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... Send *ountry Woman a private message | | | *ountry Woman's profile:OK, I wanted to just let everyone know that for now I will not be on the site as I have realised that I need to take some time out for both my own sake and also for my family. I will not delete myself from this site as I totally believe in it whole heartedly as the thanks over the years that I have received from people I have tried to advise has been amazing and given me so much in return. This site helped me get through the loss of my dad in 2007 and I think I hid my grief a lot then but now I need to find my place in my life and need to dedicate all my energy on that goal and also supporting my family as well. Don't ever be afraid to talk to the wonderful aunts and uncles on this site and remember that if Andrew had never started this site so many people would have never had the fantastic advice and help that they needed so much. I will return you can bank on it OK.
A bit about me now I think, hi everyone as it suggests I am a Country Loving woman who has grown up in the countryside and feel very at home in lovely wide open spaces and birds singing in the morning. I am 44 years old and I lived in a semi rural area for over 19 years, my relationship with my long term partner of almost 20 years ended in June 2005.
I still consider my ex as my best friend, we have good and bad days like most people but I try to stay as amicable as possible for my daughter's sake and my own, sometimes things have not always been great during our break up but life goes on.
Even though I am not in a relationship right now, hopefully 2010 may be the year that I can start to dip my toe in the water again on the relationship side of things. Just need the body to wow now, that may take a little longer unfortunately!!! lol
I think that at 44 years of age I have lived a bit and had all sorts of things happen to me so I can only say from my own personal point of view and would never qualify myself as anything other than a helper hopefully.
My motivation in life is seeing my daughter smile and laugh and just being a mum makes me get out of bed every day. I listen to my friends and have some of these since primary school. I like to think that I am a good friend and if I can help someone I will.
I think if someone needs professional help then they should try and get it and I will advise that if it appears that way.
I do believe that life is for the living and we only get one chance of actually enjoying it as too much time is spent on the trivial things of life but after my dad got bowel cancer in 2000 your life takes on a totally different perspective. My dad passed away in Feb 2007 and so I have had personal close bereavement not so long ago and even though people tell you to get on with your life, the reality of it all is not always so clear cut. Although I had to take some time out from this site for me to help my mum and sister I am back to talk any time or try and help. It helps me too if I hear that some of my advice has helped someone deal with a difficult time in their lives as well.
I hope that my advice which is from my personal life experiences help some people and I welcome any response from anyone I try to help.
I hope in some small way I can at least help take away some confusion or hurt from those who are suffering with break ups or all sorts of other problems.
I am not a doom and gloom sort of person and most days have a smile on my face, I totally understand about money worries and the seriousness of how far that can go, even the possibility of repossession, so even if your worries are not relationship based just send me a note and I will see if I can help in any way OK.
Take care and bfn.
Country Woman
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What can I do so that my girlfriend accepts she is beautiful?...
Q. Do girls and woman really judge themselves harshly on their own appearance? My girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous yet she is convinced that she is plain looking!!!! What can I do to get through to my g/f she is beautiful?! I keep telling her she is ...
A. 4 August 2008: Yes I have to agree with Replacement on this one, you are not going to win on this with your gf.
It is inbred in women I guess, there is so much peer pressure to look a certain way and it is so much more thrust at us compared to men.
Look at... (read in full...)
I realize I do miss my ex, but how can I trust him not to break my heart again?
Q. Ok, so I'm having a problem with whether to give my ex a second chance. We got into a relationship about a year ago around this time. We had a great 4 months, everything was going amazing. Then one day, out of no where, he breaks up with me, telling ...
A. 4 August 2008: Sounds to me like he has a habit of going out with someone and then after breaking up with them wants them back i.e. his ex. Now you fall into that category it seems as though he is the one calling all the shots. Doesn't seem very fair on you does ... (read in full...)
I am obsessed about my appearance since I have been cheated on! Worried I might develop an eating disorder...
Q. since my boyfriend slept with another girl and we split up and got back together i have found myself constantly obsessing about my looks, before i see him i will make sure i look the best i possibly can even when we are doing things that require me ...
A. 26 June 2008: The fact that you are recognising some of the factors that could mean you may end up having an eating disorder is good.
When a relationship is not good a weaker partner will go off with someone else and that is exactly what happened in your cas... (read in full...)
Our divorce is nasty and he won't talk to me..how can I get him to communicate?
Q. I am in the process of getting divorced and my husband sees his son alternate weekends. When he comes he will ring on his phone to tell my son to be ready and if I come to the door to answer he will not look at my face. On drop off he will drop at ...
A. 26 June 2008: Good for you sweetheart, the psychologist was obviously just what you needed. You made such a positive move when you decided to go and see her and at least it has now cleared that foggy situation you found yourself in.
I personally ended up seein... (read in full...)
Our divorce is nasty and he won't talk to me..how can I get him to communicate?
Q. I am in the process of getting divorced and my husband sees his son alternate weekends. When he comes he will ring on his phone to tell my son to be ready and if I come to the door to answer he will not look at my face. On drop off he will drop at ...
A. 26 June 2008: Personally the way I see it is that if this divorce is down to one particular person requesting it then it is the ONLY way forward regardless of how much money is involved.
He has a legal obligation to pay maintenance money for his son and if h... (read in full...)
Our divorce is nasty and he won't talk to me..how can I get him to communicate?
Q. I am in the process of getting divorced and my husband sees his son alternate weekends. When he comes he will ring on his phone to tell my son to be ready and if I come to the door to answer he will not look at my face. On drop off he will drop at ...
A. 21 June 2008: I couldn't agree more than with the words of advice you have received from Ask oldersister. I have NEVER been married or divorced but I was in a long term relationship for almost 20 years and witnessed the divorce of my sister and several close ... (read in full...)
Should I do something about my marriage problems or should I pray my way through these red flags?
Q. Should I pray my way through "red flags" that reveal a selfish and controlling personality in my husband or am I being a blind fool to keep trying to find a way to respect him when he blatantly disregards the feelings of me and my children? In the ...
A. 21 June 2008: OK sweetheart I think you need to try to get through the rest of your pregnancy with as little amount of conflict as possible as this is not good for you or your baby.
What you do need to do is explain to your husband how much you see your son... (read in full...)
Online guy won't give me his number, why not?
Q. Hi ! I have been chatting with a Guy from February 2008 onwards, Initially he was trying to chat with me about sex... but I changed his views/ideas completely and I told him that I am only interested in a real good guy... who will be able to give ...
A. 21 June 2008: Hi sorry to say this but the guy is probably not genuine at all as any one who is genuine would give you his contact details and certainly from Feb to now you should know one another well enough.
Don't give him any more personal info i.e. address ... (read in full...)
I feel such a loser, why did I have to take the bitterest end of this?
Q. I'm breaking apart. I'm such a loser. My bf broke up with me on tuesday, because he said that he was fed up with the relationship not working, that he loved me but this was just too much. What happened? A long time ago he asked about my past, ...
A. 19 June 2008: Sweetheart it has only been a couple of days since you broke up with your bf and the fact that even when you told him the truth he abused you verbally I think you are well and truly well shot of him. You don't need someone like that in your life who ... (read in full...)
Have a crush on my best friend who treats me like dirt! Am I a lesbian?
Q. I think I have a crush on my best friend. She treats my like total crap but theres something i really like about her when im all vulnerable, but i know that sometimes she makes me feel really bad about myself. is ther something wrong with me? i cant ...
A. 18 June 2008: Completely sweetheart, your feelings for your friend are pretty screwed up to so don't rush yourself into anything.
You can fool around with this guy if you want but if you do want to have full sex then make sure that you are on the pill and usin... (read in full...)
How do I put on weight?
Q. hi,im a slim light skinned girl and im currently a size 8.im usually a size 8 and ten at the most but the weight is dropping off me.how can i try to put on weight?please help....
A. 16 June 2008: I think you need to try to find out why you are losing weight and perhaps this could be solved with a simple blood test from your doctor, you could have a thyroid problem or something else could be going on.
I am assuming you are eating a healthy ... (read in full...)
My periods started about a month ago. Should I tell my mother?
Q. about a month ago or something like that i started my peroids and i was a little confused as the colours changed and i wasnt sure wether it was my period or not, but i later found out that it was - i never told my mum because i just couldnt bring ...
A. 15 June 2008: Hey sweetheart don't be frightened of telling your mum as we all get older it happens to us all (including your mum) there is certainly nothing to feel embarrassed about as it is the most natural thing in the world.
I was very very lucky as I cou... (read in full...)
True friendship or am I being used by a best friend?
Q. I have been best friends with this girl for about 6 years, but I feel as if her abilities to look at our friendship is biased. She does not seem to see things from my point of view. I'm 17 and her boyfriend hates me, he even sends me rude text ...
A. 15 June 2008: Good you are stronger than you think so glad some words have helped and you can always let us know how you are getting on.
No one has to tolerate bad behaviour so good on you.
Keep smiling you are young and full of life no point in being m... (read in full...)
Broke up a few weeks ago, I don't want to see him and I'm always nervous I might bump into him. Please advise!
Q. my bf and i broke up a few weeks ago. we went out for almost 3 years and now i am feeling horrible. i know we arent meant to be together cause i have had a lot of problems with him and have not been happy. so i am not regretting the breakup, but ...
A. 15 June 2008: Sweetheart no one can stop things from happening in life as what is meant to be is just that - MEANT TO BE.
Yes you are getting yourself so worked up and that is just not good for you.
The relationship has ended and whilst you say you are ... (read in full...)
Have a crush on my best friend who treats me like dirt! Am I a lesbian?
Q. I think I have a crush on my best friend. She treats my like total crap but theres something i really like about her when im all vulnerable, but i know that sometimes she makes me feel really bad about myself. is ther something wrong with me? i cant ...
A. 15 June 2008: I think at your age there is always a big question mark over sexuality and people do experiment with both females and males and it is not until you have tried both that you actually know one way or the other so don't label yourself as a lesbian ... (read in full...)
True friendship or am I being used by a best friend?
Q. I have been best friends with this girl for about 6 years, but I feel as if her abilities to look at our friendship is biased. She does not seem to see things from my point of view. I'm 17 and her boyfriend hates me, he even sends me rude text ...
A. 15 June 2008: Why are you doing this to yourself?
I think you need to draw back completely from this SO CALLED best friend of yours. She is fine with her bf hating you and sending you rude text messages, she must know that it is happening.
Why does she ... (read in full...)
I'm 2 months pregnant and don't know what to do!
Q. Hi Im 2 months pregnant and found out 3 weeks ago. I am very confused about what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he is 7 years older than me he says he really wants me to keep the baby and we will get married when we are old ...
A. 14 June 2008: Oh sweetheart no one can tell you what you must do, it is in your heart to know whether you want to keep this baby.
I think being around someone who is abusive - no matter how long ago that was is just not great and bringing a child into that env... (read in full...)
Questioning the relationship after a break-up...
Q. After breaking up, does anyone ever question the relationship??? Like whether or not they really had something special or whether or not the other person really loved them at all??? My ex broke up with me several months ago, and now, i'm startin...
A. 14 June 2008: Oh yes it is very typical as you start to doubt yourself and when you are in a relationship you just jog along thinking OK this is great or fine but it is only our friends or family who can truly see whether a relationship seems to be working or ... (read in full...)
Should I get revenge?
Q. The boy I was inlove with in my past. Is now that one I offically hate. He cheated on his girlfriend with me, and now I feel as if I should use it has revenge to get back at him. I know this would probably ruin his whole life, and I don't want to ...
A. 14 June 2008: I couldn't agree more with Namatjira's words of advice.
You are hurt by the fact that you have heard second hand about what he supposedly said about you. Do you even know for sure that he said these things as they are coming back to you secondha... (read in full...)
I'm praying to get this mental affair out of my mind but I'm still not sure I want to save my marriage as I don't trust my husband. Don't know what to do.
Q. My husband had an affair on our marriage 2 yrs ago I thought I forgave him but in my heart I'm still hurting about it.. The hurt is not trusting him anymore I admit I stayed with him but only because I'm a homemaker haven't worked in over 10 yrs was ...
A. 14 June 2008: Hmmm I think you have answered your own question here. No counselling means that you have never addressed the issues that made this affair happen in the first place.
No matter how hard you try you cannot move on with your life until you have dea... (read in full...)
We split up, why hasn't he been in touch?
Q. My boyfriend of over 2 years and I broke up a few weeks ago. He hasn't called or messaged me since. He told me he still loves and cares for me. Then why isn't he wanting to know how I'm doing? Before we broke up we were always either me...
A. 14 June 2008: Ooh seems to me like you have not got over your ex and it is you who is stressing over no contact.
Perhaps he feels like it is better to keep his distance right now so that both of you can move on, it isn't that he doesn't care it is just that he ... (read in full...)
Don't want to hurt my friend, What is the best way of telling her?
Q. This is a bit of a complex situation. I've met a really nice guy - we'll call him Henry - and we get on fantastically. And I mean FANTASTIC. The sex is amazing, we sit and laugh constantly over dinner and he treats me really well. Initially it ...
A. 14 June 2008: OK to answer your questions:-
Question 1 - Is it OK that I am dating this guy?
Answer - God yes, who should say who you should date but you. You don't need anyone's permission. It sounds to me like you get on really well and although both of... (read in full...)
Is it really possible to remain friends with an ex? I would value our friendship but wonder if he has accepted we can't go back to being lovers.
Q. Hi everyone - I need your help again. My partner and I split up in February this year but the same thing happened last year and we got back together in September of that year (only to split again 6 months later). We didn't live together or anyt...
A. 14 June 2008: I think you can remain friends with an ex but it depends on how much contact you have.
I think considering only last week he was still wanting to try again and he has now said he is cool with moving on is just a little too soon for things t... (read in full...)
What do these men want from me?
Q. Hi, would like some advice on this please as i just don't understand what went wrong. I am in my late thirties, independent, good job, my own house, just trying to find my mr right but tired of getting messed around and hurt. i met a guy online last ...
A. 14 June 2008: Sweeetheart the guy is obviously not meant to be in a relationship as things got very settled with you a little too quick I guess and he then thought I need my freedom as he had been settled for 7 years and then after 6 months of being alone he went ... (read in full...)
Being a good stepmother is stressing me out!
Q. I have a step daughter who spends time with my boyfriend and I every 2nd weekend. She's 8 and is a really kind kid. I know our weekend activities will be different because she's with us. I don't mind going to the zoo, science centre with her. H...
A. 14 June 2008: Hi again
Sorry if my reply to you sounded more like War and Peace and glad some of it helped.
I now understand a little more of what you were trying to say earlier.
I think the fact that your bf is not overly patient with kids is the... (read in full...)
Being a good stepmother is stressing me out!
Q. I have a step daughter who spends time with my boyfriend and I every 2nd weekend. She's 8 and is a really kind kid. I know our weekend activities will be different because she's with us. I don't mind going to the zoo, science centre with her. H...
A. 13 June 2008: OK so I am a little confused here, you say you have a step daughter, is this child your bf's as if that is the case you are not married to him so why would you call yourself a stepmother?
If this child is your bf's then you are just his girlfrie... (read in full...)
Mixed messages so I wonder if I want really want our relationship to continue for much longer
Q. my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year. We are both divorced and in our 40s. Last week he made a surprise holiday booking for us for later this year which made me feel incredibly happy and appreciated, and he has something planne...
A. 13 June 2008: Well personally liking someone because they are NICE and funny and being financially secure doesn't seem to give over the idea that there is REAL LOVE here.
The control factor that seems to come with him does concern me though as no one wants to... (read in full...)
Can anyone advise on how to talk to my mother without her moans or attacks?
Q. My mum and dad are really controlling, well mostly my mum. I'm 19 years old and I have to be home at half past 10 every night apart from weekends. She says I cant be trusted and she thought I was going "off the rails" when I started seeing m...
A. 12 June 2008: After reading your response I think the fact that your mum is charging you excessive rent means that she knows exactly what she is doing, by keeping you very low on funds she knows darn right well you have no hope of going anywhere, all you can do ... (read in full...)
Can anyone advise on how to talk to my mother without her moans or attacks?
Q. My mum and dad are really controlling, well mostly my mum. I'm 19 years old and I have to be home at half past 10 every night apart from weekends. She says I cant be trusted and she thought I was going "off the rails" when I started seeing m...
A. 12 June 2008: Oh sweetheart bless you I cannot imagine what hell you have gone through but this is one of the rare occasions where I would say that getting out of the home would be something that would be good for you.
I think you may be able to get assistan... (read in full...)
Why are my feelings so up and down about my friend?
Q. I have a really weird problem with a guy friend of mine. We have been friends for over two years now, and we decided to become friends with benefits a few months ago. We promised each other that we would always stay friends no matter what, since we ...
A. 12 June 2008: I couldn't agree more with B and T actually.
Your emotions are all over the place as are his, you have been friends for some time and so you know one another very well, so you know the faults to.
So the sex has entered the relationship and... (read in full...)
We're on a temporary break but he thinks we are drifting apart for good, how can I reassure him?
Q. hi,me and my other half have been together for a year and a half now and although i love him we recently had a argument,i told him i was going to lay off for a while give each other a break coz i was not in a good mood. we hardly get to see each...
A. 11 June 2008: Well perhaps the fact that there is distance between you i.e. the occasional phone calls and perhaps the fact that it seems as though because you were not in a good mood there was an argument.
I think I would be confused to, so I think you need... (read in full...)
Since it seems like my husband isn't going to step in, what am I supposed to do about his friend who is becoming scary and weird?
Q. I'm going through a lot lately, but the easiest thing to write about is this really close friend of mine. I have this guy friend, who has had this crush on me since forever. I never really thought about it much, but he is starting to get scary and ...
A. 11 June 2008: I think the thing to do is to confront this friend in front of your husband and say to him that he either stops making you feel uncomfortable or he can just remain your husband's friend and that is it as far as you are concerned.
In doing it in fr... (read in full...)
Could this be his baby?
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now, however i found out that before he got with me he slept with another girl - who is now around 27 weeks pregnant. He doesn't believe it is his baby as he claims he can't have kids because he ...
A. 10 June 2008: OK sweetheart after reading your reply sounds to me like there could well be an easier way to know the father of this baby apart from a DNA, however even with an Asian father and a white mother the baby could turn out completely white as things like ... (read in full...)
Could this be his baby?
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for a while now, however i found out that before he got with me he slept with another girl - who is now around 27 weeks pregnant. He doesn't believe it is his baby as he claims he can't have kids because he ...
A. 10 June 2008: Personally I think you are jumping the gun here, this guy could be telling the truth and you have already said that you know the part about him having to have an operation so he could well be telling you everything there is to know.
Is this gir... (read in full...)
I need good advice on how to cope alone with 3 kids after my husband left me.
Q. I've been married for 11years and now my husband left me for another woman. we have 3 children. we put in the divorce papers. I haven't worked for like 9 years. I have no income i have no job no one that can baby sit my kids for me to work he works ...
A. 10 June 2008: I have to say that you have received such excellent advice from the other 3 aunts that I can't really add much.
I do feel for what you are going through as it is never easy and when you have 3 children to cope with it is much harder.
How old... (read in full...)
She broke my heart and it took me months to get over her. Now after 9 months she texts me out of the blue and my wound reopened, what do I do now?
Q. Dear All..I have a major head masher...my ex and i split 9 months ago. It was messy, she told me i was the best, we made love, i kissed her as she left for work etc....then that evening, i was dumped...my heart laying bleeding...anyway, Its taken me...
A. 8 June 2008: Tell her that via text don't start playing with my head as it has taken me a long time to get to where I am and after the way you ended the relationship I just don't need something that plays mind games.
She is obviously very two faced and that... (read in full...)
Should I be mad or worried?
Q. Hi all, I have been seeing this guy for nearly three months and everything has been great. he told me from the start that he was going on Vacation back to his home and would be gone for a month and I was cool with this everything has been great a...
A. 8 June 2008: OK so he has been gone a week, why are you panicking so soon?
He always told you he would be going back home for a month and he is probably just trying to enjoy his time there. Don't contact him anymore no matter how much you want to OK.
Y... (read in full...)
How to get over my soon to be ex-husband?
Q. How do i get over my soon to be ex husband? My husband and i have had a 13 year relationship. On again off again most of the time. We got back together in 2004 and married the next year. The marriage lasted only a year. He wasn't ready and he had...
A. 8 June 2008: OK so the fact that you have filed for divorce - this is the most positive thing you have ever done and don't back down.
Whilst you remain married he feels like he can have his cake and eat it so if you pursue the divorce and make a new life for... (read in full...)
He no longer wants me now I'm pregnant...
Q. Im about 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend hasnt touched me at all during the pregnancy. At first i would ask him why we're not having sex and his anwser was "i dont want to hurt the baby" even though my doctor has told him its okay, he still wont ...
A. 8 June 2008: Yes I have completely and I was really wanting sex towards the end of my pregnancy, again hormones and the fact that the midwives were saying this could help the birth but my then partner just did not want to hurt the baby as he kept saying.
He ha... (read in full...)
When do you know it's really over and it's time to move on?
Q. I know this is a really general question but I don't feel I can get all the detail of my troubled marriage down in this post. It is long and complicated and I am almost tired of thinking it all through. My question is "When do you know its really ...
A. 8 June 2008: Sweetheart I have never been married but I was in a relationship for almost 20 years and it felt like being married honest.
Anyway, we had been having problems after our daughter was born as I gave her more attention than him and he was jealous ... (read in full...)
I am pregnant and he acts like nothing changed!
Q. Okay, I'm 8 months pregnant and my boyfriend acts as if nothing has changed. I mean, we're still together I guess, and he stays at my apartment usually but lately..it's as if everything else is more important to him. I''ve always had a perfect ...
A. 8 June 2008: Hello sweetheart
Well yes a lot of us feel very unattractive when we are pregnant and our emotions are all over the place as our hormones are raging during pregnancy.
He has probably spoken to some other guy who has said all women are so emo... (read in full...)
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