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... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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Our life has gotton so routine and boring!
Q. Me and my bf have been together 7 months and im getting a bit bothered by the fact that it has gotten so routine. We do the same thing week in week out and it gets a bit boring because he never does anything spontaneous. Were both 21. I never see ...
A. 27 July 2007: Have you ever actually told your bf what you have said to us on this site?
I know you don't want to hurt his feelings but he does sound like he is old before his time.
Does he have a stressful job that he has to be up for in the mornings?
... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if he is cheating.
Q. I have been married for a little over a year, my husband and I fight constantly. I think he is cheating but I am not sure. I found a few phone numbers but nothing that confirms he has dated or had sex with another women. He has outside children...
A. 26 July 2007: Good for you, just keep your wits about you.
You are doing fantastically, stay strong an stay positive, us women can do anything if we put our minds to it, we multi task and we are very strong especially when we have children to protect.... (read in full...)
I want to be with my boyfriend, But cant cut all ties with my (ex)husband!
Q. I have been married for 6 yrs. I had intimacy problems with my husband, I felt guilty after having sex and never wanted to recollect those moments. I met this guy after my third anniversary and became friends, eventually i started loving him, he is ...
A. 26 July 2007: Sweetheart I think the real problem here is the fact that you still have strong loving feelings towards your husband and the safe and secure way he makes you feel.
Perhaps going for counselling about the intimacy issues would have been better w... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if he is cheating.
Q. I have been married for a little over a year, my husband and I fight constantly. I think he is cheating but I am not sure. I found a few phone numbers but nothing that confirms he has dated or had sex with another women. He has outside children...
A. 25 July 2007: Sweetheart, you need some concrete evidence really.
I know in your heart of hearts that you feel that he could well be cheating and yes more than often our gut instinct is right in this things.
You say you constantly fight with him, what are th... (read in full...)
My drive has been dead for the last year and my partner says it feels like we're just friends
Q. hi my partner and i are going through a really tough time, weve been together for 11 years and havnt had sex for nearly a year,ive completely lost interest in sex, hes taken it really badly and when we started to talk about it he said the last tim...
A. 23 July 2007: OK what has changed in your relationship over the last year or more?
Do you have children as you don't mention them?
Long term relationships can go through stale patches and if the drive is not there from either party then the other person can... (read in full...)
How can I move on when I feel so betrayed by my cheating husband?
Q. My husband cheated on me a few yrs ago, with a woman who was suposed to be my friend. When I confided in her about the affair she promised to help find out who the other woman was! It ended when I found out it was her and confronted the pair of ...
A. 22 July 2007: I couldn't agree more with Penta, it is not up to you to get over it, how bloody arrogant is that.
Sorry it really does bug me when a man thinks he can just do what he likes and there are no consequences.
7 years is an awful long time to be ... (read in full...)
The ex wife will not leave us alone.
Q. My fiance's ex-wife will not leave us alone. They were together 19 years married for 9. I have moved to his country and we are engaged to be married. They have 3 kids together and I get that but why won't she move on with her own life? Why does she...
A. 22 July 2007: Just wanted to say that although you responded to Hannah, if you are talking openly with your fiance, then that is the key here.
If he wasn't talking to you then that is the time to worry.
Of course you feel angry, threatened and as you say y... (read in full...)
Why is he reluctant to take me on dates even though he still appears to be very keen on me?
Q. I see a man at a bar every Tuesday and Saturday. His friends tell me he is mad on me and say he tells them to butt out if they try to chat me up. He always takes me on the dance floor to dance to the smoochy dances.He took me out for lunch 2 weeks ...
A. 22 July 2007: I couldn't agree more, if he wants to talk to you then he should have done, saying bye via a friend is so not nice, like he couldn't be bothered to say something to you himself like, 'sorry this is hi and bye but hopefully will catch up with you on ... (read in full...)
The ex wife will not leave us alone.
Q. My fiance's ex-wife will not leave us alone. They were together 19 years married for 9. I have moved to his country and we are engaged to be married. They have 3 kids together and I get that but why won't she move on with her own life? Why does she...
A. 22 July 2007: Right you really do need to talk to your fiance openly about this, his ex wife thinks she can lure him back because you are not married yet and she thinks she still stands a chance.
I realise they must remain in contact for the sake of the chil... (read in full...)
He doesn't end our relationship yet he wants to move and start a new life
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years and out of the blue he says he wants to move and start a new life, and hes been treating me terrible latley, but he hasnt actually broke up with me, what do you think this means. please help im very ...
A. 22 July 2007: Right take the bull by the horns here as this guy is playing with your head and that just isn't fair, he has told you it is over and perhaps in his own mind that is it.
Right withdraw from him completely, do you live together or not?
If you ... (read in full...)
What do i do about her gut friends?
Q. Hello, I have a girlfriend who I have been with for 4 months. We're both of the age of 18, things picked up fairly quickly, and we are soon to get engaged. We have both opened each other's eyes to new meanings in life. We're in such love that i...
A. 22 July 2007: Hmmm you are so in love and bit confused here, your apparently 36 - 40 on your profile bit but you say both you and your gf are 18, which is it?
Sounds to me to be the latter.
I think you are rushing into getting engaged in order to make su... (read in full...)
He cheated on me and I'm having a hard time building the trust back up, as he's always away on business
Q. My boyfriend and I have just moved in together. We have a very loving relationship, however in may of this year I discovered that he had an affair with someone. This crushed me beyond belief, I know that he regrets doing it...but I am still having a ...
A. 19 July 2007: Your mind will always be racing if he is constantly away.
Does he keep in touch whilst he is away on business, or does he leave it to you to contact him?
Once trust is broken it is very hard to regain it again.
The only true way of working... (read in full...)
Why is he reluctant to take me on dates even though he still appears to be very keen on me?
Q. I see a man at a bar every Tuesday and Saturday. His friends tell me he is mad on me and say he tells them to butt out if they try to chat me up. He always takes me on the dance floor to dance to the smoochy dances.He took me out for lunch 2 weeks ...
A. 19 July 2007: I'm sorry if I was a bit alarmest to you but I just find it extremely strange that he has refused your mobile number as that is just not what men do if they are interested in someone.
I realise he is an honourable man and the kisses sound innocent... (read in full...)
She says she will talk to me tomorrow, but I want to talk to her tonight!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a girl one year younger to me and we have been talking for 4 months. i would like stating beforehand that this is a long distance relationship and we have met only once. She starts with her university in a day's ...
A. 18 July 2007: Ahh I am so pleased.
I wasn't trying to be horrible by saying yes you were being unreasonable but I fel that honesty is the best policy.
Your own inner self made you realise what this girl means to you and by backing off she has come forward... (read in full...)
Why is he reluctant to take me on dates even though he still appears to be very keen on me?
Q. I see a man at a bar every Tuesday and Saturday. His friends tell me he is mad on me and say he tells them to butt out if they try to chat me up. He always takes me on the dance floor to dance to the smoochy dances.He took me out for lunch 2 weeks ...
A. 18 July 2007: Yes it does seem weird that this man has never asked for your mobile number, that is the first thing that someone does so that they can reach you at any time.
Does he have a wife or partner at all? Has he been open about his situation or is it a ... (read in full...)
After the lease is up, my bf wants us to continue living with his chauvinistic friend!
Q. What to do? My boyfriend has all really wonderful friends but one. One of his closest friends has little respect for women and thinks that his %$#! doesn't stink. People just seem to be drawn to this guy, but I don't think that he is a good ...
A. 17 July 2007: To be honest Flower Girl has a point.
Nobody makes your man do anything as he has his own mind and he probably things this friend is cool as he has no conscience whatsoever.
OK there are two ways to look at this, he thinks his friend is fun an... (read in full...)
Why is he reluctant to take me on dates even though he still appears to be very keen on me?
Q. I see a man at a bar every Tuesday and Saturday. His friends tell me he is mad on me and say he tells them to butt out if they try to chat me up. He always takes me on the dance floor to dance to the smoochy dances.He took me out for lunch 2 weeks ...
A. 17 July 2007: Your son may be right about his past experiences, his daughter's wedding in September sounds like the main reason that he is probably holding back on spending out right now so one lunch was fine but the purse strings are certainly quite tight by the ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my brother from being so abusive towards me?
Q. my brother is abusive to me and has been for many years. He is 2 years younger than me and basically picks on me, for example he flicks water at me, hits me,pokes me, does anything which he knows will annoy me! He calls me names, says i have no ...
A. 17 July 2007: If you feel that you are not getting good advice from your counsellor then maybe you need to change to someone else.
Your depression and low self esteem must come from something that has happened in your life as you still very young to be sufferin... (read in full...)
My friend and I both like the same guy and he likes me, not her! Should I go out with him?
Q. My best friend likes this guy, but he likes me, not her. I like him too. So should I go out with him, or not? My best friend says I can, but I'm not sure......
A. 17 July 2007: Sweetheart it is not uncommon to like the same guy and your friend has said how much she likes him but has also said that it is OK for you to date him if you want.
There is no way of knowing if she is testing you over your friendship but at the e... (read in full...)
Why is he reluctant to take me on dates even though he still appears to be very keen on me?
Q. I see a man at a bar every Tuesday and Saturday. His friends tell me he is mad on me and say he tells them to butt out if they try to chat me up. He always takes me on the dance floor to dance to the smoochy dances.He took me out for lunch 2 weeks ...
A. 17 July 2007: As this man is a perfect gentleman perhaps he is just trying to build up a little more courage or perhaps a little more cash as you never know if he wants to treat you like a queen but has had a lot of bills lately, who knows.
If you are complete... (read in full...)
How do I stop my brother from being so abusive towards me?
Q. my brother is abusive to me and has been for many years. He is 2 years younger than me and basically picks on me, for example he flicks water at me, hits me,pokes me, does anything which he knows will annoy me! He calls me names, says i have no ...
A. 17 July 2007: You say that your counsellor hasn't been able to help, can I ask what you are seeing your counsellor about? You don't have to say if you don't want to but if may give me an insight and the other aunts and uncles as to what your main issues are.
... (read in full...)
My in laws are selfish, unsupportive and mean
Q. I moved to my husbands home town after we married. My in-laws were very friendly, sometimes even a little too much with my family. My sister-in-laws started before we married going for day trips or holidaying close to my home town and visiting...
A. 16 July 2007: Oh you poor lamb, sweetheart I totally understand what you are going through I had almost 20 years of living with never quite achieving the levels of acceptance required by my partner's mother and sisters.
I have a daughter who is now 6 and I sp... (read in full...)
My unrequited love for him is taking over my life
Q. i feel so alone and all i have is this pc screen to talk to. i've been separated from my long term partner for 18 months,i wasnt to interested in meeting anyone,but christmas 2006 i met this guy while out one evening with my friend,he kept on at me ...
A. 16 July 2007: Sweetheart what are you doing eh!
You are worth so much more than being a doormat for this guy.
You need to get some anti depressants if you are so depressed to even get out of bed in the morning and perhaps suggest to your doctor about see... (read in full...)
She says she will talk to me tomorrow, but I want to talk to her tonight!
Q. I have been in a relationship with a girl one year younger to me and we have been talking for 4 months. i would like stating beforehand that this is a long distance relationship and we have met only once. She starts with her university in a day's ...
A. 16 July 2007: Yes you are being unreasonable.
This girl is trying to prepare herself for university and doesn't know what to expect.
She wants to feel fresh for her first day and as this is a long distance relationship there should be respect on your ... (read in full...)
I love him but he's always yelling at me; what are my options?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. i was 16 and he was 23 when we got together Ive been living with him almost a year and a half now and I want out. I love him but he always yells and cusses at me. He has no patience and i know it ...
A. 16 July 2007: OK you have already said that you are unhappy and want out but the love you have for your bf is holding you back right now.
I now love is blind as they say but being constantly yelled at and having abusive remarks is not love, it is bullying... (read in full...)
I feel I owe it to my marriage to try again, but sometimes I want out
Q. Hi, i am trying a second time with my husband. Just a few months after we were married he moved out as he said he did not know what he wanted any more (said he lost his mind) I was gutted and left my job and moved back home to my home town to try ...
A. 12 July 2007: My god it sounds to me like your husband is extremely immature and unsure of his own mind.
I am not surprised you feel disillusioned and not sure of your feelings for him anymore.
We all want to run away from things from time to time but it i... (read in full...)
I have lost my sex drive with this pregnancy
Q. I have been having this ongoing issue with my fiancee... we've been together a little over a year, just recently engaged and recently pregnant. The pregnancy was a surprise, but we're both happy about it. Now, what is happening is that our sex life ...
A. 12 July 2007: Listen sweetheart you are just being normal, your body is changing and so are all the hormones raging around in it.
After I found out I was pregnant I really didn't feel like sex and when I did my then partner didn't want to touch for fear of ... (read in full...)
Hes was trying to break up with me so I did it for him and he seemed Ok; now he's acting moody
Q. ive been going out with this boy for 3 months and he said he got confused and didnt know if he loved me anymore. for a few days things were a bit akward and he asked me what we should do. i said we should not talk for a few weeks and then we'll miss ...
A. 5 July 2007: I personally think that this boy is just so cheesed off that you actually did the dumping instead of him doing it to you.
At the end of the day you took the mature view and said OK if that's what you want then we are over.
He needs to get ove... (read in full...)
We keep arguing, he clicks his fingers and I run back. What can I do?
Q. Hi guys i have an issue with my boyfriend...weve been together for nearly 2years and well he likes to be in denial about our arguments..but all we do is argue and im sick of it. Its complicated because i can get over things quite quickly because i ...
A. 2 July 2007: Sweetheart you should be able to continue seeing your friends no matter what.
When your relationship takes over and your bf is jealous that you are a popular girl and you knew these friends before you were with him, shows that you are the friendly... (read in full...)
How can I keep my boyfriend in a good mood when we're out in public?
Q. Hi everyone, I would like advice from guys and girls on this subject: Ok my boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months now. There are so many times when we are falling asleep that he hold me and tells me how much he loves me. He is very ...
A. 29 June 2007: Yes it sounds to me that the routine scenario may have set in here and perhaps you see one another too often.
How often do you see one another during the week, i.e. evenings and lunchtimes?
Get him to decide where you are going, don't alw... (read in full...)
We keep arguing, he clicks his fingers and I run back. What can I do?
Q. Hi guys i have an issue with my boyfriend...weve been together for nearly 2years and well he likes to be in denial about our arguments..but all we do is argue and im sick of it. Its complicated because i can get over things quite quickly because i ...
A. 29 June 2007: Have to say that I totally agree with bubbloo24, when you are constantly arguing there are real problems in the relationship.
His constant moodiness and hanging onto why he had a particular argument means that there is a lot more going on in his h... (read in full...)
He says he can't be with just one woman anymore
Q. Very confused asked for space from boyfriend of over 5 years because of commitment issues and him wanting an open relationship (hes 45!!! im 42. we both have been married before and had children from our previous marriages) We are best friends and ...
A. 29 June 2007: Sweetheart, when a man says he wants to see other women, then let him, don't be a sex buddy, you are worth so much more than that.
Do you honestly want a relationship like that or do you want one where the guy is more than happy with just you?
... (read in full...)
Our marriage is over and I'm angry about his other interests
Q. My eleven year marriage recently ended. For the last two years our relationship declined to a mere roommate situation and during this time frame I became very lonely, but because of my belief in maintaining a monogomous relationship I never steped ...
A. 29 June 2007: I can totally understand where your coming from, my almost 20 year relationship ended in 2005 and when my ex was here and we were in separate rooms it was annoying that he was talking to other females online or going out to see them as I just wanted ... (read in full...)
I still love him even thought he lied to me and hurt me so much.
Q. When I was 14, I met a boy who lived near a friend of mine when it was her birthday. We didn't talk all night, but I think I fell in love straigt away, and luckily the feeling was mutual. After a couple of years however, in which we had lost our ...
A. 27 June 2007: OK I think the fact is that when you originally wrote your message it did not state that you openly read each others texts as this does put a different slant on things.
The other thing that you say is that he basically went behind your back wit... (read in full...)
When will I ever get rid of all that hurt?
Q. I'm in my early twenties and was brought up in a very conservative culture. Sometime ago, I fell in love with someone I met via the internet. Only after we started talking, we realized we were distantly related. A day after two after all those ...
A. 26 June 2007: Sweetheart the guy was a complete rat so you have nothing to reprimand yourself over.
Yes your families are linked but only distantly.
I wouldn't mind betting that he was engaged all the time he was talking to you and when you backed off due t... (read in full...)
If there was a spark before, will there always be one?
Q. Can people still be attracted to someone several years on? I ask this because when I was a teenager I became quite close to a male family friend. The family actually lived abroad but this boy came to stay at our house for a couple of weeks ...
A. 26 June 2007: I think with time and distance things change over the years and this is obviously the case from his point of view as his reaction and behaviour with you last time indicates that he was either with someone and felt respect for them to not muck around ... (read in full...)
I still love him even thought he lied to me and hurt me so much.
Q. When I was 14, I met a boy who lived near a friend of mine when it was her birthday. We didn't talk all night, but I think I fell in love straigt away, and luckily the feeling was mutual. After a couple of years however, in which we had lost our ...
A. 26 June 2007: I have to say that Flower Girl is right in what she has said to you.
You were not with your ex and being best mates does not give anyone the right to check someone's texts. I think in this instance even though you found these things out confront... (read in full...)
He will make my life hell if I break up with him!
Q. Hi Everyone, was wondering if someone could help me as i don't know what to do. Been with my bf for about 7 months, he became controlling and possessive to which we/he is/are getting help for. Over the weekend we had a really big argument which i...
A. 26 June 2007: I would talk to your family and tell them about your bf's behaviour and that things happened when you were younger and if you feel strong enough tell them what happened so that you have prepared them for anything.
I would say to your bf that unl... (read in full...)
Our relationship is an endless cycle: argue, split up and get back together. How do we stay together w/out breaking up??
Q. Me and my boyfriend (ex for the time being) keep on splitting up and getting back together. when we split up we both seem its the best thing to do and say horrible things to each other and are glad its over, but then a week later, maybe less we end ...
A. 26 June 2007: I think the whole thing here is are you asking listening to what each other is saying as most of us react to a situation without actually understanding why it happened in the first place.
I agree with Yummy Mummy that talking is the best thing.
... (read in full...)
We get on like a house on fire theres a spark missing when it comes to sex!
Q. Hi just a quick one. Ive recently started seeing one of my ex's again and although we get on like a house on fire theres a spark missing when it comes to sex. We slept together before we broke up (nearly 2 years ago) but haven't this time rou...
A. 26 June 2007: To be perfectly honest you have said you have had dry sex (with clothes on right now), so where is the real foreplay here.
True foreplay is actually touching one another and kissing softly all over the body, kissing on the stomach, chest, arms, le... (read in full...)
We get on like a house on fire theres a spark missing when it comes to sex!
Q. Hi just a quick one. Ive recently started seeing one of my ex's again and although we get on like a house on fire theres a spark missing when it comes to sex. We slept together before we broke up (nearly 2 years ago) but haven't this time rou...
A. 26 June 2007: The only thing I can say as I am not someone who has slept with loads of guys in my life but I do think that foreplay is always a good way in which to get the sexual juices flowing so to speak.
Did you ever dress up in sexy underwear and fool aro... (read in full...)
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