A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i am trying a second time with my husband. Just a few months after we were married he moved out as he said he did not know what he wanted any more (said he lost his mind) I was gutted and left my job and moved back home to my home town to try to start a new life, i found this very hard. My husband after 2 months asked me to come back, said he was sure its me he wants to be with, we are back together now, i feel that now he is not the man i married, i dont think i am in love with him. The passion is gone, but i have put this down to the fact we are moving country in 2 months to try for a year, i said i owe it to our marriage to try again. Please advise, every so often i feel like leaving my marriage? thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): You know what...it's normal, human to say you have limits and you feel and believe they have been pushed. Most of us have thought, felt, believe this.
We are feeling our mortalness {it's a made up word}, our not being perfect. Life is about trials, hardships, misunderstandings...how do we grow or learn if we don't have these?
What really helps one is when they can learn to better deal and cope and sometimes realize that you are overwhelmed and that you need a break. We all need our personal space and we don't have it, or have time to re-coup from our downswings {both men and women have them and cope with them differently} we will feel the effects of such times more forcefully and we will hurt longer and struggle longer.
I honestly believe what is going on here is a misunderstanding of how men and women cope with hardships, how they communicate and how often both men and women misinterpret what the other is saying.
I recommend you read a book by John Gray, Ph.d- Men are From Mars and Women are From Venus.
It will give you insight and help you realize you have the power to make your marriage work.
*hugs*
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (12 July 2007):
 My god it sounds to me like your husband is extremely immature and unsure of his own mind.
I am not surprised you feel disillusioned and not sure of your feelings for him anymore.
We all want to run away from things from time to time but it is those who stick at it through the difficult times who are truly strong.
You mention the fact of a sort time of marriage before your husband left so from what I can gather, you have not even been married a year yet, is that right?
They always say the first year of marriage is the hardest so I do admire your strength and determination to not quit right now.
If you are both moving to a different country things could change dramatically, however, don't waste lots of years feeling miserable and not loving your husband.
Give it a go by all means but also get some help through counselling to help you both. In the UK we have Relate and it is not overly expensive, if they feel there are issues that are better suited to a different specialist counsellor they will refer you so it may be worth suggesting counselling to your husband as well.
If after all of that things are still no good between you then I think you should get out of the relationship as no one could ever accuse you of not trying to make things work.
If you don't have children right now, think how hard it would be if your relationship is bad with children.
Don't waste your life with someone you don't love, you are at a age where you are still young so just bear that in mind.
Try everthing first and then if it is still bad you can't say you gave up at the first hurdle like your husband did originally.
I hope things do turn around for you both, only time will tell but counselling will definitely help to resolve any issues either one of you may have as well.
Take care.
BFN
Country Woman
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