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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.
Be happy AND remember
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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What can I do to not get worked up over little things that he does?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 months..I love him a lot and he helps me through everything. He treats me well and lets me do everything I want to do. Just he annoys me and since I have really bad aniexty it drives me nuts like ...
A. 21 August 2009: Try to be patient with your partner.
You say you love him, and you need to realise us humans arent perfect creatures, we all annoy each other sometimes.
It could be your ultra sensitive and techincally the younger one is the more sensitive t... (read in full...)
Big age gap & it seems he doesn't love me like I love him..
Q. Hi, I'm a 39 yr old female and I've been seeing a 22 yr old guy! I have fallen in love with him, but have been trying to hide it!! I'm crying as I write this, because last night, we talked, and we've decided to stop the intimate part of our ...
A. 20 August 2009: You sound like you really liked this guy.
looking at it objectively i can say he was good enough to be honest with you and break it off.
plus his job situation did not help for a long term commitment.
he is young, and you need to respect ... (read in full...)
How do women gain confidence in themselves?
Q. How do women gain more confidence in themselves? I always thought if you got a good education, found a good job, made decent money, were fairly happy with your appearance, you would have confidence. But I don't. It's almost like, your either born ...
A. 20 August 2009: Everyone has insecurities.
This is normal and part of life.
I do feel however, women of confidence have a strength that which comes from within, its that power of knowing they are different, unique, and beautiful, they dont latch onto what ... (read in full...)
I am so lost without her, any advice on how to move on?
Q. HI all, Very briefly, I am not your reader or poster, in fact I am in my thirty's so I do apologise. But I am so confused it's making me ill. So I have to get this off my chest and any ideas, advice etc would be greatly appreciated. I ...
A. 20 August 2009: I feel for you.
breakup is so hard, especially when the person you love doesnt feel anything for you, and moves onto someone else within minutes.
Its natural you feel down, you need to go with the flow with these emotions.
You wanted to ... (read in full...)
Is it possible that my attraction for guys who treat me horribly stems from being sexually abused?
Q. First of I'll start with a bit of history about me; I've dealt with depression, anxiety, paranoia, self-harm and a near miss with an eating disorder. It's all happened together and it was hell. At the same time I was dealing with feelings for my ...
A. 20 August 2009: Sometimes when a person has been abused they mentally blame themselves and this in turn causes low self esteem which attracts bad partners who treat us badly.
I think you've been through so much, the fact that your still going strong is commenda... (read in full...)
My ex is an unreliable father to our son, should I cut him out of his life or continue to allow access?
Q. my ex boyfriend of 4 years is so unreliable. I have a two year old son by him, before i got pregnant we were really inlove however when i was pregnant his brother came out of jail and my ex started going out without me, not seeing me as much, not ...
A. 20 August 2009: If your ex is not a good partner to you let him go as your partner. Its not healthy for your son to see his father coming and going out of both your lives. I think you should let your son have access to see his father on a regular basis, on ce... (read in full...)
Are looks really that important?
Q. To sum the whole problem up, everyone thinks and says my boyfriend is ugly. We're in a long distance relationship, therefore most of my friends haven't even seen him closely, but when they see his pics they all start screaming at me about how ugly ...
A. 18 August 2009: No looks are not important.
you've heard the saying, "never judge a book by its cover" and its sooo true.
Your friends and family are deeming themselves shallow and narrow minded if they believe looks are more important then personality.
... (read in full...)
Could my friend be gay?
Q. I have a friend whos is 40 never been attracted to girls but has feelings for a girl now is it possible that she is gay or could she just be feeling like that because they are such close friends. the girl also has feelings for her....
A. 17 August 2009: Maybe your friend was always BI and never knew until she got close to her friend, or maybe she just prefers girls.
you dont know for sure, so why dont you ask your friend direct if she is totally gay or bi?
... (read in full...)
I want to know how to stop thinking about this!
Q. 2 years ago I met a foreign guy who was on a short holiday in my country. We stayed in touch by email (always as friends only) and he invited me to visit him in his country. I visited him and during my short stay he was very friendly with me. I ...
A. 17 August 2009: A year is a long time to wait before contacting someone.
and the guy you like has probably moved on, maybe even married, else he would have contacted you already.
he was your first, so therefore you feel alot for him, but you knew initially h... (read in full...)
Broken heart due to move!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and my parents made me move a few weeks ago 20 hours away from my home. he came up with me for two weeks and hes been gone two days.. and im a mess i dont know wat to do with myself hes gone now and i ...
A. 13 August 2009: It is hard and your bound to be hurting, but you've got two choices either stay with your parents, or find a job and move closer to your bf so you can see him regularly.
Sometimes as adults we have to put up with things we dont like, but they are... (read in full...)
Pregant with my ex's child. Do I keep my hopes up that he'll eventually come around?
Q. My ex and I ended the relationship in 5/16, I found out two weeks ago I was 14 1/2 weeks pregnant, I am now 17 weeks. I made him aware and he has only contacted me to offer to pay for the abortion. Hes ben stationed out of town and will be returning ...
A. 13 August 2009: I agree with honeypie on this one.
He wont change, and you have to make the decision whether or not you can independently look after this baby.
Abortion isnt easy, neither is rearing a child on your own, so do think carefully.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
What do you do if someone is giving you the silent treatment?
Q. What do you do if someone is giving you the silent treatment? I have told them I will not contact them again as they obviously dont want to speak to me, and I know I must not break my word now that i have said that or i would look stupid. but what ...
A. 13 August 2009: I had this happen to me.
Here the story.
My dearest friend at work and I fell out over a small minor issue one day after a long period of friendship.
we were such close buddies it hurt my heart.
She gave me the silent treatment for... (read in full...)
He's going to ask me out! The problem? Two of my friends like him too!
Q. I have really liked this guy for a while now, and I've recently found out that he likes me too. All of his friends have told me that he's going to ask me out. The problem is though, I've discovered that two of my friends really like him too. ...
A. 13 August 2009: There's 2 options firstly
you can come clean to your 2 mates who fancy this guy and say that you heard it in the rumour mill that he's gonna ask you out then see how they feel about you both dating
or
when he does ask you out turn him dow... (read in full...)
Should I be bothered that he didn't tell me he was going out?
Q. Ok, so I just talked to my boyfriend..as usual every morning before we both start our work day. He says, "yeah a buddy of mine called me to go out yesterday..(he's dating his sis/living together). Anyways, they went out and it ended up be...
A. 13 August 2009: No dont be bothered he didnt tell you.
Your not your partner's keeper, he is a free sane adult and can make his own decisions to go out.
You should trust him.
If you feel bad he didnt let you know he went out, then you can casually tell hi... (read in full...)
He caught me red-handed, cheating, I treated him badly and dumped him, but he still wants me!
Q. I had a short lived relationship with this may, who has been a childhood friend. He wanted marriage and i agreed to it, though i wasnt realy sure. I hurt his feelings badly. I cheated on him several times and he cought me with condoms and hotel ...
A. 13 August 2009: If your partner wants to be with you again after how much you have hurt him it suggests to me he really does care for you.
Also if you feel guilty for your behaviour in the past, that is a very good thing, because you realise the error of your way... (read in full...)
We are so compatible and in love, but I am ashamed of his career. Should I still marry him?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a couple of months. We have alot in common and get along very well. We are so mcuh in love and he treats melike a goddess. He is handsome and charming. The problem is am not proud of his job. There is a very big ...
A. 13 August 2009: I know for most people money is important and how they look infront of their friends is important.
We are all guilty of this snobbery ego at somepoint in our lives.
Eventually your friends are bound to find out the truth of the job he is in.
... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is having an arranged marriage! I'm devastated! What should I do?
Q. I found out yesterday my girlfriend who I have been with for 17 months is engaged and due to be married this month. She informed me she was going on holiday to Bangladesh about 5 months ago and left last month. I have been counting down th...
A. 12 August 2009: This is a hard situation you are in.
Your gf has made her decision, she's not strong enough to leave her family and come to you.
You have to accept this and cut ties and connection with her.
She's left you to it, and this is a form of be... (read in full...)
How can I boost my self esteem? People compliment me but I find it hard to believe them
Q. Okay well I have very low self esteem. And I honestly don't know why, I hate they way I look I don't think I am anywhere near pretty, not even kinda cute. I have no reason to think this though no one has ever told me I was 'ugly' everyone always ...
A. 12 August 2009: Everyone experiences insecurities in their life and what your going through is very normal when growing up into adulthood.
Dont focus too much on looks, if you base how you will live your entire life based on your looks you wont have a happy li... (read in full...)
How do I get over losing my virginity?
Q. I'm 18, and cos my mom went through a lot of stuff with my dad, cos she was pregnant before they got married, she advised me to keep it until I got married. I was going to, and I did until I got to uni. Just before the school year ran out, however, ...
A. 12 August 2009: It takes time to forgive yourself, it wont happen overnight.
You need to console yourself with the thought that humans arent perfect we all make errors but the point is that we have to learn from those errors and become better people.
I think... (read in full...)
How do I get over losing my virginity?
Q. I'm 18, and cos my mom went through a lot of stuff with my dad, cos she was pregnant before they got married, she advised me to keep it until I got married. I was going to, and I did until I got to uni. Just before the school year ran out, however, ...
A. 10 August 2009: Dont feel guilty for losing your virginity. We all make mistakes sometimes, its what makes us human.
You sound like you really regret your decision of losing it to him. It sounds as if the situation at the time forced you to act irration... (read in full...)
Stick around? Stop talking? or move on?
Q. My boyfriend of a year and half and I resently broke up. Neither he nor I have told anyone of the breakup. Is hard for me to believe it happen. He says he wants to take me back but I need to change because I annoy him too much. He is also talking to ...
A. 10 August 2009: Firstly your bf has told you if you want to get back with him you have to change... this is not a good basis because someone should love you for who you are.
Secondly he is talking to other girls and u believe he isnt sleeping with any of them?... (read in full...)
Are there risks in marrying a man whose never even kissed anyone else?
Q. Hello I was just wondering if there is any risk in marrying a man who hasn't even kissed or been with another woman sexually? Is there more likelihood for cheating and/or divorce? Thank you =)...
A. 10 August 2009: I think the chances are greater that a man would stick would with you if he hasnt had a previous partner.
I would assume that as he has waited long, you must be special for him to lose his virginity too.
But then again it depends on the a... (read in full...)
Am I miss out on things?
Q. Hey all. Im 17, and so is my boyfriend. We have been together two years. Dont get me wrong, our relationship is fine; we have ups and downs but who doesnt. I love him, and imagine one day starting a life with him and all sorts. The only thing is...
A. 10 August 2009: I always believe everyone has their own paths to follow in life.
some do go through that teenage stage where they have tons of partners
BUT then there are others who are more mature and lucky to find just one partner who makes them happy... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this? Found supervisor naked with my husband!
Q. My workmate was staying with us after a party and when i had gone to bed she seduced my husband-i came down stairs to find them both naked. the following morning i didnt mention it to her as i was in shock. My hubby and i have discussed it and are ...
A. 10 August 2009: Your husband is just as much to blame as she is.
She may have come onto him but it takes 2 to tango.
so please bare this in mind when you next see her.
You forgave your husband, so why is it you cannot you forgive her? they are both as ba... (read in full...)
Don't know what to do with myself after this breakup
Q. So I recently broke up wit my boyfriend. We were together 2 months. Not a long time but I felt we had a very good connection. I got introduced to his family and he was introduced to mine. I only really seen him twice a week in the end. But one day ...
A. 10 August 2009: By the sounds of what your saying this really doesnt sound like a typical breakup.
Him not texting you or keeping in contact suggests he doesnt have the same feelings that you have for him.
Have you tried texting him or talking to him to find o... (read in full...)
How hard would you fight?
Q. Would you fight for the person who dumped you?...
A. 6 August 2009: If someone dumped me and i loved him so much, i would probably ask him if he is doing the right thing by dumping me ?
if he says yes or his actions say yes, i would smile but walk away gracefully.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Help! How can I stop him from making me feel stupid?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 4 years now. He was newly divorced when we first got together. I love him and he is good to me but when we get into an argument he talks to me like I am stupid and then he always threatens to leave. Sometimes he does ...
A. 6 August 2009: Your partner sounds like he has his own issues going on, maybe he cannot deal with the arguement so he feels he needs to leave, although he returns to you after.
I think you need to be patient with him, because as you say other times he is good ... (read in full...)
Does her reminiscing mean she's interested again?
Q. Hi.........i broke up with my Ex well she Dumped me about a month ago after going out for Four months....and being best freinds for 4years before that. lately she has been acting weird.......she jus started asking me things like.......do i think a...
A. 5 August 2009: Its hard to tell if she does like you back.
She could be reminising because just out of curiousity sake to find out how much you remember of her.
You wont know unless you both talk about it openly.
remain friends and see how it goes.
Good... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to text my ex happy birthday?
Q. is it a good idea to text your ex telling him happy birthday and what is a suggested text?...
A. 5 August 2009: There's nothing wrong texting your EX on their birthday as long as your both still mates.
Just write the usual
" Happy Birthday, hope you have lots of fun, enjoy the day! "
... (read in full...)
Does he like me or is he playing around? What should I do
Q. I have been flirting with a guy now for a few months but he has been seeing someone else.He used to text me and come see me at work all the time and until he stopped i didnt know i liked him. Recently i had a drunken encounter with him nothing ...
A. 5 August 2009: you should be able to see what msgs you sent him, havent you checked your sent items texts on your mobile?
if you dont know what you said, send him a msg and apologise for that nite say you got into a bit of a state and then casually ask him out ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to realise that enough is enough?
Q. Ok, I think I have had enough. I am a 46 y/o divorced woman, mother of 2 kids. I have been with the same man for 6 years...6 very long years. We are not married nor do we live together. I am at my wits end. I have been through so much with him...
A. 5 August 2009: If you feel you are justified and right and cannot cope with him taking you for granted then you did the right thing.
He may well realise later on down the line how badly he has treated you and may well even come back for you.
In the long r... (read in full...)
How can I fix my overgrown labia??
Q. i think my labia sticks out too much. is it possible for it to stick out? is there something wrong with it? if there is, can i fix it somehow?...
A. 5 August 2009: All labia's are different, just us all of us women come in different shapes, colours & sizes.
You shouldnt worry about it, im sure if a partner is with you they wont be focusing on the way your labia hangs out, but rather focus on making you have... (read in full...)
If it goes from a relationship to casual sex, shouldn't the issue be discussed first?
Q. Hi all got a relationship question if a u go steady with someone and the relationship goes down and only becomes a sexual one am i right by saying that the person introduces it by saying he/she just wants sex because they hoping that some how they ...
A. 5 August 2009: If someone says they want sex only from you it means they just want sex from you and nothing more.
they just want a casual open relationship. no strings attached.
Hope this answers your question.
Good luck!... (read in full...)
Since our weekend plans got muddled up he's been cold with me! What's going on?
Q. I met this guy a few weeks back and we really hit it off, we swapped numbers and we've been texting, he asked me out on a date and telling me how much he would love to take me out and spoil me, he was rally nice, i text me all the time non stop. We ...
A. 5 August 2009: Maybe he has backed out a little because he may think you may have tried to get out of meeting him the first time round.
why dont u casually text him and ask how he's doing?
if he truly likes you and he's a decent guy he will definately get i... (read in full...)
I'm 14 is that to young to be in love?
Q. OK so im 14 and recently I've been wondering if I can truly be IN love, because I think I might be. There was this guy and I liked him for quite a few years but nothing happened between us and I was beginning to think I'd never get over him, but ...
A. 30 July 2009: I dont think age matters in love.
you could be 12 and still love someone as much as if you were 25.
some young people under the age of 15 are mature enough in their souls to know what right love is.
if you have good judgement and thought th... (read in full...)
What is love really - I just don't want to be hurt again
Q. I just wonder if most of what we call attraction is just our animal instincts to mate, and we call it love? Does anyone know what love is? I've heard it labelled so many things, anyways, I think I've found a girl im in love with but I am so afraid ...
A. 30 July 2009: For a couple it goes like this;
Animal attraction = lust + chemistry =
=the spark attraction factor wears off (and one quickly or in a period of time moves onto their next prey.)
Love = the physical attraction + emotional attachment loy... (read in full...)
Forbidden love - I'm in love with a Muslim but my parents won't accept it! Help!
Q. hi well im a mess at the moment. im in love with a Muslim man and i am christian, we have been with each other for 2 years and still my dad does not know. we come from a very religious family and everything is about respect, my dad asked me ...
A. 30 July 2009: Parents being traditional as they are can be very rigid in their approach.
Even my mother didnt want me to marry my husband becoz he wasnt from the same race as me (although we're all muslim)
i went ahead and married him anyway, because ... (read in full...)
He cheated, how do I regain the trust needed to get over the betrayal?
Q. i neeeed soo much help... ive never asked for help but i need help... he recently cheated on me but realised he made the biggest mistake in his life and we have been tryna work things out ever since... the thing is i dont trust him and though i know ...
A. 30 July 2009: You have to trust him in order for your relationship to work.
I know he cheated but you have chosen to forgive him so see it as a fresh start.
To make this work you need to reassure your boyfriend you do trust him and that he can be open and ... (read in full...)
He says he flirts with other girls to feel better about himself, could this be true?
Q. Ok, guys i been with my mate for a few years now. like more than 4. Lately he will do anything to get another female attention, or like he need some type of validation from another female. He recently admitted to me that he have low self esteem and ...
A. 30 July 2009: Dont feel down because your mate doesnt believe you when you tell him he's gorgeous.
maybe your mate feels your his friend and supposed to say that!
Your friend has confidence issues and low self esteem, only he can build himself up, not ... (read in full...)
I turned him down and now he's threatening me!
Q. I met this guy recently who i thought i could be good friends with. i thought he was nice at the time but when i told him i didn't want to date him after he asked me to go out with him he changed. He started saying things like he was looking for sex ...
A. 30 July 2009: If someone is threatning you like this, you need to tell a friend close by, just in case, and also make the police aware.
The police take these claims very seriously.
Here is a local British site (as i see from your flag)
by the metropolit... (read in full...)
I fell in love with my bestfriends girl, now what?
Q. Me and this girl have been friends for a while and her boyfriend and I have been friends for even longer. I am talking many years and I would consider him my best friend. Anyway one day she starts to touch my arm so I start to do it back. This es...
A. 30 July 2009: this is all so complicated for you and your best friend.
you need to start thinking clearly from now.
i cannot believe a woman has come between you & your friend and played you against each other.
she has no intention of leaving him... (read in full...)
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