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*tarlights agony aunt

*tarlights

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*tarlights's profile:

What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.

In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.

Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.

Be happy AND remember

there is a solution for everything!

Latest articles:

The Art of Being Happy!

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25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...

< Prev4567891011121314Next > [25 pages, 940 answers]

I want to get involved with my sister in law who lives with us

Q.   The wife of my brother-in-law lives with us. I want her more than my wife and her husband is in abroad. I'm 36years old and living a happy married life. We are living two families together. This means my family and the other family is my wif...

A.   30 January 2012: She's your sister in law... do you really think she would cheat on her husband? under the same household? is she so sex crazed as you are? wouldnt it make things awkward in your family considering the nature of where you live? You say yo... (read in full...)

Black specks in underware mean?

Q.   Black specks in my husband briefs after washing; what does that mean if anything?...

A.   30 January 2012: Get a better detergent and if his underwear is white, use a little bleach to get the specks off.... (read in full...)

Her ex and the father of her child has no idea about me!

Q.   I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 months, her ex had to move into hers for reasons I won't disclose for about a month. I was cool with it the because I trust her. Any way he's moved out now and I found out he has no idea about me, w...

A.   26 January 2012: To me it sounds as if your girlfriend is hiding something. Its not nice she keeps you secret from her ex, and why keep you a secret if he's her ex? ... (read in full...)

Is she interested or..is she just treating me as a brotherly figure/adorable platonic friend?

Q.   I have a crush on my colleague and I have no idea how she feels. We are both 18 and part-timers at a restaurant, both moving onto uni in 8 months. We have gotten close on a night out before, as in kissing in a corner, although we were tiddly. It ...

A.   24 January 2012: Sounds like she is interested! i would never stroke my brothers hair, lol ... (read in full...)

Rejected by a friend I fell for...should I keep trying or just give up?

Q.   I was recently rejected by a good friend that I fell in love with. When I did admit it to her, it was the most awkward moment in my life and I didn't know what to say. I want to forget everything and just be friends with her, but my feelings won't ...

A.   24 January 2012: I say give up and move on because your friend does not feel the same way for you. There is no point chasing someone who does not wish to be with you. Its about respecting their choice also. Your obviously very hurt and depressed thats why yo... (read in full...)

Have we lost our spark in the bedroom?

Q.   I've been with my current boyfriend for almost two years. He's really great to me, very kind and caring. In the beginning we had a little issue with his ex because we moved kind of fast into our relationship without recovering from the previous ...

A.   24 January 2012: I think that you both have so many issues going on that this relationship is doomed unless you both want to make it work and seek relationship therapy. The spark already blew out. Dreaming about enjoying sex with the ex, and him looking a... (read in full...)

My neighbour fancies my sister and its annoying! What do I do?

Q.   Well im living in an estate next to a English guy he is in his 4o's and has been living alone since for as long as i remember when he usually gets a girl she takes advantage of him . He is like a brother to me and my husband and does have a big big ...

A.   24 January 2012: Does your sister like him? By her answer earlier, it is not clear to me if she does or does not. So ask her if she likes him. If she says she likes him then ask her if you can pass her number to him as he asked for it. Your neighbour ha... (read in full...)

I feel like my boyfriend is dragging me down!

Q.   Hey agony aunts! Well im in this dilemma that has left me confused,stressed,worried at the same time i'm gonna try my best to make this simple. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years now his my first love weve been through a lot and have made it ...

A.   22 January 2012: You've answered your own question, you say "My boyfriend is the most caring man I know." That shows how he makes you feel. Relationships are never rosy or easy but he seems to be thinking of your future by saying he is doing it to get money... (read in full...)

I've missed going out because she can't afford to.

Q.   Am I being an inconsiderate friend to my flatmate, she doesn't get her loan. her parents do because it goes towards her rent. She lives on 40 a week and of course her parents wouldn't fund for event tickets or nights/days out. Well she's the only ...

A.   21 January 2012:  Your friend might be finding things tough and you've been there to support her with staying in some nights, but I think you need your fun time too! why does your friend not work? that way she can come out with you guys... ? If your frie... (read in full...)

Why do people think it's wrong of me to not date within my own race?

Q.   I've had people telling me that I cant "like" other people from different cultural/racial background. I don't understand why because as far as I'm concerned getting to know the individual is far more important. E.g The guy I like is mixed race (ha...

A.   21 January 2012: Its perfectly fine for you to date who you want. Those who judge you have limited minds and limited concepts. They are ignorant and rascist who will give a bunch of excuses to back up their claims. Ignore them. If your happy with your man... (read in full...)

I am worried my girlfriend is not a virgin!

Q.   I met this girl and I fell in love with her only to find out that she is an ex girlfriend of a my workmate.I never bothered and am now planning to marry her. We did not have sex because she claims to be virgin. Is this relationship ok? what happe...

A.   18 January 2012: Do you not trust your girlfriend? and if you don't... why would you marry someone you don't TRUST? ... (read in full...)

Why do I feel so guilty?

Q.   I posted almost a week ago about my situation but now its changed a little and I want to know why I feel soo guilty!! Im suppost to be moving to canada in the summer for a year but I dont have to...anyways my ex lives in canada and theres a sli...

A.   18 January 2012: Your feeling guilty because maybe deep down you still love your ex? this is what you started off saying so this is a possibility that your not being true to your feelings. The only way to find out if this other guy is serious about you is ask him ... (read in full...)

Does he loves me or not.? Any idea to know what is in his heart?

Q.   How will I know that my best loves me or not. He tells me evrything good or bad about his life,his best and worst do's also.he agrees if he is guilty.He never tells anyone what he feels but me. He is ready to help me always,but teases me very o...

A.   18 January 2012: He's told you he never wants to lose you as a friend so you do matter something to him. If he is an immature guy he will tease you. I mean to say his actions say alot how he feels about you. If he only teases you and does not make you fe... (read in full...)

I found out my wife had 2 abortions and never told me. I don't know what to do now

Q.   We have been together for 5 years and we got married a few months ago. Recently she got pregnant, however 6-7 weeks later, it turned out to be a miscarriage. During one of the visits at the gyn, the doctor mentioned that this is her third abortion. ...

A.   16 January 2012: Please be sensitive to your wife right now. Abortions are NEVER EASY ! Anyone who has been through this experience can tell you its not the easiest thing in the world to deal with. The decision is not easy, the process is not easy, the pain e... (read in full...)

Is it University or is it me? Can anybody help me make sense of what is going on here? ....Depression perhaps?

Q.   i don't know what has happened? Before I left university for christmas everything was great and I was sad to go home and excited to get back here.. But now i'm back I find that I don't want to spend as much time with my flatmates as before, ...

A.   16 January 2012: It sounds like your going through a down period... a period where it doesnt matter where you are, what your doing, your feeling depressed. Its natural to go through stages like this, everyone suffers a little depression sometimes and its good... (read in full...)

How can I get over my first love? Please help!

Q.   Last year I fell head over heels for this amazing guy. He was my first love, and still is my current love. The problem is that he has a girlfriend.I don't know how he feels about me and I don't know how his relationship with his girlfriend is going ...

A.   16 January 2012: There is no easy way of getting over an ex you love... it simply takes TIME to heal your heart, and surrounding yourself with good friends to talk to ( or a support system to help you) during this difficult time. Taking up a new hobby and remaining ... (read in full...)

Could you please point me to a good dating site? no one wants me!

Q.   I am 18 years old an looking for a good dating site. No matter what I do how good I dress, no one wants me, and i'm sick of it. I want a good dating site. I enjoy doing many things like star gazing, exercising, hiking, biking, just about anything. ...

A.   15 January 2012: I've never found dating sites much fun to be honest! and neither have my friends. But that's just my experience. Im sure your a lovely guy, you sound as if you have alot going for you... but dont be fixated on finding a partner and then... (read in full...)

Why is it that Men think they know Everything and have the need to be Right All the Time?

Q.   Why is it that Men think they know Everything? and have the need to be Right All the Time? ...

A.   15 January 2012: That sounds like a generalised statement. Its like saying all blondes are bimbos or all people like eating the same kind of food. Men come in all forms, shapes, colours and each one has a different mind set. Prehaps the men you have attract... (read in full...)

Do I tell my ex's family how abusive he was to me?

Q.   After 5 years of being in a very emotionally abusive relationship with some physical abuse, I got out! Its been 2 months and counting, of absolutely no contact. The problem I'm having, is with his family. They always made me feel like apart of th...

A.   13 January 2012: You've been through a trying situation and i commend you for your strength and perseverance in such times. If anything your loyalty to him during the years of marriage show your true character, you are not evil. My advice to you would be to ... (read in full...)

I'm with a great guy, except he may be facing 4 years in prison. Should I wait?

Q.   Well I been dating this guy for a little over a year now. And he is a great guy. Hes the best thing thats happend to me. I love being with him and I catch myself smiling for no reason sometimes:) But he has been in trouble wit the cops before, ...

A.   13 January 2012: I agree with the others... move on.... (read in full...)

Did I wreck a chance at a third date?

Q.   I met this guy online and after a couple of months he flew to see me. On our first real meeting he brought a friend and all three of us had drinks. He covered my portion of the bill. The second time I met up with him over coffee, I paid although ...

A.   11 January 2012: Have you spoken to him since? I dont think you've wrecked your chances; if he's flown all the way to see you then shows he has some interest in you. He would not be put off by that. Goodluck!... (read in full...)

Casual relationships....

Q.   I am divorced,have huge trauma for marriage and relationship. about a half year ago, I met an European guy on one SNS and agreed to have a casual relationship while I am in holiday in his country. (I never had a casual relationship before but at ...

A.   11 January 2012: yep never sell yourself short. Your worthier than to be treated like crap. ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for wanting to end the relationship over this?

Q.   i just need some basic advice as to how i should handle this situation and if i'm justified for feeling how i do. i've been seeing this girl for a few months now. very slowly at first. very casual. but then it progressed into something more s...

A.   11 January 2012: If she is not trustworthy your definately justified in feeling the way you do. Keeping secrets and being decietful are not signs of a healthy relationship and can lead to more hurt in the future if you continue, so best to move on. ... (read in full...)

22 and never dated!

Q.   I am 22 and I have never dated not even for half a day.its not because I'm a prude nut I don't want to make mistakes.Right now I have a number of great guys(and I mean great) who want to date me. I've had people tell me to try it first and see if it ...

A.   11 January 2012: Yes i am saying you have a strong attraction for this guy... but only if you get to really know him will you know if its LOVE. Goodluck!... (read in full...)

Casual relationships....

Q.   I am divorced,have huge trauma for marriage and relationship. about a half year ago, I met an European guy on one SNS and agreed to have a casual relationship while I am in holiday in his country. (I never had a casual relationship before but at ...

A.   10 January 2012: It sounds like you want more and have a different idea to what a relationship should be than to what this guy does. He told you he has lost his feeling to see you again. This is clear to you that this relationship wont work out. Your both v... (read in full...)

Should I reveal my feelings to my professor?

Q.   I'm in love with my professor.I'm a 2nd year student in college. I don't know why but I'm crazy beacause I always think of him every time. Actually I have just bought him a book because he loves to read. Maybe he already an idea that i like him.I ...

A.   10 January 2012: Sounds like a huge crush. I personally wouldn't act on anything just yet he's your professor ! Embarking on a relationship with someone whilst studying under them is a big no no! Maybe after you finish college -yeah.... (read in full...)

22 and never dated!

Q.   I am 22 and I have never dated not even for half a day.its not because I'm a prude nut I don't want to make mistakes.Right now I have a number of great guys(and I mean great) who want to date me. I've had people tell me to try it first and see if it ...

A.   10 January 2012: Relationships shouldn't ideally be about trial and error, in an ideal world all relationships would be hunky dory and perfect but no relationship is perfect it either works or does not work. Also sometimes things can crop up even in an ideal rela... (read in full...)

Break up, get back together, but this time, for two months, he ignores me, why?

Q.   Ive been broken up with my ex for 3 months now. We are always splitting up and getting back together. We are usually trading insults through texts. For 2 months he has ignored me and not replied to anything or even argued. I have sent insults only ...

A.   7 January 2012: Sounds like your boyfriend has had enough of fighting and moved on. Fighting is not healthy for neither of you in a way its good he's stopped the bickering. He has finished fighting he's had enough of it. If you want to get back together wi... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says he's not in love with me anymore. Is it worth trying to win him back?

Q.   hi there ...my boyfriend and i have been together for three years and i love him very much he's my first love also my first boyfriend but recently he told me that he don't love me anymore so i went on to ask him if he's not in love anymore or he ...

A.   7 January 2012: If he says he is not in love with you it simply means that he is not feeling the passion anymore. Alot of people stay married for 50 years and are not in love this is possible unfortunately. If he says he is bored of you.. thats a big sign... (read in full...)

I didn't mean to, but now I'm stuck faking orgasms for my boyfriend!

Q.   The first time me and my boyfriend did anything sexual, which was just fingering, I faked it. I dont know why, but I could tell he was getting tired, and frustrated, because i've never actually orgasmed before, and although it felt really good, I ...

A.   2 January 2012: If he cant make you orgasm, do it yourself and show him! Dont tell him that you faked it all that time though... just teach him how you want to be stimulated... say you prefer it in this way now... that way he wont be so questioning. ... (read in full...)

What is the physical disadvantage of not having sex?

Q.   whats the physical disadvantage of not having sex, will something bad happen when you stay a virgin for long, and its not like its a choice its just that if there's no right sexual partner?...

A.   2 January 2012: Nothing bad happens to you if you stay a virgin. ( I should know I was a virgin for a very long time in my life lol ) Physical advantages of no sex i have found are: 1. Increase of love for oneself 2. teaches discipline, control, calmnes... (read in full...)

Sex turned into love with my boss 20 years older than me

Q.   im 20 i started texting my boss after a few months of working for him, hes 20 years older than me and things started to get steamy he wanted things to move on but i wouldnt because of the age the whole work thing. but we kept.texting then i agreed ...

A.   2 January 2012: If he is open and telling you he does not have time or want to fall for you... he's given you his answer... Im sorry... IT WILL NOT WORK. He has made his choice. It's time to move on and find someone more suitable for you who has the qua... (read in full...)

Should I go out with a girl who isn't a Christian?

Q.   Dear Cupids, I am a very strong Believer and follower of Jesus Christ (in other words, I'm a Christian) and I think I'm in love with a girl that isn't Christian. Is this alright? Should I go for this girl and ask her out? Sincerely, ...

A.   2 January 2012:  I come from a muslim faith/background so i understand what your experiencing. My answer is this... religion : DOES NOT MATTER. Good people can come in any shape and size, from any colour and from every country. What matters is the heart... (read in full...)

I'm a student tutoring younger students and I have a crush on one of them them!

Q.   Hey everyone, a new one from me... I'm in my third semester at University and I'm leading a Tutorium (kind of an extra class) for a lecture. Obviously, I'm a student and it's about students of older semesters helping the ones who just started....

A.   2 January 2012: Your welcome :) The best thing to find out if you both have anything in common is by asking him questions geared towards your interests. If he also asks you things back (shows his interest), see if you both have the same sense of humour, likes ... (read in full...)

How do I give him a gentle hint that I don't want to date?

Q.   Okay, I've been asked on a date by someone i've known for 3 years, but never really have I ever spoken to him. It's been a few years since we last met. Anyway he's been texting me every day since he asked me for my number, and I now regret givin...

A.   1 January 2012: He's a guy he's gonna keep trying... Go out for this meal as you promised and see it as a few hours of leisurely eating out of the house (if his company is not too great). If he keeps pestering you about wanting a relationship when you've told... (read in full...)

LDR b/f is being evasive about when we will see each other again. Am I wrong for wanting to know?

Q.   i have been in a long distance relationship for five years now and we visit eachother on holidays.this time around we had a great time and spent all the time together but now that the trip is coming to an end everytime i ask when we will meet he ...

A.   1 January 2012: There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your boyfriend, its healthy. However circumstances do crop up and he may be having a stressful time which does not help him share his time with you. Be understanding if you want this to work.... (read in full...)

Should I keep messing around with my best friend's brother?

Q.   okay so, my me and my bestfriends brother had a 'thing' going on, we had sex and then i told my bestfriend. she didnt seem to care at all.. but her brother keeps texting me asking me to come round because he has a free house. i dont feel bad or ...

A.   1 January 2012: Well if you like him... YES!... (read in full...)

My boyfriend shows no respect for my belongings. Do I have a right to be upset?

Q.   I know this may sound petty, but my boyfriend just held a dripping spoonful of gravy out to me and dripped it on the new sheepskin slippers I just got for Christmas a week ago. I was upset, and his only response was a deadpan "Sorry, shit happens." ...

A.   1 January 2012: Yes you have a right to be a little peeved... your boyfriend is acting irresponsibily. You have worked hard to gain your "things" and he is doing little but ruin them. However, is he clumsy by nature? clumsy people are those who sometimes ge... (read in full...)

Why has my brother shut me out?

Q.   I'm really upset. I used to be really close with my younger brother when we lived together with my dad, but now he is holding a grudge because of an argument i had with my mum and Grandmother last week. My brother lives with my mum now, and i live ...

A.   1 January 2012: Your brother sounds very hurt and it seems his anger is directed at you. If you have done anything to upset him, apologise because it shows you recognise his feelings and you dont want to lose his relations. The rest is ultimately upto ... (read in full...)

Why does she bleed when having sex?

Q.   When my girlfriend and i have sex she ends up bleeding and i don't why, its not all the time however it has got worse, has anyone got any ideas why this could be ?...

A.   1 January 2012: I would advise you to tell her to see the doctor asap... one should definately not be bleeding for a prolonged amount of time linked to sex... its not normal and should be attended to. Goodluck!... (read in full...)

I'm a student tutoring younger students and I have a crush on one of them them!

Q.   Hey everyone, a new one from me... I'm in my third semester at University and I'm leading a Tutorium (kind of an extra class) for a lecture. Obviously, I'm a student and it's about students of older semesters helping the ones who just started....

A.   31 December 2011: Get to know him. Your both of similar age and likes... so get to know how he is like. Get to know him better. See if your compatible. See if he feels the same. These are processes you need to go through before making a decision and it ... (read in full...)

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