A
female
age
13-15,
anonymous
writes:My best friend likes this guy, but he likes me, not her. I like him too. So should I go out with him, or not? My best friend says I can, but I'm not sure...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2008): i have the same problem, i think you should talk to your friend, but if he likes you and you like him you should go for it. i hope your friend isn't like mine, she hates us both and we havent even gone out. if she isn't already mad at you, she probably won't be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): im in the same problem and your best friend will always be there for and this guy wont be there 4ever. talk with you friend and if she doesnt know tell her and if she does, then talk to her and come up with something that will work. If she doesnt know how you feel and then she goes out with him that will hurt you even more. just be honest with her and that will make things a little bit better but not totally better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Hey i have a simmilar prob! except my prob woz i didnt lik him bak! its complicated! anyways ask this person as a jke who he thinks is better ure best mate or u..and watch closley at the signs!! :D hpe i KYNDS helpd:S xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Hi, I can understand how you feel. I have been going through a situation with a "so called friend" over a guy for fours years now. He was a friend of hers for a couple of years (she and I friends for twenty years) and once in a while we would all get together to do something. He expressed interest in me to her and to me. I always ignored it because I had heard from others they had slept together.Then he got married and she cried like a baby. I asked her if she like him and she said no. She said she was upset because they were friends and he didnt invite her or tell her about the marriage. Anyway, I had a sense that she liked him. Rolling time into the future..she got a boyfriend and he got a divorce. I wa single and asked her if she thought he would still go out with me. I also asked her to tell me if she liked him and I would not pursue it. She actually called him and set us up that very day. He and I went out for 4 months and she acted jealous and unhappy over it. Needless to say, he and I argued over her. I then found out they slept together lots of times before we got together. He denied it (just like a man) Did I forget to mention that she was dressing like a tramp in front of him??So we broke up because I chose her friendship over him. Then about a year later we got back together and she threw a fit. Once again I broke it off. She moved last year to Vegas and frankly I was relieved. The weird thing is her roomate told me she thought we were gonna get back together the minute her back was turned. Of course, we didnt. In fact her called me only once or twice the whole year. Now she is back and while we had coffee she pretty much threatened me. She acts like she owns him and intimadates me. What I have come to discover is the guy was not right for me, however this girl is no friend! She is calling him despite my feelings and pretty much states she can have him anytime she wants to. In fact one week after we broke up she asked me to come over and watch movies with her and lied to me and left (making up an excuse) so she could go to his place. I watched her change her clothes three times.She clearly wants him! She even helped him hook up with an old girlfriend right after. If a friend knows a hook up or hanging out with your ex is hurtful they simply will not pursue it. I gave him up for her and now she is trying to put me threw this again. So steer clear of these types of friends. I would like to call my ex because his relative was killed in Peru during the quake and she has me shaking just thinking about her possably revenge! Sarah
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): I'm stuggling with the same situation, but here's what went down so far...We both liked the same guy for quite some time, but he saw a paper in my binder that another friend had written on. On it was a bunch of stuff like his name in hearts etc. This same friend then got involved by talking to this guy and telling him that we both liked him blah blah blah. The friend that liked him too and I had a conversation. We both said that we would be okay if he asked the other out, but this was weird too because we both knew that he was going to ask me out, which he did. I said yes because she had said it would be okay and I knew that if it was me I would've been 110% happy for her. But as the summer went on, it appears that she is not okay with it. Now we barely talk and I feel bad whenever I go out with the guy because the relationship with my friend has been hurt badly. I'm still trying to figure out what to do because I have liked the guy for years and years...actually for about 6 or 7 years. Whenever I am with him I feel a nagging guilt that I did that to my friend. But at the same time I like him more and more...I ven confronted my friend about this but she denied that she is upset about it. I love both of them but I feel like I have to choose...so I think you should just make absolute sure that you know how your friend feels about it before you do anything...and then you have to make the decision right for you.
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A
female
reader, DIE-romantic.  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 Ooo boy do i know what this is like! Its just that it was the other way around, i wasnt the one that the guy liked and my friend went out with him regardless of how i felt, and i did stop speaking to her, not because of him, but because of the way she could even dream of doing that, and to this day i dont trust her, its proves who your friends are, she should be greatful that you are a good friend and dont go out with him as soon as she says okay, your in decision whether to out with him because you dont want to lose her friendship? That is a good friend. She could just say yes because she wants you to be happy and a guy isnt worth it, or she is testing you on who means more to you. If you choose to date him, she could throw it in your face.Im not telling you what you should do, its completely upto you, im just giving you options of how it could turn out.I wish you the best and hope it works out okay.xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice! All my other friends told me that he was too scared to ask me out because he was afraid I'd say no since my best friend likes him. I'm going to talk to my best friend about it, and then hopefully ask him out once school starts (so I can see him more often). I'll let you know how it turns out!
Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): when i was 15 i had the same problem as this. My best friend was madly in love with this guy who was 17 and i had more experience with boy than her so i told her i will meet him with her and let her know if he was a jerk or not. well the second i saw him i was madly in love with him, and he was madly in love with me. My friend said it was okay for us to go out and we did. The bigest mistake of my life. he was horrible, he hit me, said horrible things about me all the time and cheated 100's of times. A year later on chirstmas eve i told him i was pregnant. He said loadz of awful things.And did a runner to London (i live in cornwall, UK) I was 16 years old and 6 months pregnant. I went to my best friend and told her i need her help and she has stopped talking to me cause i broke her heart this d***head. I lost my best friend, and a whole year of my life. The only good thing i had then was the most perfect little boy, who i love so much. I'm 18 now and my son is 2. the d***head never came back and no one has heard from him!! Me and my friend are now on talking terms, but are friendship will never be the same again.What i'm trying to say is friend are way more inportant than any boy. Boys will come and go through your life but Friends can be there for ever.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
Everyone is different when it comes to problems like this, so you're probably going to get a lot of different answers and stories from people.
I remember back in high school when my friend and I liked the same person. We told our other friends about it and they were shocked that we still spoke to one another when she got with him! They were like "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you like fighting and wrestling each other to the ground?!" I just told them "I'm glad that Tommy's with Rebecca if he didn't want to be with me. She's a good person...and so much better than anyone else around here." lol (And it was true. I knew she was a good catch and was happy that the guy I liked was able to be with someone so nice and caring.)
If your friend said it's okay, then I don't really see a problem with it. If you think that she was just saying that because you're her friend and it would really hurt her, then I say be a good friend and don't do anything that would get her upset.
Do you think she would date him if he liked her? If you think she would, then she might actually think it's okay for you two to date. If you think that she wouldn't because of your feelings, then maybe you shouldn't. Just something to think about.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman + ♥, writes (17 July 2007):
 Sweetheart it is not uncommon to like the same guy and your friend has said how much she likes him but has also said that it is OK for you to date him if you want.
There is no way of knowing if she is testing you over your friendship but at the end of the day when there is a male involved it is always very hard to decide the best course of action.
Have you told your friend how much you like this guy but you don't want to ruin your friendship with her if you go out with him?
I think if she then says that the best girl wins you need to do what is right for you.
This guy has already made it clear that he likes you but don't be a girl who is used in some way as he could like the attention from both of you. Don't do anything you are not ready for as well like sex as he could be a guy who says well if you want to stay with me then I need sex.
He may not be that kind of guy and if so I apologise but just have your eyes and ears open as you don't want to end up getting hurt either.
Friends are always there for us if they are true friends but bf's come and go throuhout our lives so just make sure that things are cool with your friend, is she your best friend btw?
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, m3kiss +, writes (17 July 2007):
I think you should. The same situation happened between my friend and I. I did not get upset that he chose her over me. I'm 30 and we've been bestfriends since we were 12. We would never let a man come between us. We've had an understanding that if we both like the same guy the not chosen one could not get upset. Why let a good guy go to waste when one of us can have him. Lmao
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