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male
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*reg
writes: I need some advice. I split from my boyfriend two months ago and I hope a reconciliation may soon be on the cards.Although he is seeing someone else at the moment he says things aren’t going as planned and that he still feels a lot for me. He is currently thinking about whether to come back. I know in my heart that I could be making a huge mistake here as he is the one who left me, but I love this person so much. Anyway, we talked at length the other night and he texted me a few times before he went to bed with kisses at the end. I guess I am just now waiting for him to make his mind up. Are there any ways I can hurry this along? We talked last week and we arranged to go out but when I called him he left my calls go to answermachine. I spoke to him about this and he says it was just nerves and that he needs time to work things out.It seems he can't confront his feelings despite us being extremely close when we were together.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (13 April 2006):
 Don't push. He's told you that he needs time to think his feelings through. Remember that a relationship is about BOTH of you, not just your desperation.
Be there if he wants to contact you, but don't initiate anything more. He hasn't forgotten you exist, believe me; and your pressure on his is likely to irritate and exasperate him.
Back away, be available, and if he wants to come back, he will. Nothing else will work.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (12 April 2006):
 I think the short answer is no, you cant hurry him. If you do you run the risk you will have the opposite result to the one you intend.
Your best plan of advance is to subtly remind him and reassure him of how you feel. Exert pressure but in a gentle way and of the rite kind if that makes sense. Remind him of the good times you had together. I think you have to bide your time a little and proceed at his pace to be honest. Hope that helps.
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