A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone, was wondering if someone could help me as i don't know what to do. Been with my bf for about 7 months, he became controlling and possessive to which we/he is/are getting help for. Over the weekend we had a really big argument which involved my family but it was his fault, which he admitted, anyway, he has a mate to whom's girlfriend i use to spend a lot of time with and she knows a lot about me but is telling her bf about this and now its filtering back to my bf. This has been going on for a while, he keeps bringing up my single life past and its really getting me down, Everyone is entitled to a past arent they, no one is perfect. The people i saw before him were just that, before him but he is having a hard time getting over it and its not like he was a saint or anything, i know a few things bout his past that arent nice but i dont keep bringing it up. I cant bring this up with the mates gf either for a certain reason. Anyway, at the weekend we broke up for all of 30 mins on his part, he broke up with me and then tried turning around to be me breaking up with him, he was saying that he would cause trouble with my family and tell them about my past relationships and "encounters". This guy says that he loves me and i love him but this is really hurting me, ive tried speaking to him about it and it'll be fine for a few days unitl he ponders over some little thing and then bottles it up and then its another argument... i know what i should do, i think, but i feel trapped that if i leave him he will make my life and my famiiles life hell after, he can be really nice when he wants i just dont know what to do, Any ideas?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRebecca T, just wanted to say that the rating came out wrong and my computer froze as i tried to rate your advice, i do not think that your advice was poor but good so please ignore what the rating came out as.
Thank you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRebecca T, just wanted to say that the rating came out wrong and my computer froze as i tried to rate your advice, i do not think that your advice was poor but good so please ignore what the rating came out as.
Thank you
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (26 June 2007):
 He sounds like a bully when he is not getting his own way, what i think you should do is, if you have a good relationship with your family which by the way you are worried about their reaction to any thing he has to say sounds like you do.
Go and confide in them tell them that you are going through some really rough times with your boyfriend and you want to end it with him but he has threatened to say some really nasty things about you and your past, you don't need to elaborate on what things they are because as far as your family are concerned it is all a pack of lies and it's just his way of trying to get back at you.
Your family are there for you at the end of the day, they would not want to see you stuck in a relationship that you do not want to be in so they will support you in anyway they can.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (26 June 2007):
 I would talk to your family and tell them about your bf's behaviour and that things happened when you were younger and if you feel strong enough tell them what happened so that you have prepared them for anything.
I would say to your bf that unless he stops the guilt trips for you then it is over.
No one can live like this and his possessive behaviour is out of control.
He is playing mind games with you sweetheart and that just isn't on.
If you are miserable all the time and feel like hell then what is the point of this relationship.
You are young and you should be having the time of your life.
I think your bf's/friend's gf is a real s***stirrer and I would never trust her as far as I could throw her. Is she after your bf herself as there seems to be an ulterior motive here.
Your past is exactly that your past and we all do daft things when we are younger and as you say your bf has not been a saint all his life.
You need to put your family in the picture and if you still live at home then get their support as I think it is important.
I personally think you need to confront your bf and tell him that unless things change you cannot continue living like this as it is not a relationship but one big volcano that is going to erupt and get out of control unless you put a stop to it now.
Life is for living and it seems to me that your bf really does have issues that need resolving and perhaps he needs to be single to get them straight in his head before he can be with someone on equal terms.
I know this is probably not what you want to hear but I will only give my honest opinions when I think it is needed.
Keep strong and don't blame yourself as your bf is doing that all the time and that just isn't on, he is the one with the problem not you.
Get out now before you get sucked into the scenario of having to do everything he wants you to do so you don't upset him. A relationship should be about compromise, trust and most importantly love for one another and not constant arguments or justifications for things from your past.
Keep in touch eh.
Take care and like I said before stay strong as you are young, vibrant, beautiful and there are thousands of men who are out there who would not treat you this way, especially only after 7 months, it is not 17 years so cut your losses now while you are still young enough to live your life to the full.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, RebeccaT +, writes (26 June 2007):
Break up with then and if he keeps harassing you than tell the police.Seroiusly.
Your entitle to the life you want and he shouldnt ruin that for you so dump him but call the police if he causes any emotional or physical damage.
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