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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
Be happy AND remember
there is a solution for everything!
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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Is the past just the past or does it come along into the future?
Q. Hi! My ex was cheating on me because he believed and still believe that I was doing things behind his back. I forgave him, though he asked me to make an end, for if it were the contrary, he had never taken me back. Week passed, and he began to ...
A. 24 November 2011: The basis of any good healthy relationship is TRUST.
From what you have written it sounds like your ex has severe trust issues... do you really want to be with someone who does not trust you, who does not believe you and who belittles you?
... (read in full...)
Want to take pride in being myself and increasing my self esteem. Any advice?
Q. I have had self esteem issues since the age of about 12, and even though they have improved i still get so down about them and convince myself alot of the time "i'm not good enough". It doesn't really help that there are few people in my life who do ...
A. 24 November 2011: Hi there!
Ive been through the same thing as you when i was younger. It was very hard being "put down" in every way but the only way i got over that is by reaffirming to myself everyday in the mirror "I am good enough."
This helped me in ach... (read in full...)
I'm too inexperienced with love. Do I actually like this guy or not?
Q. (This is my first time on this site. I'm sorry that this is so long.) The reason I'm writing this is partially to try and sort my thoughts out (even though I've already spent countless nights doing that). But I'd also like a bit of insight from mor...
A. 24 November 2011: Hi there!
Do not feel like an idiot for worrying about this, its not stupid at all. Alot of people have gone through the same issue your going through now.
I will put this simple. The way I can tell if i really like a guy is if i like his good ... (read in full...)
What is the main cause of juvenile delinquency and drug addiction?
Q. What is the most common cause,in families of juvenile delinquency and drug addiction? My sister kids are all dropped out of school, and into drugs and crime. It's a real frightening situation from the outside. I'm talking about serious drugs......
A. 24 November 2011: Hi there,
Have you tried talking to your sisters kids to find out what is the reason behind their addictions? This may be a good idea to find out the cause.
The cause can be due to many things from peer pressure & low self esteem.
Here ... (read in full...)
I just don't know what to make of her behaviour!
Q. Pls help me. I am really upset. Please :'( I have loved her like crazy for 4 years. We started uni 4 years ago together. I was a Pakistani and she was too. I fell in love with her. She did not love me. I made her say yes to me after a lot of effor...
A. 5 March 2011: She may have her reasons for behaving as she does, i dont agree to her calling you a "rapist" , she clearly has some mental issues. I think the best thing you can do, if you truly love her and want her is to take charge and write her an (email or... (read in full...)
Do I go back to my husband and try to work things out or stay with my childhood sweetheart?
Q. I am having trouble knowing what to do, or where to turn, so I am asking you all for any advice. 7 years ago my husband of 6 years my husband come to me and told me that he was in love with a family friend, I was shattered, our children were only ...
A. 5 March 2011: The basis of any good relationship is trust.
Your husband has broken your trust by going with this other woman. The whole ordeal in the marriage has clearly been a stressful time for you.
What I would suggest is to take time away from the me... (read in full...)
My turkish man wants to be with me! Should I marry him or not?
Q. I went on holiday last year to turkey for 8 weeks. While i was there i met a wonderful man. We became really good friends and soon found myself falling for him big time. He told me he felt the same and we soon became an item. We stayed in contact ...
A. 3 August 2010: My Husband is kurdish and the best thing that ever happened to me! Kurdish make good husbands.... (read in full...)
Its burns when I pee, what could it be?
Q. ok so i have this bad feeling like a bladder infection but i think its worst then that now i dont think it is a std because i have been to the doctor but not for this burning feeling. because i have this feeling off and on. now i am taking some ...
A. 8 January 2010: This is a common problem amongst us women, it could be cystitis or another urinary infection.
Best thing to do is go to the doctor to get it checked out and drink alot of cranberry juice -it helps!!
goodluck!... (read in full...)
I wonder how people "know" when they meet the person they'll marry for the first time
Q. You hear so many people say, when you meet the one "you just know" and "I knew I would marry him". How many people feel this strongly on a first meeting? Did you know this would be the man you would marry when you first met him? ...
A. 19 December 2009: When i first met my husband i had no idea i'd marry him!
it was early days but I did gain a good impression about him from the outset and as I got to know him I felt at ease.
I knew he was "the one" once i started to fall for him.
Some peo... (read in full...)
How do I get over him? I loved him more than I love myself!
Q. hey i had a bf. he was so nice n suit firstly. i loved him more than myself. but than he changed. it seemed like he didnt need me anymore, didnt want to be with me anymore, so i went far away from him. but whenever i remember him tears cum outa my ...
A. 4 December 2009: It will take you some time before you forget your ex boyfriend.
Sometimes even when we love someone with all our heart, sometimes they dont feel the same way about us.
This is not your fault.
Right now you need to cry and be sad and have ... (read in full...)
Why has he never mentioned this girl to me before???
Q. Hello people. I know its crazy to ask help in public like this but I'm seriously in a state where i find myself helpless. My age is 25 and i am in a relationship with a man aged 29. we are in a live in relationship. I fell for him in march 2009 an...
A. 3 December 2009: Somehow I have the feeling from what you said this boyfriend is a stubborn fellow and probably wont want to make it up with his mum.
You can ask him to speak to his mum for the sake of your future marriage.
If after that he shows you no com... (read in full...)
Why has he never mentioned this girl to me before???
Q. Hello people. I know its crazy to ask help in public like this but I'm seriously in a state where i find myself helpless. My age is 25 and i am in a relationship with a man aged 29. we are in a live in relationship. I fell for him in march 2009 an...
A. 2 December 2009: If your instincts are that he is hiding things from you he probably is.
He seems to have given you some information but not all which is a little worrying.
If he does not want a relationship with his mum then all you can do is respect this fac... (read in full...)
Who do you turn to when your family isn't there?
Q. What do i do when i cant even trust my family? well i have this issue that i have things to tell my mo but i wanna wait till the right time because if i just throw it all at her she not gone take it so i got to give it to her slow and at the right ...
A. 23 November 2009: If you find it hard to physically tell your mum, why dont you write it all down and give her the letter?
that way she cant inturrupt you and she will read your side of the problem.
Try not to worry or stress too much as everything happe... (read in full...)
I am accusing her of the same things that happened to me in past relationships!
Q. hi ihave a problem that is new to me. i have been in some really bad bad relationships. well i met my g/f 6 months ago an we were doing great. n then all of a sudden my problem from my past relationships poped up in my head. is she cheating can i ...
A. 23 November 2009: First of all go to your doctor and seek therapy.
Tell your galfriend you are very sorry about what happened and show her by your actions that your doing whatever it takes to change and seek help.
This type of behaviour is wrong and i am g... (read in full...)
He's a great guy, but I'm still afraid of being used for sex
Q. me and my bf are together since 8months, though i went away to university and haven't seen him for these last two months. when i was there, we used to kiss and he gave me oral too. i tried to give it to him but couldn't. he is the most amazing ...
A. 20 November 2009: If you dont feel ready to have sex -then dont just wait.
If your boyfriend truly loves you he will support your decision not to have sex and not force you into it because he will want you to be happy.
Of course your upbringing will have an inf... (read in full...)
How do you forget the person you are in love with?
Q. Hi to all. Anybody who can give some effective tips on how to forget a person whom you love so much that you can't live without him. I am waiting for your tips. Thank you....
A. 20 November 2009: I dont think its possible to totally forget someone you love. If you loved someone now and then its natural to think of them.
If you cant live without this person have you told them how you feel?
Its possible to move on from your love by ma... (read in full...)
Mom wants me to be with another race!
Q. Hi aunts, serious problem here... my mom is obsessed with me getting married to someone of a different race of my own, I am african american and she wants me to be with someone caucasian.. She has this thing against african americans because the ...
A. 17 November 2009: Hi there!
Firstly you get good and bad caucasian men same as you do get good and bad african american men.
What you need to do is not be like your mother and tarnish/judge people with the same brush.
You need to give the man in question... (read in full...)
I'm at a kind of crossroads after losing a dear friend and don't know what to do with my life.
Q. A dear friend of mine passed away only 2 months ago and i cant help but feel miserable. His other friends know me and have continuously asked me to hang with them and i accept but when the day comes they dont call and ditch me for no apparent ...
A. 17 November 2009: You will feel miserable because your still grieving for the friend you have lost. It will take some time before you can accept whats happened and allow yourself open to happiness but until then you have to take each day as it comes.
You may have... (read in full...)
I have become ill due to his unfounded accusations and jealousy, help me!
Q. My boyfriend looked through my phone and found a call that was a wrong number. He started to tell me that I had met with someone when he was out of town and I told him to just call the number back if he wanted. He called, threw the phone towards ...
A. 16 November 2009: Your boyfriend has serious self esteem and trust issues this is not something you can change out of him, he needs to want to change himself and get therapy or counselling.
This kind of negative behaviour can spiral out of control with him eventual... (read in full...)
Fear of money, yet I work in retail!
Q. I work in retail and have never worked at a register. I am supposed to be trained for the register soon I have a real problem with handling money I always have. I really want to over come this problem. What should I do? I dont have a problem ...
A. 14 November 2009: If your managers did not think you were capable they would not have made you in charge of the cash, so look at it in a positive way.
They have faith in your ability.
You have to try it to overcome your fear and experiencing this is the best... (read in full...)
My brother scolds me for very small reasons! What can I do?
Q. i am 15. my brother is 20. my problem is, in the last few days, my brother scolds or whacks me for very small reasons. for example, just asking "what are you studying ?" earns me a verbal thrashing. please tell me what to do....
A. 13 November 2009: Your brother has anger issues.
Can you not speak to your parents and tell them to have words with him so that he can control his behaviour?
it could be your brother does not respect you and loses his temper for a small issue. He could have me... (read in full...)
My girl is an angel!!!!
Q. hi guys.... i am in love with a girl for 5 good years, and its a miracle because i have not met this girl in person. we used to talk on the phone and exchange pics. first let me point out ma girls qualities 1. she is an angel from her quali...
A. 13 November 2009: The best way to gain respect with your parents is by being honest with them.
Tell your mum / dad / uncle (a family member who you feel understands you the most) and explain you have met a girl from a similar background and who you know is a goo... (read in full...)
I'm young and bored!
Q. Ok well i am pretty young although i will not reveal my actual age. I know that i will not have sex or serious relationships for a few years but i feel like i really want to... any tips on how to get this nagging feeling out of my head????...
A. 13 November 2009: Its pretty normal to think about sex all the time.
The only way you can get the nagging feeling out of your head is by taking up hobbies or a sport to occupy your mind and time until your ready to pursue a serious relationship and sex.
Goodluc... (read in full...)
Am I making a mistake by having an abortion?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now. He is an alcoholic. I just found out I'm pregnant. I would love to have the baby but I don't feel its fair to bring a child into the world with an alcoholic father. I already have a 17 year old ...
A. 13 November 2009: This is not an easy decision but You need to do right by the life within you.
Some people will say its wrong to have an abortion others will say its ok to do it.
Only you can truly decide as the mother whats in the best interests of tha... (read in full...)
How can I persuade her to have sex with me?
Q. hi. i am 15 year old male from india. we have a maid servant in our house, about 25 years of age. she is very plump and has well developed breasts and hips.she lives in our house itself in a separate room. i have had sexual feelings for near...
A. 13 November 2009: This post is ridiculous!
alot of people do have sex with their maids but I doubt this lad's parents would leave HIM ALL BY HIMSELF in a house with the maid...
thats stupid, indians would never think of abandoning their kids home alone, dont... (read in full...)
My girl is an angel!!!!
Q. hi guys.... i am in love with a girl for 5 good years, and its a miracle because i have not met this girl in person. we used to talk on the phone and exchange pics. first let me point out ma girls qualities 1. she is an angel from her quali...
A. 13 November 2009: Its nots fair to reject a girl just because she is not your ideal of a beauty.
I am sure god will think her as being very beautiful because she has a good heart.
You need to remember looks will fade with age, but the real beauty is in the... (read in full...)
When I leave school should I tell my teacher I'm in love with her?
Q. Now, im going to aplogise for poor spelling firstly (its late at night for me!!) and secondly I am sorry this is another teacher/student crappy topic!! Ok so lets set you the picture. I am over 18, and still stuck in sixth form (3rd year) I am ...
A. 13 November 2009: Legally your 18 and she's around my age (late 20's) so its legal to date her.
However as she is your teacher, school rules dictate you cannot date the teacher.
Have you opened up to your teacher about how you feel? honestly the only way you... (read in full...)
My friend slept with a guy, then slept with his brother!
Q. my friend slept with a guy, and then a few months later she slept with his brother. of course, neither brother knows that she slept with the other one. neither of them were her boyfriends (the recent brother she slept with is crushing on her ...
A. 13 November 2009: I do not agree with what your friend did,
However you need to remember all the people involved were consenting adults.
The two brothers chose to have sex knowing the same girl and they now have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
... (read in full...)
Fear of money, yet I work in retail!
Q. I work in retail and have never worked at a register. I am supposed to be trained for the register soon I have a real problem with handling money I always have. I really want to over come this problem. What should I do? I dont have a problem ...
A. 13 November 2009: When you say you have real problem handling money, what do you mean? what fear is it you have?
Just think of the money as plain paper to overcome your fear, however without knowing more I cant complete this answer.... (read in full...)
Have any other teens gone through this depression?
Q. I've been getting very depressed recently about stupid things and i want it to stop. i can go from feeling content to extremely depressed and just blank within a matter of minutes if i am left alone. its silly as there is nothing drastic in my li...
A. 13 November 2009: Hi
Yes i too remember feeling the same way as you when I was your age.
Its a period of change for your mind, your coming out of childhood into adulthood and its frustrating because you think you know it all but there is so much more to lea... (read in full...)
Why did this girl cancel her hair appt. with me to go with a stranger?
Q. Evening all! This isnt a love question but im hoping you might have some advice. I am a qualified hairdresser and worked in a salon for a few years before settling down in to an office job-more pay and less hours. When some of my colleagues fou...
A. 9 November 2009: Yes this girl was using you. She is acting disrespectful by cancelling on you on such short notice.
It could be the other girl is charging less or doing it free which is most likely.
You should learn from this experience so it does not happen ... (read in full...)
How do I help her cope with past sexual abuse?
Q. hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier. my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 mon...
A. 9 November 2009: It sounds to me like your doing the best you can for her at this time so carry on as you are.
You are a very supportive and kind boyfriend. She is lucky to have you.
Continue to let her know that you care about her and available to lis... (read in full...)
How do I help her cope with past sexual abuse?
Q. hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier. my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 mon...
A. 6 November 2009: When I said its something your galfriend wont forget, this doesnt mean the therapist cant help her deal with her pain. If she gets the appropriate help the therapist can help her deal with the pain and move on from it. Maybe you touching y... (read in full...)
I'm depressed after my abortion.
Q. im 14 and i had an abortion in February, and know im depressed and want a baby. what do i do? please help me. i have never been this depressed in my life before please please help me ...
A. 6 November 2009: I am sad to hear this, sadly this abortion is something you will never forget.
Of course you will want your baby back -but remember why you did the abortion in the first place? im assuming its because you are so young and its not the right ti... (read in full...)
Violent ex tricked me. Will this hurt me in court?
Q. My ex was arrested the following night of him attacking me. It was my friend who rang the police luckily she was there when he got in my flat, and pulled a knife on me. He wrecked my flat too, his bail conditions meant that he wasnt to come near me ...
A. 6 November 2009: It depends.
Only your solicitor can legally tell you if you've shot yourself in the foot here, but in my opinion:
you have a witness, he pulled a knife out on you, trashed your flat, all this makes him look worse character infront of the j... (read in full...)
How do I help her cope with past sexual abuse?
Q. hey i would really appreciate some help on this because its not getting easier. my girlfriend told me she was sexually abused by her uncle for as long as she can remember, but we werent going out then, but ever since we have been going out, 3 mon...
A. 6 November 2009: Im sorry to hear of your loss and sorry to hear you are going through this.
Firstly its good your girlfriend is seeing a therapist she needs to speak to someone professionally about this to help her overcome the ordeal she has been through.... (read in full...)
How do I stop putting people on pedestals and have more realistic expectations?
Q. I often put people up on pedestals and have expectations about how they should behave. Then when they don't live up to my expectations, I'm disappointed. I know it's their life and we're all human, make mistakes, etc. But how can I stop doing this? ...
A. 6 November 2009: I dont think you act this way because you are jealous.
I think you act like this because you care way too much of others around you.
Its good to have expectations of yourself but dont expect too much from others.
You will end up dissa... (read in full...)
Embarrassed to see a doctor about possible damage from anal sex! Advice?
Q. I had anal sex for the first time, and we did it with out lube i said I would try it but it hurt so much i couldnt take it, but my bf wouldnt stop , now im bleeding and in pain but i'd be to embaressed to go see a doctor about it, could i really be ...
A. 2 November 2009: Dont be embarrassed to go to your doctor they deal with these complaints most of the time.
I would advise you to go to the doctor to get a proper diagnosis but until then you can try the following to ease the pain there:
* Warm baths are s... (read in full...)
I want to change my life! Should I feel guilty for wanting that?
Q. I am a 45 yr old woman,(age posted wrong?) I have been going through the need for change for a couple years now. I am depressed, lonely, bored and burnt out. I want to relocate somewhere else I would enjoy more. I want a new job. A new start. I have ...
A. 2 November 2009: No of course you shouldnt feel guilty for wanting a better life for yourself.
If your unhappy you need to make the necessary changes as lifes is too short!
You've given up your time, effort and most of your life raising your 2 children so it i... (read in full...)
Tired of these guys picking on me, should I stand up for myself?
Q. In school I have 2 boys that like to pick and hit with me. They think its ok because their are playing and they think im playing but im not. See im a goofy person that laughs and smile a lot and they think it ok because i don't get mad but im, tired ...
A. 2 November 2009: You need to stand up for yourself.
In life your going to find many people like this who come your way to bully you.
If someones attacks you stand your ground. Dont shy away.
Im not advocating fighting but you need to defend yourself not run ... (read in full...)
Am I shallow because I like men, based on their looks?
Q. I need some advice/opinions/anything on this issue I have. As long as I can remember I’ve been really attracted to blond/blue eyed/boyish looking men (Brad Pitt when he was young, Jensen Ackles, Patrick Wilson type guys). I’ve ‘chased’ a few guys in ...
A. 2 November 2009: If you love your boyfriend then dont worry about the types of guys you check out.
Its normal for women to look at other guys and say "he's hot!" or "he's cute!"
Its only when you act on this impulse physically then you are doing wrong by y... (read in full...)
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