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*tarlights

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*tarlights's profile:

What qualifies me to help people? I say its because i've met people from all walks of life, i've heard all the stories, ive even lived some incredible AND heart wrenching stories myself and I am not type to judge others.

In my spare time I enjoy reading, socializing and writing.

Remember no problem is too big that it cant be solved.

Be happy AND remember

there is a solution for everything!

Latest articles:

The Art of Being Happy!

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25 June 2012: The Art of Being Happy The key we have been given in this life which sets us apart from any creature living on this planet, is that as humans, we have free will to do good or bad. To ourselves or to others. Simply We have a choice. W...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [25 pages, 940 answers]

I don't feel like I'm loved by my boyfriend and he always puts his mom first!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have more issues than I can count. We are in our late 20s, been together 3+ yrs, and live together. Issue #1, he is a mamas boy. Whatever mom wants, he does. He goes above and beyond son duties. He gives her just as much, if not ...

A.   11 October 2013: You are definitely NOT crazy. Mama's boys can resort to lying because they want to suck up to their mum's and not upset them. One mama's boy I knew literally lied to his mum and his girlfriend just to avoid getting caught between them. Not onl... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I'm loved by my boyfriend and he always puts his mom first!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have more issues than I can count. We are in our late 20s, been together 3+ yrs, and live together. Issue #1, he is a mamas boy. Whatever mom wants, he does. He goes above and beyond son duties. He gives her just as much, if not ...

A.   10 October 2013: Your partner does not deserve your love. It's hard to start all over but its better that then loving a man who doesnt know how to quit being a mama's boy. He will never grow up; hence why he cant satisfy you and plays computer games.... (read in full...)

My friend probably gave her one-night-stand guy chlamydia (he doesn't know it might be from her) and now I'm dating this guy. How do I ask him to get checked without exposing my friend?

Q.   Hi all, I'm in a sticky situation! Straight to the point, I started university 18 months ago and quickly became good friends with a girl on my course. Since then we have been like best friends, we clicked instantly. She happens to be a girl ...

A.   10 October 2013: Yes you are in a sticky situation! However If I was in your shoes I wouldn't upset your friend or this new guy. Like she says its between her and the men she slept with. Both have responsibility. You can tell this guy that before things ca... (read in full...)

The idea of living with my boyfriend makes me feel panicky and trapped!

Q.   Hi I'm looking for some impartial advice because I'm really confused and not sure if there is something wrong with me or my relationship. Basically, I'm 28, have been with my boyfriend for over 3.5 years and I love him a lot. However I don't ...

A.   10 October 2013: If you don't feel ready to move in with him, then follow your instincts and don't do it. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong in your relationship it just means your not ready YET. Listen to your gut feeling. Living with someone is a maj... (read in full...)

I don't feel like I'm loved by my boyfriend and he always puts his mom first!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have more issues than I can count. We are in our late 20s, been together 3+ yrs, and live together. Issue #1, he is a mamas boy. Whatever mom wants, he does. He goes above and beyond son duties. He gives her just as much, if not ...

A.   10 October 2013: Your partner does not sound like he's mature to be in a relationship with you, even to the point he takes advantage of the situation. If I was you I would pack my bags and leave as soon as I was able too. Someone who truly loves you would ma... (read in full...)

I live in fear and sadness that our relationship will fall apart because of lack of communication

Q.   My boyfriend of One year and a half has recently lost his cousin. They were so close together. My boyfriend is obviously taking his cousin's passing extremely hard since they were close and he really admired him. Few minutes before the news that his...

A.   9 October 2013: You dont have to feel guilty for airing your true feelings because You are entitled to have a happy relationship. You didnt set the intention to hurt him however it was bad timing and its not your fault. He will feel depressed and sad an... (read in full...)

I can just switch off my feelings. Does that mean I'm incapable of loving someone?

Q.   I just want to know if it's normal to be able to emotionally detach myself from feelings and people like its nothing? I could care about you today, love you or even be IN love with you but tomorrow it could be as if you're a complete stranger. The ...

A.   9 October 2013: "Switching things off," is not necessarily a bad thing. (Sometimes it helps to protect you from a sometimes cruel and hard world.) However the key is to keep a balance. Then you will be happier in your relationships. The first step is that y... (read in full...)

Thoughts on writing to your ex?

Q.   Is it a good idea to write a letter to your ex? I've been doing the no contact rule, but it has been really hard. I've been thinking about writing a letter to let her know how I feel and how much I am hurting. Will I be making a fool of myself by ...

A.   9 October 2013: No dont send the letter. It wont change anything. Something broken sometimes cant be fixed. ... (read in full...)

Can you ever move on from a abusive relationship?

Q.   Can I ever move on from being in a abusive relationship? Will I ever really, 100% trust another man again? I haven't started to date yet, since getting out of the relationship, but the thought scares me, as my ex seemed perfect and charming at ...

A.   9 October 2013: I have been in 3 abusive relationships. I was engaged to all 3 of them because they showered me with affection but were abusive. Finally I am with someone (been with him for the past 2 years) who has treated me like a diamond (even on my worst -f... (read in full...)

Is it bad that I would date someone with HIV if I really cared about them?

Q.   Is it bad that I would date someone with HIV if I really cared about them? Am I stupid for this? I am HIV-. Thanks in advance....

A.   8 October 2013: As long as you tell your potential partners your health status and be really honest with them I dont think you are stupid. You are entitled to happiness and love too. ... (read in full...)

How do I get the drunk to leave?

Q.   I Am DONE but he won't leave! He is rude and had a drinking problem! Mean to family and friends!! When sober totally different, I cannot take it anymore. How do I get him to leave?...

A.   8 October 2013: Maybe someone else in your family with the same authority can ask him to leave on your behalf, or if you really want him out of your house as soon as possible call in the authorities.... (read in full...)

I snooped on my partner. Is this woman my rival or am I paranoid?

Q.   First off, I did something really stupid, I decided to snoop on my partner of 8 years when he accidentally left his iphone @ home. I had a premonition and i just did it. I found some suspicious looking replies to CL ads and then I started reading ...

A.   8 October 2013: I think your husbands behavior with this woman is suspicious because he's confiding in her alot when he's at work when he should be spending time or confiding in you. Also she wants to come over to meet the kids and not you. That all sounds ... (read in full...)

Should I bring up it up he was searching for strip clubs?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been living together for 4 months. About 5 months ago, we nearly broke up because he wanted to move to another city. He went over there for a couple of weeks before deciding he didn't want to live without me, so he moved ...

A.   7 October 2013: If you are willing to forgive and forget do it! I dont think its naive at all to forgive and forget. Its your choice. However if you have deep suspicions you can bring it up and ask him to put yourself at ease (but that will be opening a can... (read in full...)

He said he was depressed and broke up with me!

Q.   My bf of 4 years and a half has been depressed for the past few months (i should say ex bf now since he just broke up with me a few hours ago). Sorry if this is too long in advance. When we first got together 4 and half years ago he warned me tha...

A.   7 October 2013: As your boyfriend suffers from bipolar his low feelings stems from this. If I were in your shoes I would allow him his space and just let him be. Perhaps he needs space to work himself out. While he is doing that you should move on otherwis... (read in full...)

I have unfounded fears that my boyfriend would get back together with his ex if she wanted

Q.   I have unfounded fears that my boyfriend would get back together with his ex if she wanted. They only talk via facebook message every few months, conversation seems innocent. Hi how are you kind of stuff. He does look at her page on facebook ...

A.   5 October 2013: I think your boyfriend checks his ex's status because he bonded with her child and wants to see their progress. He doesnt want to talk about ex's with you because he knows it may create discomfort. Whats in the past is in the past. It does... (read in full...)

Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?

Q.   Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...

A.   5 October 2013: @CMMP I never said communication ALONE solves issues, I said "communication solves issues." Whatever FORM that communication takes will help the poster of this question with her choice to walk away from this relationship which is clearly hurting ... (read in full...)

Why so bitter, when he cheated on me?

Q.   Hello guys. Could use your guidance please. Me and my ex split up about 3 months ago (he cheated on me). I still love him, but know the split was the right thing to do. I am upset about the split, but I do not hate him for it, nor am I angry a...

A.   4 October 2013: He's cheated on you for a reason and his anger issues stem from that! If he's being nasty and bitter it means he hasnt forgiven you for your part in the relationship. Why dont you ask him what his issue is? Communication solves issues. ... (read in full...)

In love with my late husband's brother - is it wrong?

Q.   Hi! This is going to be long, so please be patient! I'm a widow. My husband died suddenly four years ago leaving me with three children, then aged six, three and one. I was devastated and it took me a long time to come to terms with his death. H...

A.   4 October 2013: Your doing the best you can as a single parent now and I feel your husband would want you and your children to be filled with happiness and moving on with your lives. Sometimes we cant help who we fall in love with. However every romantic... (read in full...)

How do I handle these obnoxious co-workers?

Q.   How should I handle these girls? I hate them? So I got a new job a few months ago and the girls there are horrible. They are very unfriendly and don't speak to me so I don't bother with them either. They are 3 girls and whenever they...

A.   4 October 2013: I think you should raise it with your manager again. It is harassment in the workplace and not permitted by law. This is a good link explaining what you can do by law and what help you can seek as per human rights: https://www.gov.u... (read in full...)

He cheated on me - is this worth fixing?

Q.   Hi there, I'm in need of help. I started dating this man in sept. 2011 and we dated a year and got engaged October. 2012, moved in with him, things have been going great, was thinking i found a good man, then surprise I got into his email cause ...

A.   4 October 2013: The old saying "a leopard never changes it spots" is so fitting for your partner. His ex knows him better than you and warned you her own way. It is good she did. I firmly feel if you cant trust him and if he didn't share this informat... (read in full...)

He spends more time online and in chat rooms than with me - what should I do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I'm on the verge of tears, I have no idea what to do. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul, but lately he's become so enamored with this virtual chat game called IMVU. He spends more time on that game then he does ...

A.   4 October 2013:  It sounds like your boyfriend is addicted to this internet/game and its his hobby. You did the right thing confronting and telling your boyfriend how you feel, good on you! Continue to be clear and communicate what you need from the relati... (read in full...)

I feel as if I'm going to be alone forever! How can I fix this?

Q.   Heya, latley im feeling a little alone. Dont get me wrong i do have friends, but when i try and talk to them about how im feeling all i get just forget about it. Im 23 and never had a proper realtionship. Dont get me wrong iv had realtionship...

A.   4 October 2013: Being alone has nothing to do with how you look. As you say you still do get boy attention. I think it's alot to do with how you are feeling inside. You feel there is something wrong with you. So because of that many potential partners c... (read in full...)

He's always back and forth on how he feels about me. How should I handle this?

Q.   Any advice appreciated! I met a guy about 6 weeks ago on a night out. He was really into me, asked for my number and was texting a lot. It came out that he hadn't long been dumped so I kept my distance but started to like him through spending time ...

A.   4 October 2013: Hi. I would suggest going with your gut feelings. If you feel you don't want to pressure him so early don't say anything or pressure him. Listen to your instinct. As you mentioned he's just come out of a relationship and he probably has so much ... (read in full...)

Complicated setup for a concert, should I go?

Q.   Ive been in a relationship with a man for going on three years. He has been in a relationship with a woman for thirty yrs. He treats me very well...Ok heres the deaL.. He purchased the Whispers concert tickets... He also invited and old time ...

A.   3 October 2013: Your boyfriend must "trust" his friend and his lady to bring you to the event infront of them. If you still feel uncertain dont go. You shouldnt feel pressured into anything by your boyfriend. Go with how you feel as you will be better o... (read in full...)

I know which one I want, but I cant tell him to leave!

Q.   the love of my life, 'mike' and i have been together on and off for 3 years. over the times we've broken up i've been with other people, but it was always short lived and we always have stayed in touch. when we broke up the first time he went home ...

A.   3 October 2013: Unfortunately its not fair on both guys if you tag them along just because you are unable to make a decision. You need space and time to think about what you do want. Love is always a risk and you dont want to be hurt. Explain your f... (read in full...)

Single for 2 years and feeling very lonely. How can I cheer up?

Q.   I'm single and lonely. What should I do? Dear Aunties: I've been single for 2 years, which I know is completely normal, but I've been starting to feel quite lonely. I'm a senior in college so I'm very busy and so are my friends, so we only go ou...

A.   3 October 2013: I think all of us feel "lonely" time to time. As you say it comes and goes for you. To focus on feeling happier and less lonely there are many techniques you can try. Thinking more positive about yourself really helps. Drinking water a... (read in full...)

Smiling thing happening. Should I approach him and ask him to be friends? Or will that be going too far?

Q.   Dear cupid, there is this guy who lives down my street, i like him. For sometime now, he's been giving me this kind of look that makes me thinks he likes me and wants to be friends with me. Anytime he sees me, he smiles at me and i dont smile ba...

A.   3 October 2013: I suggest this idea: Next time he smiles at you try smiling back quickly (to avoid shyness). This will make you appear more "friendly," towards him and he may approach you to talk. You don't need to ask him to be your friend (as that may appear d... (read in full...)

Suffering erectile dysfunction. Would it be wrong to encourage my wife to take lovers?

Q.   I become unable to perform with a full erection. My wife thinks that I no longer want her and am gay or at least bi-sexual.I get very excited thinking about and talking about her having a sexual encounter with another man. She is using topical ...

A.   3 October 2013: It may sound like nice "fantasy" right now but a lot of people regret allowing their partners to take on other lovers besides them. This is because Open relationships dont always work. To regain intimacy its important you and your wife work toge... (read in full...)

How do you know if your're fighting for love or just plain fooling your self?

Q.   Dear cupid, How do you know if your're fighting for love or just plain fooling your self. I split from my bf 8 months ago and we have not spoken since. We we were together 2 years, he was the first guy i loved, i freaked because of the break up....

A.   3 December 2012: Sounds like your not over him and still have feelings. If it didnt work out the first time, chances are it will fail the second time. You need time, distance, space apart (with no contact) to heal from him.... (read in full...)

I won't see her in person for at least a year. Could it work?

Q.   So my friend just confessed to having feelings of wanting to be with me. And to be honest, I'm considering it. But the thing I'm taking into consideration is that it would be long distance. She's working in another country and lately I've only been ...

A.   3 December 2012: Depends on the both of you. Some relationships can survive, others are rocky. Write a list of the pro's and con's of being with her and see what list comes out with more ... and follow that! Goodluck!... (read in full...)

Does anybody have any advice on homosexuality in Indian culture or advice on what I should do with my girlfriend?

Q.   I am a lesbian who is out of the closet, I'm confident in my sexuality and after a tricky few years, have spent the last couple of years enjoying full acceptance from my parents. I have been dating an Indian girl for the past few months (I am Cau...

A.   3 December 2012: Well being indian myself; i would advice you to tread cautiously. Homosexuality in the culture is generally frowned upon (especially amongst the older generation who very rarely accept this). As long as her parents/family dont know about you, ... (read in full...)

I feel ugly and I don't think any guy will ever want me

Q.   Help I am 18 and having a rough time. I feel ugly and I dont think any guy will ever want me or choose me over anyone else. My mum says I am beautiful but I think she would say that. I am at the stage where I dont like anything about myself. I am ...

A.   15 November 2012: You need to feel beautiful inside before you can feel it on the outside... that is how true beauty shines. Dont compare yourself to other women and make the best of the features/ DNA you got, i am sure you are not ugly! By focusing on the good thi... (read in full...)

Boyfriend has become aggressive since we had a baby. Do I leave him or find out what he's acting this way?

Q.   ive been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 years...hes been a rock in my life..but since our baby arrived 18 months ago his shown me an aggressive side to his nature and recentely that aggression has gone on me...what do i do ...hes becoming a monster ...

A.   15 November 2012: You can try talking to the guy, but if he's aggressive your not safe and neither is the baby (who subtly will pick up on the abuse). Try communication and let him know he needs help with his emotional issues, your not a punchbag, see what he says.... (read in full...)

We had a fight, partner hasn't contacted me in 24 hours. Do I have a right to be angry?

Q.   I am just looking for some advice from anyone who might have been in a similar situation. Last night my partner of 4 years and I had a huge fight. We do fight sometimes but usually are a very loving couple. The fight was over me being called lots of ...

A.   15 November 2012: Yes you have right to be angry and so does he have his right to his space.. He obviously will be back when he is ready, but until then you cannot really force the situation. I suggest you wait until when you feel ready to contact him , an... (read in full...)

Why do involved guys send texts to other girls?

Q.   My boyfriend has been sending dirty texts to other girls and he knows that I know. Why do guys send dirty message to other girls if they're in a relationship?...

A.   15 November 2012: Because he is disrespectful and has low moral standards. You should definately *not* take his behaviour as *normal* because not all guys do that! Some guys know how to treat a lady and your guy is not one of those. You obviously cannot tru... (read in full...)

Will my boyfriend break up with me because of my religion?

Q.   I'm really worried that my boyfriend will break up with me when he finds out my religion! He's Christian, I'm muslim. There are alot of stereotypes about Muslims that we're all terrorists and I fear he might think I'm like everybody else! Please h...

A.   9 November 2012: Well if you explain to your boyfriend how you feel and not to judge you based on your religion, you will be able to see if he's the kind of boyfriend you want to keep? a true boyfriend should be supportive, so just tell him your feelings and if he r... (read in full...)

I felt sad by her choice,Am I being silly leaving her?

Q.   I asked my girlfriend does she prefer sex with me or masturbation and she said different. I tried to ask in what way but she couldn't say. That's made me feel quite bad and I've tried to past it tried to get past it but now don't think I want to ...

A.   10 October 2012: You asked her a question respect her honestly and accept its the way it is. Whether or not you are silly is something only you can judge? ... (read in full...)

We broke up a year ago and I still think of him, should I contact him?

Q.   Its been a year now since my bf and I broke up. He cheated on me and shortly after we broke up he was in a relationship with her. We were together for three years. I haven't spoken seen or spoken to him since we broke up. It took me a while to get ...

A.   10 October 2012: I would advise you not to contact him as he's probably moved on in life, if he was so interested he would have contacted you after all this time, a year is a longtime to wait. ... (read in full...)

Why hasn't real love come my way?

Q.   I am looking for a committed relationship but I don't know how.. I am tired of the games,lies, cheating the whole nine yards. i mean I am getting older time is running thin, not that I'm older than dust, but I am 40 now and I think it's time to ...

A.   24 September 2012: I understand how you feel, i felt the same way until i met my current partner, which shows there is hope for us all :) I think the key is to be realistic but not lose faith. If you are thinking like this, there's got to be a guy who thinks the... (read in full...)

After one month of college I still don't have a boyfriend

Q.   hi, I am a 22 year girl...doing post graduation.In my past life I get 3 relationships, but all broke. now in my new college I wanted to start new.....I want someone in my college to be my boyfreind. but here no body takes intrest in me, though I ...

A.   24 September 2012: Why dont you enjoy your time single? there is plenty of time to settle down and get married (and when you do, chances are you will lose some personal freedom) so, why not take this opportunity, to sieze and live in the moment? the right guy wi... (read in full...)

Why do people give up their friends when they get married?

Q.   Why do a lot of married people give up their friends? I'm in my mid twenties, and I'm married as well. I've lost quite a few friends since they got married, and I don't understand why. I think part of the problem could be that most of my friends ...

A.   23 September 2012: I think generally speaking, people get busier when they are married or with children, so its difficult for them to maintain constant contact and remember people define friendship differently. Some people are happy to speak once a week, and othe... (read in full...)

My mother has done this and I don't think I want to talk to her moving on... am I in the wrong? 

Q.   I have always had a good relationship with my parents, even though they are seperated. My dad lives in a huge country house with his new wife and my mum did very well in the divorce and got a very nice peoperty in an affluent area and some cash. My ...

A.   30 August 2012: Sorry to hear you've been through such high hopes and let down by both your parents. Sorry you lost the pet too, thats awful. I think both your parents are putting their needs first over you; in a way it is selfish; but you know what they a... (read in full...)

Why did he run back to his Ex?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend of two years split up during our relationship his ex caused problems and strained our relationship because of it. We split up over a month ago and we've both carried on with life like we should of, moving on is expected and ...

A.   30 August 2012: He ran back to his ex because its a form of habit for him. This is what his ex wanted (him back) and he fell for it. Qhatever broke them up in the first place probably will re surface... dont worry about it, he's shown his true nature so m... (read in full...)

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