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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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She loves me but is not sexually attracted to me - what does she mean by this?
Q. I dated this girl for 2 years in college but towards the end of our relationship we started fighting a lot and kinda fell out of love. We broke up in feb 2009 and continued to remain friends. In May we started hanging out a lot and started acting ...
A. 1 July 2009: yes its possible for us girls to love guys and not feel sexually attracted to them.
it suggest she now see's u more as a BROTHER rather than a bf.
in this case there doesnt seem much in redeeming this relationship. if u want her back try rev... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going on dating websites looking for a discreet relationship.
Q. My boyfriend is going on dating websites looking for a discreet relationship. I confronted him about it and he took down the page saying that he was just stressed about us and it was stupid. But then two weeks later I find another one! We live ...
A. 1 July 2009: listen, he is not going to stop. he is addicted to this and probably will long continue behind your back.
you either have to let him do as he wishes and put up with him speaking to strange women, or break free from him.
i know neither are easy... (read in full...)
Can pre cum make you pregnant?
Q. What if a male produces a lot of precum, and he only inserts half of the head of the penis into the vagina... is there any chance that she is pregnant? or what if he has precum on his fingers and inserts his fingers into the vagina...?...
A. 1 July 2009: yes yes to both counts.
be very careful, those sperms are quick devils!!!
good luck... (read in full...)
Is he just being friendly or is there more in it?
Q. hi hope someone can give their opinion. A few months ago a guy joined the place i work, and we spoke a few times. over the last month things have changed slightly and a few of my friends have commented on how this guy acts around me and have said ...
A. 1 July 2009: why dont u just bite the bullet and put urself out of your misery? send him a casual email and ask him if he wants to meet up for drinks (either for lunch or after work)
become friends then see what develops.
good luck!!!... (read in full...)
I get jealous when she flirts and our sex has dwindled!
Q. I am a 35 year old recently divorced father of 3 young kids and have been in a loving relationship with a 20 year old girl for the last 6 months. I love this girl to bits, she makes me so happy and has given me endless support and love, more t...
A. 1 July 2009: she is 20 so this is a big age gap.
she's still growing into womanhood so would be naturally slightly immature.
you on the other hand have had 3 kids and established a life.
she's just finding her own. so u need to be patient with her abou... (read in full...)
Her parents dislike me
Q. I've been dating a 22yr old Indian girl for the past 5 months, and things are going extremely well between us. If it were up to us, it looks like we would be going down the marriage route. however, the problem is that her parents are very ...
A. 1 July 2009:
being indian myself i understand the pressures on families on us, but ultimately i believe we shouldnt "cave in" and "surrender" to old systems, because thats what they are OLD & seriously out of date.
caste systems? please, we are all equa... (read in full...)
Dealing with his depression
Q. Hi everyone, I’m new here and have been milling around trying to answer folk’s questions. Well, here goes… My partner and I have been together for seven months and we hit it off from the moment we met nearly a year ago. We have pretty much e...
A. 1 July 2009: your in a very difficult situation but my hats off to you for being a loyal partner, he is lucky man indeed.
my dear, i do not know if things will get easier, the best thing u can do is take each day as it comes positively.
its not your ... (read in full...)
Homosexuality versus Christianity
Q. So i wanted to know. Like eversince 15yrs i started finding women attractive and for some reason at age 5 me and my best friend had some lesbo interaction. I dont know what it is but some women just have an affect on me and i end up liking them. Now ...
A. 1 July 2009: adam and eve were created
not adam + adam.
or eve + eve
now im not saying im a religioust or against gays, no, each person has free will and entitled to do as he/she wishes.
you feel guilty for what ur doing.
this means u feel wit... (read in full...)
I'm scared my boyfriend will object to the dress I've bought.
Q. We are invited to a 4th of July party, and I bought a rather modest (in length) strapless summer frock, which shouldn't be a problem except my bf is very particular about what I wear, and I am afraid he will somehow object to this dress!! He also ...
A. 1 July 2009: i really dont like controlling men.
this is not a healthy basis of a good relationship.
if you want to stick with ur bf bin your dress.
if you want to wear your dress & have a happy relationship then i advise, bin the bf.
good luck... (read in full...)
How can I get my ex's friends to stop bringing his name up every time I meet them?
Q. I broke up with my ex about a year ago. He ended it and asked for no contact which was good as it helped me move on. Trouble is whenever I run into one of his friends, they always bring him up, as if they have been coached. I am getting tired of it ...
A. 1 July 2009: normally people just like to gossip thats why they are asking.
next time someone brings him up, make it clear ur relationship is OVER and never to mention his name to you.
you will find that it puts people in their places very quickly.
ive ... (read in full...)
He wants me to get a six pack!!!! Why would he want me to look more muscular? I'm a female for pities sake!
Q. My husband does not want it at all when I try to instigate it. He has no sex drive at all. Our sex life used to be fairly active, but now it's non-existent. I've tried everything to get him interested: I wore sexy lingerie, I've dressed up for h...
A. 1 July 2009: what a strange reply u got from him!
was he being sarcastic in his reply or was he being serious with that statement?
listen honey there is no way ur ever gonna have denzel's body so u need to put your bf straight.
its unfair he isnt havin... (read in full...)
I feel his penis is too big for me!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have sex every time we meet and I feel that his thing is too big because he does it for hours and it hurts me like hell. He keeps on sucking my boobs for hours and licks my pussy throughout and when sex starts he forgets ...
A. 1 July 2009: have u tried lubrication? and try relaxing when having sex, u will find this will make make things easier for you.
personally its better when the guy is too big than small. this is more satifying for the woman.
good luck!!... (read in full...)
Obsessing over this guy... help!
Q. This extends on from another question. The boy, let's call him Connor again, has been a big crush of mine since 7th year. He first made me realise I had feelings for other guys, he is the definition of perfect, I try each day to think of a fault...
A. 1 July 2009: first of all let me tell u this obsession u have is healthy and normal part of growing up.
as long as ur not stalking the guy and u know that there is no real chance of him ever getting together with u, i dont see the harm in what ur doing.
... (read in full...)
Getting old and feeling it very hard.
Q. I feel so old along side my younger sister who is 15 years my junior and everybody mistakes me for her mother.. When I'm in my 40s+ my sister will be 25 years old. That is so unfair, I hate being and out of date! Guys will perfer her to me be...
A. 1 July 2009: u shouldnt think so negatively. and stop comparing urself to your sister. we are all different and u should celebrate your uniqueness not bring it down!
im 28 my step sister is 18, and im better looking then her.
people always mistake me for b... (read in full...)
I feel guilty I lied to him but I'm probably never going to see him again...
Q. I have a bit of a problem... last year me and my friend were 15 and we went on holiday to spain, in the resort the drinking age was 16. We met some lads who said they would take us out drinking. After they asked our age my friend said 16, so we just ...
A. 1 July 2009: i think u shud admit to him your real age as your feeling guilty.
u probably feel much better once u tell him the truth anyway.
im sure as ur friend he wouldnt be that mad at u, it was a year ago that u saw him anyway.
good luck!!... (read in full...)
I don't like the person I have become now I am seeing a married man
Q. HELP ME PLEASE! im 26 seeing a married man for just nearly a yr now and im sooo unhappy, full of guilt, dont like the person i have become and i feel sick when i think of what im doing. I doubt he will ever leave her, she is lovely not a bit...
A. 1 July 2009: you cant hurt him or be angry with him because you love him.
when we love someone truly, we are good, we cannot hurt them. this is why u feel this way.
u are strong to throw out your anti depressants because like you say they disable rather t... (read in full...)
How can I save my relationship?
Q. Hey guys! Was wondering if you could help... Been going out with my boyfriend for about 4 months. Up until the last couple of weeks things have been going so well. We both agreed it's the first time we've felt proper happy and comfortable with...
A. 27 June 2009: u need to go and meet him on monday thinking positively. of course it can be salvaged if u both admit your wrongs and want to work together as a team to make it work. good luck! ... (read in full...)
Could this be swine flu???
Q. Okay, so this isn't exactly a relationship question, but I need answers urgently! For the past week or so I have had an extremely bad cold, my older brother also has it (he is 16, I am 13) and I think I caught it from him. Now I am feeling really ...
A. 27 June 2009: there are alot of bugs going round at the moment so it doesnt have to be necessarily swine flu! stop worrying and go to the doctor asap. good luck! ... (read in full...)
Will she hate me if I tell her?
Q. Ok, so I asked this girl out. I wanted it to be a date, but because we're both quite shy and quiet people, I thought it would be eaiser to ask her out with some other people, so it wouldn't be just us 2. I think shes really beautiful, but recently, ...
A. 27 June 2009:
she wouldnt think ur weird if u told her, she'd think its cute u opened up to her.
& on the other hand u dont need to tell her the whole truth straight away, and leave it at that.
i wouldnt reveal all on the 1st date, let her accept u for you... (read in full...)
Having a baby-should I stay with him?
Q. Should you stay with someone, just because you are having their baby? Hi, me and my ex boyfreind broke up late last year. We were together for a very long time, and i truly loved him, however i broke up with him, as i wasnt happy in the relations...
A. 27 June 2009: you really need some time out away from both of them to think what u really want.
you sound really confused and the danger now is your having a baby so u have to think whats best for it in the long term future.
try giving urself some time... (read in full...)
Should I suggest we reconcile our relationship, while both of us are on a holiday in Jamaica?
Q. I recently found out from my hairdresser that my child's father is going to Jamaica for the summer to do voluntary work. I saw him last week and mentioned that I willl be going on holiday to Jamaiaca. I did not mention that I heard he will be. ...
A. 27 June 2009: i think that you need to follow ur gut instincts.
as he's been cold with you it doesnt seem like he is interested in the relationship.
unless u ask him u wont know how he really feels towards you and why u havent met his friends or famil... (read in full...)
Fiance very depressed and takes out her moods on me!
Q. Hello, don't really know where to start. I live with my fiance who is 2 months pregnant (we have been together for 2 years now) and our 2 kids 2 years and a month old and 7 months old(the eldest isnt mine but going through adoption) but with our ...
A. 27 June 2009:
if she's goin through depression has she gotten any help?
the councillor is obviously not working. maybe she needs to see the doctor? or seek alternative therapy for her depression.
its not really her fault she is treated you this way, the ho... (read in full...)
My Land Lady is Flirting with me!
Q. hi aunty, Well last few days have been a roller coaster for me.I am a mid 20's guy staying by my self in a small apartment. As per the rules and regulations of the apartments contract,alcohol is not allowed.. But I still do bring beer from...
A. 26 June 2009: only you can answer this one.
do u like her? are u prepared to just have fun and maybe risk trouble heading your way?
she seems a bit conniving to go into your room and do a search without any permission.
i wouldnt trust her.
... (read in full...)
I am wanting opinions from people! Should our relationship be kept secret?
Q. I am 16 and my girlfriend is 13. We've been together for around 4 months but we've known each other for years. She's really mature for her age and I must say she's f*****g Beautiful! I've known that she's liked me quite a lot for a long time but ...
A. 26 June 2009: because she is 13 she is underage and not alot of people will understand your relationship so i can understand why u wouldnt go public with it.
its wrong in the sense she is underage and is still developing into maturity and into adulthoo... (read in full...)
I made an ass of myself at a party and now no one in the office seems to like me
Q. Ok, Well basically everyone in my office hates me. I have been here a year and was starting to make friends. Then last night, I went to a work party and me and a colleague of mine got drunk and met some guys, I ended up kissing one, even though I...
A. 26 June 2009: its still early days so give time for the dust to settle.
Send this girl an email (or text msg) and apologize for any bad feeling.
explain that your comment was misconstrued.
leave it to her then to make the 1st move.
if she still i... (read in full...)
Is it really internet love and should I push my boundaries and send him a naked picture of me?
Q. well i met this boy online and we have been going out for like almost 8 months now hes 17 and im 15 and i really think i love him and says he loves me to. we talk on the phone evernight and text each other constantly he has never forced me into doi...
A. 26 June 2009: if you dont feel comfortable to send a naked picture of yourself to him, then DONT!
dont ever do something u dont want to.
any boy who truly loves u will stick with you even if u say no at times, your entitled to your freedom of choice.
a... (read in full...)
Can this relationship work even though he slept with his sister?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together since the seventh grade. We will be entering tenth grade in the fall. When I first saw him, I was head over heels. I did everything to get his attention, and then one day, he sat beside me in class and passed...
A. 26 June 2009: i know you and this boyfriend have some history together but lets look at the facts. he slept with his sister? this is serious, illegal, and chances are it could happen again. i would really think about this alot before giving him a chance if at a... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend about this dream?
Q. this is sort of stupid, but i can get my mind off of it. i really had a stupid dream, but i feel that i have to tell my bf about it. i really do love my boyfriend, so dont get me wrong but i dreamt that i was telling a mutual friend how to be with ...
A. 26 June 2009: no dont tell your bf about this dream. people have weird strange dreams all the time, but there is no point upsetting your bf for something you havent DONE IN REAL LIFE, so dont worry about it.
forget the dream & chill out!
... (read in full...)
Why do I think about leaving and being with other guys if I love him?
Q. I am 22 years old, and have been dating the same guy now since I was 17. We have broken up twice and within the breaks I dated other guys. I am not sure if I should stay with this guy and get married or give myself more time. I tend to think ...
A. 26 June 2009: hi there! firstly i can relate to what you r going thru. i was with my 1st bf for 4 years, thing were going well but i always used to wonder there must be better guys than him. when we used to have relationship breaks i'd see other guys, ... (read in full...)
I'm lost and heartbroken that her parents are making her marry someone else!
Q. We were in love for the past 10 years,we are from different religions and now my girlfriends parents are forcing her to get married to someone, she really cant go against her parents wish and wants us to call off our relationship.Its been 10 years ...
A. 26 June 2009: i understand you must be feeling lost & broken.
however you knew when u first met this girl that your parents wouldnt agree on your marriage and more than likely the girl couldnt leave her family for you, so you must have expected this to happe... (read in full...)
She told the guy I love that I'm getting married but it's not true. What should I do?
Q. my best friend told the person that i love am getting married this summer and its not true and he hasnt spoken to me since then until yesterday he sent me a message saying : congratulations for marriage and wished me happiness , i have no idea ...
A. 25 June 2009: your probably in shock, from whats happened.
when your feeling better the best thing to do is call or msg him and say u definately arent getting married and your friend was joking with him.
then you should contact the girl and ask her why she ... (read in full...)
Dilemma over morals.
Q. Me and my boyfriend are both musicians. Recently, I applied for a position at a church along with him and was hired.. When I looked on my title, It said music minister. My boyfriend and I live together and the Church from what I gather thinks we are ...
A. 23 June 2009: marriage is a big commitment! thats nice of him to suggest marriage to recify the problem.
for this relationship to work you both need to come to a dual compromise.
I can understand you wanting to set an example to people, but firstly do it fo... (read in full...)
I need to know what's going on rather than wait in limbo.
Q. Hi There, I guess what I am about to ask you for advice on - most people already have.... BUT I seriously dont know what to do.... I met this guy 2 years ago...we get a long and when we first met each other we said would see 'how things go'.... t...
A. 23 June 2009: to be honest he doesnt sound serious about you... it just seems to be a physical thing for him, and 2 years?! thats a long time to see where you stand!
i cant pin point exactly why he is with you, from what u have written it sounds like he is us... (read in full...)
Ghosts of past relationships are eroding our trust
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for over the past year. I love him unconditionally and the moment we started dating, I have been nothing but faithful. Before I started dating him, I had a past - as all relationships do. I had had sex with one...
A. 23 June 2009: your boyfriend sounds like he has some issues, you didnt lie to him, you didnt cheat on him, so he needs to leave the past where it is.
if you love him so much you need to explain to him that he's the one you want and how your ex's meant nothing,... (read in full...)
My parents want me to marry someone else but I'm not a virgin any more.
Q. I was committed with a guy for 2 years. I even lost my virginity. I belong to a very constraint hindu family and so my parents were against my love. My guy was getting worser every day and we broke up but now they want me to get married to some ...
A. 23 June 2009: Ok i know about indian culture and if your not a virgin its a big bad thing for the parents.
the first thing is you have 3 options;
option 1 -is be honest with the guy your parents find for you, tell him you have had a bf before, is this ... (read in full...)
Why kiss like this?
Q. Hi. I asked this question a few weeks ago but things are still no different. My boyfriend when he writes/texts me tells me he loves me and I am his rock etc etc. But when he kisses me his eyes are HALF OPEN and his tongue never really enters m...
A. 23 June 2009: it sounds as if this guy doesnt know how to kiss properly, and with his eyes wide open he probably wants to gage your reaction to the whole kissing thing.
why dont u ask him nicely why he kisses with his eyes open?
its normal for eyes to be s... (read in full...)
My Bigoted Wife!
Q. It wasn't obvious when we got married, but over the years her attitudes have become more and more racist and bigoted, which I find surprising in such an educated woman. I try to bring up my children to respect all people, but it isn't easy when my ...
A. 23 June 2009: will she change?
probably not, especially as she has advanced in age, but i guess there is hope for everyone.
her hatred stems from fear and jealousy.
If you have told her not to talk in such a way infront of you and she doesnt respect i... (read in full...)
Is there a way for us to successfully be together again?
Q. I love my ex, but we haven't seen each other in a year, we sometimes keep in contact, and most recently he has contacted me to reminisce about old times. He said if we were ever in the same city we should meet up. Recently my friend saw him in my ...
A. 23 June 2009: of course you miss him, you still love him, this is very normal! im unsure if you two will get back together because as you say there's been hurt between you both, plus he seems to have mixed emotions. have you asked him his true feelings for ... (read in full...)
I'm confused about my feelings for these guys and need some advice...
Q. - broke up with the "love of my life" (1) - string of bad experiences with lads - started seeing a boy(2) i have known for years, we're good friends, used to really really like him, however, managed to then keep it at just a sexual and close friend...
A. 23 June 2009: I think that you should break it off with bf (3) as you feel it isnt going anywhere, plus u say you seem to be more into ex bf (2) we've all had a bf (like 1) so let time heal you from the pain of that relationship. you've answered your own ... (read in full...)
I'm a 22 yrs old virgin who has never been kissed!
Q. Some background might help you all understand this predicament I am in. Right now I'm in the toughest place I have ever been, went into the Navy from high school, got out semi-unexpectedly after about 3.5 yrs, no idea what I am going to do with ...
A. 23 June 2009: Hi there!
ive just read your story with interest, it sounds as if you've been through alot (with USN)
maybe you thinking finding a galfriend is what you need. To be honest once you have a galfriend things get a little more tougher because ... (read in full...)
Scared about meeting my guy's friends!
Q. So tomorrow I'll be meeting my boyfriends roomates for the first time. He lives with his best friend of 10 years and his fiance, so it's a little more important than just meeting his friends for the first time, more like family. I'm completely...
A. 23 June 2009: oh i forgot to add, in my last post; dont get anxious and worry about meeting his roommates! just remember they are normal humans like you and me!! nothing to stress about! follow what i wrote earlier... ha!
good luck... (read in full...)
Scared about meeting my guy's friends!
Q. So tomorrow I'll be meeting my boyfriends roomates for the first time. He lives with his best friend of 10 years and his fiance, so it's a little more important than just meeting his friends for the first time, more like family. I'm completely...
A. 23 June 2009: Hi there!
firstly just try and be a polite version of yourself.
act friendly when you meet them, smile, strike up conversation anyone on the street can talk about eg
(talk shopping with her and credit crunch with him) !
i remember when ... (read in full...)
I don't like the person I have become now I am seeing a married man
Q. HELP ME PLEASE! im 26 seeing a married man for just nearly a yr now and im sooo unhappy, full of guilt, dont like the person i have become and i feel sick when i think of what im doing. I doubt he will ever leave her, she is lovely not a bit...
A. 21 June 2009: ok the first thing i can feel from this is your turmoil.
Try and send that letter or an email to him stating that the relationship is over, that its unfair on you and his wife if the relationship continues.
he may try winning you back but don... (read in full...)
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