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female
,
anonymous
writes: Did I cheat on my ex boyfriend? I went out dancing with friends once and danced with this guy kinda close (but i had no feelings for or attraction to). Later on in the relationship i broke up with him, and a few days later we got back together. Then, on New Year's this guy said i looked sad and i said it was b/c i just broke up with my boyfriend...whcih i don't know why i said that b/c technically we just got back together, (i was just really considering breaking up w/him again). This guy wanted to kiss me and i said no but then he gave me a kiss on the cheek which i thought was harmless. Then i broke up with him again and met a guy that invited me to a concert which i said yes to. THen, the nite before the concert i got back together with my boyfriend, but then went to the concert the next nite anyways b/c i didn't want to be rude and cancel (i told my b/f i was going to see some friends). Then, i went running w/a guy friend and he wanted to grab a bite to eat afterwards. so i did, and then i called my b/f and he thought it was weird b/c it was 10pm and i lied and said i was driving home from the gym b/c i knew he'd be mad if i was w/a guy he hadn't met yet (even though i had no feelings for the guy and he even had a g/f). I broke up my b/f for good b/c he had a really bad temper (was abusive to his pets and broke things) and started using drugs, and sexually assaulted me. I basically need reassurance that I didn't cheat (I don't think I did), because sometimes I feel like I was as just as bad as him in the relationship. But I always thought that cheating was kissing, which I definitely didn't ever do, or want to do.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (19 April 2006):
 Imho what you did was not and never will be cheating. In some cultures a kiss on the cheek is a standard greeting and so can be considered platonic. Even the lying was justifiable in your position.
You never did anything to deserve what your boyfriend did to you and I wonder if that is what we are dealing with here, some deep-seated feeling that you were somehow to blame for what he did. You werent, he was and is a sick person who didnt deserve you. Have you ever talked to anybody else about what happened or considered counselling? Hope that helps, take care.
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