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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
Be happy AND remember
there is a solution for everything!
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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Am I shallow because I like men, based on their looks?
Q. I need some advice/opinions/anything on this issue I have. As long as I can remember I’ve been really attracted to blond/blue eyed/boyish looking men (Brad Pitt when he was young, Jensen Ackles, Patrick Wilson type guys). I’ve ‘chased’ a few guys in ...
A. 2 November 2009: If you love your boyfriend then dont worry about the types of guys you check out.
Its normal for women to look at other guys and say "he's hot!" or "he's cute!"
Its only when you act on this impulse physically then you are doing wrong by y... (read in full...)
How do I avoid these friends, that I think are bad for me?
Q. what do u do when u dont wanna hang out with the group of people you hang out with because your 100 percent sure that they are talking about you..they smoke but i dont. all i do is drink with them never once tried smokin and because they smoke and i ...
A. 2 November 2009: Part of growing up is changing as a person.
You may find that friends you have grown up with change and you have nothing in common.
Trust your instincts.
If you feel your friends are talking about you then they most probably are.
The bes... (read in full...)
I love my family, but I don't like them..why am I this way?
Q. Is something wrong with me that I love my family but I dont like them? ...
A. 2 November 2009: What your feeling is totally normal!
I absolutely love my family and would fight until the ends of earth for them but I dont like any of them.
I dont like my mum -she's uncaring, i dont like my brother -he's selfish and ungrateful
I d... (read in full...)
Mistreated sexually in a shop! What should I have done?
Q. I went to a shop the other week somewhere in Northwest England (not saying where), was looking at buying some new electronics for my husband, and asked a saleswoman for advice. She then asked me to come over to her desk, to discuss it, which I did, ...
A. 2 November 2009: Hi, If you felt disgusted by what happened you need to complain. This type of behavior is not acceptable and it could happen to another poor customer. Here are the details of who you need to contact and make a complaint to: [Moderator n... (read in full...)
I love him, I don't want to lose him but I don't know what else to do.
Q. I am a 21 year old Egyptian girl. A year ago I met an American guy online, he is 26. Since the first night we met we both clicked right away. We talked for five hours and neither of us really wanted to go. I wasn't looking for a relationship nor was ...
A. 2 November 2009: Hi
I've read your story and in my honest opinion this situation is very complexed.
I know islamic familes sometimes can be overbearing but truly they only have the best intentions at heart. You have to forgive them for that.
When you cho... (read in full...)
How can I live like this?
Q. hi, i am 40 years old not married, i used to live in us for 3 years, but when i came back i couldnt live well here, life is hard and people are hard to live with, even my mom layer, at work in the street all life is so bad, what can i do ?...
A. 2 November 2009: Hi,
You say lived in the US for 3 years is there not anyway you can go back to living a life there?
Or prehaps try another country you like if your not suited to the place you are in now?
I understand it can be difficult but try and ke... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my younger sister about sex?
Q. hi, I am elder brother and my sister is 2 years younger to me, and she behaves as if she is elder to me and knows more than me in the matter of sexual relationship. I want to help her in carrying out safe and good sexual relationship, bu...
A. 24 October 2009: To be honest your sister may feel uncomfortable telling you about her sex life.
i would never imagine talking to my younger brother about my sex life even now (its a matter of respect) or even tell my grandma about it!
So i cant imagine you... (read in full...)
What would be the best way to deal with this work situation?
Q. Dear Aunts, I was talking to one of my (male) workmates the other the day when I noticed that he kept staring at my chest then flicking his gaze back up to my eyes for a moment. Its not like my breasts are large or I had a low-cut top on. ...
A. 24 October 2009: Unfortunately its a fact of life that some guys do just stare at your boobs when talking to you.
At my work place I can name at least one guy who looks mostly at the girls boobs when she is talking to him and yes its uncomfortable but you coul... (read in full...)
I'm tired of all the collections at the office!
Q. Hi all. i have an issue thats been building up and really frustating me lately in the office. We have always done collections for people for their birthday which is fine-there are 22 people in the office. Now someone recently got engaged ...
A. 24 October 2009: Hi At my work place it was the same thing, for every single event people had to contribute money and yes your right it does add up to many many lost pounds! However some were not happy about this and spoke up to our team leader who took this on... (read in full...)
My husband is always cheating on me!
Q. i am an indian woman whois very sincere to her husband and family. We got married 30 years ago after 7 years of love with each other inspite of my parents unwiilingness they maaried us. My husband had cheated me earlier also many a times. and i was ...
A. 23 October 2009: Its no so easy for a woman to leave her husband in India or in other traditional cultural parts of the world, its a totally different ballgame then the western world. People need to be understanding of this and give the asker a neutral hekpful ... (read in full...)
My husband is always cheating on me!
Q. i am an indian woman whois very sincere to her husband and family. We got married 30 years ago after 7 years of love with each other inspite of my parents unwiilingness they maaried us. My husband had cheated me earlier also many a times. and i was ...
A. 23 October 2009: Unfortunately because your husband has been doing this for so many years he wont change.
He makes promises to you and breaks them every time he is a very selfish man.
I think the best thing you can do is try and live for your children for now... (read in full...)
I had sexual experiances with my aunt!
Q. it is long time back when i was a teen i used to get lot of sexual urges to ,my aunt. she was not a super beauty. we used to stay in the same house. i remember it started after when i noticed that she, when such a situation occurred, kept her brea...
A. 22 October 2009: Your aunt was teasing you and playing with you.
She should be ashamed of herself because at that time you was so young and vulnerable.
How do you know your aunt has not done the same technique with other nephews/ men?
you need to be very ... (read in full...)
Religion in relationships
Q. Why do very religious people having problems in their relationships due to their own beliefs turn to Agony Aunts for help? ...
A. 22 October 2009: To continue that point oldersister makes quoting psychiatrist M. Scott Peck regarding the relationship between religion and insanity;
I believe, yes its true to have a belief in something outside of yourself (eg god) is a type of insanity.
How... (read in full...)
Religion in relationships
Q. Why do very religious people having problems in their relationships due to their own beliefs turn to Agony Aunts for help? ...
A. 22 October 2009: Not all religions offer the answers to every problem they seek which is why some religious people may come here to seek advice.
Also some religions are quick to condemn and people may find it easier to come here and tell a total stranger without ... (read in full...)
He is deeply spiritual and senses spirits around him. Should I stay away?
Q. Hello Advice please asap Ive met a great guy online and plan to meet me him on Sunday. He is deeply deeply spiritual, says he feels things, knows things, senses spirits and that he feels them around him all the the time.... His mother was...
A. 22 October 2009: I dont think you should write this guy off just yet.
Alot of people are spiritual and are in tune with themselves and nature.
We are not just bodies, we're spiritual beings also.
Some humans find this hard to grasp but it is a realit... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he said he tried to love me but couldn't. Am I not loveable?
Q. I am confused about something and lookign for other people's perspective. I'm gay, if that matters, and have just been dumped by my boyfriend of 4 months.I always wondered his true feelings for me, and it was upsetting me a great deal, so I asked...
A. 21 October 2009: Your ex is very shallow and narrow minded.
Whose he to say you cannot be loved? He's not judge or jury.
What your ex means is he is not capable of loving himself so he cannot love you.
I am sure you are loveable to THE RIGHT PERSON not to ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't we live life with the person we love?
Q. In love with a woman I've known for almost 20 years. We've always been close, always best friends, always felt a special connection. Over the years we've loved each other strongly and consistently, but our timing for a relationship has never worked ...
A. 21 October 2009: I think everything happens for a reason.
Maybe you and this lady in question do really love each other.
But the issue is she's married to a good man and there's a whole bunch of good people involved as you say.
Is it worth the risk? only ... (read in full...)
Was his reason for breaking up a cop out?
Q. Hi, My new boyfriend broke up with me, he says, because he was laid off and needs to figure things out, and he's probably moving across country to NY. He's on a work visa, so if he doesn't get a job he'll get sent back to India? I'm not sure I t...
A. 21 October 2009: I think you should leave things as they are.
If he wanted to be with you 100% he would have asked you to go with him or carried on being with you despite the distance ( a lot of couples stick together even after relocation) so i would leave th... (read in full...)
Will a controlling person know when they have lost control?
Q. If you leave someone who controlled you for many years and now they cant even contact you or know where you live, will they know now that they have lost control of you? I feel so much better knowing that person doesnt even know where i am....
A. 21 October 2009: Yes i think that if you finally managed to get away from such an evil controlling person they will know that you are now in a better place and that they no longer control aspects of your life.
It's a stab in the chest for them.
Hope this ans... (read in full...)
Any ideas of interesting topics?
Q. I am running out of conversation topics when ever I talk with the boy I like. It always ends up being silent and boring since neither of us can think of anything to talk about. Rarely, do we have a conversation where the talking lasts more than 10 ...
A. 21 October 2009: Topic wise, there's loads of things you can discuss with a boy.
Here are some ideas:
Films
Celebrities
hobbies
sports / games
news in general
school / studies / social events
countries/travel
Hope this helps stir up some conversati... (read in full...)
Girlfriend lied about unprotected sex with other guys, now I'm worried I have an STD
Q. Heyy, im 16 nearly 17 (male). Ive just broken up with my girlfriend and we were sexually active. We had sex a few times without a condom because she told me she hadnt had sex with anyone else. While I was going out with her I caught thrush, a...
A. 21 October 2009: What you need to do is get yourself to your nearest GUM CLINIC.
Google your location and search for GUM Clinic, (you can have a walk in appointment) or call them to fix an appointment.
If I was you i'd get tested for EVERYTHING just ... (read in full...)
I had sexual experiances with my aunt!
Q. it is long time back when i was a teen i used to get lot of sexual urges to ,my aunt. she was not a super beauty. we used to stay in the same house. i remember it started after when i noticed that she, when such a situation occurred, kept her brea...
A. 21 October 2009: Vectra, if my friends uncle had run off with her it still would have been wrong. They shouldnt have had sex in the first place it should not have gotten that far. Now it has it means she is the one who will have the burden and guilt (its not like ... (read in full...)
How do I control my excessive sexual desires?
Q. I have excessive sexual desires and I have no idea how to control it. I am 28 years old but there’s no sign of me getting married soon since I am still not financial well off....doing part time jobs here and there. Most of the time , I masturba...
A. 20 October 2009: Yes you are a normal person.
Its very normal to have sexual desire, we are human and this instinct is in all of us.
But dont let this continuous sexual mindset take control of your every living moment.
You need to focus on other things be... (read in full...)
Should I leave my wife and is she up to something?
Q. This is hard for me I have been married for over 20 years now my wife has secret e mail is dressing diferantly wants to go out more is spending on clothes and says she needs to find herself, lots of fighting,should i leave...
A. 20 October 2009: Leave? no i would say dont leave her and dont give up twenty years plus of a marriage.
Your wife may have alot going on in her mind right now and like she says she may just need to find herself.
Support her, show her you still care, just becau... (read in full...)
Am I just a rebound for my ex?
Q. .... About six months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me (which took a while to get over) to start going out with my ex best friend. But my ex and I still stayed close friends, and we sometimes refer to ourselves as 'brother and sister'. But today, ...
A. 20 October 2009: Your right its pretty soon for him to try and get another relationship on track.
You should speak to him and ask him if he feels your a rebound? it could be your not, or it could be you are.
You wont know unless you ask him as he has the an... (read in full...)
How can I get him to really like me?
Q. I don't know what to do I really like this guy...since last year but I do not know if he likes me? At my homecoming I was grinding on him and felt his boner and just about exploded down there. But that is not why I like him it is not at all just ...
A. 20 October 2009: I think you should tell him how you feel. It sounds as if he's attracted to you already and friendship is a great way of starting a relationship!
You've got nothing to lose by telling him or you can keep quiet and never know.
Goodlcuk! ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has women at the house while I work. Is he leading a double life?
Q. My boyfriend has women over my house (where we live) during the day when I am at work. He doesn't work. He says he should be able to have over the house who ever he wants, that I should not dictate who he can and who he cannot see. The girls have ...
A. 20 October 2009: I totally agree with you, your boyfriends behavior is not acceptable, how would he feel if you had a bunch of guys round when he wasnt in? maybe you should ask him that.
He should respect you and if you made it clear your not happy having these wo... (read in full...)
How can I get through this first date without thinking the worse?
Q. Hi im going on a first date in a few days after being single 6 months and coming out of a mental and verbually abusive relationship. Ive been mentally drained and lost my confidence and self esteem.and i am alot better now im out of it but i am ...
A. 20 October 2009: You need to remain positive.
You've been through a bad relationship but remember you have come through fighting and your a survivor! be proud of yourself.
Dont worry too much about your first date.
Try and go with the flow.
Dont expec... (read in full...)
Should I try to bury the hatchet and send my daughter a card for her 21st???
Q. My daughter's birthday is coming up Monday October 26. She will be 28 years old and she and I don't talk, her decision, not mine. She moved out June 08 and only speaks to my sister. I'm torn whether to send her a birthday card or just ignore it. ...
A. 20 October 2009: I never grew up with a dad and its a horrible feeling being without a parent. It was my dad's choice not mine to leave but its so sad when parents cannot fulfil their duties to their kids.
Remember as kids we didnt ask to be born. Its our pare... (read in full...)
I had sexual experiances with my aunt!
Q. it is long time back when i was a teen i used to get lot of sexual urges to ,my aunt. she was not a super beauty. we used to stay in the same house. i remember it started after when i noticed that she, when such a situation occurred, kept her brea...
A. 20 October 2009: I think your aunt was being very selfish by playing with your feelings.
Regardless who she is in relation to you, at that time she was in a position of trust and you were near enough a child with hormones racing.
Im sorry but this type of beh... (read in full...)
What is the right age for a serious relationship?
Q. I'm 17 boy. I never had any girlfriend. I want to make only one relationship in life. So if I get a gf now , will i be able to carry on the relationship untill marriage? I'm not gonna marry before the age of 26/27. What your experience says? ...
A. 20 October 2009: I forgot to add in my experience guys should be at least 25 when they marry!!
It also depends on the maturity of the guy but i'd say 25 years is a good age for a guy to marry!
... (read in full...)
What is the right age for a serious relationship?
Q. I'm 17 boy. I never had any girlfriend. I want to make only one relationship in life. So if I get a gf now , will i be able to carry on the relationship untill marriage? I'm not gonna marry before the age of 26/27. What your experience says? ...
A. 20 October 2009: If you had a relationship now noone here can truly say 100% if it will last to marriage.
It depends if the girl you are seeing has the same views on marriage and love as you do (ie like you she just wants one love for life)
-if so you tw... (read in full...)
What do girls look for in a boyfriend?
Q. Simple questions to the girls. Pls, consider you re lookin for a bf. And what are the features you ll be lookin for. Everything as a whole,what you girls look for when looking for a boyfriend.put everything you feel like you need in a boy friend. ...
A. 20 October 2009: If I was looking for a boyfriend (not that i am)
the following in no particular order would be the qualities any sensible candidate should have:
1. he should have a sense of humour
2. Respect for himself
3. Respect for others
4. Generousi... (read in full...)
Why does he want to get married so quickly?
Q. 6 years ago I lost my virginity to the owner of the hotel my family and I were staying at in Turkey. I stayed in contact with him but (because I wanted it this way), just as friends. My family and I stayed at the same hotel every year in the summer, ...
A. 17 October 2009: Yesit seems he's in a hurry to get married to you. Have you asked him why he is rushing you for marriage? you are still young. However saying that he could be rushing into marriage as part of his culture, generally marriage is a sign of ... (read in full...)
Why is he paying the bills for his ex?
Q. hi, im very confused. im 27weeks pregnant and living with my partner, iv been with him for 1year and 3months, after all the bills and rent my partner has about £100 spare a month. i cant claim any benifits as he works over 24hours a week and gets...
A. 17 October 2009: Do you have any evidence he is paying her bills? i mean real hard evidence and not hearsay? unless you know 100% for sure he is doing this then you would have to take his word for it (for now). Like CaringGuy says do some digging and find ou... (read in full...)
How do you approach a quiet girl on the bus?
Q. how should you approach a girl who is only a aquataince that you like who rides your bus?i think she is pretty and i wanna go out with her.im in 10th and i think shes in 8th and shes quiet on the bus.what should i do?...
A. 17 October 2009: smile. then Strike up a conversation with her. I would be sneaky and ask her a question. eg what year is she in? (i know you know this but dont let her know that) and go from there. Hope this helps! ... (read in full...)
Can I just not stand it that she found someone else now?
Q. I was fresh out of university, have a great degree, just landed a great job, and was ready to settle down. I met a girl in a club one night, and she caught my attention. We danced all night, then exchanged numbers. We started calling each oth...
A. 17 October 2009: I agree with jand_z , this doesnt sound like love to me.
Fighting constantly is never a healthy sign in a relationship and if you loved her you would have realised a long time ago.
You had your doubts about this girl from the start and its mo... (read in full...)
I didn't know that I was the "other woman"
Q. Hi I'm hoping someone can give me some advice. 18 months ago I started seeing this guy, it wasn't meant to be anything serious, we only saw each other once every couple of weeks. However, after about 6-8 months I started to fall in love with him...
A. 17 October 2009: Part of me feels this poor woman who is still with him deserves to know what a low life he is.
But then again like you say maybe she wont believe you, become weak and forgive him anyway.
Its really hard being stringed along but rememeber th... (read in full...)
How do you know if its love or just lust?
Q. How do you know if you love someone? How do you know it's not just lust? What if you go back out with someone you recently broke up with to find that it was a mistake? Why can't love be easy.. I don't really want to give any more information. I'...
A. 17 October 2009: How do you know if you love someone? you know by the following;
its when you both are apart that you truly miss being in that other person's company because they are the one that makes you happy.
Its when you realise you want to spend the rest of ... (read in full...)
How do you socialize and make friends? I feel hopeless.
Q. I guess I don't understand - how do you socialize with people and make friends? It feels impossible. People don't want to be your friend, they've already got enough. They don't want to take a risk on you - you could be crazy or dangerous and they're ...
A. 17 October 2009: There is a wise saying which goes
"to have a friend you have to be a friend"
If you feel worthless and a failure other people are going to pick up this bad vibe and keep away from you. You wont attract friends.
If however you choose to lo... (read in full...)
Should I go back to the books and graduate, then try for university again?
Q. My question may not have any relevance to love... But ill give it a try, back in 2007 i did my matric but i failed so i didnt graduate from high school,i was gonna study neurology, since i had a grade 10 certificate i could go to college and opte...
A. 30 September 2009: You've answered your own question. If you feel you spent time doing something your heart is not into then start again, its never too late. Go back to University and study if you have the opportunity to do so.
There is nothing worse than waking u... (read in full...)
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