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female
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*ou25
writes: My Bf and I are on the verge of splitting up, he has been cheating on me and although promises it's all finished, I dont see how we can get through this.The problem is, we have a 10 month old daughter. And I'm so worried in later life she'll resent my for leaving her dad. I'm also worried I'll cope being on my own as we've been together 4 years. He isn't very nice to me since I found out, he blames me for my lack of sex drive whilst pregnant. I just don't know which way to turn, I feel if I leave him, then I risk my daughter growing up without a dad but if I stay I have to put up with the verbal abuse.Any advice very welcome.
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reader, Napoleon +, writes (23 April 2006):
 Your bf need domestic violence counseling. verbal abuse is domestic violence and is just as bad or even far worse than physical violence because some emotional wounds do not heal.
You must not stay in a relationship in which you are abused - either physically or mentally. If your bf refuses help he has made his choice and you must make one for you and your daughter.
If you stay together and your bf continues the abuse your daughter will grow up believing this is how all men are and will seek our an abuser just like her father. Is that the best thing for your daughter ultimately?
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reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (17 April 2006):
 Hiya,
I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. Ultimately you have to look out for your own happiness because if you bring your daughter up in this enviroment then it is likely to damage her than if you make a break from this guy. Also, it is possible that if he is verbally abusing you he will turn on your daughter at some stage. He may not because peoples attitudes can vary but it is a possibility.
If you stay in this situation then rather than maybe causing your daughter an instant of furture pain you are bringing her up in an enviroement which will ongoingly be corrosive and as I have said that will in all likilihood do her more lasting damage than not having another parent around.
Right now she is not old enough to take descisions for herself so you must take descisions for the both of you. It may cause future complications but she will ultmately understand when she is old enough to understand the pain of the situation you are in. When she is old enough allow her to make her own personal decision about whether she contacts him or not but right now you have to factor yourself into the descision, and you will most likely do neither yourself nor her any favours by sticking around.
Hope that helps. Take care.
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