotels occassionaly, as i said above tho thanks for your input, i really appreciate it.
A
female
reader, MissMo +, writes (24 March 2006):
you have no idea what went on that night. for all you know, he could have given her chocolate kisses. it may just have been a silly text with a double entendre. but if he really was kissing some other woman, then you need to know. i definitely consider that cheating. your man wouldn't want you kissing some other guy, would he?? i'm not sure why you were going through his phone in the first place, but you definitely need to talk to him about it. And if he really was kissing some other woman, and hiding it from you, then i don't think he's worth trusting.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 You are nine months down the line, so if he was going with someone he would be doing it by now and you have not had any other suspicions.
Personally I think he is a rat for kissing someone else but these things happen and im sure when you confronted him he gave you a reasonable excuse or you would have ditched him, so you need to just leave this go and hope it never happens again, if it does you know what to do!!
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A
female
reader, juliagulia +, writes (24 March 2006):
 I agree with the idea that you should talk with him about what you read and how it made you feel and try to get the whole scope of things. I would have just overreacted and gone nuts, so if you can handle it better than that, I applaud you! By now, I am wondering if you have already mentioned it as 9 months have gone by already... I surely hope so. It seems so painful to let something like that sit with you for that long without letting it out. If you have already talked to him and worked that out and now you are just worried and confused, then I think you should try talking to him again. Tell him it is still on your mind and you need to be reassured that he isn't looking elsewhere for love. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (24 March 2006):
 Well I tend to more agree with Prunella, the cruicial thing here may well not be what was done but it's context. If he lunged on her and kissed her then that would be cheating but if she was in a drunken stupor and lunged on him and he awkwardly kissed her then that is not cheating.
Ask yourself this; if he wanted to cheat and the opportunity was there for sex why did he kiss her but not go the full way and have sex with her? Having kissed her in a forward way and already crossed that line why stop before sex? One text does not give you the entire picture of what happened here.
I think you should talk to him about it and he will hopefully be able to set your mind at ease by providing you with the entire picture of events. Be gentle and say that you trust him but that it has been playing on your mind. Be careful when you broach it. Hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 March 2006):
 Kisses are cheating. I don't totally agree with the other answer. What was your partner doing in a situations with a woman that would get them that close? We usually don't violate ones personal space unless we intend to be phyiscal with them. Put it this way. I'm sure he new what the situation was. Maybe he didn't invite it but he let it get past the point of respecting you. That in itself is wrong.
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A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (24 March 2006):
 It is understnadable that you feel hurt and upset by this discover, and the fact that it is still troubling you 9 months later mean that perhaps you need to do something about it.
It sounds to me like it there could be a reasonable explanation, maybe she came on to him and kissed him, but is sounds like he refused to take it any further, even though from the sound of it he could have.
My suggestion would be to ask him about it, tell him about your fears, and then listen to and accept his explanation of the events. You may meet some anger on his part at what he may consider snooping, but let hoim know that you just had to ask because it has been bothering you for so long.
If apart from this message you have no reason to suspect that he has been cheating then I wouldn't consider this cheating, but it stil needs to be resolved so that you can maintain some kind of trust in this relationship.
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