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... Send *tarlights a private message | | | *tarlights's profile:What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.
In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.
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| Latest articles: The Art of Being Happy!
No replies yet... 25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...
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I fell in love with my bestfriends girl, now what?
Q. Me and this girl have been friends for a while and her boyfriend and I have been friends for even longer. I am talking many years and I would consider him my best friend. Anyway one day she starts to touch my arm so I start to do it back. This es...
A. 30 July 2009: this is all so complicated for you and your best friend.
you need to start thinking clearly from now.
i cannot believe a woman has come between you & your friend and played you against each other.
she has no intention of leaving him... (read in full...)
Question: do women tell their friends everything about their sex lives?
Q. Exactly how much do women talk about their sex lives with their girlfriends? I know that everyone has a different personality and of course that would dictate what they would tell their friends about their privage moments with their significant ...
A. 30 July 2009: It depends on the women.
My friend she likes to tell me the in's and outs of her relationships clearly.
I prefer to walk the middle ground, sometime i do divuldge sometimes i do not!
generally i think most women do mention something to the... (read in full...)
We had a great relationship until he said that I wasn't the one he would marry.
Q. Hey everyone, I need some advice. I have been in a relationship for about a year and a half...its actually been a year and four months. Anyways we were doing great... everyting was perfect but I had a bad feeling and when we were drunk I asked ...
A. 30 July 2009: your bf was hurt in his previous relationship so he's scared of making that commitment again.
i would say although you both get along well, he still remembers what has happened before when he did try to settle down with a girl and the thought ... (read in full...)
Does love fade?
Q. Does love fade? I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, and it used to be something you would see in the movies. Head over heels in love. But now the magic is gone. I'm almost bored... but I do like to be with him. I dream of better things ...
A. 29 July 2009: real love never fades.
it gets stronger and stronger.
maybe it was initial chemical attraction what made you feel great about this relationship rather than deep loving.
to remain in love you have to keep the passion alive every day ... (read in full...)
If our ages were reversed, would it be such a problem?
Q. Hello. I have a big question! Last week end i went to a friendly/family reunion for my friend. There was someone really interesting there. We had good conversations over the fire, some lafing, connecting... he is single and so am i... We fond ...
A. 29 July 2009: i would say if you really like this guy go for it, life's too short.
he may be alot younger than you, but he's an adult and can make his own choices.
good luck!... (read in full...)
My BF broke up with me, should I stay and fight or come back later.
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me after a year of dating. We had a great relationship until the end when things got tense. I started pressuring him to go to the next level and the tension just snow balled. He says he's convinced in his heart and so...
A. 29 July 2009: your bf has made up his mind to carry on his life without you.
everyone has free will and he's made his choice.
you need to accept this choice. its over.
its upto you if you want to continue holding on and being his friend hoping he'd get b... (read in full...)
He was the one for me, maybe?
Q. Do you think it's possible to date someone for a year, decide they are absolutely and never will be the one, be totally, totally certain of it, bet your life on it certain, break up with them based on this certainty, start looking forward to really ...
A. 29 July 2009: anything is possible.
sometimes as we grow older we learn from life experiences and become wiser.
this in turn makes us look back on our lives and wish we had acted differently with certain people.
you dont have a time machine to go back,... (read in full...)
I like her roommate more, what do I do?
Q. i have a small problem that i need some advice on. i date this girl for years and we broke up a few months ago but during the break up i lost all my friends but two and they are dating, so i cant expect them to want to hang out with me all the time, ...
A. 29 July 2009: i think that if this is effecting your mate so badly dont make a move on the roommate.
even if your mate is acting childish the roommate is just a girl, and its not worth losing a friend over this.
it cud be your mates jealous.
cont... (read in full...)
He dosen't want marriage but I do, should I leave?
Q. Does it make any sense to end a great relationship over marriage? We have a great relationship. We have been together for 6 years and have a daughter. When we first started this relationship I asked his views on marrage, and made it very clear that ...
A. 29 July 2009: you and your partners view on what makes a longterm relationship if different.
just becoz your not married doesnt mean your relationship is lesser to anyone else's.
however being married is like a contract bond declared formally to one ... (read in full...)
My GF was sexually abused and now has no interest in sex
Q. hi i'm 22yrs old. Me and my girl friend(21) were in love for the past 3years.And I just want to get into a sexual relationship with her, the worst part is that her uncle tried to sexually abuse her when she was 17. so she is not much interested in ...
A. 29 July 2009: your girlfriend has been through a bad time with her uncle and you have to be understanding of her needs if you love her...
not just think about having sex.
it will take her time to feel comfortable enough to let you touch her intimate places,... (read in full...)
Do I let my son go and see his dad and hope he does not turn him away or do I let him and hope everything turns out ok?
Q. Last night me and my son were talking and out of the blue he announced that he wanted to see his dad for whom he has had no contact with for 2 years, it was his dad's decision not to see him, my son was deeply hurt by this but never showed it and i ...
A. 28 July 2009: Both my parents split when i was small and my dad never wanted to see me either.
i can understand your son wanting to see his biological father, he is curious to know how he is like.
its your son's right to choose to see his father, whether ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is depressed - what to do now?
Q. I have been dating this man for about 5 months. We met over the internet and he had just relocated to my city for a new job. At first he seemed to good to be true..such a great guy, no drama, steady job...just what I needed. Things were going ...
A. 27 July 2009: both of you are going through a hard time here.
if you feel the situation is pulling your own health down you need to take a break from this relationship as you have a past history of depression.
you can hope for the med's to kick in and him ... (read in full...)
My annoying boyfriend follows me around, help, please!
Q. I just got a boyfriend but am having second thoughts, he is a really nice guy but just a little to nice. he follows me around a lot and sends me texts every night saying how much he loves me. i really like him but he can be annoying at times. i dont ...
A. 27 July 2009: if you have an issue with your bf then you need to be honest and speak to him about it.
its really sweet he adores you and you should appreciate he makes an effort.
next time your with your bf tell him nicely its embarrasing when he follows ... (read in full...)
In material terms I have everything I want, so why do I feel so dissatisfied with my life?
Q. Hi All I am desperate and could really do with some advice. I am 41 year old male, married with two beautiful children aged 7 and 9. I met by partner some 20 years ago and we have now been married for 12 years. I am successful in business and ...
A. 27 July 2009: it sounds like your having a midlife crises.
dont be too hard on yourself alot of people go through up's and down's in their mental state.
you have been dissatisfied with life generally that is what is causing this anguish.
i think it'd do... (read in full...)
I really need positive advice on how to fix things!
Q. Ok, so me and my boyfriend broke up last month after being together for six months. Now this relationship was amazing and he often told me that he really believed he had found his soulmate. I totally felt the same. He is a very arrogant and good...
A. 27 July 2009: its still early days so dont worry.
if you love him you need to show him you do.
contact him, msg him and declare how you feel.
yes you did kiss another guy infront of him but tell him how that was insignificant compared to him.
you ... (read in full...)
How can I change myself so that he desires more intimacy with me?
Q. Dear Cupid I am in a relationship with a man in his late 40's and I am in my late 20's. The question is about our sex life. He does not do much foreplay, when we do have sex and outside of this act, casual hugging and kissing is just not his cup...
A. 27 July 2009: some people pick up habits, and as they get older its a bit difficult for them to change their ways.
i wouldnt say give up on him tho,
good sex is about both partners feeling satisfied.
maybe u should encourage him with compliments about w... (read in full...)
I have been cheated on before and now I think my new boyfriend is cheating too!
Q. Boyfriend trouble..... Not sure what to do/think....................? I have known this guy that I am now seeing for almost a year. We just recently started dating almost 2 weeks now. I am 28 years old and have a 9 year old daughter. He is ...
A. 27 July 2009: i think you should remain calm, and try and find out if the girls claims are true.
maybe u should fone her (discreetly) and ask her private questions about him that only someone close to him would know,
this might help clear some doubt for y... (read in full...)
I really feel that it is love! But the age difference....
Q. Basically, i really love this guy, he tells me he likes me to, sometime i feel like hes leading me on, but hes afraid to let his feelings out because of the age gap between us, im 15 and hes 21, our birthdays are on the same month, mines before his, ...
A. 26 July 2009: yes you are still young and because of this the legal laws dont allow you to be together.
you dont have to wait too long, this year will soon be over and if you love him you can be patient and wait for him?
that way you can have an open rel... (read in full...)
We had a messy break up but I want to rekindle him!
Q. My ex and I broke up almost a year ago. We were nasty in the break up (he refused to return calls, I couldn't stop calling). It ended with a "don't ever call me again" and "don't call me until you're an adult" rant fest. We were both in the wrong, ...
A. 26 July 2009: a year is a long time not to have spoken to him.
i think you should really move on from this past.
take the lesson you have learnt from this away with you.
at the time you did apologise to him, you did the right thing.
currently he i... (read in full...)
I have expectations which my boyfriend doesn't fulfill but the other man does
Q. i have a boyfriend who loves me a lot, and has sacrificed a lot for me too, like he quit his job which was 2500 kms away from me..but during that period, i met someone else who i was kind of attracted to..he bought me gifts (which my boyfriend never ...
A. 26 July 2009: your current bf is right:
you need to love him for himself
and from what I read it sounds like you dont.
as for your ex things will always seem better because initially when people do start seeing each other there are gifts exchanged and ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my girlfriends step sister without my girlfriend!
Q. Ok, first off i have been with my girlfriend for almost a year and i am in love with her. One night a while back my girlfriend, her stepsister, and i were at my apartment drinking... Now my girlfriends stepsister is VERY attractive might i ad, ...
A. 26 July 2009: if your in love with your galfriend dont do it.
dont give into the lust, becoz lust is nothing and can never replace love and you stand to lose your galfriend.
i think having that 3some has complicated matters and there is always a chance ... (read in full...)
I want to have sex with my girlfriends step sister without my girlfriend!
Q. Ok, first off i have been with my girlfriend for almost a year and i am in love with her. One night a while back my girlfriend, her stepsister, and i were at my apartment drinking... Now my girlfriends stepsister is VERY attractive might i ad, ...
A. 26 July 2009: if your in love with your galfriend dont do it.
dont give into the lust, becoz lust is nothing and can never replace love and you stand to lose your galfriend.
i think having that 3some has complicated matters and there is always a chance ... (read in full...)
Why do I bleed heavily during sex?
Q. I am a 39 year old female. I love sex, but sometimes I start to bleed heavily during sex, Why does this happen. It is so embarrassing and I need to know if there is something I can do to stop it from happening? Any advise is appreciated. ...
A. 26 July 2009: you need to see a doctor about this as the bleeding could be due to an infection.
good luck!... (read in full...)
How do I reassure her that I'm trustworthy?
Q. I am in a new relationship of 2 months with my partner. (both female) She and I have started out very well and have said that we will be honest with each other even if it's not something the other person wants to hear. Last night I went out and got ...
A. 26 July 2009: yes bring it up if you feel bad about it and talk to her.
explain you are trustworthy and you've learnt your lesson and wont be drinking again.
im sure she will forgive you if she loves you.
good luck!... (read in full...)
He's going to try again with his ex, but still wants to talk to me! Should I wait?
Q. I was seeing this man for 7 months who is divorced and younger than me..His ex has decided she wants to try to work things out..he has decided to go back to try. How can he say he loves me and want to try to work it out with her..Our age is 20 years ...
A. 26 July 2009: if he has chosen his ex over you walk away.
he shouldnt be confused, if he loves you he would have picked you first already.
as he's hesitating i would suggest he is unclear in his heart about what he wants, and still immature,
so walk awa... (read in full...)
How can I strike up a conversation with the girl I like?
Q. i live a couple of houses away from a girl that i really like. i am the same age as her and she is a presenter on a news show. she doesn't have a boyfriend and i really do like her i would like to ask her out but what should i say? because i am not ...
A. 26 July 2009: you cant just walk upto her and ask her out,
thats scary!
just get talking to her one day,
and then once u get comfortable as friendship basis,
then ask her out...
remmeber good things take time! ... (read in full...)
He became ill and the relationship fell apart, almost a year on he wants to try again, I'm scared of being hurt
Q. I dated this guy for 3 months a year ago, last summer. He became very ill after about 6 weeks of us being together and was hospitalised for near on a month. I know 3 months isn't very long in terms of relationships, and even though it's likely ...
A. 26 July 2009: its normal you feel scared as the first time he took ill it was tramautic for the both of you.
your both doing the right thing now, taking things slowly and not rushing it.
you need to not worry so much & think positively about the future,
... (read in full...)
We use condoms but she's missed her period
Q. My Girlfriend and I are both 15 and have been having sex for the past few months, we have always used a condom. The last time was approximately 2 weeks ago. Her period was due about a week ago and has still not come, i am concerned she may be ...
A. 26 July 2009: cycles do get messed up as she is still growing and maybe the period hasnt started because she's stressed out.
but to be 100% sure you need to get her to do a pregnancy test this will confirm things.
good luck... (read in full...)
I thought we left too much unsaid; she doesn't want deep conversations; should I reach out?
Q. My gf broke up with me after a fight. We kept talking as friends but she couldn't bring herself to see me. I had a feeling something else wasn't right and after 3 months she finally told me exactly why she was so aprehensive in seeing me. One ...
A. 26 July 2009: i think 4 months is a long time to be away from someone and her not contacting you suggest she has moved on somewhat.
& you should also.
everyone is different and interpret love differently,
if she truly loved you she would have reached o... (read in full...)
We fight alot out in public
Q. I am a 26 year old male who is dating an 18 year old female. We have fun when we hang our and have talked about a long term relationship. The problem is we fight alot out in publid bars/friends parties etc. we are seperated right now but i still ...
A. 26 July 2009: there is a big age gap between you both and maybe because of this you fight alot publically
(which isnt the sign of 2 mature adults)
if you have feelings for her and want to discuss it you can ask her for a meeting and see how she feels about ... (read in full...)
Women only: Oral sex or intercourse?
Q. This questions is for women only: This might sound like a weird question but just think about it for a minute. If you had to choose between really good oral sex or actual intercourse - Which would you prefer, a really good tongue licking you dry all ...
A. 26 July 2009: intercourse most definately!
... (read in full...)
My uncle died and now I'm scared of losing the people I love
Q. ok...my uncle died 2 weeks ago. he died of lung cancer he was 65. ever since this event happened i've been scared of losing the ones i love like my family my grandma. i feel like crying when i imagine when that time happens. please help me....
A. 26 July 2009: people dont ever die, they move into another space and we are not aware of them.
your uncle is in a calmer place now which is better for him.
dying is a process in life, but you should make best use of the time you have and enjoy your grand... (read in full...)
I cry when I have sex with my husband
Q. I love my husband. He's a good man who looks after me and treats me like a princess. The problem is really odd. We rarely have sex and whenever we do I find myself crying. It's the weirdest thing and I'm scared he'll notice. It doesn't hurt, he ...
A. 26 July 2009: sometimes us women do cry after sex.
its more psychological and too do with the bonding process and subconscious issues.
dont worry about it,
and if he does see you crying explain you cant control it & its not because your sad!
... (read in full...)
He's so verbally abusive
Q. I'm so confused, me and my boyfriend have a relationship of 5 years. When he gets angry he says really hurtful things like " you bitch, your deaf, you dumb slut" he tells me he has a short fuse and can't controll himself. Last night I had enough a...
A. 26 July 2009: he's trying to control you.
a guy like this will never change, & his temper will always be there because he has underlying issues going on in his head.
you need to decide if you want to be with someone who has temper issues and makes you feel a... (read in full...)
My ex wants to be my "friend with benefits"
Q. me and my boyfriend broke up , now he wants to be friends with benifits ,, we broke up because i'm not ok with him talkin to a certain girl ,whom we once broke up because of her , it's not that i'm jealouse but we have sex and in the middle of it ...
A. 26 July 2009: because you are so in love with your ex bf you cannot see the fact that he's very disrespectful.
if a guy loves a girl he'd do anything to make sure she is happy. this ex bf of yours isnt doing that.
during sex, his fone should be on silent and... (read in full...)
B/f used to be my escape but now we fight all the time!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. We been fighting a lot lately and he claims to be tired of me...but we love each other too much to break up. He use to be my escape from my problems and stress. He use to make me feel ...
A. 26 July 2009: you cannot expect someone else to take the stress away from your life.
this isnt fair.
dont expect someone else to remove your stress, you need to give & take in a relationship.
if you want this relationship to last you need to give to... (read in full...)
He's great in person but when texting me he's a jerk!
Q. I am really confused about my boyfriend, when he sees me he shows all the things that says he is in love with me with me. He stares at me so intensely, holds my hand even in the most uncomfortable position and he tells me he misses me. As soon as he ...
A. 26 July 2009: i think you would feel it if he loves you.
if you doubt this you seriously need to have a heart to heart and explain these types of msgs he sends hurts you.
maybe he just doesnt know what to do with texting and can come across overly blunt, an... (read in full...)
My first sexual experience and I came almost straight away...Do I have some kind of sexual 'defect'?
Q. Hello to all. I am 27 years old had sex for the first time. I manage doing foreplay for more than 25 Min's but the bad experience is that i cum with in 4-5 movements after putting my pe... into her cu.. Can any body suggest me out whether is it a ...
A. 26 July 2009: no you dont have any sexual defect.
with practice you will last longer.
try not to worry about it & enjoy
good luck!... (read in full...)
We hit it off then he went cold... why?
Q. I met a guy of an internet site, and we hit off straight away, got on really well. but i said i didnt wanna do anything sexually on a first date. i did make it clear, but then we ended up kissing n fooling around but didnt go the whole way because ...
A. 25 July 2009: if this guy is ignoring you let him go.
its too early at this stage to get emotionally attached and if he was a decent guy he would respect your physical space and not try and force you into sex.
your making very good positive changes towards ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be a single mom! How do we get back together?
Q. So I've moved out of the apt that my boyfriend and I shared with our son. But I want to be back with him . I don't know what to do everytime we talk he sits there and tells me he tried to make it work and everything I did wrong. Our son is only 2 ...
A. 25 July 2009: to stay together you both need to make positive changes.
dont get back together just because you feel stigmatised by being a single mum.
alot of single mums have done great jobs in rearing intelligent kids, mine included.
your partner ca... (read in full...)
Will guys mind if I have a weird looking vagina?
Q. This is a little embarrassing, but I'm really worried. I have a really weird looking vagina, like quite long lips that kinda hide my clit, I think it looks weird but no one I've slept with have said anything, but I'm really scared about the way it...
A. 25 July 2009: to be honest guys dont mind as long as it works and does the job, ha!
dont compare yourself to other women, your body is as it is,
we all come in different shapes, colours, and sizes.
you are what you are and if a guy truly loves you he w... (read in full...)
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