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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi im in a bit of a tricky situation and I really need some advice before i drive myself crazy. Ive been seeing a guy since last august n its now starting to get serious. The problem is his ex. He was with her for nearly four years and I actually knew him when they were together and it was obvious he was completely in love with her. Im really scared he still loves her and dont know if i can cope with things being serious if hes only with me because she doesnt want him. She finished with him last January but he still sees her all the time and still has a photo of her in his room although he doesnt hav any fotos of other friends. He has told me about her new boyfriend and laughs at him because hes a geek n he jus seems to love that. Everytime he talks about her it kills me. He talks about her quite alot n she always manages to come up in conversations. These are just some of the things that hav happened that bother me. Ive spoken to him and he says theyre jus friends but i cant help worryin if she snaps her fingers will he jump? Am i being paranoid?Please help i dont know what to do. thanks xxx
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (17 April 2006):
 I have to agree with Smeedle here. He doesnt sound totally over her. Keeping momentos is sometimes ok and doesnt always mean that the person on question is treasureing some fond times but the fact that she still holds sway over his actions would suggest she has some emotional purchase too.
I would also agree that you need to talk but I would avoid trying to second-guess his emotions; people often get agitated and defensive. Telling somebody they are in denial usually pushes them further in, its something they have to realise for themselves. Rather, focus on how you are feeling and how his actions make you feel.
Hope that helps. Take care.
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (17 April 2006):
 Sounds like he is definatly not over his ex and still has a strong pull to her, he may have met you on the re-bound and that is not good for your relationship as he has not moved on.
Talk to him about this and do not let him fob you off, tell him you think he may still be in love with her and is just in denial, tell him your fears and if he dismisses them or just wont listen then you have a problem and it may be time to take a little break and see if this makes him come to his senses.
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