A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When I was 14, I met a boy who lived near a friend of mine when it was her birthday. We didn't talk all night, but I think I fell in love straigt away, and luckily the feeling was mutual. After a couple of years however, in which we had lost our virginity to each other, and got engaged, I realised it was too much too young. Despite being very much in love with him, I broke things off, wanting to have space and make sure he was what I really wanted. I began seeing someone else after six months, who I loved a lot too, but i knew it was never the same as with my ex. Me and my ex had stayed best friends. Im now 18, and it began to dawn on me that I did want forever to be with him, and I told him that I would split with my boyfriend and make a go of things with him. He seemed reluctant, and I didnt understand why, as he'd always been desperate for us to get back together. I did something stupid, and read his texts. I found out he'd been with someone else for a couple of weeks, a girl I work with. Not only that, but she had text him the most horrible things about me. I immediately confronted her, which just resulted in argument and me showing her texts he'd sent me while he was with her saying that he loved me. As soon as he found out I knew, he hit the roof, told me to get out of his sight, and I did. After a few days, I hadn't heard from him, and I called, only to be hung up on. This was two months ago now, and despite the lying and deceiving on his part, Im still in love with him. I cry all the time, I just don't know what to do, he's all I can think about. I don't know how to get over him, he's all I want...
View related questions:
best friend, engaged, fell in love, get back together, I work with, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (27 June 2007):
 OK I think the fact is that when you originally wrote your message it did not state that you openly read each others texts as this does put a different slant on things.
The other thing that you say is that he basically went behind your back with another girl?
From your original message, you say that you were telling him you were prepared to split with your then boyfriend and he seemed reluctant so was it really behind your back as you were already in a relationship by the sounds of things?
I think when you confronted his gf it was the fact that she then knew you read his texts that upset him.
OK so he is giving you the silent treatment, don't rise to it anymore, like I said maybe have some closure by writing or sending an email to him for your own sake. If he wants to act the hurt party then just let him as he will come round eventually but don't sit around wasting your life waiting that is all I am saying.
It will either be meant to happen or not.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (26 June 2007):
I have to say that Flower Girl is right in what she has said to you.
You were not with your ex and being best mates does not give anyone the right to check someone's texts. I think in this instance even though you found these things out confronting his gf was the biggest mistake.
Is gf may be the biggest stirrer around and she now has even more fuel against you.
I would stay away - if it is really eating you up then write it all down or send him an email or something and get it to him via post or the net and then draw a line under it. In this way you will have got it off your chest and in this letter all you can do is apologise and tell him that your feelings for him made you a little crazy and that is the only reason why you did what you did. Tell him that your friendship with him does mean a lot to you but if he feels that this is no longer an option you understand and wish him all the best with the current gf. In this way you save face a little as there is no malice and you can walk away with your head held high as you have apologised and whether he chooses to read your letter or email or destroy it at least you will have written it.
After that you have to start to rebuild your life which does not include him in it.
If he is the guy you say he is then maybe one day he will understand your reasons for the behaviour at that time in your lives and you may regain some sort of friendship, however, I would not bank on it.
Right now he is upset and he feels betrayed but someone he consider a very close friend.
Make some plans for yourself whether that is going to evening classes or arranging a holiday with a good friend or something you can look forward to.
Keep your head down and don't go to places where you know both him and his gf may be.
On the other hand don't hide away and drown yourself in sorrow either as you still have a lot of living to do and if this is not meant to be then the guy of your dreams could be waiting around the corner so keep your really good friends and family close to you and start to take small steps in looking to the future.
We have one life and sitting around crying our eyes out over someone who has obviously felt hurt is not the way forward. Dust yourself off and pick yourself up and always remain strong, positive and know that you are young and beautiful and you can do anything so go get em girl and don't let yourself be the victim here, you did wrong but don't we all at some times in our lives.
Just learn from it as that is what we are always told when we are children so learn what not to do in the future and if you come face to face with them at some point in the future then be pleasant and if the gf tries to goad you just say that you were going through a bad patch at the time but you are feeling positive and enjoying life as that will really get under her skin that you are not going to slink away in a corner to lick your wounds.
Get strong sweetheart and start fighting back. You can do it, we all have the s**t hit the fan at some point in our lives and so this is some of yours but don't let it get to you. It's done and you can't cry over spilt milk, you just clean it up and get on with the next thing in your life.
Now smile to yourself in the mirror and sweetie do your makeup and hair and do some nice things for yourself and keep on telling yourself your not a bad person just someone who was jealous for a man you loved dearly. It happens.
Look a million dollars and the gf will not be the one getting the admiring glances but you will and so keep that head held high and go kick some a*s.
Hope some of the above helps and we are all here to listen at any time so never be afraid to chat with any one of us either in a response or via our mailboxes OK.
Take care and no more tissues eh!! lol
BFN
Country Woman
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni know it was wrong to read his texts, but surely him going behind my back with another girl was much worse. i just dont see how what ive done warrents the silent treatment im getting, we would always read each others texts, i think he's more angry that he got found out and couldnt string both of us along anymore to be honest.
...............................
A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 June 2007):
 As horrible as it sounds unfortunately you had no right to check his texts as you were no longer together (even if you were that would still give you no right).
Don't try and contact him again you will get over this, if you feel that bad then go and see your gp and talk to them about it you may be able to get some help from them. take care of yourself and hopefully you have learnt from you mistakes.
Take care.xx.
...............................
|
