A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My fiance's ex-wife will not leave us alone.They were together 19 years married for 9. I have moved to his country and we are engaged to be married. They have 3 kids together and I get that but why won't she move on with her own life? Why does she think sending him love messages and pics of herself is going to get him back? And how do I deal with all of this? Help!!
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engaged, ex-wife, fiance, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate ur help. What you are telling me I already know. But how do I move on???
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Just wanted to say that although you responded to Hannah, if you are talking openly with your fiance, then that is the key here.
If he wasn't talking to you then that is the time to worry.
Of course you feel angry, threatened and as you say your problem but that is understandable, you want to start a new life together without these problems.
Not every relationship starts off like this, after the divorce is final I am sure things will settle down as she will then know it is finally over.
Good luck and stay strong eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHannah,
I actually speak very opennly about this to him, I just wanted reassurance from an outside party!! I am the one with the problem, not him. I have to realize that he has chose a life with me, and go with it, I thank you for your response!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): I see how frustrating this must be for you. They have obviously spent a long time together and have the bond of children too, which it sounds like you understand and appreciate. I would suggest talking to your partner and explaining how you feel - although the fact that you've posted this on the internet perhaps indicates that it's not easy to speak to him about it? Communication is so important in any relationship. Sorry I can't be of more help - I wish you the very best of luck.Hannah
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Talk to your partner about this, and make him realise that this is pressuring your relationship, find out how HE feels about this, make sure he's not prepared to let her ruin this relationship. I can see the strain you are under and it's totally understandable, don't let her get at you.I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): she is in love with this girl since when they are in primary school,after nine years he traveled and when he come back,he hard that the girl is prostituting her self,that is when he make up his mind not to marry her again.eventhough we are dating,he still love this girl because he still send her love message sometimes.telling me that the girl is so desperate for him to come back to her.I dont no what to do?DO you think that he loves me
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your response!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThey have been seperated since Oct 1 last year and the divorce is final on October 10, of this year, I am divorced as well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): You say ex-wife. Are they divorced or just seperated?
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (22 July 2007):
Right you really do need to talk to your fiance openly about this, his ex wife thinks she can lure him back because you are not married yet and she thinks she still stands a chance.
I realise they must remain in contact for the sake of the children and they will always share a certain bond because they were married for a long time and shared special times but it ends there.
If there are problems with the children then yes he should be there for them but that is where it stops.
If he gets too angry with her perhaps he knows she will withdraw contact with the children. I think he needs to tell her that he only wants photos of the children, they are over and he is with you now and that is how it is going to be, obviously divorce must have been discussed, she will not be able to ignore that.
However, if he can remain amicable with her then things will be smoother for the sake of the children.
Things may get a lot uglier before they calm down but so long as he puts her in the picture and tells her that unless she stops sending the pictures otherwise he will inform his solicitor - (however, this could provoke her depending on her state of mind or if she wants to get back at him), he cannot let it continue unless he likes it.
Perseverence is the name of the game but she is always going to be in the background no matter what, some ex's remain in the background and others think by being a pain they may succeed in getting back the partner they have lost.
Stay strong and keep talking it through with your fiance, if you stay strong as a couple then she can't get at you.
Easier said than done but if it really gets bad perhaps some mediation for the two of them may help. I don't know what is offered in Denmark.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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